# The Craziest, the Most Rated and Most Highly Rated Topic



## Duadua

The sole purpose of this thread is to allow you to compete uniquely with the under rated but very successful "Early Birds" and the equally unrated but runaway "Last member to post here is the best ever MHF member".

You can talk about anything, aires, gassing, A- frames etc., but you are obliged firstly, to rate this topic, and secondly to rate it 10 out of 10, using the

*Choose Rating: * button below

by going back to this topic after you have posted it, regardless of how banal this thread might actually be. That's really the point after all.

It's crazy I know, so you could make this the craziest thread of the lot, the most rated and the mosts highly rated thread.

We could start with:

Has anyone got a three wheeler motorhome?


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## teemyob

*Quake a minute*

Do I start it with the

"Did the earth move for you?"?

Trev.


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## Duadua

Why not, but did you rate it 10 out of 10? :wink:


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## teemyob

*yes*

have done now.

Trev.


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## Duadua

So this is now already the most highly rated topic on this forum!


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## asprn

Duadua said:


> So this is now already the most highly rated topic on this forum!


Hardly a claim to fame though, is it?

<stifled yawn....>


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## spykal

Hi

I rated this thread Ten ...any thread that can take Asprn from a fearful quaking wreck to a stifled yawn in so few minutes has to be a hot thread. :lol: 

Mike


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## androidGB

Hi Duadua, 

I am concerned that your post inviting us to discuss crazy and ridiculous subjects specifically mentioned a 3 wheel motorhome. 

You will remember that I told you in confidence of my plans to build one, based on the original 1970's Bond Bug, albeit twice the size in every dimension. 

You also mentioned gassing and once again were privy to my idea of pressurising the motorhome at 2 atmospheres to prevent noxious gas from being pumped in. 

You must be aware that the likes of Hymer, and certainly Swift monitor these forums and I firmly believe that my ideas will soon be appearing on their models. 

I am very disappointed 


Andrew


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## asprn

spykal said:


> any thread that can take Asprn from a fearful quaking wreck to a stifled yawn in so few minutes has to be a hot thread


No, no - that was the whiskey. 

Dougie.


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## Duadua

asprn said:


> Duadua said:
> 
> 
> 
> So this is now already the most highly rated topic on this forum!
> 
> 
> 
> Hardly a claim to fame though, is it?
> 
> <stifled yawn....>
Click to expand...

Absolutely correct, and whilst posting I trust the earthquake hasn't affected your tremoring prospective purchaser.

It's more a statistical test to see if this can indeed become the most highly rated topic, simply by rating it 10 out of 10, regardless of content and yawn appeal.

Just that.

It's up to the posters to see if at the same time as being perhaps the most highly rated topic whether or not it can become an interesting thread.

Crazy, ridiculous, of course, but so are many things in life, and this could be the craziest, most ridiculous of the lot.

I suppose it was bounced off the topic started by AndroidGB who was querying the poor use made of the rating button thus far. A good idea, a good facility, but under used perhaps?

Has your stifled yawn been the result of any dedication to the "Early Birds" topic ? :lol:


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## androidGB

C'mon lads lighten up this is supposed to be a fun topic. 

I'm sure that is how Duadua intended it to be. 

Those who do not wish to take contribute can give it a wide berth. 

However I feel it's doomed to failure if it resides in the Jokes & Trivia as this doesn't appear on the front page, whereas the Earlybirds does. 

I will ask the mods to move this to the Off Topic section to ensure parity. 


Andrew


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## Duadua

androidGB said:


> Hi Duadua,
> 
> I am concerned that your post inviting us to discuss crazy and ridiculous subjects specifically mentioned a 3 wheel motorhome.
> 
> You will remember that I told you in confidence of my plans to build one, based on the original 1970's Bond Bug, albeit twice the size in every dimension.
> 
> You also mentioned gassing and once again were privy to my idea of pressurising the motorhome at 2 atmospheres to prevent noxious gas from being pumped in.
> 
> You must be aware that the likes of Hymer, and certainly Swift monitor these forums and I firmly believe that my ideas will soon be appearing on their models.
> 
> I am very disappointed
> 
> Andrew


Andrew I fear I may have let you down and in particular I admit to having broken a confidence with you.

