# Well I’m not yet sure



## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

The loss off shadow has hit me hard, I’ve lost my closest friend, no the one who understood me, I miss those eyes

The loss of Tuggy and Alan has hit me hard

I’ve been really depressed

But family have been around so I’m lucky

Our grandson was here today 

He said this house represents safety, here you can relax,

It’s your teddy bear said Albert

Yes it’s a teddy bear for all of us he said

Well that says everything 

I so hope that it was shadows teddy bear

Because his teddy bear sits in the hall

A silent witness to hound from hell who plagued our life

But loved so much and was so loved

Sandra


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## H1-GBV (Feb 28, 2006)

Aldra, you have told us so much about Shadow and I'm sure we all appreciate your loss. Hopefully time will reduce the pain that you feel and your memories of happy times will be strong in your thoughts.

It's good that you have the strength and love of your family to support each other.

Stay safe - Gordon


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Well get back in here and tell us some of your old stories about the hound from hell!!

January is a ****ty month at the best of times so I understand how sad you must feel. I never owned a dog but I know when Michelle lost hers she grew up with at 18 the grief put her off getting another one for life.

Losing Tuggers and Alan was indeed incredibly sad. I do and will miss Tuggers terribly. I would ring him up at deliberately awkward times when I knew he would be eating a Pie or trying to get one of his planes down from a tree and now I have nobody to abuse. I still feel bad about drinking all his booze. Its what he would have wanted though (I tell myself). 

Remember the dead but dont forget the living or summat like that. None of them including Shadow will ever be forgotten on here.


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

Hang on tight to Albert.

Ray.
xx


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

Good to see you back Sandra.

It's been hard for a long time but I hope you manage to feel more positive as the lighter days come.

Wasn't that a really lovely thing to hear from your grandson? You and Albert have obviously done a whole lot right over the years. Feel confidence in that.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Feb. 2018 we lost Shade, August 2018 we lost Manny, August 2019 I lost Hans, I still miss and cry for every single one of them, but as time goes on the tears get less and less although the heart still aches. I still have Motley of course, I think he’s going to out live me, he is so fit. You still have your family Sandra, I know they will never take the place of Shadow, but you have to accept he is no longer with you and get on with the rest of your life, we don’t have many years left and it does make sense to spend those few years grieving, we have to keep living, keep loving and keep laughing. Don’t lock yourself in, come back and do what your good at :grin2: I don’t have to spell it out to you. This forum was a life saver for me, I’ve spilt my heart out on here and had a lot of lovely words in reply including from you so come and join in with us again and even annoy a few people, it will help keep your mind occupied.
Jan


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

JanHank said:


> Feb. 2018 we lost Shade, August 2018 we lost Manny, August 2019 I lost Hans, I still miss and cry for every single one of them, but as time goes on the tears get less and less although the heart still aches. I still have Motley of course, I think he's going to out live me, he is so fit. You still have your family Sandra, I know they will never take the place of Shadow, but you have to accept he is no longer with you and get on with the rest of your life, we don't have many years left and it does *NOT* make sense to spend those few years grieving, we have to keep living, keep loving and keep laughing. Don't lock yourself in, come back and do what your good at :grin2: I don't have to spell it out to you. This forum was a life saver for me, I've spilt my heart out on here and had a lot of lovely words in reply including from you so come and join in with us again and even annoy a few people, it will help keep your mind occupied.
> Jan


What a difference it makes to a sentence with one little word missing, I was too late to edit it so had to do it this way. I can't sleep and just looked back in to check what I had said, good job I did :smile2:


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I read it exactly as you had intended Jan, l know well what you intended to say

It not so much grieving ,more a feeling of having lost the way if you can understand that and I guess a feeling of vulnerability 

You provide a lot of hope with how you are coping without your beloved Hans, another death on here that hit me hard, always I remember him as the dog whisperer

I guess it’s the price of knowing and caring for people even those you have never met face to face

We are going to start to prepare the van to downsize it, remove the tow bar ect and then Albert can drive it again, maybe a few trips are what we both need although it will be strange without the hound

Hopefully when we remove the internal gates of the garage we will fit the trike in 

It will soon be spring for all of us

Sandra


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Yes it will be good for you both to finally get that van going again and get away.

Did you eventually get used to the electric trike Sandra? I found a couple of cracking CL sites in the Lakes that would be great for you both biking around. Bit hilly though in parts.

