# Blonde joke



## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

I'm not blonde I'm gray :laugh: Jan.
Bob walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm.

He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pm News was coming on.
The news-crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said,

"Do you think he'll jump ?"
Bob said,
"You know, I bet he'll jump."
The blonde replied,
"Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a £20 note on the bar and said,
"You're on !"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her £20 to Bob.
"Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Bob replied,
"I can't take your money.
I saw this earlier on the 5 pm News, so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied,
"I did, too, but I didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money.


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

Jan, I've crossed you off my Christmas card list!:leftfighter1::leftfighter1:Nah, not offended, been blonde all my life and quite used to it.


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## GEMMY (Jun 19, 2006)

I can't insult the wife now with blonde jokes, since her chemo her blonde hair has regrown as auburn.:frown2:


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## Drew (May 30, 2005)

Don't worry Viv, Jan's blonde was an Essex girl.


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

GEMMY said:


> I can't insult the wife now with blonde jokes, since her chemo her blonde hair has regrown as auburn.:frown2:


Funny - after chemo - some people's hair changes in texture, colour and curliness (or otherwise) but mine grew back exactly the way it was before, except thinner.


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## Drew (May 30, 2005)

Question: If a blonde and a brunette fell off a building, who would hit the ground first?
Answer: The brunette - the blonde would have to stop for directions!

The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
"Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"

A blonde was walking down the road with a healthy looking pig under her arm. As she passed the bus stop, someone asked,
"Where did you get that?"
The pig replied,
"I won her in a raffle!"

A person went into the office kitchen one morning and found a new blonde girl painting the walls. She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket. Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin,
"For best results, put on two coats".

Two blondes were in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their car with a coat hanger.
First Blonde:
"I can't seem to get this door unlocked!
Second Blonde:
Well you better hurry up. It's starting to rain and the top is down!

Three blondes were walking through a field when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde looked down at the tracks and said,
"I think they could be bird tracks."
The second blonde went to look and said,
"No, I think these are deer tracks."
They stepped aside and the third blonde went over to the tracks. She looked down, then got run over by the train!

A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,
"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead £50 that he wouldn't jump.
Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead £50. The redhead said,
"I can't take this, you're my friend."
But the blonde insisted saying,
"No. A bet's a bet."
Then the redhead said
"Listen, I have to tell you that I saw this on the 5 O'clock news, so I can't take your money."
The blonde replied
"Well, so did I, but I didn't think he would jump again!"

A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair died so she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,
"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,
"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real colour of your hair, can I have my dog back?"


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## Webby1 (Mar 11, 2012)

I remember many of those jokes from the past when it was the Irishman...................then we all got PC and substituted "the Sun reader".

Time moves on.........................I guess in the future it will be the "Brexiteer" who walks in to the bar.


Now how to insert a Smilie ?????????? Oh yes................ this one is called the Firestarter:firestarter::firestarter::firestarter:


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## GEMMY (Jun 19, 2006)

Webby1 said:


> I remember many of those jokes from the past when it was the Irishman...................then we all got PC and substituted "the Sun reader".
> 
> Time moves on.........................I guess in the future it will be the "Brexiteer" who walks in to the bar.
> 
> Now how to insert a Smilie ?????????? Oh yes................ this one is called the Firestarter:firestarter::firestarter::firestarter:


Trust Bugs Bunny to hop in

Should be the remainiac walks into the bar........................


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

I like it. Heard it but like it.

Ray.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I have several blonde grandchildren , and a few red heads 

Maybe they are from the “ village of the dammed “

But I wouldn’t underestimate them 

Megs was a blond, darkened with age, darkened futher by choice 

You don’t want to go head on with her

You never should have gone head on with me in my youth 

I’ve mellowed with age, almost a pussy cat

She is still a tiger 

Get in there Viv 

Sandra


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## Penquin (Oct 15, 2007)

Drew said:


> *
> A blonde and a redhead went to the bar after work for a drink, and sat on stools watching the 6 o'clock news. A man was shown threatening to jump from the Brooklyn Bridge, and the blonde bet the redhead £50 that he wouldn't jump.
> Sure enough, he jumped, so the blonde gave the redhead £50. The redhead said,
> "I can't take this, you're my friend."
> ...


That joke is so much better the second tme around on the same thread.... in fact it's how the thread started.....

What colour hair do you have / did you have?


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Grey ?

Sandra


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## 4maddogs (May 4, 2010)

Doesn't say the "blonde" was female.........far more likely to be a male. In a bar, betting?? Nah defo male!


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## Spacerunner (Mar 18, 2006)

I'm blonde and just as blonde now as I was 76 years ago and with just as much hair.
I laughed at the jokes a lot.
I wonder if the jokes would be as funny if they started with 'a black-skinned woman......'


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## Penquin (Oct 15, 2007)

Spacerunner said:


> I wonder if the jokes would be as funny if they started with 'a black-skinned woman......'


they might have been if this was the USA 70 years ago but of course hopefully since then we are all aware that such stereotyping is wrong and totally untrue.

