# Wel boring to most



## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

But what the hell

We need to post 

As you may or may not know

6 kids, partners , 10 grandkids makes for a big Friday night 

I cook they come 

Not all of them at once 

Usually about 14 /16 

And I cook for one reason 

To draw them together , so our sons , daughters, daughters in law ,sons in law are one 

They meet, and get on so well

It's a family 
Sandra


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## cabby (May 14, 2005)

We do the same, it is a wonderful sight to see.A lot less now as it is too much for the cook( thats me).It helps them to keep their feet on the ground and learn how to socialise.Oh yes and how to use a smart phone.:grin2::grin2: Just be grateful they do not call them cell phones.>> long may you enjoy Sandra.:kiss::kiss:


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Not really having any family anymore or any around me at least it must be good to all get together. Cant remember the last time I went to any kind of gathering really. I would probably regret it as soon as I did though.


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## cabby (May 14, 2005)

Oh dear, now that is sad.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

It's what it is caby

And so many seem to have problems

We are lucky

They just turn up and eat

Maybe it's the eating

The relaxed eating what you want, the grandkids wonderi ins around

The one who doesn't want bolognaise 

Or chilli

He wants a baked potatoe , beans and cheese

Not a problem

Thank goodness for frozen baked potatoes

3 minutes done

I'm nolongerfeedig a family when you ate what you got 

We can be flexible

Sandra


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

cabby said:


> Oh dear, now that is sad.


It is and it isnt. We chose not to have kids, moved out into the sticks and spend half our lives travelling. Both sets of parents long gone. I see my brother and sister very occasionally but we have nothing in common really. Michelle has no family at all apart from a brother she would prefer never to come across again.

On the plus side we have been able to do our own thing all our lives with no ties or responsibilities but on the downside I miss social interaction much more than she does. Probably why I spend so much time on forums when Ive nothing better to do. You cant have everything I guess. I can always invade Sandras or course and have done.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

There was an article, yesterday, about only children and it got me thinking about families. Most people sneer at only children and hint that they are spoilt and deprived (both at the same time!?) Our daughter was, by choice, an only child. This was partly for selfish reasons but partly because both Chris and I had brothers and neither of us enjoyed our childhood. We were teased and bullied mercilessly. Mostly we avoided being around them. We thought about inflicting this childhood on our daughter and decided she was better off without siblings. It certainly suited us better. She makes friends very easily and has a wide range of them all over the country. She is now married to a man with two brothers so she gets to see the other side of family life.


Chris rarely, if ever, sees his brother. I see mine occasionally. We would not call on any of them for help unless it was real emergency. No closeness just the old rivalry ticking away underneath. Who was mum's favourite? Who was dad's favourite? Glad we saved our daughter from all that.


Incidentally she is the most unspoilt girl you could meet  As you can tell, I adore her (but don't spoil her).


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

I'm the youngest and last in my family, I don't do crowds or family gatherings, I hate small talk it is mind numbingly boring.


I lived on my own quite a lot, no problem, I prefer not to go it alone in the van though, but suppose I'd get used to it.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

I had a very happy childhood, 5 brothers then me 0 I was spoilt with lots of love, but not wordly things.
2 brothers still alive, living in England, the only contact is a Christmas card each year, they both have their families around them and don´t need me.
I would have loved to have children, but nature thought otherwise.
I am not bitter about it though, I have piled my love and attention onto the animals we have and have had.
I haven´t been to a family gathering or any other kind since goodness knows when and although I think I would enjoy it, maybe not, set in our ways now, me him and our 4 legged friends.
Mind you I spend a bit of time chatting to you good people. :grin2:


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

It's not really a " small talk " type gathering Kev

Perhaps because it's a regular occurance and not a formal gathering, people just chat to each other, when a space at the table becomes available they eat, meanwhile they snack on starters, salad and Alberts home made bread 

They have all worked all week and Friday they have no meal to prepare, the grand kids come straight from school, sometimes bring a friend and are usually in the main lounge doing their own thing

The mad cyclists are usual huddled discussing 100 mile runs!, no doubt planning for a weekend marathon 

The waltons we were not Pat, but maybe as the kids interact so regularly they are constantly in touch with each other so estrangement hasn't occurred, childhood annoyances with each other have faded as they came to know the adult brother/sister

I don't see a problem with only children , I have two only grandchildren and like you Jan I have a daughter who was unable to have a child, she is fine with that, and being the head of a school for kids with behavorial problems I guess she gets all the involvement with kids she needs !