I must however reiterate my concerns with regard to your Bond Bug proposals which have influenced my unintentionally going public perhaps.

As we discussed, my concerns arose because the Bug was coloured orange, and that this orange colour was based upon a fibreglass substrate.

Early caravans were painted white or off white specifically to reflect solar heat gain on what was essentially a highly conductive light weight box with very little thermal mass. Later environmental planning concerns led to swathes of static caravans being painted light green and or cream to better melt or blend into the background of rolling hills and pastures.

The above history suggests that overtly orange Bugs would not fit into the English landscape and indeed could put their occupants at serious risk of injury in the proximity of bulls with a red / orange complex, as I believe the Bug to be inherently unstable when subjected to kinetic lateral forces. Orange bugs might however better fit into the Spanish Sierra Nevada landscape, but we both agreed this would be a relatively small market, and the risk of costly lateral bull damage in Spain might increase by a factor of approx. 1,010.

We went on to discuss repainting the Bug, but again I was fearful for overpainting the high gloss orange. I believed it might be necessary to mechanically etch the existing high gloss finish to provide a satisfactory and long lasting key for the English preferred light green colour.

Times have moved on however from our earliest discussions and the use of air-conditioning has enabled manufacturers to consider darker colours. In these green times we should however consider very carefully the use of non green colours.

I have not forgotten the gasing issue, or at least do not believe I have forgotten the gasing issue, as I confess to remaining a little fuzzy about this, and will perhaps revert to this in due course, if I could only remember to do so.

I apologise once again for breaking the agreement which existed between us but strangely feel comforted that now we have come out.

10 out of 10 for bringing this up.


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## androidGB

Thank you. 

I would very much like to believe that your reason for divulging these details were in my best interest, and similarly hope that you will also believe that me providing details of your "brain child" are for the same reason. 

This is certainly not a tit for tat reaction. 

When we met at the Patent Office and you told me that you had perfected The Cordless Extension Lead I thought you were pulling my Doodah. 

I have to hand it to you that it works, but at what expense. 

The area where your workshop is located, is identifiable on Google Maps because of the lack of vegatation which surrounds it. 

It is also no coincidence that I located you very easily in the unlit car park when we met the other night. 


So the reason for me posting this is for you please to take some advice from the very knowledgeable people on the forum 


Andrew 

(Looking for a new project)


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## eddievanbitz

Andrew I don’t know what you have to complain about! My thread on invisibility wasn't shown at all. Of particular concern regarding the loss was the link to the site that had contact details for the dehydrated water tablets. Each tablet was equivalent to one gallon (about 4.45 Litre) of water thus solving the payload problems for a number of people.

I bought one packet but they got damp so were unusable.

The other thread that I thought was great was the one with the instructions on freezing heat shrink so it could be re-used. This type of re-cycling should be applauded. I am not sure if anyone else remembers this thread but if you cut the soldered and heat shrunk joint and place it in a freezer at about –100°C the heat shrink regains it previous size and slides off so can be re-used. All you need to do then is to re-solder the joint you have cut (don’t forget to insulate the soldered joint! A bit of heat shrink is ideal for this!)

Excellent threads that seem to have disappeared !

Cheers

Eidde Nav Ztib


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## GEMMY

Asprn, 

I didn't think you drank whiskey,I always put you down as a whisky 

drinker :lol: 

tony.


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## Duadua

Eidde Nav Ztib

I would be very interested in the dehydrated water tablets if you could find the link again please.

We have a huge volume of space in what might otherwise be the belly locker devoted to the storage of water which I have always thought could be put to much better alternative use.

My concern would be whether or not a regular hair dryer would be powerful enough to devacuummould the tank for easy removal through its filler. Any vents would have to be sealed prior to this devacuummoulding process. An added bonus of course would be that both types of mould, the ex three dimensional form and the bacterial agent would be properly wasted.

What would of course be better still would be if we could dehydrate the waste water as well, as this really does seem to me to be a further waste of valuable space. Did your link offer any advice on this as well? This could become quite a money spinner to offset some of the diesel bills, as we find many eager passengers willing to pay quite large sums of money for belly passage to the Europe from Morocco and to the UK from France.