There is no way that this thread is intentionally to mock any group of people IMO - if it was then it should be reported and removed instantly in exactly the same way as the Social Media organisations are being told to remove terrorist or grooming type material.

Please do not take offence - I am sure none was or is intended but of course replies that it was more likely to be male because of betting and drinking could also be considered offensive... and as Webby commented earier when he inserted the "firestarter" emoticon :firestarter: it may well be a stimulus to provoke discussion.

Hair colour / skin colour and intelligence have absolutely no link. :serious:


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

Do we really have to worry about being this sensitive now a days?

Ray.


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## charlieivan (Apr 25, 2006)

aldra said:


> Grey ?
> 
> Sandra


Grey hair is hereditary - we get it from our kids !!::wink2:


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Of course not

Grey means loads of experience , wisdom etc 

It should be a badge of a life lived 

Sandra


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## GEMMY (Jun 19, 2006)

raynipper said:


> Do we really have to worry about being this sensitive now a days?
> 
> Ray.


Well , the girls have now been banned from F1


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## Spacerunner (Mar 18, 2006)

raynipper said:


> Do we really have to worry about being this sensitive now a days?
> A
> Ray.


Evidently, yes!
If a bunch of toffs who had a lads' night out to raise many £1000's for charity are slagged off and some forced to resign from their jobs just because some over-sensitive female thought it wasn't 'PC' then stand-by for the thought police coming to your neighborhood!


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## GEMMY (Jun 19, 2006)

Spacerunner said:


> Evidently, yes!
> If a bunch of toffs who had a lads' night out to raise many £1000's for charity are slagged off and some forced to resign from their jobs just because some over-sensitive female thought it wasn't 'PC' then stand-by for the thought police coming to your neighborhood!


Thy are HERE, taking offence on behalf of others.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Well I agree sort of

But I come from an era long ago

Where we brushed aside advances, ignored come ons 

And I applaud the raising of thousands for charity 

But I’m not sure that raising those thousands should involve hands up skirts 

But then again if I’d been asked to wear scrimpy clothing with matching black underwear 

I think I’d have twigged a connection 

Sandra


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

GEMMY said:


> Well , the girls have now been banned from F1


Thats terrible. Where is it all gonna end

Ray.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Blimey what have I started, here I lay in a hospital bed and your at war because of a silly joke.
Next time I'll put Milly in place of the colour hows that.:grin2:


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Why are you laying in a hospital bed

What have I missed ?

You didn’t wear scrimpy clothing with matching black underwear did you ?

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Very funny :grin2:
The ENT doctor sent me head Sandra, to get the dizzy thing sorted out.
So far they have discovered a brain, the blood is getting there, I've had an ear wash with warm water then my eyes were studied on a computer screen. More tests tomorrow, but the chief neurologist is almost certain it's the inner ear, however while I am here they can run any test to make sure it's nothing serious, I hope to go home tomorrow, but it they haven't finished it could be Friday.


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## Spacerunner (Mar 18, 2006)

JanHank said:


> Blimey what have I started, here I lay in a hospital bed and your at war because of a silly joke.
> Next time I'll put Milly in place of the colour hows that.:grin2:


I resent being called Milly! :grin2:


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

aldra said:


> Well I agree sort of
> 
> But I come from an era long ago
> 
> ...


Well I didn't Sandra - well not often.

I can think of many girls who 'lead the way'

That was 40-50 years ago and they are now coming all prim and proper?

Geoff


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## Penquin (Oct 15, 2007)

Don't most things ebb and flow?










I am sure that you can follow that trend (funnily enough I have been unable to find a simiar chart for male trousers....)

There have been numerous links made between economic status and skirt length - at times of rapid growth of the economy the ksirts apparently get shorter.... No I am not asking what length skirts will be post March 2019.

In Victorian times "a glimpse of stocking was something shocking" and VERY rude - ankles were kept well covered but gradually things relaxed until perhaps the "swinging 60's" withtheir supposed sexual freedom (also a product of the freely available cotraceptive pill).

Since those days thigs have gradually swung back against such activities and concepts - things are more consrained now than they used to be 30 years ago.

Perverts like Saville and Harris have undoubtedly contributed to the revulsion felt by most people against such activities and that has led to a stepping back of the laissez faire attitude of the 60's and 50's in many areas....

During WW2 how much concern was expressed about the killing of innocent civilians? Now no military action is ever undertaken with a consideration of and attempts to reduce collateral damage. It is very unlikely that area or carpet bombing would ever be sanctioned now. (I am not commenting on the actual ability to HIT the target rather than spray around it - more on the planning KNOWING the likely inaccuracy of the weapons being used).

So things go in cycles in man's history - I suspect there are many other examples of the same thing and probably as many contrary opinions.....

But generally man has ALWAYS made fun of another group of people - right or wrong it has happened and we now do not accept such things as we firlmy believe that all men are equal (and by "men" I mean the genus/species/subspecies _**** sapiens sapiens_ not a gender).

The ability to recognise the offence such things cause is IMO very important. That's enough from me to try to justify or not any specific comments for or against*

* delete as you feel appropriate......

