# Confession Time!



## prof20 (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi out there – confession time I think!

How about a section for confessions?

Here’s mine – one of them anyway. I might follow with others.

I’m not getting any younger, and I don’t want to take any secrets with me, so I feel I must unburden myself in relation to my uncharacteristic behaviour.

Curious? - Read on.

It was about seven years ago at the National Motorhome Show at York (one of the best venues ever – when are Warners going back?)

End of September, weather still balmy. Parked up with four friends in the Camping & Caravan Club Section, three vans.

Friday, set up the barbecue, wind-breaks, tables, chairs, Irish music on the CD player, started serious partying, invited number of passers-by to join in. One of the warmest days of that summer. A great time being had by all.

It went on into the evening, it got dark and we were still carousing.

You know how the vans are set out with wide aveues between rows? We noticed a family gathered in their awning in the opposite row across the avenue, two rows higher. Grandma, grandad, mum, dad, two children, all having a drink as well.

We had a remote ‘fart machine’ with us – transmitter, with seven different loud resounding trumps and a receiver, with a range of about 50 yards.

To my shame I crawled across the divide, native American Indian style, and I placed the receiver under the flap of their awning, then I crawled back.
Then the fun started.

First press of button, child’s shout of “‘GRANDAD!”

“WASN’T ME!”

Another press a few seconds later, followed by a few more presses resulted in the whole family eventually blaming each other for the outbreak of flatulence.

We were all in hysterics.

I then crawled back and retrieved the receiver.

The family did settle down without coming to blows.

Apologies if any of you were the family involved.

But that wasn’t the end of the fun.

We all then went to the beer tent, where my friend’s wife got in the queue for the bar with the receiver in her shoulder bag.

My wife pressed the button, and my friend’s wife smiled demurely at the two surprised men in the queue behind her.

My wife pressed it again, and my friend’s wife again smiled demurely at the men.

I was standing behind them and I heard them saying, “HAVE YOU HEARD HER THERE BLOWING OFF? SHE’S GOT A PROBLEM!”

Harmless fun, hope you agree.

Promise not to take it to Newark unless someone requests it.

Roger.


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## Briarose (Oct 9, 2007)

ROFL how naughty of you. :lol:


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## b16duv (Feb 14, 2006)

OK, here's mine

We were heading for the York Motorhome Show, and ended up heading south past the entrance to the racecourse - we were going to Tesco's at the roundabout about 1 mile down the road.

Most motorhomes coming to the show were heading NORTH up this road, so I gestured that they were going the wrong way and should turn around and follow us.

About 60 motorhomes pulled into Tescos carpark behind us.........

David


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## dawnwynne (Nov 14, 2009)

Very good you two! :lol: :lol:


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## DTPCHEMICALS (Jul 24, 2006)

I first started work 42 years ago, sounds like a lifetime away.
I was a junior sales trainee at John Collier in Doncaster.
On a saturday an old boy used to come in part time. Mr Pemberthy.

This old boy was full of tricks on new members of staff.
He used to wear a trilby.

Anyway one day i put a layer of newspaper in tghe band inside his hat, and did the same for a couple of weeks running.
Eventualy old Pem purchased a new hat as he thought the old one had shrunk in the rain.
I will not say what happened when Lady Pem found the paper!!

He did not like us mixing tea in his pipe full of baccy either.

Those were the days.


dave p


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

Oh boy memories.

I used to visit a fellow RV friend now and again. Never too early as I knew they were late risers and occasionally I have got them out of bed at 11am.

One morning about 11am I called and after ringing the bell and knocking on the door looked to see the bedroom curtains still closed.

The milk and a baguette had been delivered so I took a great bite out of the middle of the baguette and slid it back into the wrapper.

Months later I called again and in the middle of coffee I asked how they were doing? Not good was the reply. There are some odd people round here and we have put the house on the market. Y'know one morning we actually found someone had taken a great bite out of our bread delivery.

