# Ellie, you are a total hottie....



## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

I was so ecstatically exhausted after our little 'pas de deux' that I slept all the way home. Those Dartmoor Tors ....ahhhhhhh. 
Wish we could've had a little more privacy, but those bl**dy humans are so dependant on our company. 
Until we meet again,

M :kiss::kiss::kiss:


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Ah Haaaaaa!!!! Now we know! You little Rascals!! Not the Dogs, you and Tuggers!! 

We need more info. Spill all or I will force it out of Tuggy and it wont be pleasant.


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## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

I have signed the Official Secrets Act...you'll have to get it out of Tuggy:slicksmile:


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

No 'kiss and tell' out of me. I have high moral standards. Well....I did until this last weekend. That JacSprat taught me things I never learned on board ship. Wish I'd met her years ago, but my laugh muscle would have probably been worn out by now.

That's all folks, I would not wish to embarrass the lady with more revelations. However, with her cooking skills and my appetite, I foresee a happy relationship ahead of us.


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Oh I will!!!


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## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

Well, I'm less of a lady than you are Tuggy - so if you don't mind me asking, do you happen to have my Autoglym Vinyl and Rubber cleaner? Seems to be missing from my underbed storage...>


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

Jac

"...Rubber cleaner..."?

Would that be an American product?

Just asking.

Geoff


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

JacSprat said:


> Well, I'm less of a lady than you are Tuggy - so if you don't mind me asking, do you happen to have my Autoglym Vinyl and Rubber cleaner? Seems to be missing from my underbed storage...>


Are you suggesting I'm more of a lady than you are? Just because you caught me trying on your foundation garments, there's no need to be like that!

I think I was using the Autoglym stuff in your washroom so may have left it there. Sorry, I must learn to put things back where I find them. I'll put your undies in the post tomorrow, OK?

:kiss:


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## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

nicholsong said:


> Jac
> 
> "...Rubber cleaner..."?
> 
> ...


Only if you want it to be Geoff...


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## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

tugboat said:


> Are you suggesting I'm more of a lady than you are? Just because you caught me trying on your foundation garments, there's no need to be like that!
> 
> I think I was using the Autoglym stuff in your washroom so may have left it there. Sorry, I must learn to put things back where I find them. I'll put your undies in the post tomorrow, OK?
> 
> :kiss:


Really? Well, if you went to all that effort trying to squeeze into them Tuggles, I think you deserve to keep them. Merry Christmas!


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

Thanks, babe, I'll treasure them.


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Ill be expecting my wedding invite anytime soon then! Ill prepare a Speech as I think it only right that I be allowed to give Tuggers away. Im filling up!


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## Kaytutt (Feb 5, 2013)

barryd said:


> Ill be expecting my wedding invite anytime soon then! Ill prepare a Speech as I think it only right that I be allowed to give Tuggers away. Im filling up!


There's no need to go that far, I'm sure you'll be able to get a tenner for him at least :grin2:


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

barryd said:


> Ill be expecting my wedding invite anytime soon then! Ill prepare a Speech as I think it only right that I be allowed to give Tuggers away. Im filling up!


You will no doubt expect Tuggers to provide all the booze:laugh:


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

Well, that's you off my Christmas card list, Geoff. How could you? Can you imagine what Barry's speech would be like after a few bevies? Bet it wouldn't be as good as this.


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

I'm already organizing the stag week on Fruitcakes. We will all meet at Tugboat towers. Don't bother bringing any booze, tuggers has loads (well once he gets down to Tescos again that is)


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

tugboat said:


> Well, that's you off my Christmas card list, Geoff. How could you? Can you imagine what Barry's speech would be like after a few bevies? Bet it wouldn't be as good as this.


Christmas card is no loss - since you did not send me one last year.

Just make sure you do not cross me off the list for a case of wine!

That link was hilarous - thanks.

Geoff (the older - and better)


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

What ever made me think I would be reading about pets when I opened this thread ??? Silly me.
Whats my Pardner been up to, the mind boggles.
Loved the speech

Jan


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

My best mans speech lasted over half an hour. The Git had been working in Angola and various hell holes around the world for over a year and had spent all year writing it. It was pant wetting funny but I have to say I was sweating a bit towards the end. Im sure most of it was made up but who knows.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Typical

Both Tuggy and Ellie 

Traitors

Shadow is devastated, his first love cavourting 

Me devastated , my ****** love, maybe cavourting is a bit overstated

Can't trust anyone these days

Mind you a tenner is a bit mean

PROB worth 20 
Sandra


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## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

aldra said:


> Typical
> 
> Both Tuggy and Ellie
> 
> ...