Any further advice always welcomed.

Here's to the future ... Less Space is More Space.


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## eddievanbitz

Duadua

An excellent idea! Removal of the water tank will give you loads of additional storage. The grey tank could be removed as well if you re-de-hydrate the water once you have used it.

I would see the process working this way. The water is re-hydrated, used for washing etc and then once used de-hydrated using the methods discussed in the thread on invisibility.

We are also very keen on the possibility that by having potable de-hydrated water tablets available, which could be ingested when thirsty, the need for the Thetford could be dramatically reduced. In fact a small bag for solids would be necessary.

This thread is getting more and more exciting, although I am worried that like Andrews three wheeler idea the content could be stolen by a major motorhome manufacturer!


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## Duadua

*Navigation to the invisiblity thread.*

Eidde Nav Ztib

Always difficult to find, particularly when in a hurry.

From experience at platform 9 3/4 at King's Cross Station, you might rediscover the invisibility thread by hitting the "Choose Rating:" button below, entering 10 rather than entering by 9 3/4 at King's Cross?

It worked for me, and may work for others?

Can't see if we have met there yet?

I agree we should remain aware of what might appear to be friendly banter from major motorhome manufacturers and dealers offering any "Less Space is More Space" deals to their customers.

I also think your idea to hide your identity by spelling your name in reverse is a "nalp gninnuc tub elpmis" which could go some way to protect the potentially lucrative, both flowering and flowing, ideas in this thread and those already unravelling in the invisibility thread, and could be adopted by all.

,ylbisiv sruoY

auDauD


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## androidGB

Received a phone call from a friend of mine who overheard a conversation in his local. His ears pricked up when he heard Motorhomefacts being mentioned as he knows I subscribe to it.

Well apparently the conversation revolved around the dehydration/rehydration discussion you have been having.

The guys involved were deep sea fisherman and their idea was that as fish like most creatures are made up mostly of water, could they instead of freezing, dehydrate and then rehydrate them.

As one of them was heard to say "Less Space is More Plaice"


Andrew


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## carolgavin

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm I am glad that none of you are privy to my fantastic and wonderful inventions which will put yours in the shade!!
No longer will you have to suffer the indignity of emtying that wee cassette thingy!! All you need are worms!! Yes humble garden worms which to save money you can dig up yourself. Of course to harvest enough you will have to purchase at a very fair price The Worm Whisperer DVD for which I have exclusive worldwide distibuting rights! It includes full instructions and a free gift of worm mulch. :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## androidGB

Without giving too much away, and I am assuming your main concern is to sell the DVD not supply the worms.

Where exactly do you put the worms is it in the cassette or do you ingest them.

If it is the former then it may contravene a patent which I have already filed, The Blubottle Colon Eee.

The basic idea centres around a breeding Blue Bottle Colony that reside in the cassette, they feed upon the unmentionable, and then at regular intervals a timer and a modified Sog system release a measured quantity. These are replaced by the young, it is microprocessor controlled so that the balance is always maintained. If the numbers start to fall a small heater accelerates the breeding process


Andrew


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## carolgavin

androidGB said:


> Without giving too much away, and I am assuming your main concern is to sell the DVD not supply the worms.
> 
> Where exactly do you put the worms is it in the cassette or do you ingest them.
> 
> If it is the former then it may contravene a patent which I have already filed, The Blubottle Colon Eee.
> 
> The basic idea centres around a breeding Blue Bottle Colony that reside in the cassette, they feed upon the unmentionable, and then at regular intervals a timer and a modified Sog system release a measured quantity. These are replaced by the young, it is microprocessor controlled so that the balance is always maintained. If the numbers start to fall a small heater accelerates the breeding process
> 
> Andrew


Hi andrew hon no worries your patent is safe. Yes i would prefer not to actually supply the worms but could if necessary. The DVD is my primary focus. Just between you and me, the worms are fed a special 'item' contained in the mulch. Cannot divulge what it is of course. All you need to do is pop a few in cassette do your doo and wormie eats the whole lot. Heres the science bit, doo poopy jobbie or whatever you want to call it is transformed by wormie into neat little pellets which it fires out at regular intervals through a wee vent!! Neat huh!!!!


