# Alzhiemers who is the victim?



## DTPCHEMICALS (Jul 24, 2006)

Mum in Law(MiL), has been losing her memory fr a couple of years now and has been diagnosed with Alzheimers.As the elder of the family i was nominated to hold Power of Attorney. In itself a thankless task.
Of four sisters lady p is the one that does the shopping, window cleaning , gardening and a multitude of tasks for MiL.
The other sisters all finde excuses to keep away, yet we all live about 15 miles from MiL.
As the illness is developing she is fully able to look after herself and do routine jobs with no trouble. But if anything out of the nor happens its like putting water on a fire. I spent Sat, sun .mon and tuesday working at Mils no problems. Then after getting home i had 11 phone calls from her. Each was to ask me to go and change a light bulb. Short term memory seems to have gone altogether and she cannot remember the previous calls.
It is sad that we may have to find a home for her in the not too distant future.
Father in law was easy because of his medical needs.
Has anyone on the forum gone thro`this awfull experiance. The victims appear to be us not the patiant.

Dave p


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## PhilK (Jul 1, 2005)

*Alzheimers*

Commiserations Dave. Mrs K's grandad went through something very similar. When it first started he accused me of swearing and abusing him, on an occasion when there where people about who knew it had not happened. Once it was diagnosed, my wife considered she had already lost her grandad.

Dave, be strong and be there for Mrs P

Cheers

Phil


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## paulmold (Apr 2, 2009)

My mother has dementia. There is only my sister and I to sort things out. We have joint power of attorney. I live close to mum, about 20 miles from the home we found for her, whereas my sister lives 200 miles away. I get to visit mum every week whereas my sister gets up about every 8 weeks (she used to come up every 5 weeks or so but now feels as she is 62 herself it was too much). Sister looks after the finances which I am happy to let her do. We managed to sell mum's house and so can pay for the care home until the savings reach the figure when the authorities step in.
Mum is totally immobile due to dislocated hip which the surgeons won't sort out as mum is not able to comprehend what they need to do, so she needs hoist to go to bathroom. She has lost the ability to hold a conversation which to me is the hardest part. Words come out but you cannot grasp what she is trying to say. Luckily she seems happy and healthy in every other way.
Before she got too bad with dementia we found a care home because of her disability and they are happy to keep her as she is not aggressive. I suggest you watch the programme on dementia care homes on BBC2 next tuesday (the first part was this tuesday and if you didn't see it perhaps it's on BBC iplayer)
Sorry if this post is going on a bit but I actually found it theraputic to write things down. It certainly is the family who suffer more than the victims as those with dementia don't know they have it. Good luck with your MIL.


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## olley (May 1, 2005)

Hi Dave, yes my mil is in a home at the moment, been in there for about a year now, terrible illness, especially in the later stages that she is in, lost all bowl control about 6 months ago, and the home and staff aren't the best. No dignity left.

Very traumatic for the wife and one other sister who visit around 3 times a week along with stepfather who goes everyday. Another sister and two brothers rarely go, I rarely go either. 

She still knows who they are, but sometimes doesn't recognise stepfather and just shouts and screams at him, other times she's quite placid. 

Their's nothing you can do, its all down hill, the best that can happen is an early death. Harsh maybe, but imho true.

Olley


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## tonyt (May 25, 2005)

I've been there Dave. Know exactly what you're going through.
I found the only way to keep cool was to recognise that the person who is now suffering from the disease is not the person you have known most of your life so don't watch out for things as they deteriorate, just develop your own way of handling the situation each day.

It's tough.


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## ChrisandJohn (Feb 3, 2008)

DTPCHEMICALS said:


> Mum in Law(MiL), has been losing her memory fr a couple of years now and has been diagnosed with Alzheimers.As the elder of the family i was nominated to hold Power of Attorney. In itself a thankless task.
> Of four sisters lady p is the one that does the shopping, window cleaning , gardening and a multitude of tasks for MiL.
> The other sisters all finde excuses to keep away, yet we all live about 15 miles from MiL.
> As the illness is developing she is fully able to look after herself and do routine jobs with no trouble. But if anything out of the nor happens its like putting water on a fire. I spent Sat, sun .mon and tuesday working at Mils no problems. Then after getting home i had 11 phone calls from her. Each was to ask me to go and change a light bulb. Short term memory seems to have gone altogether and she cannot remember the previous calls.
> ...


