# Of course its true I got it of the tinterwebby..



## rayrecrok (Nov 21, 2008)

Hi.

British Hospitals - True Stories 




1. A man dashes into the A&E dept. and yells . . . 'My wife's going to have her baby in the taxi'. 

I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the taxi, lifted the lady's dress and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly after protests from the lady I noticed that there were several taxis - - - and I was in the wrong one. 

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald , St.. Andrews Hosp. Glasgow 


2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. 
'Big breaths,'. I instructed. 

'Yes, they used to be,'. . . replied the patient.. 

Submitted by Dr. Richard Barnes , St.Thomas's Bath 


3 One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her on her mobile phone reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a 
'massive internal fart.' 

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg Royal London Hosp. 


4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment, he told me that he was having trouble with one of his medications. 
'Which one ?'. . .. I asked. 

'The patch; the Nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!' 

I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! 
Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before applying a new one. 

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St .. Clair , Norfolk General 


5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked 'How long have you been bedridden?' 
After a look of complete confusion she answered .'Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was still alive.' 

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Maidenhead Royal Kent 


6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning and while checking up on a man I asked . . .....' So how was your breakfast this morning?' 

'It's very good except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. . Bob replied. 

I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil packet labelled 'KY Jelly.' 

Submitted by Dr. Leonard J. Brandon . Bristol Infirmary. 


7. A nurse was on duty in the A&E when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered . . It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for an immediate operation.. 
When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read .. . ...'Keep off the grass' 

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which read 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.' 

Submitted by Staff Nurse RN Elaine Fogerty , KGH London 

Dr. wouldn't submit his name


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## Penquin (Oct 15, 2007)

:lol: :lol:  8O :? 

Dave


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## Dougaitken (Aug 14, 2009)

Very Good

Reminds me of the time my better halfs Mother was in hospital to have an operation on her thyroid.

We were sat at the side of her bed the evening before the operation trying to get her to relax as she was very nervous.

A crowd entered the ward and I asked her who they were. She said the man in the suit was the Surgeon who was going to operate on her and he was on his rounds.

When he got to our bed he said hello and asked how my Mother in Law was . She said okay and he said that all would be fine and see you tomorrow.

At this point I asked him if I could shake his hand and he looked at me somewhat puzzled and asked why.

I told him that few got the chance to shake the hand of the man that was going to cut his Mother in Laws thoat.

Honest its true.

Doug


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## Ian_n_Suzy (Feb 15, 2009)

> "I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
> Now, the instructions includes removal of the old patch before applying a new one.
> 
> Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St .. Clair , Norfolk General"


I swear to you my Dad did exactly the same with "Nicotinell" patches some years back. He was lucky not to get Nicotine poisoning.

And prior to him leaving them on, he complained that they were rubbish, and they didn't stick on, and he had resorted to putting plasters across them to hold them in place. He didn't know that you had to remove the clear backing to reveal the sticky side.

How do you think all the above makes me feel, when everyone says "You take after your Dad", lol !!!


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## peejay (May 10, 2005)

:lol: 

No2 reminds me of that old Carry on film clip.

Doctor examining chest of a young girl with a lisp...

Dr - "Big breaths"

Girl - "Yeth, and I'm only thixteen"

Pete


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## pippin (Nov 15, 2007)

Real incident that happened to me.

I had an operation via "the tube" to blast a large bladder stone to pieces.

When I came round I found that I had been catheterised.

They took the catheter out that evening and all seemed well.

That is until I needed to pee. I couldn't!

I spent a somewhat desperate night.

Apparently a piece of stone had blocked the exit from the bladder.

They tried to re-catheterise me but it wouldn't go all the way in.

They called for a bigger catheter but that wouldn't go in either.

The whole proceedure was somewhat painful, bloody and I was beyond desperate to relieve the pressure in my bladder.

The surgeon arrived and commanded the nurse to try an even bigger catheter.

As she tried to push it all the way in I weakly joked:

*
"I have heard of putting lead in your pencil - but this is ridiculous!"*

They gave up on that and the surgeon inserted a suprapubic catheter - a frightning foot-long needle and tube which pierces the abdomen into the bladder.

The relief when he took his finger off the end of the tube was just amazing!

Sorry if the description is a bit graphic - but that's what happened!


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## Sprinta (Sep 15, 2010)

well if this is gonna turn into an 'operations' thread.........

a few years ago I made the decision to have the 'snip' as my wife was having problems with the pill.

After a local anaesthetic I was wheeled into the theatre and there was a nurse at the head end of the sheet talking to me about what was happening, and another nurse down below keeping the old man out of the way of the surgeon

all was going well as he started to slice into me, I could just about feel the sensation of something being done by him with the scalpel, and then

*I COULD FEEL HIM CUTTING!!!!!!*

AAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!   8O 8O

'Oops' he said , 'I'll give you a bit more time for the local to work fully'

At least I can laugh about it now, but it wasn't pleasant at all.


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