Now Sandra, don't forget you offered him up for partial ownership a while back. Your generosity is coming back to bite you! As for me and Murph, we are resigned to the fact that no one woman, no matter how good, how beautiful, loyal or trustworthy can pin the ephemeral Tuggs down. He was born to be spread like Flora on a bagel. I thought my culinary expertise - I am an ex-professional chef - would slay his wanderlust, but alas....

The only comfort I really have is in the following:






I hope you find some comfort there too -

Jac


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## Kaytutt (Feb 5, 2013)

oh bloody hell, that song is a blast from the past, I've added it to my faves, thank you Jac :wink2::grin2::nerd:


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

Hey, hey, hey, I'll have you lot know that I have NEVER EVER been unfaithful! OK? I have always been true to the woman in my life. That hasn't always been reciprocated, alas, but I always was honourable to my vows. You could say 'I always held up my end' and that would be true.

As for brandy, well you know how the saying goes! I can't deny I'm not as trim as I used to be, but that just means there's a lot of luvvin' up for grabs. An ex-professional chef would, I'm sure, be in with a chance if those Canadian breakfasts featured on a regular basis, but I'd need a lot (and I mean a LOT) of exercise in between to shed some pounds so that I could enjoy the aforementioned breakfasts with a clear conscience.

I did cater for the ex-professional chef, and how many men would have the guts to do that? I explained that I was secure in the knowledge of my own incompetence, and I don't think she fell ill afterwards. She even went off with a supply of my home-made Welsh cakes, though she may well have lobbed them at passing cyclists, I don't know. I reckoned they would make good ice-hockey pucks too.

'Twas a grand weekend and there are plans afoot to get Ellie and Murph together for another tryst in the near future, though I fear it may be my turn to do the breakfast. Full English, Jacquie?


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## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

tugboat said:


> Hey, hey, hey, I'll have you lot know that I have NEVER EVER been unfaithful! OK? I have always been true to the woman in my life. That hasn't always been reciprocated, alas, but I always was honourable to my vows. You could say 'I always held up my end' and that would be true.
> 
> As for brandy, well you know how the saying goes! I can't deny I'm not as trim as I used to be, but that just means there's a lot of luvvin' up for grabs. An ex-professional chef would, I'm sure, be in with a chance if those Canadian breakfasts featured on a regular basis, but I'd need a lot (and I mean a LOT) of exercise in between to shed some pounds so that I could enjoy the aforementioned breakfasts with a clear conscience.
> 
> ...


Aha! Well, I didn't say that once you were committed you wouldn't be the bestest most faithful catch in the whole entire world, now did I now? But you're not going tripping down the matrimonial gangplank without a whole lotta pancakes for insurance. Don't blame ya! In any case, I was only trying to ease Sandra's and Shadow's pain - and Hattie, and Bint, and and??

PS

the Welshcakes were fabby. Tender as a newborn salamander but much more delicious!


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## Kaytutt (Feb 5, 2013)

imposter Welsh cakes! made in Devon by a sailor!


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Flipping heck, they are fighting over him now!!! Whats going on? I thought I was the sex God on here. I feel a flounce coming on.


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

JacSprat said:


> Aha! Well, I didn't say that once you were committed you wouldn't be the bestest most faithful catch in the whole entire world, now did I now? But you're not going tripping down the matrimonial gangplank without a whole lotta pancakes for insurance. Don't blame ya! In any case, I was only trying to ease Sandra's and Shadow's pain - and Hattie, and Bint, and and??
> 
> PS
> 
> the Welshcakes were fabby. Tender as a newborn salamander but much more delicious!


Newborn salamander, eh? Damn, this woman is HOT!>


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

Young Welsh Tutt

As long as those cakes were made while he had his internationally accepted Masters Certificate tucked in his (somewhere) and was flying his Red Duster [not now Tuggers - put it away] at the time of baking the cakes should be accepted in all countries signatory to int'l maritime conventions.

Furthermore the Red Ensign is the Maritime flag of the whole UK.

I conclude that, under the circumstances I postulated as applying to the baking process, the said cakes are as much Welsh as English.

You may appeal.

Lord Justice Lower Deck Nicholson


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

You tell 'er, Cap'n, bloomin' Welshies gettin' all uppity. Just like them Cornish 'uns.