Yes, I went through something very like this with my father. I can particularly identify with the bit about the phone calls. My dad used to ring up to 20 times a day with the same question. It was only partially about not remembering previous calls, it was also about being anxious and wanting company or the reassurance of someone to talk to.

We moved him from London to live with us in Yorkshire until we could get him into local sheltered housing, During this period he used to ring me several times a day at work in a panic or with a trivial question. When we did find a place it was too late for him to benefit from the company in the communal areas as he couldn't find his way from his flatlet.

He would constantly press the emergency button and call out paramedics and after ending up in hospital through one of these episodes he went into residential care, where he died of a heart attack after 2 months.

If there is a victim I don't think it is either / or. We certainly suffered but he did too, and I really dread going through what he went through.

For people like my Dad I think trying to maintain 'independence' is overrated. He was a very sociable person and even at the stage when he could still do much for himself his loneliness increased his anxiety.

I feel for you, it is very tough, especially if the burden isn't shared with other family members who could clearly do their bit. I have two brothers but one lives in the Bahamas and the other was in Devon. They did what they could and appreciated what I was doing so there were no hard feelings.

All I can suggest is get as much help / respite as you can, try to understand the condition as much as possible and remember it will come to an end one day.

Chris


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## DTPCHEMICALS (Jul 24, 2006)

Thanks all,
we have spent the last two years going thro`similar with dad in law. It is a tragedy that a couple can both end up with the same illness.
It is so cruel.

dave p


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## richardjames (Feb 1, 2006)

I am currently going throught same with my MiL - short term memory shot but always remembers that she does not like me 8O 8O 8O 8) First she wanted to go into a home to be looked after Now she wants out 8O 
Called 999 whilst wife was in the house 8O Basically she wants to be in our home to be waited on - no chance 8O


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## 88735 (May 9, 2005)

Hi Dave

Sorry to hear about your mum in law, Brenda cared for her Mother who had alzheimers.
We were fortunate enough to live opposite so always on hand.
The mother in law was under the care of a social worker who organized carers to help. The help Brenda and her Mother received from the social care was a great. 
There is help out there try the alzheimers society they can give you the support that may help.
http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/


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## Invicta (Feb 9, 2006)

Terrible condition for everyone especially the relatives.

There is a home for dementia sufferers directly behind my house. The care is as good as can be expected. The staff do try to stimulate the residents with all sorts of games, handicrafts, music and very importantly visits from villagers. Some of them can be seen out shopping in the village with carers and this afternoon 4 of them from the home attended the Christmas tea party given to the village OAPs by the primary school that is next door to the home.

Relatives should not feel guilty when the time comes that sufferers can no longer stay in their own homes or living with relatives and have to go into such a home. None of us would want to inflict ourselves on others in such a situation would we? I know I wouldn't and I have told my family so!


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## pneumatician (May 1, 2005)

*Altziemers*

We can certainly empathise with you as we have experience in dealing with this and its no picnic for all concerned. My MIL passed away earlier this year after two, for her terrible years. I am just hoping my mother doesn't go the same way.
My father died on the river bank whist fishing. 
As a close friend claims heart attack is best. 
I will reserve judgement.

Steve


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## annetony (May 1, 2005)

I can relate to you Dave

my Dear Mum had alzheimers and we looked after her for nearly 6 years when she couldnt cope at home, and asked her to come and live with us. My Brother used to take her out on a Wednesday for a couple or hours for her tea and a few hours every other Sunday, he wanted her to go in a home at the time but Tony said its her family she needs not strangers

I ended up having to give my job up, my horse and our social life, not that I would ever blame Mum as none of it was her fault

It ended up where she was wandering up and dow the landing all night calling for her Mum (who she thought I was), and as soon as I had tucked her up in bed and climbed wearily back into mine, she was up again. 

Its heartbreaking to watch and as for help there is help out there the social services were very good and gave me all sorts of advice and a book of vouchers chat can be used for care or respite, 

If ever you need to let off steam or want to compare what my Mum went through you cam pm me anytime

Take care

Anne


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## BJandPete (Jul 8, 2008)

I was diagnosed with alzheimer's 3 months ago.Its true about my wife jean and our two boys there the ones who will suffer not i At present everyday is new to me but not to them, when i cant find the words for things jean has the patience of a saint while i feel myself getting bad tempered as you know there are many other things, but the/my point is yes it is not me who will suffer
pete


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## DTPCHEMICALS (Jul 24, 2006)

Pete my heart goes out to you and your familly
we cancel holidays days out etc just because three sisters are not bothered about mum in laws condition.
I genuinley hope your specialist puts you on medication that keeps the condition relatvely static.