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## androidGB

Excellent, It's quite interesting that we've both come to a solution to same problem using Gods little creatures instead of that environmentally unfriendly blue stuff. 

Perhaps we ought to invite Pusser into this discussion as he is a leading authority on all things lavatorial 



Andrew


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## eddievanbitz

Frankly I am amazed that you have missed the obvious! Audaud and I have been discussing payload reduction using dehydrated water. 

I also use worms in my poo tank, but, and this is the obvious bit, I keep small birds in the tank to feed on the worms! Each small bird has a small harness made out of the finest leather known to man, that made from the Dodo's foreskin.

With each bird harnessed to the van, we do not achieve flight, but we do dramatically reduce the weight of the van. To be honest, after a good curry the van is virtually weightless.

I think that we should keep this idea to ourselves though!


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## carolgavin

eddievanbitz said:


> Frankly I am amazed that you have missed the obvious! Audaud and I have been discussing payload reduction using dehydrated water.
> 
> I also use worms in my poo tank, but, and this is the obvious bit, I keep small birds in the tank to feed on the worms! Each small bird has a small harness made out of the finest leather known to man, that made from the Dodo's foreskin.
> 
> With each bird harnessed to the van, we do not achieve flight, but we do dramatically reduce the weight of the van. To be honest, after a good curry the van is virtually weightless.
> 
> I think that we should keep this idea to ourselves though!


Wow what brilliant minds we have :lol: I agree we must keep this to ourselves. Although pusser would be an interesting advisor!! 
Eddie thiose birds stroke of genius petal.

Forgot to ask why does this thread not appear in the top 30 on front page??


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## Velvettones

eddie - when the birds are in flight surely the weight reduction on the downstroke is reapplied on the upstroke

and how do you prevent them from landing?

Mark


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## Velvettones

thetford solution number 3

what to do with the birds

1. buy a cat
2. keep cat in M/H
3. flush the toilet to allow newly gorged birds to escape

IMPORTANT NOTE - Do Not Feed The Cat Beforehand


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## Duadua

*Security Issue*

As 2008-02-27, 09:14:14 confirmed he "received a phone call from a friend of mine who overheard a conversation in his local."

I was to comment on s'nivagloral (Currently "Yesterday - 8:09 pm" but tomorrow likely to be "2008-02-28, 20:09:xx") useful contribution and in particular the soon to be famous and, I fear, now to be much pirated by deep sea fisherman, The Worm Whisperer DVD, by writing this post in reverse when I noted belatedly that DVD (as written here in the traditional forward, as to be expected and left to right manner) would be much the same as DVD (now written again here, but on this occassion in the secretive reverse and right to left manner).

Clearly it all too easy for major motorhome manufacturers, dealers and deep sea fishermen to trawl this rich, nutritious, and inventive vein.

Perhaps in future when addressing each other either here or in the local, or when deeply suspicious of trawling deep sea fisherman, we could enquire of each other's *Date Rated *codes as found here in the ::The Invisibility Thread ::

This might go some way to ensure that the nuggets remained for the benefit of MHF subscribers, and an added benefit might be that we would no longer have to lower our voices to a whisper when addressing the worms.

It was at this point that I found that *Eidde Nav Ztib * was indeed himself invisible as he could not be found within ::The Invisibility Thread  :: This alarms me ... is he the deep sea fisherman talking freely in 2008-02-27, 09:14:14 's local?

Now to important matters and currently "Yesterday - 10:49 pm 's" but tomorrow likely to be "2008-02-28, 22:49:xx 's" question - _when the birds are in flight surely the weight reduction on the downstroke is reapplied on the upstroke and how do you prevent them from landing? _

I think some serious issues have been raised here which require addressing. The last question as to how to prevent them from landing is the easiest to address, simply by tying the birds harnesses to the top of the tank rather than the bottom of the tank with ribbons no longer than half the height of the tank. This then leaves open the question how to get the upward lift, which *Eidde Nav Ztib * is relying upon for his alternative flightless wormless, or not too many worms, rather than entirely wormless solution, or otherwise their would be no worms at all and then "Yesterday - 8:09 pm 's" (but tomorrow likely to be "2008-02-28, 20:09:xx 's") solution wouldn't work at all either, which might require the bird harnesses being tied to the bottom of the tank with ribbons no longer than half the depth of the tank.

