# 60 mile an hour Poo club!



## Addie (Aug 5, 2008)

In need of cheering up, so decided to lower the tone a bit.

Anyone like to admit going for a number two while in motion?

I can admit to 'dropping the kids off at the pool' while sat at 75mph on cruise on a deserted German autobahn (thankfully my girlfriend was driving).

Health and safety natzi's need not reply


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## JohnGun (May 15, 2009)

guilty


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## pippin (Nov 15, 2007)

The real worry is - what did you do with the "spoor"?


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## boringfrog (Sep 22, 2006)

*Shower*

I had a shower, while SHMBO drove to Dover down the A1........... 8O

No honest...... :wink:


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## overthemoon (May 12, 2010)

Always been to embarrased thinking what if SWMBO has an emergency braking situation during constitutionals? The mental picture of hurtling down the van ,trousers round ankles, does'nt bear thinking about.


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## grizzlyj (Oct 14, 2008)

I did see a dented and "decorated" van that seemed to have been in a nasty collision with a big pile of plastic bits a while back. A little further up the road was a van carrying portaloos in the opposite direction with one obviously missing.

Further off topic, a mate at work had a fertile imagination with reasons for not showing up. One day he was stuck while the police cleared up an overturned lorry of strawberries. Traffic was taking it in turns to pass. One tanker was going too fast, slid and overturned! Would you believe, cream everywhere! Everyone just sat down and helped eat it up! Took him hours!
He also had a really viscious Doberman. One weekend the house got broken into and the dog didn't even stir, the house was a real mess the next morning. He spent a fortune on a dog psychiatrist, took a few hours off every week to take it, cos the dog refused to be seen outside again, it was too embarassed to go out 

Jason


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## bigfrank3 (Mar 26, 2007)

When I had a caravan I can remember having a wee in the toilet at the side of a busy road. 

The said bathroom always held the awning and poles as well as the roller ball during transit. It was quite full so I was stood with one foot perched higher than the other resting on the awning bag.

The swaying of the van with the passing traffic made it almost impossible to perform.

Happy days, bigfrank3


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## The-Clangers (Sep 18, 2009)

A motion whilst in motion eh!

On many occasions, but only when sailing when you are doing about 5 mph.

David


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## jacknjill (Apr 25, 2009)

Wish i could join the club but swmbo won`t drive mhome, so i have to bake it !! longest i`ve baked it for was about 4 hrs ( out of choice ) good thing is you have an orgasmic crap at the end.
peter.


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## jud (Aug 15, 2009)

*SH*T*

hi sorry guys to much information


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## Ken38 (Mar 24, 2009)

Not attempted this on the road. But the warning about emergency braking reminded of when sailing off the east coast. I was desperate and had to go below.

At the critical moment before getting up to flush, we hit a mighty wave and the whole contents landed in my waterproof trousers! It took a lot of clearing up!

I would be in total fear of an emergency braking as our loo faces towards the front in use! Top tip, strip from the waist first!


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## gaspode (May 9, 2005)

As it's Christmas and we all deserve a good laugh, I think it's time to revive the all time classic "doing a poo on the move" post.

Look <<HERE>> but before you do, be sure to have a box of tissues handy to wipe the tears from your eyes. :wink:


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## Gorman (Nov 24, 2008)

Don't know about doing the bizz whilst in motion, but one time I really, really and I mean realy had togo...............in one hundred and fifty-five feet of water. 
Does that count??


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## moblee (Dec 31, 2006)

I have not joined the 60 mile an hour poo club,because I'm the Driver :!: 

And I'd have to clean the seat  :lol:


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## rowley (May 14, 2005)

Thanks Gaspode, classic Pusser. :lol:


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## locovan (Oct 17, 2007)

Gorman said:


> Don't know about doing the bizz whilst in motion, but one time I really, really and I mean realy had togo...............in one hundred and fifty-five feet of water.
> Does that count??


