# Aircraft technician humour



## TDG (May 26, 2009)

Below are reported to be some of the "Gripe Sheet" remarks by UPS Airline pilots (university degree ) and the responses by the service technicians (high school diploma):

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit
S: Something tightened in cockpit

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search

P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.

P:Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from the midget.


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## Daedalas (Nov 12, 2009)

Evening All

I think some one has been a tad imaginative claiming these are all UPS airline - though they are very droll !

IFF ? Identification Friend of Foe!

Target radar?

Perhaps these are from the Line Book which reported a CO's comments on a young officer:

"This officer would be out of his depth in a car park puddle"


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## TDG (May 26, 2009)

Daedalas said:


> .......I think some one has been a tad imaginative claiming these are all UPS airline .......


I'm sure I posted it under Jokes & Trivia.... :lol:


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