# Panic



## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

My granddaughter is in tears

She doesn't feel she can complete her assignments for her masters in time 

I'm telling her she needs to pace more

Stop working late into the night , sleep and do more in the morning 

But I with 6 kids worked all through the night , when it was quiet to get mine 

But she doesn't need too 

So what do I tell her?

She's breaking my heart 

Because I can't sort out how to help her 

And to be fair I've been struggling a bit with 2 kids who don't get up till mid afternoon 

Whose bedrooms stink, whose beds need changing 

But my cleaner can't get in to clean them

So she just cleans two bathrooms and one bedroom ours 

An easy two hours each week

I think she'll get used to that soon 

I struggle with the weight of the mattress to change sheets and to be fair I'm tired by afternoon. My day starts about 5 am 

But no longer can I Listen to Radio 4

She says it disturbs her in bed, the speakers are too near the ceiling 

I'm on strike at the moment

Their washing is scattered on the floor of the utility room where they tossed it

And there it will remain , because I asked them to bring it down daily and they won't 

I don't need it grandma

Great when you do it won't be washed

Until I decide to break my strike 

Maybe possibally >

Sandra


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## rowley (May 14, 2005)

Oh Sandra, that really is something to pray about. You have enough problems without this. Take care, hopefully this time of stress will come to an end soon.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I'll possibally break it tomorrow >

So not to worry

I have my moments

But two grandkids lovely as they are

Ifindhard work 

Sandra


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## Spacerunner (Mar 18, 2006)

Just how many degree does she need to be a checkout girl at Asda?

Oh, just inform her grandchildren should be looking after their grannies too.


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## GEMMY (Jun 19, 2006)

Pack your van and bugger off for a month..............they might appreciate you more, at the moment you're acting like a doormat

tony


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

peribro said:


> I know I mentioned it on another thread but my 20 year old daughter had to submit her final and 5th essay by midday today towards her degree in Cardiff. Why do they always do this (although I think I may have done!). She stayed up the whole night and of course Mrs P and I were sort of aware so we didn't sleep that well. She sent it in at 11.50am. Meanwhile my 20 year old son who is over a year into a good course at Manchester has decided he wants to change! I've paid up until now but no more if he thinks he can change just because he hasn't got up in the mornings to pull his finger out.
> 
> And then the wretched car they drive keeps breaking down and I've spent £1,000 in the last 10 days on a number of repairs. The car's only worth nothing but instead of it all going wrong at once it takes it in turns.
> 
> ...


When I listen to people like you 2 I´m glad we only have dogs and a cat :grin2:
Jan


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## peribro (Sep 6, 2009)

JanHank said:


> When I listen to people like you 2 I´m glad we only have dogs and a cat :grin2:
> Jan


And I've not even mentioned the other two children, the other dog and the cat!

I must confess that I re-read the thread and decided that my post was so depressing that I deleted it!


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## cabby (May 14, 2005)

Sandra love,about time you put your foot down, Tony is right, bugger off for a month.If my grandchildren started to do what yours do then they would soon feel my wrath at their wasteful ways.Start staying in bed till midday, throw a bucket of cold water over those that have allowed their bedroom to get into such a state. Put all that dirty washing in a black bag and throw it back into their bedroom.
Start 2017 as a new year that is better for YOU.

cabby

Stop being a doormat


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

*[

/B]


peribro said:



And I've not even mentioned the other two children, the other dog and the cat!

I must confess that I re-read the thread and decided that my post was so depressing that I deleted it!

Click to expand...

I know if I did have children and grandchildren I would not allow them to use me the way you are allowing yours to. How can they learn about looking after themselves when you are doing everything for them. 
Jan*


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Actually 

They are great

I'm just out of routine with the holidays and kids today do spend a long time in bed

Or maybe just sleep later in the holidays having retired later 

They are not using me I am just used to organising my life and home 

And it's difficult to fit others into the organisation that I'm used too

For a long time it's just been Albert and me

And now we are four plus an extra hound

I guess those with kids still at home are used to it , and once term starts it will get easier 

Or at least more structured 

I like structure 

Sandra


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## GEMMY (Jun 19, 2006)

aldra said:


> Actually
> 
> They are great
> 
> ...