Gosh did you fill your diving suit up inside --poo what a smell


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## Gorman (Nov 24, 2008)

locovan said:


> Gorman said:
> 
> 
> > Don't know about doing the bizz whilst in motion, but one time I really, really and I mean realy had togo...............in one hundred and fifty-five feet of water.
> ...


It was summer time Mavis, and we were only in boiler-suits. Apparently, according to the two tenders in the zodiac rubber boat, upon surfacing my message cleared three feet before landing.


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## viator (May 1, 2007)

These posts are a load o' crap

viator


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## Bubblehead (Mar 5, 2007)

Since we've lowered the tone.........

1983, Hong Kong. A new guy joined the diving team and as everyone had when first out there had a great case of the sh1ts.

In the best tradition of the RN we spent an hour or so fixing a thunderflash (like a Banger) inside a condom down the pipe in the toilet, which was wired to an exploder outside the room, the wire being hidden with white tape.

Anyway about an hour later said individual arrives, already having lost half his body weight and quickly dashed for the toilet (again)

We waited for the groans and flock of starlings and pressed the button :lol: 

The contents of the pan were ejected upwards whilst the poor guy was still sat on the throne covering him and the entire room in Sh1t.

This was highly amusing to all except him, and us when the Chief made us clear it all up before giving us a good beasting

He eventually saw the funny side

Andy

PS I once saw a Turdis tipped over with someone inside at a rock festival - not a pretty site


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## Gorman (Nov 24, 2008)

Ex Pusser Andy??


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## locovan (Oct 17, 2007)

This Toilet stories around mealtimes are great for going on a diet --it puts you off eating


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## rogerblack (May 1, 2005)

Priceless! 
I thought I was bad having had a wee a few times whilst my better half was at the wheel (she drives more than I do in the 'van), never progressed to numero deux although after the difficulty in accurate aiming experienced on the first occasion, I have since always sat to wee whilst on the move. And whatever the arguments* about flap open or closed whilst utilising the Thetford, if using en route it's a deffo for closed.
:wink: 

* do any other couples also have minor disagreements over whether the loo paper faces out or in???


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## Addie (Aug 5, 2008)

I can vouch for the stability of the AL-KO chassis, much less 'tank slapping' in a rear bathroom on our CI 694 compared to our older Suntour (also with a rear bathroom) - that was a real pant wetting experience!

I do feel sorry for my better half having being caught off guard when a motorway turned into a roundabout. "Round the roundabout, fourth exit" was not what she wanted to hear.

It's quite a frequent occurrence in our van (how else do you do 10 countries in 21 days?) I'm thinking of installing a seatbelt in there!


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## pippin (Nov 15, 2007)

Yes!

Over the top on the outside for me, SWMBO always against the wall.
(perhaps I should rephrase that!)


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## busterbears (Sep 4, 2010)

There's obviously a whole new side to MHing that I had never considered! 

Having not travelled very far as yet this has not been an issue. 

However as its only like to be 'him indoors' who is likely to even consider a 60mph #2 I'm going to tell him its clearly not an option because

1) he takes sooooooo loooooong I fear we'll have run out of road
2) I'd obviously have to drive (I can and like to, but he doesn't feel the same way)
3) 16stone crashing about in the back of the van as I brake and corner - not happening!


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## rogerblack (May 1, 2005)

Addie said:


> . . . It's quite a frequent occurrence in our van (how else do you do 10 countries in 21 days?) I'm thinking of installing a seatbelt in there!


Brilliant idea - I'd love to see the tester's face during the MOT . . .
:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## BJandPete (Jul 8, 2008)

Jean said; The only sh*t in the van when its moving is me :roll: 
pete


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## brockley (Mar 6, 2009)

Guilty and ditto Pippin.