Over the last twelve months on medication we have not seen a deteriation in MiL`s condition.

If I can offer some advice, not medical or clinical, jst out of experiance to your familly,
If you get anxious over something just get them to change the subject. In our instance it removes the anxiety and focuses MiLs mind on something else.
usually I just ask her to make a cup of tea.
It works wonders.

best wishes

dave p

Edit.
I am at the end of a PM anytime to help support you or your familly if required. Not medically traind. Just 3 years of experiance.


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## BJandPete (Jul 8, 2008)

Many thanks dave i have just been put on Aricept and again thank you its nice to know i can talk to some one instead of being a pain to jean
pete


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## DTPCHEMICALS (Jul 24, 2006)

Any time mate. pm or e mail.

dave p


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## ChrisandJohn (Feb 3, 2008)

BJandPete said:


> I was diagnosed with alzheimer's 3 months ago.Its true about my wife jean and our two boys there the ones who will suffer not i At present everyday is new to me but not to them, when i cant find the words for things jean has the patience of a saint while i feel myself getting bad tempered as you know there are many other things, but the/my point is yes it is not me who will suffer
> pete


Pete, it must have been very scary to get that diagnosis. It's very courageous of you to have accepted it and told us about it. I do hope everything goes as smoothly as possible for you and your family.

My very best wishes

Chris


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## mandyandandy (Oct 1, 2006)

Having worked in the caring profession since I was 17 I have come across this situation many many times. 

Guilt is always a major factor for both parties, the family who just know that they are not capable of taking care of the person as they need round the clock attention. I think the wanders and the leaving gas and electrical appliances on are the biggest worries for relatives. 

Then the actual sufferer who in the beginning knows just what others are thinking and worrying about, that is when they need to discuss with families exactly their feelings on the care that they are going to need. 

As someone said earlier how would we feel about family or siblings washing and toileting us and how do we think they would feel about it. 

The blessings (if there are any) is that in the later stages they become in a world of their own usually very happy with themselves the incontinence and memory losses all become natural to them and as long as they are in a safe caring environment then they would not know that from their own home. 

One lady I remember very well who always made every one smile who met her, she was called Lizzy and had 2 sons who came in every week to see here and it killed them to see the decline in her memory of them but they could equally see that she was very happy and content and quite frankly didn't care what they felt. They bought photo's of the past to try and keep some memories for her and they caused her great amusement, not knowing what she was looking at but loved them anyway. Her sons accepted in the end that she was happy in Lizzie' s world and took pleasure out of seeing her as she lived in her place. 

Make decisions early is all I can say don't leave it until you resent them or them you, much as you don't want this to happen the illness can drain every ones best intentions in the end. 

As I have said many times before pick the biggest home you can and many of the larger ones will have a /care/nursing home section and a separate floor or department for dementia/alziemer suffers where they will have more staff and safety precautions for the wanderers etc . The larger homes tend to have more funding, more people around to keep an eye on others and more in the way of entertainment and activities. 

Hope this helps and sorry if the comes over a little blunt, I have not experienced this from the other side of the fence so to speak but met many who have. 

Mandy


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## higgy2 (May 5, 2009)

My wife Carole has just lost her mum Flo who suffered very badly
during the latter stages, in and out of Hospitals etc: etc;

Could we just send our dearest thoughts and best wishes to all
family members who are having to deal with this terrible illness .


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## eddied (May 9, 2005)

*What forum is this*

Ciao tutti, well I can sympathise with you OK. Have a bit of a memory problem myself due to a stroke, but certainly not Alzheimers. However, Donna C, as we come up to 49th. wedding anniversary, is now in the early stages. Short term memory so bad that she is asking me several times a day which anniversary is it we are celebrating, and when is it. She has a lunch booked for over 75s next week with the Senior Citizens services. Can't remember the day or the time even though the ticket is on her bedside table. Going on a trip Monday afternoon after lunch with the same Senior Citizens group, but keeps asking what I want in my packed lunch. I do all the shopping, look after the money, and make sure the gas taps are all turnerd off properly. Donna C is fortunately quite healthy physically speaking, and keeps so with her housework and gardening; but is well aware where she's headed. Occasionally gets a bit down in the dumps about it, but we aren't surrendering yet. :lol: 
saluti,
eddied


