# Tommy Cooper still lives on



## TDG (May 26, 2009)

“ I was in bed with my new girlfriend last night and she said 
I‘d got the biggest willy she’d ever laid her hands on”............

I said “You’re pulling my leg”


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## chrisjrv (May 7, 2007)

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## spartacus (Jul 10, 2008)

:lol: :lol: :lol: 

He was great, a true one off, much missed.

"ha, ha, ha, just like that, not like that, like that, ha ha ha"


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## DTPCHEMICALS (Jul 24, 2006)

My brother would laugh his head off at Tommy
I couldn`t.

Dave p


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## brockley (Mar 6, 2009)

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed? "No, because he's really heavy" - Ahh Tommy


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## TDG (May 26, 2009)

DTPCHEMICALS said:


> My brother would laugh his head off at Tommy
> I couldn`t...Dave p


I know he was addicted but I found him addictive :lol: 
I first saw him a zillion years ago on a tram in Hong Kong. He was wearing grey baggy trousers, a long sleeved open necked white shirt and a knotted handkerchief on his head. I couldn't help laughing at him them (not to his face of course- he was a very big man :roll: ) and I haven't stopped since :roll:


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## brockley (Mar 6, 2009)

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married. The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was brilliant 

Man goes to the doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head. Doc says "I'll give you some cream to put on it." 

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home." "That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome. " "Is it common?""It's not unusual." 

A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only cling film for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts." 

Guy goes into the doctor's. "Doc, I've got a cricket ball stuck up my backside." "How's that?" "Don't you start" 

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's." "Well you can't say fairer than that then" 

What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh. 

So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died." 

A neutron walks into a bar. "I'd like a beer" he says. The bartender promptly serves up a beer. "How much will that be?" asks the neutron "For you?" replies the bartender, "no charge." 

Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, 'I think I've lost an electron.' The other says 'Are you sure?' The first says, 'Yes, I'm positive... ' 

"So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'" 

"So I rang up a local building firm, I said 'I want a skip outside my house.' He said 'I'm not stopping you.' 

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu. But I think it's Colin. 

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give me a lift?" I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it." 

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other "Does this taste funny to you?" 

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off. 

"You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice." 

A man walked into the doctors, The doctor said " I haven't seen you in a long time " The man replied "I know I've been ill" 

A man walked into the doctors, he said "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said "well don't go there any more" 

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day. He wasn't very happy. 

You know those Mange-tout? They're really nice but I couldn't eat a whole one 

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any. 

I bought some HP sauce the other day. It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years. 

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, 'no, the steaks are too high.'


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## Phillip (Jul 20, 2009)

:lol: :lol: :lol: 

A man goes to the doctor he says "Doc, it hurts everytime I raise my arm", so the doctor says "well, don't raise your arm then!"

:lol: :lol: :lol:


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## dovtrams (Aug 18, 2009)

The mention of Tommy's name in the heading started me laughing. I started laughing as soon as he walked on stage when I saw him doing live shows. A very funny man.

Dave


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