I never owned up and they didn't manage to sell.

Ray.


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## Hezbez (Feb 7, 2009)

prof20 said:


> I crawled across the divide, native American Indian style, then I crawled back.


I am familiar with that crawl. Did it many moons ago to 'borrow' a policemans helmet from the front seat of an unlocked police car!

Did put it back though, after I'd worn it for a wee while :lol:


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## Gazburger (Feb 26, 2008)

hi prof20 i dont suppose you remember were you got the machine from do you as i fancy one myself gazzburger


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## prof20 (Jan 11, 2007)

Hi Gazburger,
Seven years ago in British Home Stores. Doubt if they sell them now.

Hawkins Bazaar on the web have one with 4 sounds for £12.99, Item number 02160.

Good luck - don't get caught.

Roger.


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## Briarose (Oct 9, 2007)

Gazburger said:


> hi prof20 i dont suppose you remember were you got the machine from do you as i fancy one myself gazzburger


PM Sonesta they used to sell them in their shop................maybe she can still get them, I can see quite a few of us wanting them now :wink:


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## prof20 (Jan 11, 2007)

Confession 2!

40-odd years ago, labouring on a building site, I was tasked to get the brew ready for the lads.

One bricky was always playing practical jokes on everybody else. He had a big one-pint white enamelled steel mug.

I screwed the base to the wooden table from the inside with a round rubber washer and a metal washer above it, then filled it with his mashings.

Poor guy though he had lost all of his strength!

Good laugh.

Regards,
Roger.


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## badger (May 9, 2005)

One Christmas a few years ago, we were at work waiting to break up for the holidays. In Festive mood, myself and 2 or three others were looking out of the office window (1st Floor) that looked out on a busy street in stratford upon avon just sort of people watching.

Across the road was a carpet shop with a large front display window and we were watching the Manager (and sales assistant and tea boy) who was on his own :lol: ......Working like crazy to get the window display done before closing time.

Now we had noticed that the business end of the shop ie the sales desk office and phone were all at the far end of quite a large store......well that was it, it had to be done. Gleaning the phone number from the sign over the shop....we rang........it rang and rang and we watched and watched as the manager propped the roll of carpet that he was struggling with against the wall, climbed over the rest of the display and ran to the back of the shop to answer the phone...........and just as he got there......it stopped :lol: :lol: we were of course orchestrating the timing to perfection. He warlked back to the window, climbed over the now bedraggled display, picked up the roll of carpet to continue his window dressing when.......you guessed it......the phone started ringing and he went through it all again......and again....and again............this must have been the days before 1471 or he may have twigged.


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## ChrisandJohn (Feb 3, 2008)

Don't know why this thread is headed 'Confession'. I remember when confession meant having 'a firm purpose of amendment'. You lot don't sound at all sorry for your sins.  


Chris


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Brilliant thread, keep em coming.

Sorry but as you know I am as pure as the driven slush so have nothing to confess, not in public anyway as I don't like porridge.

Kev.


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## b16duv (Feb 14, 2006)

ChrisandJohn said:


> Don't know why this thread is headed 'Confession'. I remember when confession meant having 'a firm purpose of amendment'. You lot don't sound at all sorry for your sins.
> 
> Chris


You're absolutely right Chris. I thought it was hilarious, felt like the pied piper with all those wrinklies following me!

D


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## 1943 (May 28, 2008)

Many years ago when I was a young draughtsman (in the days before CAD, well computers even) there was a more senior bod in the office who was always going on about how good his drawings were. Anyway, one week he was particularly boastful about the drawing he'd been working on for the past 4 days and I just snapped, I arrived early the next morning, picked up his clutch pencil and replaced the lead with a piece of sharpened wire. He very nearly cut his drawing in half! This is the first time I've confessed to that.

I'm still taking the fifth amendment on the cling film and the ladies toilet.

Bob


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