Having something to look forward to is a good idea. It always feels so far off this time of year but it isnt really.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

So sorry to hear of you struggling with your grief. We all cope in different ways. You are a human who likes to care for others and for a pet. Had you thought about getting another pet of some sort. It would be an outlet for your caring nature. There are a couple of charities who ask people to take an elderly pet in to their homes while the owner goes into hospital etc. All of these might be things you could consider? 
I, personally, find that hanging on to their bits and bobs is too painful so I pack them up and put them away out of sight. I always search for another pet that needs tlc. Might be a stray cat or a neighbour's budgie but I need to fulfil that part of me that likes to care for disadvantaged animals. At one time I used to home board other people's pets. It included whole households of pets with one family bringing me a goat, a dog and a mad Siamese cat!


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

It’s not so simple Pat

We are both seventy eight with mobility problems

It couldn’t be a young dog

We struggle with walking, Albert no longer wants to walk a dog

We live in a town, access to free running space is not easily accessed

Shadow didn’t have access towards the end, Albert walked him alternate days, shadow couldnt run with the bike, alberts knees are really painful

I don’t find that shadows teddy bear depresses me, it makes me smile, a battered teddy he loved for 13 years, a teddy we once forgot and had to return home for when we set out on a trip

A cat? Well again we live in a town, our garden is an oasis, ivy covers the house and is hard to maintain and we protect and feed our birds, not vast amounts, sparrows, blackbirds, an occasional blue tit or wren,robins,collared doves, magpies

I wish I was years younger, that I could fold my arms around a German shepherd

I wish I could have held shadow, but I couldn’t get down and he couldn’t get up

We can no longer give a dog what it needs

Sandra

We’re grateful for what we get in our secluded garden


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

What about a foster dog? So many rescues are desperate to get a dog out of kennels and into a cosy home while they wait for their permanent home to be decided. We had a retired greyhound recently, on foster. The rescue paid all vets bills and provided all her equipment in the way of collars, leads, coats etc. You get to decide on whether you take a dog or not and if anything crops up that makes life difficult they will step in and find another foster home. Not all dogs need a walk. A garden is as much as they can cope with in some cases. The outside world is too much for some  Molly, our foster, was quite happy with sleeping, eating and visiting the garden. We did take her for short strolls on good days. The dog belongs to the rescue society and it is their responsibility to place the dog and take it back at any given time in its life. 

Then there is the Cinnamon Trust who ask people to take a dog that belongs to an elderly or sick person for short term foster while their owner is in hospital. Wonderful charity. You do have to be vetted but that is a formality.


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

jiwawa said:


> Good to see you back Sandra.
> 
> Wasn't that a really lovely thing to hear from your grandson? You and Albert have obviously done a whole lot right over the years. Feel confidence in that.


 And remember all the times you despaired of him ever growing up???


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

Sandra, I haven't been on the forum much recently so I didn't hear about Shadow for a long while. There's no doubt he would leave a hole in your heart. He was a unique and special dog, and as you so rightly say, those expressive eyes that conveyed messages I couldn't interpret, although I knew they were affectionate, (as long as I toed the line!)

Last year was a very difficult one for me. One thing after another. I wont bore you with a laundry list. At last I am booked for a Lumbar Nerve Root Block on 17th which hopefully will end 5 months of unrelenting excruciating pain, giving new meaning to the phrase "a pain in the bum" ...and the leg, ...and the ankle. Sciatica, one of the 20 most painful conditions. Did anyone at my (don't phone us) surgery care?

When I read of the amazing care Pat's Chris, and others too numerous to mention, have experienced on the NHS, I'm more than a little envious. I endured 5 weeks waiting for a bone density scan (that is when I eventually got to see a doctor.) then a further 7 week wait for an xray. Couldn't stand the pain that long so went private. £3000 later, and still the hospital procedure to pay for. I feel deeply for all those enduring pain with no end in sight but cannot afford to jump the queue. It's fine if you get covid, you get a priority bed, all the care you could want for. without delay. Is that fair???? Not in my book. How can NHS condone that??


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Oh Viv that is awful! I suffer with sciatica and, though not as serious as yours, it is not nice. I do hear that anything non life threatening is terrible at the moment.