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## rosalan (Aug 24, 2009)

In my previous van, a vintage Dreamliner, we had a Porta-Potty which was not attached to the floor but with minimum acceleration power, I reasoned that if it rested against the front wall it should be fairly ok. My wife was a more regular visitor than I while travelling as I tend to hog the driving although I confess there is a certain magic being in there with the van moving, totally out of your control and the world bumping past.
We used this system for many years but on one particular occasion after topping up the header/flush tank I seemed to miss the point relating to the centre of gravity; full tank on top and partly full tank at the bottom.
Memory fails me now as to where we were or why I was cornering like a formula one driver but suddenly the bathroom door burst open and the Potty decided it was time to leave. Fortunately the outside door was made of stronger stuff but like toast with the buttered side always landing on the carpet the Potty managed to not only invert itself but partly open the slider! The footwell being a significant part of the entrance and exit routine required immediate attention but fair do's to Thetford, their perfume and colouring did persist for a very long time.
Alan


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## erneboy (Feb 8, 2007)

Had a similar experience one windy day on my boat. Skipping along over the tops of some fair sized waves at around 25 knots and really enjoying myself. Suddenly there were inexplicable crashing and banging noises from below. I looked down just in time to see the bog door fly open and the entire toilet come flying out to blatter it's self against the galley cupboards. Luckily the sea cocks were closed so no water got in, more importantly, it being a sea toilet there was no mess. Easily fixed thank goodness. Another time the fridge door catch had not been engaged and we had an outbreak of milk and eggs, that was not so easy to clear up, Alan.


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## Bubblehead (Mar 5, 2007)

Gorman said:


> Ex Pusser Andy??


Still serving - WO1 Clearance Diver


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## Gorman (Nov 24, 2008)

Bubblehead said:


> Gorman said:
> 
> 
> > Ex Pusser Andy??
> ...


So you are, we have spoke before, and there must be a bit of truth in as much that divers do suffer from short term memory loss.


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## philsil (Jul 24, 2007)

I remember Ogri in Bike magazine. 

He was busting so he handed his bike over to his trusty dog, pulled alongside a moving caravan, jumped in, had a poo, cooked bacon and eggs, jumped back on his bike and was away. 
When the caravanners reached the campsite they spent he whole holiday looking for an imbedded dead rat.


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## philsil (Jul 24, 2007)

I think it was on Parkinson where Spike Milligan recounted when some body at the BBC had returned from foreign parts with a serious bowel problem. Sitting at work they followed through and caused havoc in their pants and trousers.

Embarrassed beyond everything they phoned a nearby department store and ordered new replacements to be collected ASAP.

Poor person makes his excuses at work, whips round to the store, collects his goods, gets on the train home, goes into the WC, takes off trousers and pants, throws them out of the window, cleans himself up only to find in the carrier bag - a lady's pink cardigan.

I think Spike Milligan was at his funniest as a storyteller.


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## colail (Oct 26, 2010)

This subject should be in motorhome sh** chat.


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## brockley (Mar 6, 2009)

Or how about 'Scat Chit Chat'


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## Bubblehead (Mar 5, 2007)

My French isn't up to much, but what have cats got to do with this :lol: 

Ill get my coat :? 

Andy


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## clodhopper2006 (Aug 13, 2006)

60 MPH phwwaa! I've had one at easily 500 MPH in a boeing 737!


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## pippin (Nov 15, 2007)

One of the ships I sailed on was an old oil tanker converted into a tramping bulk cargo carrier.

No sanitary holding tanks in those days - it went straight overboard from a discharge pipe that was meant to be under water.

When empty it rode very high in the water due to lack of sufficient ballast water tanks.

If one was quick enough one could flush and rush out on deck to watch the discharge process.

It did pay to check the wind direction first!!

It doesn't compete with a Boeing - it only did 13kts with a following wind, downhill and with a push!


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## VenturerDave (Oct 2, 2009)

Re the person having a pee in his caravan on the side of the road. Try it on a sailing boat heeled at (a very variable) angle of heel. Tempting to sit down but better just to kneel.


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## carolgavin (May 9, 2005)

For all you people fascinated by poopy, here is the very website for you!!!!

Enjoy............................

http://www.flushtracker.com/


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