# possibly my last gag of 2011



## seamusog (May 10, 2005)

The farmer is walking home after a day at the market in Galway.
He is carrying a tin of masonary paint, a bucket, two hens, a duck and a yard brush, he is almost home when he comes across this midle aged widow, she asks the farmer " could you direct me to Molly O'rourke's house kind sir?
"I could so,"says the farmer,"its just beyond my farm, come this way"
They walk along and they come to a close, the farmer says "we'll go through here mrs, it's a short cut"
The woman pulls up, looks at the farmer and says," now hold on a minute sir, that close looks a bit dark, I dont know the first thing about you, you could be a mad rapist for all I know, you could throw me against the wall and have your wicked way with me, and me a decent widow woman out to visit her friend".
The farmer looks shocked, he turns to the woman and says " for the love of jaysas woman, sure how am I going to have my wicked way with you and me carrying all this stuff?"
Quick as a flash the woman says " Put the duck on the ground, cover it with the bucket, put yer tin of paint on top of the bucket, lay the brush aginst the wall and I'll hold the hens"
seamus.
Ps, I think I may have told this one before, but sure what odds, its worth telling again.


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## CliffyP (Dec 19, 2008)

Village idiot calls at a farm to see if there are any jobs going. Farmer feeling sorry for him gives him a tin of White Gloss and says, go around the back and paint the porch. Three hours later he come back and says, there you are sir that all done. And by the way its not a Porch its a Mercedes


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## tonyt (May 25, 2005)

Thank goodness


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## DTPCHEMICALS (Jul 24, 2006)

Posted at 11:01 seamus.

I hope he has not taken the suicide pill

Dave p


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## seamusog (May 10, 2005)

tonyt said:


> Thank goodness


 I've got feeling ye know, if you cut me I'll bleed   
seamus.


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## lifestyle (Apr 27, 2008)

A man is driving down a country lane,when he spots a farmer in the middle of a field full of grass,doing nothing ,looking at nothing.

The man gets out of his car and walks over to the farmer and asks him
"Ah excuse me mister,but what are you doing ? "

The farmer replies, " I`m trying to win a Nobel Prize "

How, "asks the man puzzled "

Well, "I heard they give the Nobel Prize to people outstanding in their field.


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## seamusog (May 10, 2005)

DTPCHEMICALS said:


> Posted at 11:01 seamus.
> 
> I hope he has not taken the suicide pill
> 
> Dave p


No Dave, I'm much more resilient than that, I dare say there are some on here who will be dissapointed though. But if it helps I will, on the stroke of midnight, go out into the garden and flagellate myself with a bunch of prime Scottish nettles.  
seamus.


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## motormouth (Jul 3, 2010)

Dave
Have you not changed the time in your settings??? Seamus post was at 10.01am.
It could be of course that I haven't changed mine


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## DTPCHEMICALS (Jul 24, 2006)

Thats a relief, I really thought you had lost the plot. what with having no medals to adorn your chest .

You can`t beat having a good flagelate can you.

Dave p


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

No chance Seamusog

Nettles are out of season 8O 8O :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

Happy New Year 

Sandra


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## seamusog (May 10, 2005)

aldra said:


> No chance Seamusog
> 
> Nettles are out of season 8O 8O :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
> 
> ...


You too you Sandra, best wishes to you and yours, a happy and prosperous new year.
seamus.


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## Stanner (Aug 17, 2006)

aldra said:


> Nettles are out of season 8O 8O :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


He could use Gemmy and a few of his mates instead.........

The next best thing to a bunch of nettles is a bunch of............ errrrrrr.......... P-Richards. :wink:


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## 747 (Oct 2, 2009)

I believe that if you flagellate a lot you can go blind. 8O 

Just do it a little bit and wear spectacles would be my advice.  

Now then, where did I put me specs? :lol:


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