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## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

nicholsong said:


> Young Welsh Tutt
> 
> As long as those cakes were made while he had his internationally accepted Masters Certificate tucked in his (somewhere) and was flying his Red Duster [not now Tuggers - put it away] at the time of baking the cakes should be accepted in all countries signatory to int'l maritime conventions.
> 
> ...


I'd like to appeal.....for more of Tuggy's Welinglish Cakes! Trade 'em for Canadian Hotcakes...


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## Kaytutt (Feb 5, 2013)

nicholsong said:


> Young Welsh Tutt
> 
> As long as those cakes were made while he had his internationally accepted Masters Certificate tucked in his (somewhere) and was flying his Red Duster [not now Tuggers - put it away] at the time of baking the cakes should be accepted in all countries signatory to int'l maritime conventions.
> 
> ...


You can postulate (seen a Doc yet?) all you like Captain Over. Welsh cakes made outside Wales are not Welsh cakes

And don't argue, I'm a woman therefore always right unless I say I am wrong but I'm not and won't ever be


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

Kaytutt said:


> You can postulate (seen a Doc yet?) all you like Captain Over. Welsh cakes made outside Wales are not Welsh cakes
> 
> And don't argue, I'm a woman therefore always right unless I say I am wrong but I'm not and won't ever be


And where are Fruitcakes made?

I will see you over on FC at dawn - remember dawn is earlier here so be ready - and afraid!>


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## Kaytutt (Feb 5, 2013)

nicholsong said:


> And where are Fruitcakes made?
> 
> I will see you over on FC at dawn - remember dawn is earlier here so be ready - and afraid!>


Fruitcakes are made in Dundee and you can get up as early as you like but I'll still always be right :grin2:


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

JacSprat said:


> I'd like to appeal.....for more of Tuggy's Welinglish Cakes! Trade 'em for Canadian Hotcakes...


Darn it, Jacquie, take it easy on me, I'm gonna have to go have a cold shower now. I already knew my Welsh cakes were popular with the ladies, but you are taking things to another level.

I'm thinking you might be a keeper, and that Murph is pretty cute too. Had to be careful to spell Murph correctly. Cos I was laughing so much.>


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Kaytutt said:


> Fruitcakes are made in Dundee and you can get up as early as you like but I'll still always be right :grin2:


Fruitcake is Scottish? FFS! Nobody tell that Blu on the other channel. We will never hear the end of it. ale:


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## Kaytutt (Feb 5, 2013)

barryd said:


> Fruitcake is Scottish? FFS! Nobody tell that Blu on the other channel. We will never hear the end of it. ale:


No I was wrong even though, being a woman, I am never wrong

Fruitcakes are of course from Genoa


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## dghr272 (Jun 14, 2012)

Kaytutt said:


> No I was wrong even though, being a woman, I am never wrong
> 
> Fruitcakes are of course from Genoa


Too late Kay blu is on a roll omg. He is one of the nuts in the said Fruitcake !


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

Fruitcakes are definitely English. Remember King George? He was definitely a Fruitcake.


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## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

Oh for Pete's sake - - _everyone_ knows that fruitcake was a Roman confection. Kaytutt, being a woman, was of course mostly right. At least she is in the right country (though it wasn't a country back in early Roman fruitcake days). Me too, being a girl and all, is always 110% correct, so don't you DARE waste your manly energies to challenge my educated assertion.:nerd:

Jac


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

Ooh, bugger, she's gone all scary. I'm gonna hide behind the sofa till she's calmed down a bit.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Tuggy no need to hide

I think she is infatuated with you

And so she should my lovely one

Of course woman to woman she's right

So is Kay

So am I 

Now what was it that we are right about???

Sandra


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

aldra said:


> Tuggy no need to hide
> 
> I think she is infatuated with you
> 
> ...


Blimey, I can hear her laughing from here!>


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## Kaytutt (Feb 5, 2013)

aldra said:


> Tuggy no need to hide
> 
> I think she is infatuated with you
> 
> ...


We're right about everything dahlink :wink2:


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

If she is my Tuggy

She would be a fool

I doubt Jan is a fool

I'm definately infatuated

And I am no fool

Shadow is not so forgiving

He is upset by it all
Actually he disturbed our sleep all night

Has been so clingy today

An 8 stone GS following every move becomes irritating
No idea what's wrong with him

I never told him Ellie had transferred her affections

Honest

Sandra


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

May I interdict in this squabble between irrational females and wussy males who will not stand up to them.