I guess it's down to what you choose and what you get , we have a grand daughter who lives here not because she doesn't get on well with her family, she does, she has more space here and sees her younger brother and sister frequently, and meets up with her older brother for meals out etc as he is working 

It's just this house has always been an open house so it's natural they all pass through it regularly 

And you Barry, as you know are always welcome :kiss:

Sandra


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

cabby said:


> We do the same, it is a wonderful sight to see.A lot less now as it is too much for the cook( thats me).It helps them to keep their feet on the ground and learn how to socialise.Oh yes and how to use a smart phone.:grin2::grin2: Just be grateful they do not call them cell phones.>> long may you enjoy Sandra.:kiss::kiss:


Cabby

I too feel sometimes how much longer?

Not so much the cooking but the house and garden

The kids and grandkids can't believe we would sell it

Dam it even the sons and daughters in law feel the same

When Albert was first diagnosed I almost had the house and the van on the market afraid I couldn't manage the house and garden alone, and I don't drive the van

One of my sons in law said "you don't think we would ever allow you to be alone "

We are all here for you

And he clips the Ivy's on the apex of the roof every year, would do more but Albert and the older grandkids do the rest

For two of us it's bigger than we need, but I love the space and there is three of us

At the moment

So yes we have been lucky

But I guess if you work really hard at what is important to you

You get lucky:wink2::wink2:

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

I have friends in America who had a big house and garden, when they were both unable to manage they swapped houses with one of their children.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

No Jan

This house will belong to them all one day 

Unless we live too long to be here 

In which case the money will 

The fish swim in the outdoor pond I'd hate to leave them 

Especially now when the garden is alive , and frogs are jumping 

And we haven't got a licence to drive the van

So we are here and watch the garden unfold

And we usually don't at this time 

And soon Viv will come , my mentor 

And a big hit with my family 

She is calm, unusual , and I guess deep down in the part of me I never discuss, I'm unusual too

As I'm sure is every one of you is

So we need to remember

We only skim the surface 

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Do what we have done then, resign yourself to the fact and stop thinking you can´t manage.
We went to England 4 years ago with the intention of buying a place and moving back, after a couple of weeks we realised we could never leave this house and location. It will not be easy when one of us is left alone, but that bridge will be crossed when we come to it. Till then we are going to enjoy life the best we can. X :smile2:


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

For me Jan 

Life has always been maybe I can't manage 

Degree and masters degree to prove I could

Work at management level

I was good , yes I was good 

Because for some reason I was good with people 

My childhood in children's homes gave me understanding 

My marriage gave me security 

But my childhood could have destroyed my life if I had not met albert 

The steady rock I so needed

The steady rock 52 years later is still here and has supported his kids and me 

His grandkids sonanddaughter in laws 

They love him

What's not to love?

Sandra


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## suedew (May 10, 2005)

Sandra, we all do what we have to and feel is right, you and Albert are doing aa grand job with life family and friends, accept and enjoy what you can.
Rant and rave and then accept what you prefer was not there, what you wih you could do and no longer can, you are unlikely to be loved and remembered for a clean house and a pristine garden.
You will be remembered and loved for your friendship, hospitality and goodness of spirit, for stoicism for facing the odds and getting on with it, for raising a great family and for having the courage to admit that sometimes things are not so good and sharing your grit with us. A true inspiration. love and hugs to you both and a big fuss for THFH

Sue
P.S. give my best to Viv.


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

As for family relations, I am more in the Barry camp of not needing or missing them.

I was brought up by my Grandparents after my Mother basically deserted me for another Husband(I have a half-brother in Canada who I have not seen for 69 years).

As such I have not had close family. Basia has a close family - Mother and one son, DiL and two grandchildren in Katowice.

This results in her doing a 'Sandra' about 6 times a year for Birthdays, Easter, Christmas.