Please just remember - it's all supposed to be fun and light and no offence is intended and I hope you get out soon and get the answers that you undoubtedly need.

I was tempted to post a pciture of the evolution of swmming costumes from the 1850's to the current day - but decided that might cause offence - so I am refraining.....


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## GEMMY (Jun 19, 2006)

I have a suggestion. instead of scantily clad girls, employ 20 stone plus tattooed guys dressed in fishnets dressed in shorts and no tops, high heels preferable, heavy stubble optional.


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## Penquin (Oct 15, 2007)

I'll leave you to source that picture - the mental image alone is enough to give me a sleepless night....

no offence intended to any 20 stone plus tattooed guys dressed in fishnets dressed in shorts, no tops, high heels with heavy stubble who just happen to be reading this drivel....

although I am sure I have seen some like that down in Marseille.....


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## GEMMY (Jun 19, 2006)

Penquin said:


> I'll leave you to source that picture - the mental image alone is enough to give me a sleepless night....
> 
> no offence intended to any 20 stone plus tattooed guys dressed in fishnets dressed in shorts, no tops, high heels with heavy stubble who just happen to be reading this drivel....
> 
> although I am sure I have seen some like that down in Marseille.....


I'm sure satire could play a role in PC


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Penquin said:


> I'll leave you to source that picture - the mental image alone is enough to give me a sleepless night....
> 
> no offence intended to any 20 stone plus tattooed guys dressed in fishnets dressed in shorts, no tops, high heels with heavy stubble who just happen to be reading this drivel....
> 
> although I am sure I have seen some like that down in Marseille.....


Leave poor Barfy alone, he has to get his kicks somehow


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

PC is overrated in some circumstances, as is health and safety, common sense ought to be enough, shame is, it isn't taught or even encouraged now, you are supposed to follow the rules even if the do not apply or makes any sense, don't you dare think for yourself.

And is anyone really offended by irish, taffy ect or blonde jokes or is it just that we are supposed to be, and we feel we have to defend their rights, when most of them are well capable of defending themselves, especially them paddys.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

GEMMY said:


> I have a suggestion. instead of scantily clad girls, employ 20 stone plus tattooed guys dressed in fishnets dressed in shorts and no tops, high heels preferable, heavy stubble optional.


No like with like

Topless males with well defined muscles

Tight trousers or shorts

Tattoos and stubble optional

Mind you if they don't wear skirts............

It would be difficult to put a hand up

Still I'll settle for just looking at them

Alberts on a diet as we speak :grin2:

I'll cut him slack on the well defined muscles >

Sandra


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## Spacerunner (Mar 18, 2006)

Kev_n_Liz said:


> Leave poor Barfy alone, he has to get his kicks somehow


Apart from the Brexit thread that's the best laugh I've had on here! :grin2:


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

Spacerunner said:


> I'm blonde and just as blonde now as I was 76 years ago and with just as much hair.
> I laughed at the jokes a lot.
> I wonder if the jokes would be as funny if they started with 'a black-skinned woman......'


Nahh! Blondes are definitely more fun! Bottle or natural? What's the odds?:surprise:


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

HermanHymer said:


> Nahh! Blondes are definitely more fun! Bottle or natural? What's the odds?:surprise:


In fact " Blondes have MORE fun."0


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

raynipper said:


> Do we really have to worry about being this sensitive now a days?
> 
> Ray.


Humour as we know it will be greatly diminished if we cannot make fun of others. It's just a laugh, and if the cap doesn't fit you don't have to wear it. Having been a blonde for 71 years, I'm qualified to say that no blonde joke has ever punctured my ego or caused me a nano-second of emotional distress whatsoever. Ditto mother-in-law, or granny joke. Some people need to get a grip!


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

Spacerunner said:


> Evidently, yes!
> If a bunch of toffs who had a lads' night out to raise many £1000's for charity are slagged off and some forced to resign from their jobs just because some over-sensitive female thought it wasn't 'PC' then stand-by for the thought police coming to your neighborhood!


Ah but what did the lads' night out involve - telling a few blonde jokes for a laugh? I don't know the nature of the non-PC antics, but behaviour that offends people can be a lot more intrusive and derogatory to specific individuals/types on the scene, than telling an abstract joke. I'm afraid some men (and women too) make their humour a vehicle for personal and vindictive put-downs that are designed to humiliate. No one likes that. Some people are just more vulnerable than others and the PC label is a well-used reactionary weapon for expression such dislike, on their own behalf or in the form of taking the cudgels up for others..


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

Makes me wonder - was 'doing IT' for charity, whatever it might have been, a fail safe excuse for behaving in a way that wouldn't have been acceptable or tolerated on a regular boys night out???? You know how deviously men pursue their pleasures - well I certainly do.

On the other side of the coin - a lot of women enjoy being pursued and tantalised - whatever mating ritual you want to call it, even though some don't see it as acceptable behaviour towards their 'sisters'. There's always the 'fat slap*' if someone goes too far for you, or simply remove yourself from the situation if it's not your cup of tea. (*That's not a 21stC invention it's been around for years.)


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