# women and public toilets - is this you?????



## hannah29 (Feb 13, 2006)

When you have to visit a public toilet, you usually find a line of women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn, you check for feet under the cubicle doors. 
Every cubicle is occupied. 
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman leaving the cubicle. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait has been so long you are about to wet your pants! 
The dispenser for the modern 'seat covers' (invented by someone's Mum, no doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your bag on the door hook, if there was one, so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mum would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!) down with your pants and assume ' The Stance. 
In this position, your aging, toneless, thigh muscles begin to shake. You'd love to sit down, but having not taken time to wipe the seat or to lay toilet paper on it, you hold 'The Stance.' 
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. 
In your mind, you can hear your mother's voice saying, 'Dear, if you had tried to clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!' Your thighs shake more. 
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your bag (the bag around your neck, that now you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same time). That would have to do, so you crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's still smaller than your thumbnail. 
Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. 
The door hits your bag, which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest and you and your bag topple backward against the tank of the toilet. 
'Occupied!' you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, while losing your footing altogether and sliding down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try. 
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew, because you're certain her bare bottom never touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, 'You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get. 
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose against the inside of the bowl and spraying a fine mist of water that covers your bum and runs down your legs and into your shoes. 
The flush somehow sucks everything down with such force and you grab onto the empty toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. 
At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a sweet wrapper you found in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. 
You can't figure out how to operate the taps with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women still waiting 
You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your shoe. (Where was that when you NEEDED it?) 
You yank the paper from your shoe, plonk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, 'Here, you just might need this. 
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and left the men's toilet. Annoyed, he asks, 'What took you so long and why is your bag hanging around your neck? 
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with any public toilets. It finally explains to the men what really does take us so long. It also answers that other commonly asked question about why women go to the toilets in pairs. It's so the other girl can hold the door, hang onto your bag and hand you Kleenex under the door. 
This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so accurately.


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## Techno100 (May 8, 2010)

The moral is NEVER go out without tissues in that big bag around your neck :lol:

I just read your post to wifey and it all rang true and she's laughing


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## Grizzly (May 9, 2005)

So true that I've even seen a device for sale that you stick on the loo wall and hang your bag from.

I do carry several packets of tissues- the sort that sell for 1 euro per umpteen in French hypermarkets so don't usually get caught out by lack of paper.

They've not added on the bit about loo doors and cubicle sizes always being designed for size 0 midgets so that anyone who is " normal" has to breathe in before they can get in at all. If you've got children with you then forget it...!

G


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## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

It's not only you ladies who suffer from tissue deprivation. :roll:

I went for a wee in our local Tesco's a while ago and the "stand-ups" were occupied so I used one of the two "sitters" (_lifting the seat first of course!_ :wink: )

A plaintive voice from the other once said, _"Oi mate - could you bung us a bit of bog roll over the top. I ain't got none in 'ere!"_ :lol: :lol:

There but for the grace . . . etc,. 8O

Dave


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## 747 (Oct 2, 2009)

The female members of this forum know fine well that the modern water closet was invented by a man.

This thread is just blatant sexism in its lowest form and should be removed immediately. :twisted: :twisted:


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## Grizzly (May 9, 2005)

747 said:


> The female members of this forum know fine well that the modern water closet was invented by a man.


Ah! but I bet that behind him was a woman nagging him to get off his bottom and invent something that would mean she didn't have to go down the bottom of the garden in a smelly little shed.

(She probably gave him the plans as to how to do it but was too busy to do it herself.)

G


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

I had a good laugh at this post - simply because there's so much truth in it!!

And now I discover (here in Spain) that sometimes you're not allowed to put the toilet paper down the loo and have to put it in an open bin - ugh!! I always thought the instructions were not to put _other_ paper down the loo.


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## Grizzly (May 9, 2005)

JWW said:


> And now I discover (here in Spain) that sometimes you're not allowed to put the toilet paper down the loo .


Same in quite a few other countries ( eg Greece, parts of Portugal) We might have our faults here in UK but at least we can design a drainage system that will take a fair wad of paper etc before it gets clarted up -and it doesn't smell either !

G


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## 747 (Oct 2, 2009)

It was the Victorians who designed and built our drainage system and a fabulous, well built job they did.

Nowadays, we could not do it as good, it would take 2 times longer than projected and be 3 times over budget.

That's what happens when Accountants take over from Engineers. :evil:


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## Glandwr (Jun 12, 2006)

747 said:


> the modern water closet was invented by a man.


... by a man of the name of Thomas Crapper. I kid you not.

Dick


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## Grizzly (May 9, 2005)

Glandwr said:


> ... by a man of the name of Thomas Crapper. I kid you not.
> 
> Dick


Crapper had the shop that sold them - made by Doulton etc etc- but he did not invent the flushing loo.

G


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## wobby (May 1, 2005)

Grizzly said:


> Glandwr said:
> 
> 
> > ... by a man of the name of Thomas Crapper. I kid you not.
> ...


It sounds good though!!!!!!


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## Techno100 (May 8, 2010)

Invented by WC Fields me thinks :wink:


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## 747 (Oct 2, 2009)

A neighbour of mine works at a sewage farm.

I asked him how he could work at a place like that.

He said, "it may be sh*t to you but it is my bread and butter". :lol:


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## MrsW (Feb 8, 2009)

Hmm, so true! And just try going through all of that if you are a disabled lady!


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