We had 7 for Mother's 96 Birthday yesterday and even with my help it was 4 hours of work on Friday shopping/cooking and 6 hours yesterday - they expect so many dishes. I did the cleaning of dishes.

On Basia's behalf I have declared a moratorium. Next time we go out to a restaurant(I will pay) and we can come back to the house for cakes and coffee, but I do not want to see her working so hard again.

As I stated I do not have family and even if I did I am not sure I would be close. Here in Poland I think it is ingrained by the Roman Catholic Church and difficult to shake off, even for a non-religious person. I seem to have 'inherited' a family but I will not let my beloved be a slave to them, especially when eating out well here is quite cheap - we had a wonderful high-class, well-cooked and presented Lunch for the two of us this week and including 1/2 litre of wine was £20 - say no more.

I am sure Sandra will disagree, but maybe not Barry and Michelle. So be it.

Geoff


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

nicholsong said:


> As for family relations, I am more in the Barry camp of not needing or missing them.
> 
> I was brought up by my Grandparents after my Mother basically deserted me for another Husband(I have a half-brother in Canada who I have not seen for 69 years).
> 
> ...


Its a pity your not closer Captain as I look upon you like my wise old Uncle. (ok oldish then)  (Uncle Bulgaria, google it) Guffaw! I bet Basia and Michelle would be more like sisters though. 

Hopefully they might get to meet later this summer!


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

barryd said:


> Its a pity your not closer Captain as I look upon you like my wise old Uncle. (ok oldish then)  (Uncle Bulgaria, google it) Guffaw! I bet Basia and Michelle would be more like sisters though.
> 
> Hopefully they might get to meet later this summer!


I'll Bulgaria you lad - don't need to Google, as I lived just down the hill from Wombledon.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

No I wouldn't disagree Geoff 

It takes all sorts to make a world 

Each of us have our own way of family living, there is no right or wrong way 

For me cooking for 8-10 people was a daily occurance for most of my married life so it's not unusual or particularly difficult for me, in fact it's more difficult cooking for a few !!

Congratulations to Basias mum, 96 good for her 

Family life?, if it's a case of not needing or missing them rather than finding they enrich your life or you theirs in someway then I guess keeping in contact is meaningless,be it family or friends 

Sandra


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I find myself fascinated 

With those who no longer know or want to know their brothers and sisters , parents etc 

If I'm honest childhood devisions among siblings doesn't answer it 

Why ?

Once you are adults 

Oh I get the idea of rivalry ,who was favourite with mum and dad 

My kids trot that out from time to time 

Their perception at moment in time in the past 

But now they are fully grown, adults in their own right , able to make adult relationships and decisions 

In the here and now 

And true they could choose not to relate 

Id be devestated if they chose not to relate on a childhood memory 

It would be as much if they chose not to relate with me because I wasn't a perfect mother 

And I wasn't 

But as I told them, I'm not the best mum you could ever have

But Im better than the mum I never had

And I don't always get it right because I have no blueprint 

I've only got you lot to practise on 

And goodness knows you are not perfect 

And they weren't, and they are not

Although they think they were/are

Sandra


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Well countdown is upon us

The granddaughter is in tears as she is word short on the third assignment for her Law Masters ,they need to go in 
now

Ours had to be printed and delivered by hand, hers a click of the computer 

Only the dissertation to go now, thank goodness, I don't think my nerves could stand much more

How well I remember the feeling of panic as the deadline approached, no matter how early I started it was always a deadline rush

Mind you I had 6 kids to manage for the first degree, full time working and a few kids still around for the MSC 

A hot bath and a glass of wine is in order for her , several glasses for me !!!

A lot to be said for distance from family 

But she's calmed down now, life hasn't finished , don't you just love the drama of the young ?

So life can return to normal , I can listen to the radio it won't disturb her thought processes 

And when she's older and watching her own kids go through it

She will remember how it was for her 

Or maybe not

Sandra


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

I dunno how I ever passed any exams, never seemed to do much work.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

She passed straight As at 10 GCSEs 

Straight As at A levels

Requires a bit more research at masters level Barry 

Sandra


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