DOORMAT..........................and you know it OR you wouldn't have posted


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Maybe..........

But I remain a feisty doormat >

Sandra:grin2:


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## MEES (Apr 20, 2006)

Have nothing to say Sandra as its ok for one to criticise ones own family members but woe betide an outsider who joins in !!!!!
Just consider yourself and Albert occasionally.
Possibly other members of your extensive family may feel you are being taken advantage of ( and I know you don't care) but you could be storing up problems in the future for them - when you are no longer available as a buffer.
I have had some interesting conversations with my older three sons with regard to helping out daughter!
I have reflected on their views which have validity and reigned myself in a bit.
There is in my case a need to feel needed and involved since I have retired leading to over involvement in the lives of others.
They have to grow up and learn from their own mistakes some time but its hard!!!!
There I've gone and said a lot after all - see what I mean?
Margaret


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Exactly Margaret 

I think it's the holiday season that catches up

He's not at school she's not attending lectures at Uni so they are around a lot more than usual

It's a new thing that he wants to stay here during the holidays as well as term time 

And I'm not so good without my routine, Albert snores more than usual hence I'm up in the early hours of the morning 

Starting to take down the trees today then on 12th night the new year can begin in ernest 

Sandra


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

They should fit into your organisation, not the other way around. Tough love needed. They will thank you for it later 


What is wrong with Doggie Peribro?


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

aldra said:


> Exactly Margaret
> 
> I think it's the holiday season that catches up
> 
> ...


Separate bedrooms every other night, how would that go down :frown2:
Jan


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Itwould be fine Jan 

Except the three king size beds are all occupied

That and our tempura mattress

Only one single bed left

I may resort to going into that room when I wake

That's the problem I don't sleep through a night, I wake several times

And then can't get back to sleep for his snoring

3.30 am today when I got up

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

aldra said:


> Itwould be fine Jan
> 
> Except the three king size beds are all occupied
> 
> ...


I know, we have discussed this before, last night was the first night for weeks I slept until 7.30 with just 2 visits to the loo, but went back to sleep each time.
My worse time is between 3.30 to 5am I get up and read all the rubbish on fruitcakes and the intelligent stuff on here :wink2: for an hour then go back to bed and_ sometimes _sleep till 8am.
Its been going on since I was 40 so used to it now. If I get too tired in the day I just have 20-30 mins nap.
Hans snores sometimes, I just give him a dig and tell him to turn on his side. Once he said " I always have to turn, you do it this time" :laugh: eejit
Jan


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

JanHank said:


> Hans snores sometimes, I just give him a dig and tell him to turn on his side. Once he said " I always have to turn, you do it this time" :laugh: eejit
> Jan


We both snore some nights, so we get these from Boots, I tend to cut them in half as they stick out otherwise and are uncomfortable, but they do work better than any others, you can still hear the phone etc, but it cuts out the snoring, clever for a bit of wax innit   you warm them before putting them in.

Link is to images as I don't know what products you may have there, but a chemist will keep one of them I'm sure.

https://www.google.com.sg/search?q=...&ved=0ahUKEwi0082ko6jRAhUFM8AKHeLZCIcQsAQIoQE


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Kev_n_Liz said:


> We both snore some nights, so we get these from Boots, I tend to cut them in half as they stick out otherwise and are uncomfortable, but they do work better than any others, you can still hear the phone etc, but it cuts out the snoring, clever for a bit of wax innit   you warm them before putting them in.
> 
> Link is to images as I don't know what products you may have there, but a chemist will keep one of them I'm sure.
> 
> https://www.google.com.sg/search?q=...&ved=0ahUKEwi0082ko6jRAhUFM8AKHeLZCIcQsAQIoQE


The ones I used for N.Y.E. and also use when I´m hoovering are washable and you squeeze them together before putting them in the ear, they then expand to fit your ear nice and snug. 
Either they prevented me from hearing the fireworks or everyone was broke and didn´t have them this year :wink2:


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

JanHank said:


> The ones I used for N.Y.E. and also use when I´m hoovering are washable and you squeeze them together before putting them in the ear, they then expand to fit your ear nice and snug.
> Either they prevented me from hearing the fireworks or everyone was broke and didn´t have them this year :wink2:


I've tried most if not all out there Jan, nothing compares with the wax ones for us, worth a try if Hans snoring keeps you awake, if they don;t work you can always stuff em up your hooter when you have a cold


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Kev_n_Liz said:


> I've tried most if not all out there Jan, nothing compares with the wax ones for us, worth a try if Hans snoring keeps you awake, if they don;t work you can always stuff em up your hooter when you have a cold


Thanks Kev, but its Sandra who has the real trouble, Hans only snores on the odd occasion like what I do >


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I might give those a try Kev 

I always spend some of the night awake but I'm quite happy to read,it's trying to get back to sleep in the early hrs when Albert is snoring that's the problem 

I end up getting up at stupid o clock and I can't do much with the two kids sleeping, otherwise I'd have the whole house sorted by 8am :wink2:

Albert sleeps much later now I'm sure the snoring disturbs his rest too

Sandra


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

I have only used the Boots ones, but they seem fine to us, they do say one use only but we've been using them for years now, and only changing them when we feel it's due.


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

Dearest Sandra

Your home is the Hotel Paradiso. Why would they want to go home? Go home to parent/s who have a vested interest in seeing them grow up with some sort of discipline? Live according to the means of the family? Do a share of chores? Become responsible adults, which they should be well on their way to achieving by now?

IMHO you are probably being unfair to those parents. "You don't have to stay at Mum's and behave like she wants and expects you to behave, you'll be welcomed with open arms at Gran's and live the life of Riley and can do AS YOU PLEASE." Sandra, if you were my Mum, I'd take exception. But how can you get cross with such a giving person? With difficulty!

You are a person who likes to be needed and loved - nothing wrong with that. They may be satisfying that need - nothing wrong with that either - but with the selfishness and immaturity of youth they are using and abusing you and Albert. They don't mean to, they simply aren't aware of it. You haven't laid down the law because you (maybe) fear losing that gratification. BUT your health and Albert's are at stake and that's important. YOU DONT NEED THIS STRESS!

Holidays or no holidays you need to teach them how to live WITH other people because sooner or later they will have to live with other people, i.e.people a lot less forgiving, less wealthy and less accommodating than you and Albert. Like love partners for a start. You're finding them difficult to live with. Would others find them nice to live with?

WHEN are they going to learn to accommodate other people? Two selfish people in a marriage - won't last 2 years - and another single parent family in the offing. I know you don't want that for them.

If you truly love those kids, and I know you do, it's already one minute to midnight. You won't have them living with you much longer. They'll be off with partners is no time at all. 

Your house, your rules. Decide which are the most important - and lay down the law about the behaviours that are most tiring, annoying, household disrupting. Write them down for them to read. And play that radio day and night at full volume if you want to. They would if you were living in their home!

Don't wait till you crack and go off pop (maybe you wouldn't}. Do it while you're still reasonably calm and now, otherwise next holiday it will be the same old story. 

I'm great at advice. Just provoking thought. Feel free to ignore me if you wish. As Margaret said, it's easier to get the mote out of other people's eyes.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I find that a bit unfair Viv

The do not live here as undisciplined hooligans 

It was me that taught their parents 

Young Albert lives here because he doesn't get to school on time from home, from here he is never late
Although homework has fallen by the wayside 

Normally it's just term time but this time he's stayed for the holidays, his mum is at work so I guess he would rather be here than alone 

Megan would be living in her own digs in our day , but she is doing a masters at Manchester university and working some evenings at a night bar to pay towards it 

Yes it is my routine to cook and clean each day , I guess Megs can use the machine as she spent 3 years at university and lived here for two months whilst we were in Croatia 

I don't want piles of wet clothes everywhere , I prefer to order it myself , I'm 74 nearly not 43 as I was when mine were 23 or 35 as I was when mine were 15 

Yes I do have a routine always did , you have to when you have 6 kids within 8 years 
And I find it difficult when that routine is messed about

They are actually very nice kids it's just that they have different priorities , and late nights and late morning seem to be part of that during holiday periods 

Still next week young Albert will be back at school each day and Megs will be back at uni so things should improve 