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## eddied (May 9, 2005)

*What forum is this*

Ciao tutti, well I can sympathise with you OK. Have a bit of a memory problem myself due to a stroke, but certainly not Alzheimers. However, Donna C, as we come up to 49th. wedding anniversary, is now in the early stages. Short term memory so bad that she is asking me several times a day which anniversary is it we are celebrating, and when is it. She has a lunch booked for over 75s next week with the Senior Citizens services. Can't remember the day or the time even though the ticket is on her bedside table. Going on a trip Monday afternoon after lunch with the same Senior Citizens group, but keeps asking what I want in my packed lunch. I do all the shopping, look after the money, and make sure the gas taps are all turnerd off properly. Donna C is fortunately quite healthy physically speaking, and keeps so with her housework and gardening; but is well aware where she's headed. Occasionally gets a bit down in the dumps about it, but we aren't surrendering yet. :lol: 
saluti,
eddied


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## JLO (Sep 27, 2006)

Hiya

I went through this with my dad and the only thing I can say is it is hard! It was hard for both me and at first for my dad, he kept forgetting that my mum had died and I had the awful task of telling him why she hadn't been to see him, at first he would remember and then get upset and say "how could I forget something like that" Later as his illness progressed, he could not remember at all that she had died and it was like I was telling him the news from fresh everytime he asked me (that was hard and we both used to sit on his bed and cry) But all I can say is that for him at least I think it got easier as his illness progressed because he was back in his youth, when I went to see him I would ask him what he had been up to, and he would tell me that he had been out on a bike ride with all his mates from The Pit (my dad was a miner) I always joined in these conversations as if I was in his reality with him, so I would ask him where he had been for a ride and if he had called at the pub for a drink, he would reply "yes we did but don't tell my mother"

I have three sisters who all loved him dearly (he was step father to us all but brought me up so I called him Dad) One of my sisters would not come to see him because it upset her too much and I had the job of _trying_ to explain to him where she was, the other sister came to see him but would insist in trying to bring him back to our reality which distressed him and in the end I had to tell her to stop. My other sister was like me with him she gossiped with him about his tennis buddies from the 1950's and whose wife went off with who. I just found it made his life and mine so much easier if I lived in his world with him when I went to visit him, and best out of all this we used to have a good laugh with each other, because of his illness and lack of logic he ended up one day telling me that he thought I was losing my marbles, I replied "well one of us is" and he said "its definitely you" and we had a damn good laugh about that.

Practical advice if you should need it, is put signs up saying what things are ie Fridge, bathroom, bedroom etc, (my Dad was looking for the toilet in the wall unit in the living room) We showed him the toilet in the bathroom and he swore blind it hadn't been in there the last time he looked. If your loved one has to go into care, take some photo's of when they were young and do a little write up about them so that they are a personality to the nursing staff, I took pics of my Dad when he went to Ascot and met Gordon Richards the Jockey and pics of him playing tennis. I did a little write up about him and they were surprised at it, that he had been a drummer in a dance band, he had sung on stage at Leeds City Hall and Eisteddford, but I forgot to tell them that even though there may be a comfy chair my dad always sat on the floor and the reason he was pale skinned was because even though he was grey haired he used to be a ginner (thats what he called himself) ginger to you and me. Sorry if anyone thinks I am going on, this is a subject dear to my heart. It was through fighting my Dads corner with Social Services that I became an advocate and fought other peoples corner with Social Services. If anyone needs any support PM me and if I can help I will.

Jacqui


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## ChrisandJohn (Feb 3, 2008)

JLO said:


> Hiya
> 
> I went through this with my dad and the only thing I can say is it is hard! It was hard for both me and at first for my dad, he kept forgetting that my mum had died and I had the awful task of telling him why she hadn't been to see him, at first he would remember and then get upset and say "how could I forget something like that" Later as his illness progressed, he could not remember at all that she had died and it was like I was telling him the news from fresh everytime he asked me (that was hard and we both used to sit on his bed and cry) But all I can say is that for him at least I think it got easier as his illness progressed because he was back in his youth, when I went to see him I would ask him what he had been up to, and he would tell me that he had been out on a bike ride with all his mates from The Pit (my dad was a miner) I always joined in these conversations as if I was in his reality with him, so I would ask him where he had been for a ride and if he had called at the pub for a drink, he would reply "yes we did but don't tell my mother"
> 
> ...


