# So tell me



## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Tell me how you would feel 

To check everyday for a small lump that signifies melonoma is spreading
And 14 times to find it is , followed by 14 surgeries , not a tiny incision but a wide deep cut to clear boundaries 

To be checked every three months for a slight swelling in a lymph node

To be scanned every six months for internal spread

And every six months to monitor mole changes 

Knowing it costs a £1000 pounds a scan and they wouldn’t bother unless.....

Knowing you are monitored for treated prostate cancer Which could return

And now you have just had major surgery for bowel cancer 

Well just how would you feel ?

And if it were your loved one, your soul mate 

If it disrupted your life, your future plans 

On oh so many levels 

Would you just fight on ?

Of course you would 

But sometimes the fight seems to defeat you

For a little while 

Until you gather strength and fight on again

And we all need the support of friends and family to regather that strength 

But sometimes we can’t pass our fears to family or even close friends 

They struggle with their own fears and you need to be strong for them

A strength you dont really feel 

And it’s difficult to find who you can tell of your fears 

I’m sure we are not alone in this dilemma 

Sandra


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

No one can say how they feel until they experience it Sandra. All I can say is that you are bloody amazing. Albert must be so strong and you both must have the most enduring relationship.
I certainly hope that I never have to go through what you are. If I do I hope I manage to endure it and be as strong as you both are. Well, that is most of the time. We are allowed to let go sometimes.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Yes and at Christie’s you meet some amazing people 

who are going through much worse 

At least we are old, many of them are so much younger and have young families to support and should have a long life ahead of them 

I guess the disadvantage of being older is that often your dearest friends who you were able to confide in have died 

How often I wish that I could talk, laugh and be with them again 

I guess we fear the unknown and the uncertainty 

Which is in itself strange as nothing in this life is ever certain, and you would think by our age we would have learnt that 

I guess we just imagine certainty and are shocked when it is disrupted by events beyond our control 

As it so frequently is for all of us

Sandra


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)




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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Not sure what happened there Viv. My email notification contained a huge link which I was scared to click on.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I understand that when I post

I’m open to attacks 

It’s all me

It probably is 

But it’s never meant to be

It’s a me unknown to me

Afraid, unsure , trying hard to support Albert 

Without letting him know I’m so afraid this new cancer will take him from me 

And now there is three

And I’m already struggling with two 

And how I wish it was me 

And not him

But he seems fine 

So why am iso anxious

Sandra


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Try to remain positive, Albert seems invincible! And it seemed like good news from the OP. None of us know how long we have. Its easy to say when you have not faced what you two have. You could have decades together! Just keep thinking that and try and enjoy life as difficult as it is for you.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

As Barry says, Sandra, you have to count your blessings and try to stay positive. Think how Albert would feel if he knew you had all this anxiety inside you. And does it do any good? No it solves nothing. You are doing all that you can and remember that he might well have the gene, talked about by oncologists, that means he will just fight off each challenge. He will enjoy life much more if he has a positive you by his side.
People who believe in Spiritulism believe we are given challenges in this life that prepare us for the next life.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Yep I’m better tonight 

It’s how it goes

Sometimes I just want to stop the world and get off

I’d never tell Albert that 

I just try to keep limping along

Sandra


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## Penquin (Oct 15, 2007)

Sandra, I am a great believer that you would not be subjected to it, if you could not cope.

You are incredible - yes that is a given.

Albert is stoical - another given,

Your family are very close - both your real family with all the links within it, and your virtual family on here, we are as close as we can be and would offer what help we can, knowing that YOU wil cope and if you have the odd day and negative feelings on here, brush past them and live life to the full - you have that three wheeled monster to master yet and that is much harder as you are a novice.

Keep your chin up.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

and why are we so afraid of cancer our age ?

Heart attack could take us much quicker 

And a stroke may not take us quickly enough , depending on the severity 

It still has the big C concept

But treatment is advancing at a pace

Imagine if it was one of my kids, or even .God forbid my grandkids .