I will now introduce a male, and therefore total unbiased and logical, viewpoint, namely that any cake without fruit cannot be a fruitcake. Since the original fruit in fruitcake did not originate from anywhere in the UK but was imported, no part of the UK can claim ownership of the product, not in its entiety.

That is my 'Final Answer' 

....unless anyone would like to pay 100guineas/hour for me to gabble on further.



What no takers? I don't know why I bother posting - worst marketing website ever - hurrrumph!

......


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Logical???

Mind you a male you are 

Can't do emoticons as I'm so lazy 

And do quick posts

Purr

I may well be persuaded to pay for you to gabble futher

My lovely one
Meanwhile

I'll just enjoy you wink wink



Sandra


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## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

aldra said:


> If she is my Tuggy
> 
> She would be a fool
> 
> ...


Ohhhh, I am feeling a bit bad now. Tuggy, I've got to come clean about Murph to Sandra;
Sandra, Murphy is a she (long story about the name). Not that two females can't strike up an intimate relationship, but that's not really the case here. Murph prefers her own company and that of humans but isn't so keen on other doglets. Note in the photo that Murph just cannot be bovvered. Ellie is the sweet little charmer (she has a good example in her daddy!) and her heart still belongs to Shadow, I'm sure. Please do tell him he can stop being a cling-on doggy now.

Jac


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I've told him

So far he is not responding

Mind you he is an 8 stone wimp

A wasp, a windy day he's gone

And he is minus his bits

Plus half his intestines due to a botched up job
However

My lovely Tuggy is second too non

Well maybe BARRY 


And I can't marry him

Albert says he will not divorce me 
Why would he

I'm just about perfect
It's how it is

Sandra


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

JacSprat said:


> Ohhhh, I am feeling a bit bad now. Tuggy, I've got to come clean about Murph to Sandra;
> Sandra, Murphy is a she (long story about the name). Not that two females can't strike up an intimate relationship, but that's not really the case here. Murph prefers her own company and that of humans but isn't so keen on other doglets. Note in the photo that Murph just cannot be bovvered. Ellie is the sweet little charmer (she has a good example in her daddy!) and her heart still belongs to Shadow, I'm sure. Please do tell him he can stop being a cling-on doggy now.
> 
> Jac


Ellie is such a sweetie (she gets that from me, obviously), she'll wheedle her way into Murph's affections. Didn't take her long to hit on you and win you over, did it? Murph is just playing hard to get, just needs a bit more effort, but she's wuth it!


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Tuggy

My love

If you have found someone

Who makes you laugh

Go for it

If only for friendship

One day we may just meet up together
I'm not so good on the laughing front
I'm just here

Sandra


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Right

Shadow is definately taking the ****

An intelligent dog

He is hassling to take him for a walk

Gazes at coats on the rack
Knocks the chairs in the dining room

And acts like he is really feeling bad, depressed, 

I'm getting rid of him soon
So

Who wants a mad dog
Who will kill anyone near the van or garden
Will lick anyone to death outside

Who adores people
Especially in wheelchairs 

He needs a lot of brushing

Sandra


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

You want me to break my legs and put myself in a wheelchair? Just to please Shadow? On yer bike, lady!>


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## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

Note that I've gone verrrry quiet....8-[


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

aldra said:


> Right
> 
> Shadow is definately taking the ****
> 
> ...


Ill have him!!!

Defo! Just not sure how I will get him on the Scooter.

Maybe I can teach him to ride, could be useful for a lift back from the pub.


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

You way you lot go on, I think there is a call for a MHF Doggy sub-forum not just pets.

Back in your box Tuggers! I said 'doggy' not '....ing':surprise:


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

He is yours BARRY 

If you need an 8 stone-+ wimp

Tuggy you have left me

Others are on your radar

I'm lost and lonely without you

And I notice Jacsprat enjoyed your post

Such is life
Devestated from bury 

Is that what they do??

Post devestated

Anyway
The wine is definately helping

You jacksprat

Are off my radar 

Finished done

And he

Unfaithful one is gone

I would have married you Tuggy
Alright Albert was a problem

But together we could have overcome that

Sandra


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## vicdicdoc (May 14, 2005)

Even after 6 pages I'm none the wiser what this"thread" is supposed to be about.


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## JacSprat (May 26, 2006)

vicdicdoc said:


> Even after 6 pages I'm none the wiser what this"thread" is supposed to be about.


Just write it off as a stream of unconsciousness....:serious:


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