# Christmas cracker jokes



## charlieivan (Apr 25, 2006)

As it is getting on for Christmas, how about sharing some of your best, or worst, Christmas cracker jokes. Here is one to get started.

Why does Santa have three gardens 


So he can Ho, Ho, Ho.


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## Spacerunner (Mar 18, 2006)

#sigh


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## Penquin (Oct 15, 2007)

Can I suggest that you wait a few days?

Say about 365023 ?


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

What's green and stands in the corner????


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## A14GAS (Oct 9, 2014)

A naughty frog.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

It only took 2 days but you got there   

Old un

What goes up the chimney down, but won't go down the chimney up?

What's black and white and red all over?


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Soot and a news paper


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Half right Joan.


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## Drew (May 30, 2005)

Umbrella.


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

Umbrella


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Spot on peeps  

I've been trying to remember other oldies, but failing


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Now why would you want to put an umbrella up a chimley :frown2:


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## Drew (May 30, 2005)

What do frogs wear on their feet?

Why did Santa have to go to the hospital?

What has four legs but can’t walk? 

What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? 

Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?

What do you call a train loaded with toffee?


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Drew said:


> What do frogs wear on their feet?
> 
> Why did Santa have to go to the hospital?
> 
> ...


Drew you've been opening all the crackers, naughty naughty.


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## phillipp (Dec 13, 2018)

Two snowmen in a field, one turned to the other and said "I don't know about you but I can smell carrots."!

Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.

There were two biscuits, on a plate, all ready for Santa to eat. One biscuit decided to go and hide in the biscuit tin as it didn't want to get eaten. As it was going to the kitchen, Santa came in and stood on it and all the other biscuit could say was 'Crumbs'!.


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## smiler (May 23, 2005)

Drew answers please, put my grandchildren out of their misery
Thanks Smiler


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Drew said:


> What do frogs wear on their feet?
> 
> Why did Santa have to go to the hospital?
> 
> ...


Do we have to wait until next Christmas for the answers Drew?
The four legs are either table or chair of both.


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

Drew said:


> What do you call a train loaded with toffee?


A chew chew?


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## Drew (May 30, 2005)

What do frogs wear on their feet? 
Open Toad -Shoes.

Why did Santa have to go to the hospital? 
Because of his Bad Elf.

What has four legs but can’t walk? 
A Table.

What do you call a woman who stands between two goal posts?
Annette.

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born? 
They had a Weigh In, in a manger.

Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? 
They were Two Deer.

Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
It had Nobody to go with.

What do you call a train loaded with toffee?
A ChewChew Train.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

a Weigh In, in a manger.:grin2:


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

Very good!


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