# Courtesy of Dougie from Deepest America



## Penquin

These appear courtesy of Dougie, I thought I would share his wisdom on here (NB it has to be in Jokes and Trivia)......

by the way he said "Hi to one and all!"  


‎1. Coffee, n.. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3.. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4 esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6.. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v.. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men

it's hard not to agree with some of those isn't it......... :lol: 

Dave


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## erneboy

I like it. Very I'm sorry I haven't a clue, Alan.


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## 100127

Nice one Dave, forwarded it on to my gang.

Bob   :lol: :lol:


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## aldra

Hope all is going well for him

Sad he decided to leave MHF

Miss him on EB

Aldra


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## asprn

aldra said:


> Hope all is going well for him. Sad he decided to leave MHF


*BOOOOOO!!!!*



penquin said:


> by the way he said "Hi to one and all!"


I damn well did not!!

Evening all. :lol: :lol:

Don't jump to conclusions though.


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## asprn

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an *******.

3. Intaxicaton : Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone ( n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy : Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of
getting laid.

7. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte : To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon : It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido : All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


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## UncleNorm

Hi Dougie! I trust you're very well? :wink:


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## asprn

UncleNorm said:


> Hi Dougie! I trust you're very well? :wink:


Never been better, Norm - and much the better for hearing your dulcet tones. How are you & Sandra doing?

Dougie.


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## UncleNorm

asprn said:


> UncleNorm said:
> 
> 
> 
> Hi Dougie! I trust you're very well? :wink:
> 
> 
> 
> Never been better, Norm - and much the better for hearing your dulcet tones. How are you & Sandra doing?
> 
> Dougie.
Click to expand...

All things considered, we're both both well, thanks Dougie. It's good to hear from you. We DO miss you!! So much so that AuntieSandra and I are popping over to Canada in June/July so at least we'll be sharing the same continent again!! :roll: :wink: :lol:

Stay well.


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## asprn

UncleNorm said:


> All things considered, we're both both well, thanks Dougie. It's good to hear from you. We DO miss you!! So much so that AuntieSandra and I are popping over to Canada in June/July so at least we'll be sharing the same continent again!! :roll: :wink: :lol:


We're back in the UK at the end of May for 6 months then back here for the winter, so we might share the same continent for about a week!  Same to you both.

Dougie.


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## HurricaneSmith

asprn said:


> *BOOOOOO!!!!*


Welcome back Dougie..........What a nice surprise.

I see your membership has been extended a year........Great news.

It's been good following your blog although the driving test sounded a bit "Iffy."


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## asprn

HurricaneSmith said:


> Welcome back Dougie..........What a nice surprise.


Why, thank you sir. 



HurricaneSmith said:


> I see your membership has been extended a year........Great news


Well, it seems to have been.



HurricaneSmith said:


> It's been good following your blog although the driving test sounded a bit "Iffy."


How very dare you. :twisted:

Dougie.


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## Penquin

Well obviously what you wrote on 26th February "Hi Forums" was not a "Hi to all" then, :?  

but if you checked I did what I said and credited you with the quotes....... :roll: :lol: 

by the way did you REALLY enjoy the swinging session with a plumb ? :wink: 

That sounds like a lead -ing comment to me :lol: 

Glad to hear from you Dougie,  

Dave


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## aldra

Great to have you back Dougie

Aldra


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## erneboy

It's nice to see you back Dougie. I enjoyed many of our chats in the past. I have missed you believe it or not.

Here are a few more to keep the topic going, Alan.


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## asprn

erneboy said:


> It's nice to see you back Dougie. I enjoyed many of our chats in the past. I have missed you believe it or not.


Very handsome of you to say so, Alan. Likewise, I've always (nearly always, lol) appreciated your straightforward responses in discussions regardless of content. Plus you don't bear grudges, which I like.

So that's the MHF branch of the Backthumpers Association set up. :lol:

Love the link continuing the theme - they're really funny.

Dougie.


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## locovan

I dont think you ever went away did you --just wanted to be in the wings and see if we talked about you :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 

Now behave and settle back down :wink: 

Welcome back :wink:


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## asprn

locovan said:


> I dont think you ever went away did you --just wanted to be in the wings and see if we talked about you :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Now behave and settle back down :wink:


Ah, who asked you anyway? :roll:

Dougie.


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## locovan

Oh dear same old Dougie :roll:


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## asprn

locovan said:


> Oh dear same old Dougie :roll:


Less of the old, if you don't mind....


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## locovan

:lol: :lol: :lol: 

Go to your keep fit class :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Nora+Neil

So your're back.  :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## loddy

Hows the 6 pack ??

Loddy :lol:


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## asprn

Nora+Neil said:


> So your're back.  :lol: :lol: :lol:


So goes the rumour. The path was made relatively easy. 



loddy said:


> Hows the 6 pack ??


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## aultymer

any connection between your return and the march of the mods??


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## asprn

aultymer said:


> any connection between your return and the march of the mods??


Tut tut, Alan. You know me better than to expect an answer to that. 

Dougie.


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## aultymer

I wondered why you published a copy of the 5th on another place!
You have been in the USA too long.


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## asprn

aultymer said:


> You have been in the USA too long.


Not long enough actually. 

Dougie.


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