Must be my fault if I gave the impression of two kids that have no sense of responsibility

And I am certainly not afraid of not being needed or loved by them , sometimes it's difficult to compromise their needs and mine as I said I'm not a youngster any more

Sandra


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

I'm a bit of a loner, always have been, so I do find the extended families people have a really difficult concept. (youngest of 3, left home at 15) Despite me being a bit forward on here, I am actually quite shy, and have to push myself when meeting people, even when I know who they are, people I don't know at all, I struggle with, I do admire people with big families though, it would drive me insane, they must have the patience of Jobe, I do not, and say what I think, sometimes without holding back if I get annoyed. I am getting better since being on forums as they do sometimes tempt you, so I do end up at tea time with a quite badly frayed tongue, other days I don't


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

Sandra, I don't want to get into a ping-pong "he said she said". My friendship with you is special and precious to me. The person you are to the grandchildren is the person you are to the world, and you are much loved by many outside your family too.

But if you re-read the post, you'll see I didn't criticise the youngsters. I have no reason to. I've met them, except Meg, and certainly found no reason to be critical of them in any way. I'm not suggesting any change of arrangements except to say you could - to make your life more comfortable - 'encourage' them to consider changing the habits that don't fit your expectations. You can't expect them to change their behaviours if you don't tell them they need to. I'm sure they would if they knew how you felt. The most beautiful kids in the world are simply 'animals' who need to be 'house-trained'.

My concern is with you and Albert. If you are taking strain, I feel it for you. You both have your health challenges and unnecessary stress, physical and mental is best avoided. I tossed in my opinion as to how you could make things more comfortable for yourselves, but it's up to you of course. None of us are perfect parents/grandparents. We all have challenges in that department. 

It causes me to consider - what is the role of a 'perfect' grandparent anyway? How things have moved on in a generation or two, and how different we all are!


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

No harm done whatsoever my lovely one 

It is in many ways a generation thing, the kids today are not the same ,not worse just different

I know Harriet who is 12 is a fashion guru, uses her iPhone and tablet as if her life depended on it ( it prob does) likes make up, attends grammar school and knows just about everything ( she thinks) 

Our kids were still playing with dolls 

So Im out of touch with the intimate lifestyle of kids today, once they pass about 7 and zoom to about 14 in old money, overnight , and I know it 

Yes they are all in and out of my house, and they don't recon us old, other grand parents it seems act much older ,and I suppose my role is to be there , make them something to eat, listen to their worries and their hopes 

Much like my role is with their parents !

But their parents are a generation nearer too them

And the truth is Viv , it works because I can't get rid of any of them , so ok maybe it's not working so well 

My role with my grandkids has always been grandma , who cooks you a meal, will return that sweater to its original shape,where you can just turn up and I still see young Albert at about 3 , bursting through the door saying "grandma, she hasn't fooded me yet" his mum shrugging. Out of the mouths *******

So yes it's difficult to have two grandkids living here , because I'm old and like my own routine 

And christmas throws routine out of kilter

And just maybe these two kids are struggling to accommodate me as much as me them

Sandra


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## MEES (Apr 20, 2006)

Are you playing te role of grandma and grandad or are you providing parenting because their parents parenting skills do not meet your standards?

Remember my situation is probably better classed as co parenting and it is difficult to respect the boundaries I know only too well.

My grandkids are much younger and I anticipate a graduated withdrawal to normal levels of grandparenting over the next few years for our sakes as well as the parents who must have the full parental role even if it is not executed to my standards.

Margaret


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

No Margaret

We've been grandparents for 23 years 

The kids are excellent parents 

We are just a sideline 

For Megs well she's lived here on and off for ever 

For young Albert well for 15 yrs I've been feeding him on and off and there is just him and his mum and she has to work, we are his other half 

Alex too 

He is now working, earning well and calls in for bacon and eggs and worldly debates >

The others are all younger so the need or inclination on our part to take on a caring role has never arisen as we are not getting any younger 

Although we do occasionally take on "baby sitting", and as they get older they can call in independently 

They all float through every Friday 

It's just the way this family is

The kids also kid mind for each other 

So no I don't seek to make up for deficiencies 

I'm just here 

Sandra


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