When my Dad went into a care home I made a simple 'book' of his life story with photos. Like you, I thought it would help staff to know more about him as a person, but we also used it to remind him of the major events and details of his life and family.

Later, when he died it became the basis of a eulogy at his funeral.

Chris


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## ardgour (Mar 22, 2008)

BJandPete said:


> I was diagnosed with alzheimer's 3 months ago.Its true about my wife jean and our two boys there the ones who will suffer not i At present everyday is new to me but not to them, when i cant find the words for things jean has the patience of a saint while i feel myself getting bad tempered as you know there are many other things, but the/my point is yes it is not me who will suffer
> pete


my best wishes to you Pete, it can't be easy setting out on this journey. 
I have a very strong family history of Alzheimers and I know how scary it can be every time you forget something wondering - is this it.
On a practical note, I have a lot of professional experience as well as personal and for the past while have been helping a neighbour who is slowly losing her memory but is terrified of letting her family know too much in case they feel she should go in to a home. What I have found helps her most is just having someone to talk to so that she doesn't bottle up her worries - anxiety makes all of us less able to think straight so if your memory is already going anxiety will make it ten times worse. We laugh together, try to keep things in perspective and find practical ways round a dodgy memory. The other thing that seems to have helped her enormously was a couple of sessions of hypnotherapy to boost her self confidence and sense of control.
I hope the drug treatment works for you. Any time you need to let off steam just pm me

Chris


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## meavy (Jul 30, 2010)

*Feeling very alone*

Your posts are all very moving. And helpful too. My 90 year old aunt still manages to live in her own home, supported by carers who go in 4 times a day. it's been an enormous task to set everything up and keep the arrangements going, especially as I live 250 miles away. It's just me doing it, with Power of Attorney.

I've found that upgrading to an iPhone has made it so much easier to deal with the 20 daily phone calls/voicemails. As each caller/voicemail is visually identified, I can delete without listening. I often don't accept a call if I've recently had one and everything's ok. I feel bad about it but sometimes she just wants to hear my voice so the recorded message works.

Audrey's dementia became apparent 3 years ago. For anyone caring for/living at home still, it may be worth while trying to get a Council Tax rebate. It's not generally known about i think, but if the person can be proved to be 'severely mentally impaired' they can escape paying council tax altogether.

I got the relevant form from the council and dealt directly with Audrey's GP who knows both of us very well as I've always accompanied her to her surgery visits. The doctor signed the form to say she'd had dementia since 2007. Although the council wrote me a very shirty letter to say I'd gone about this the wrong way (without telling me the 'right' way) the upshot was that Audrey recently got a £3.5k rebate and no longer pays the tax.

And that will go a long way to keep her safe and happy at home for a while longer.

Maybe this may help someone else who is trying to keep a dementia/Altzheimer sufferer at home for as long as possible?

Susan


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## twoofakind (Jun 24, 2009)

Pete, your right Jean and your boys have a hard road ahead! You are so brave to see this.

You don't need us to relate our story. Although the temptation to do so is great. 

Just know others who have trodden the path Jean and your boys are treading feel for you all,

Did Jean see your post? We are sure this would be a comfort, if not now, definitely in the future.

Good luck, much love and strength to your family x


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## Phil42 (Apr 4, 2006)

There's a fair bit of generalising going on in some of these posts. I remember reading somewhere: 'If you've seen one dementia patient, you've seen one dementia patient.' Not only are there many kinds of Alzheimer's there are many other kinds of dementia. 

My first experience was in watching my mum, who lived over 200 miles away from any of her three sons, gradually and then more rapidly, succumb to what was diagnosed on her death certificate as Alzheimer's. Like my brothers, I tried to do what I could. I recognise the repeated phone calls and the terribly distressing question: 'Where's Dad?' One time, I managed to distract her briefly, only to have her say, 'You haven't answered my question?' She could remember that! She ended her life in a very good residential home where, because she'd been there for a while and was the kind of person who, even in these circumstances, managed to smile and not complain, the staff carried on caring for her until her peaceful death (at 90). 

Also, my wife watched her own mum decline very rapidly, physically as much as mentally, with what (again only really suggested as the most likely cause after she'd died) was probably vascular dementia. Shortly before Sue's mum died, Sue was referred to our local memory clinic because of difficulties she was having. That was just over 10 years ago yet despite the fact that the Professor who heads the clinic is one of the world's leading dementia experts we still do not really know 'what she's got'. All he'll agree to is that she has a progressive memory disorder. Lots of things have been ruled out over the years after various tests and three different types of brain scan. In the end, what's in a name? And when they come up with a name, what can they do for you? She has tried two different anti-dementia drugs, both useless in her case and coming with unpleasant side-effects. 

