# They walk among us....



## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honouring the least evolved among us.


Here is the glorious winner:

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Provo, Utah
would-be robber Jason Ellison did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked. 

And now, the honourable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped... Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5.. A teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer ..... $15. If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a South Carolina convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called the police immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. *A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER.

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on an Atlanta street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake, then sucked to draw the "gasoline" out. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.



*** Remember....
They walk among us, they vote, and they breed!


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## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

These are old ones Kev - are there any more recent?

Hard to believe, but they are claimed to be true.

Dave


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## pippin (Nov 15, 2007)

What is a "*Circle-K*"?

gasoline from a motor home parked on an Atlanta street?

They don't have motorhomes in Atalanta, only RVs


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## Richard_M (Dec 17, 2010)

> Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed


Psss, there is no such thing as annual Darwin Awards.... 

http://www.snopes.com/horrors/freakish/darwin05.asp


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## jncrowe (Feb 14, 2009)

Well I thought they were hilarious
as for the comments" if youve nowt nice to say say nowt !! "
Thanks 
Cath


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## pippin (Nov 15, 2007)

Cath, I genuinely want to know, what is a Circle-K?

As for "saying nowt" (or "dweud ddim" in the language of heaven) I find too many jokes on MHF are derived from across the Atlantic and simply don't work as well this side of the pond. 

As an example to me the law is an ass (ie donkey) whereas I like to sit on my arse!


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## ramblingon (Jul 15, 2009)

Thanks- I don't care if they are out of date- every single one has made me laugh. :lol:


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## Gazzer (May 1, 2005)

ramblingon said:


> Thanks- I don't care if they are out of date- every single one has made me laugh. :lol:


Me too :lol: :lol:


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

A colleague at my wifes work was asked to look after her neighbours dog while they took a holiday.
While out walking the dog in the local park the dog fell down and died. As it was a large old smelly dog she went home and returned with a large suitcase with wheels on.
After stuffing the dead dog into the case she was struggling to drag the case back home when a youth asked if he could help her.
The youth then ran off with the case...!!!

My wifes colleague then had the difficult task of explaining to the neighbour on their return, their dog had died and someone had stolen the corpse.

I can only assume this was true as it was confirmed by another workmate.

Ray.


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## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

ramblingon said:


> Thanks- I don't care if they are out of date- every single one has made me laugh. :lol:


And me - which is why I was hoping for some more. :wink:

Dave


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## KeithChesterfield (Mar 12, 2010)

Who you calling stupid?

The picture of two guys with black marks on their faces is how they were found after a robbery attempt.
They thought the marks would conceal their identity and so, in the steps of stupid criminals, used Permanent Black marker pens.


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## Sprinta (Sep 15, 2010)

where I used to work there was an engineer who would play with steam traction engines at the weekends.

One day he came into work with a bandage on his hand, he'd managed to lose the top section of his index finger in an accident.

apparently he'd been working on the engine while it was still running and had put his hand near a component without realising that the motion of part of it was near invisible. oops lop!  

After a while of wearing the bandage the finger slowly healed and we could see he'd managed to remove it just behind the fingernail.

A few weeks later he came in again bandaged up, same hand, and on closer inspection the same finger.

What's happened? He put the same finger in the same component demonstrating to someone how he'd hurt himself the first time, and removed another knuckle in the process :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

pippin said:


> Cath, I genuinely want to know, what is a Circle-K?
> 
> As for "saying nowt" (or "dweud ddim" in the language of heaven) I find too many jokes on MHF are derived from across the Atlantic and simply don't work as well this side of the pond.
> 
> As an example to me the law is an ass (ie donkey) whereas I like to sit on my arse!


Circle K??? Have you not got Google Pippin :lol: :lol: :lol:

Circle K


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Richard_M said:


> > Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed
> 
> 
> Psss, there is no such thing as annual Darwin Awards....
> ...


Did you really think it was a serious post in jokes and trivia :roll: :roll:


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## BillCreer (Jan 23, 2010)

Pippin,
And there was me thinking that heaven was a place I might like to visit :twisted:


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## rosalan (Aug 24, 2009)

Whats a google pippin? Circle K
Alan :lol:


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Richard_M said:


> > Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed
> 
> 
> Psss, there is no such thing as annual Darwin Awards....
> ...


Snopes helps to perpetuate these awards, so who's to say..

2003 awards

2004 awards

2005 awards

2006 awards

bravery awards


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## KeithChesterfield (Mar 12, 2010)

Some even stand among us.


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## Glandwr (Jun 12, 2006)

Every body needs a Brian.

Dick


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

My first teddy is called Brian, and I still have her.


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