# Time for a Monday groan!



## alhod (Nov 1, 2010)

King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. 
His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. 
Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it." 
"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" 
Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."

Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. 
Unfortunately, all the Swiss league records were destroyed in a fire ... And so we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.

A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. 
His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."

There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. 
All three became pregnant. The first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. 
This just goes to prove that... The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.

A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder.
The elder indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. 
When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."

:roll: :roll: 

Don't blame me - I only copied 'em!
Alan


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## 100127 (Jul 20, 2006)

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Grizzly (May 9, 2005)

Wonderful ! Thank you for posting.

G


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## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

The most groan-worthy I've seen in a long time. :lol: :lol:

On the Orient Express a few years ago.

A group of Russian soldiers approach the bar and order the beers.

One of them elbows his way to the front and grabs the first beer to be poured - much to the irritation of his comrades.

"_Wait your turn Olf_!" shouts one of them, to which Olf raises the twin fingers of derision! 8O

He takes a long swig, then spits it out all over the floor and crashes his glass back onto the counter.

The barman is upset, and a bit scared, so he asks, "_What is the matter_?"

One of the others says, _"Don't worry barman, it's just that . . . . .

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"Rude Olf, the Red, loathes train beer."_


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## spykal (May 9, 2005)

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused an injection during a tooth filling? He wanted to transcend dental medication.


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## Glandwr (Jun 12, 2006)

Once Dr. Spooner raised a toast to Her Royal Highness, Queen Victoria, and proclaimed: "Three cheers for our queer old dean!"
During World War I he reassured his students, "When our boys come home from France, we will have the hags flung out."
On another occasion, he lionized Britain's farmers as "ye noble tons of soil."
We learn of these speech errors from the notes of his students, which they generously shared by publishing them. They probably made most if not all of them up themselves. This one was probably a compilation of several others. Dr. Spooner is supposed to have chastised one of his students thus: "You have hissed all the mystery lectures, I saw you fight that liar behind the gymnasium, and, in short, you have tasted the whole worm."
He is reported to have made a double screw-up upon once dropping his hat then asking: "Will nobody pat my hiccup?"
He reportedly ended a wedding he was performing with: "It is now kisstomary to cuss the bride."
Paying a visit to the college dean (before he took over that position himself), he supposedly queried: "Is the bean dizzy?"
He replaced "crushing blow" with "blushing crow" in one lecture.
He once referred to a well-oiled bicycle as "a well-boiled icicle."
"I have in my bosom a half-warmed fish" (for half-formed wish) is not beyond the pale of actual possibility.
Once upon entering church, Spooner exclaimed, "Good grief! Someone is occu-pewing my pie!" (Thank you, Jinny Collins, for reminding us of this one.


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## bigbazza (Mar 6, 2008)

The Russian farmer Rudolf and his wife Tattiana were walking home from the fields and got caught in a storm. When they got home they met Tattiana's mother who had been caught in the same storm.
She said that's the worst hail and sleet storm I've ever seen in all my life, Rudolf replied "no it was only rain"
Are you sure she asked?
to which Tattiana replied " Rudolf the red knows rain dear".

TaDaaaaa


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