I am now her full-time carer. Last week, because her daughter offered to look after her for the evening, I went out alone for the first time for two years to have a meal with some former work colleagues. It felt very strange. Being with someone, even someone you love, 24/7 is not a natural state of affairs. My life is turning out to be a very different one compared with what I imagined a few years ago. 

So I could say like others that I'm the real victim. In this case it's nonsense. One of the reasons why the Prof, who is now the Government's 'dementia tsar' BTW, always cast doubt on the easy Alzheimer's diagnosis was ' preservation of personality'. And even now, when there are relatively few things she can do unaided, when she has not been out of the house unaccompanied for several years, when she forgets where she's been, where's going etc, and sometimes says and does bizarre things, when you never know what's going to happen next, she is still essentially the same person and, here's the thing, she is constantly aware of her difficulties. And although this is hellish for her and harrowing to watch for me and adds to the mental, emotional and psychological stress, it ultimately makes it better for both of us because this same consciousness/awareness enables us to continue to have a deep relationship. 

Does that make sense to anyone? 

Apologies for rambling.

Phil


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## ardgour (Mar 22, 2008)

Yes Phil, it makes complete sense and I agree that every person with memory problems - whatever the 'label' - is unique but what I said earlier applies to anyone who finds their memory is getting dodgy. Anxiety and stress cause a physiological response (the fight or flight) which increases blood flow to muscles but decreases blood flow to the cognitive areas of the brain - in evolutionary terms this kept us alive, you don't need to think about it when faced with a sabre tooth tiger you just need to run! In modern life most of our anxiety and stress doesn't come from physical threats so we don't need to run but our bodies still act as if we do.
The net effect on someone who already has trouble with memory is that the reduced blood flow to the cognitive areas makes it even harder to think straight and remember so the anxiety increases which continues the physiological reaction and so the vicious circle begins.
We don't as yet have a way of reversing the memory loss but we can help to make the most of what still works and there are a few very well researched (and relatively simple to learn) techniques which can help the individual to manage their own physiological response and maintain as clear a working memory as possible for them.
I am a great believer in giving people techniques to help themselves to take control and in my own experience it helps enormously to maintain quality of life

sorry another long post!

Chris


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## busterbears (Sep 4, 2010)

Dementia is cruel, debilitating and progressive. I trained as a psychiatric nurse and specialised in dementia care and before leaving nursing ran a secure community home with 30 beds.

If i can help with any specific advice please feel free to ask, even the really awkward questions.

Progression depends on the type of dementia, not everyone wanders, not everyone's personality changes dramatically, not everyone loses communication skills, not everyone loses all their personal care skills.

Dementia sufferers are not trying to be difficult/disruptive, they are experiencing real feelings of fear, panic and anxiety, particularly in the early stages where lucidity and clarity of thought are prolonged but mingled with spells of memory loss, confusion, miscommunication and misunderstanding.

There are many care and support agencies out there, make sure you use them for advice and support. Alzheimer UK are the specialist but organisations such as Counsel and Care also offer good advice. 

To all of you going through this yourself, or with a relative present or past, my thoughts are with you!

Michelle


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## worky (Dec 30, 2005)

I have just retired after 20years of running a DAY-CARE centre specifically for people with dementia, with the emphasis on care and therapeutic activities for the person and respite,emotional and practical support for the carers. Maybe there is one in MiL's area? Some care homes offer this facility and if MiL attended maybe twice a week it would introduce her gradually to the care home ready for when the time came to move in.

Locally we also have designated dementia-trained home cares who are invaluable. Please make use of the services..it is not a failure on your part...and if MiL is still able to learn her new routine and become familiar with her carers it will make it much easier for her when the amount and level of care has to be gradually increased.

Having said all that ..it is possible to leave it too long before moving the person into a care home. Keeping the person in their own home for as long as possible, is commendable and less guilt ridden but is not always in the persons best interests...MiL will be settle in and be happier if she moves while she is still able to understand,at least to some extent,why and what is happening to her and still able to learn a new routine and become familiar with her new surrounding and the staff...sadly only you can judge the right time .

I wish you all the best.
Anna Workman


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