Their chances of survival is going up by leaps and bounds 

Sandra


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

As I’ve posted on another thread

Results positive, all lymph nodes clear, clear margins all round , chemo unnecessary 

Hopefully good bye bowel cancer

Of course checks every 3 months , blood tests every 3 months 

Hopefully they can share Christies melanoma scan every six months 

Checks every six months for prostate cancer, 

every three months external checks at Christie’s for melanoma 

Are you keeping up ?

Now I only need blood tests every two weeks, eventually every four on my treatment 

Which means I will be able to walk like a human rather than a zombie 

My immune system will cease from attacking my joints 
( so one less thing to attack me)

And the? Is

Is it time to sell the MH , going far seems a logistical nightmare 

Sandra


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## Penquin (Oct 15, 2007)

I am really pleased to hear that asandra, I know how relieved you must be, yes there will be ongoing checks but that is preferable.

Lesley has now had her chemo doubled, the cost of each month is horrendous, thank heavens for the French Health Service. It is certainly taking its toll on her.

As regards the MH, if you can still use it, even for short UK trips it will be useful, but extended trips may now take more organisation to ensure reviews etc are fitted in perhaps by using sorry for this air travel to get back and then return to the MH.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Oooh, a difficult one there, Sandra. At this time of year it does seem as though you might not get much use out of the motorhome with all those appointments to fit in. But, if you think forward to next summer with the longer days and better weather you might regret the decision to sell. Even a day trip can be a real pleasure. We use our Fiver when visiting relatives so that we have our own space. We just find a CL nearby. The motorhome was used even more for day trips to the coast etc even if we only parked up and looked at the view  
If it were me, I would give it another year before making the final decision.


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Lake district is not far and remember how much you used to love it.


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

You used to love the Lakes Sandra, its not far!


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Penquin said:


> I am really pleased to hear that asandra, I know how relieved you must be, yes there will be ongoing checks but that is preferable.
> 
> Lesley has now had her chemo doubled, the cost of each month is horrendous, thank heavens for the French Health Service. It is certainly taking its toll on her.
> 
> As regards the MH, if you can still use it, even for short UK trips it will be useful, but extended trips may now take more organisation to ensure reviews etc are fitted in perhaps by using sorry for this air travel to get back and then return to the MH.


Sorry to hear that about Lesley, Peter. My brother lives in America and many people are bankrupted by long term illnesses. Some insurances ask for a co payment or for the patient to pay a percentage. I know when his wife was undergoing treatment he said that if she had not upgraded her insurance when they got married to one where she just paid the excess then they would have suffered that fate.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Sorry

I’m devastated Dave

Our Lesley, doubled chemo 

If we can travel again 

We will come back to you 

I see her now.

Walking talking to Shadow

Bringing him into the kitchen , to get a drink, to talk to her, and talk her he did ,

And him adoring her

Well he always knew a good one when he saw it 

And to this day, an old git, happy to attack anyone who doesn’t fit a good one in his opinion 

Sandra


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

Dave, I'm so sorry to hear that about Lesley. I thought maybe I'd missed an old post but it seems not.

Tell her I'm thinking about her - and you too of course.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

If you can Dave

Tell us more 

How can we support you both ?

Now if she needs the hound from hell?

He’s on his way as soon as possible 

To fawn over her:smile2:

Love to both

Sandra and Albert


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## erneboy (Feb 8, 2007)

Penquin said:


> I am really pleased to hear that asandra, I know how relieved you must be, yes there will be ongoing checks but that is preferable.
> 
> Lesley has now had her chemo doubled, the cost of each month is horrendous, thank heavens for the French Health Service. It is certainly taking its toll on her.
> 
> As regards the MH, if you can still use it, even for short UK trips it will be useful, but extended trips may now take more organisation to ensure reviews etc are fitted in perhaps by using sorry for this air travel to get back and then return to the MH.


Sorry to hear that Dave.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

But hey 

Now, you lot go for it 

Go for it 

And when your down 

Come to me

I know about down

I know when you need to be down

And I know when it’s time to get up

Sail the sea baby 

There is life on the horizon 

Believe me 

That horizon and me are old friends 

Sandra


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