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

Poor you Viv! The constant pain is just so draining. I do hope they sort you out soon.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

So sorry Viv to here of your awful year 

Alberts care has been more than excellent, mine less so

I’ve struggled to get any timely response , as have many, and our GPs are less than helpful as you no longer can get hold of them let alone see them

Hope you get the nerve block and the pain relief you so need

Sandra


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

Thank you for the sympathy. You made me feel better. Yes I well remember the indifference you have had to face, Sandra, with your covid and your arthritis. You can't decide whether to scream or cry! I wanted to come and give you a big hug.

Im on Gabapentin now which is quite helpful. But today I took my dose late, after the pain set in. Takes a day to get it under some sort of control again. I have a mobility scooter which I use to speed up and down the kitchen. But all the bending, stretching and standing to reach things soon has me in agony. Martin's out the house 6am to 6pm Mon to Fri and has lots of stuff to do at the weekend. But he's kind, considerate and patient, I have nothing to complain about but I get frustrated because I can't keep house as I would like/need to. Kitchen and bathroom and laundry is the most I can do. Oh well I know what any friend would say! 

I'll have to do PCR and isolate the week before hospital. Its a day procedure under anaesthetic and I should be up and about within a few days. If this doesn't help it will be surgery to enlarge the offending orifice in the lumbar vertebra.

Looking forward to a trip to France about Easter. God and Macron willing. A friend of Martin's has offered his 2nd house in the Dordogne countryside. Oh bliss. I daren't get excited about it yet.

I just want to wake up one morning soon after the 17th with the surprise of finding the pain has gone. Fingers crossed. We all have our cross to bear!


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## Penquin (Oct 15, 2007)

We all remember the problems Sandra encountered, it is good to hear that Albert’s care has been ata much higher level, I just hope that she can get the personal attention that she needs and deserves. To me, it is unacceptable that she CANNOT contact her GP reliably.

Taking medication effectively does often need reminders - alarms set on a mobile phone can be very useful and can take the guesswork out of the process. 

The condition of the house only matters to you - Martinis not going to come in and say anything about dust bunnies or dust on the window sill. Do what you can while the medication is working, it does not all need doing every day, do one thing one day and then leave it for a few days.

We all hope that the 18th will bring you the relief you need and deserve I am just very pleased that MrsW is no longer working in the NHS, the pressure and delivery of care while ignoring essential care for so very many makes it a very difficult place to work at present. Staff shortages, bed shortages due to care package shortages and beds blocked by people that cannot be moved out of the hospital scenario. 

Fortunately, at present Omicron does not seem to be causing serious illness in vaccinated people, the majority seem to be unvaccinated in ITU etc., but that option remains unchecked. The Government backed down on the compulsory vaccination for front line NHS work, but has not done the same with the Care system which is equally, if not more affected by vaccine resistance.

We all hope your op resolves the issue and will be thinking of you most deeply around that time.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I’m Ok

When I had the last two painful flare ups the the rheumatologist once I could get hold of her eventually gave me steroids, reducing

The last flareup I treated myself to a course of reducing steroids

I have a stock and I’m fed up of waiting weeks for response

Good or bad I’d rather treat myself than wait weeks for them

Eventually I’ll run out

But until then I’m not willing to wait weeks for them to treat the pain

Sandra


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

I feel so sorry for the people in severe pain. I think there has been a decision to treat cancer patients as a priority. This has benefitted Chris but for all those suffering severe pain it is truly awful. Is your pharmacist approachable Sandra? They are highly skilled people and might have a suggestion?


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/cbd-oil-benefits?c=1365415921385

I am going to try this when I find out where to get it from.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

I hear good reports of it, Jan. But you do have to consider its interaction with other drugs. That is the big unknown.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

That’s the reason I haven’t tried it

But Albert is keen to do so for his osteoarthritis 

It’s available at most chemists Jan

Sandra


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

patp said:


> I feel so sorry for the people in severe pain. I think there has been a decision to treat cancer patients as a priority. This has benefitted Chris but for all those suffering severe pain it is truly awful. Is your pharmacist approachable Sandra? They are highly skilled people and might have a suggestion?


I'm not in severe pain except when I have flareup

The morphine patches deal with day to day pain

The stiffness is something else and make mobility difficult, the mobility is my greatest difficulty, that and the tiredness associated with it

Nothing like those who's cancer could shorten lives, I've been so lucky with alberts cancers, fingers crossed, he's fought them all so far

As we get older it's more important we stay together , pain not withstanding

Regardless of family it's our relationship that is so important, 58 yrs I recon we know each other so well

We will never know another so long

Sandra


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