I am hoping that by describing the lengths of the two sets of ribbons by reference to the height and then the depth of the tank we may have fooled the laws of gravity and Newtons law of equal and opposite forces, if we can ensure Newton remains asleep.

auDauD 2008-02-27, 01:08:31


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## carolgavin

Leesen very carefully I shall say thees only once!! Important question ask I must??

What will we do with those who will not do a poo in their motorhome loo??

think everyone think


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## ksebruce

*Re: Security Issue*



Duadua said:


> As 2008-02-27, 09:14:14 confirmed he "received a phone call from a friend of mine who overheard a conversation in his local."
> 
> I was to comment on s'nivagloral (Currently "Yesterday - 8:09 pm" but tomorrow likely to be "2008-02-28, 20:09:xx") useful contribution and in particular the soon to be famous and, I fear, now to be much pirated by deep sea fisherman, The Worm Whisperer DVD, by writing this post in reverse when I noted belatedly that DVD (as written here in the traditional forward, as to be expected and left to right manner) would be much the same as DVD (now written again here, but on this occassion in the secretive reverse and right to left manner).
> 
> Clearly it all too easy for major motorhome manufacturers, dealers and deep sea fishermen to trawl this rich, nutritious, and inventive vein.
> 
> Perhaps in future when addressing each other either here or in the local, or when deeply suspicious of trawling deep sea fisherman, we could enquire of each other's *Date Rated *codes as found here in the ::The Invisibility Thread ::
> 
> This might go some way to ensure that the nuggets remained for the benefit of MHF subscribers, and an added benefit might be that we would no longer have to lower our voices to a whisper when addressing the worms.
> 
> It was at this point that I found that *Eidde Nav Ztib * was indeed himself invisible as he could not be found within ::The Invisibility Thread  :: This alarms me ... is he the deep sea fisherman talking freely in 2008-02-27, 09:14:14 's local?
> 
> Now to important matters and currently "Yesterday - 10:49 pm 's" but tomorrow likely to be "2008-02-28, 22:49:xx 's" question - _when the birds are in flight surely the weight reduction on the downstroke is reapplied on the upstroke and how do you prevent them from landing? _
> 
> I think some serious issues have been raised here which require addressing. The last question as to how to prevent them from landing is the easiest to address, simply by tying the birds harnesses to the top of the tank rather than the bottom of the tank with ribbons no longer than half the height of the tank. This then leaves open the question how to get the upward lift, which *Eidde Nav Ztib * is relying upon for his alternative flightless wormless, or not too many worms, rather than entirely wormless solution, or otherwise their would be no worms at all and then "Yesterday - 8:09 pm 's" (but tomorrow likely to be "2008-02-28, 20:09:xx 's") solution wouldn't work at all either, which might require the bird harnesses being tied to the bottom of the tank with ribbons no longer than half the depth of the tank.
> 
> I am hoping that by describing the lengths of the two sets of ribbons by reference to the height and then the depth of the tank we may have fooled the laws of gravity and Newtons law of equal and opposite forces, if we can ensure Newton remains asleep.
> 
> auDauD 2008-02-27, 01:08:31


I'll have a pint of what you're drinking :lol:


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## androidGB

Have you ever wondered why if you buy swiss rolls in the UK it is wound anti-clockwise, yet if you purchase one in Sydney it is clockwise?

My old Uncle Henry never went anywhere without an ample supply and fearing he might be unable to get them in Australia packed four in his case.

On opening said valise he discovered that all four hand unwound soiling his dress shirt.

Now I know what you're thinking this could be to do with the earths rotation, or the magnetic effect of the poles, there in Australia as well now.

But the real mystery was that in each case the cellophane was intact.

Makes you think doesn't it


werdnA


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## Duadua

Dear 2008-02-27, 09:14:14

_"Have you ever wondered why if you buy swiss rolls in the UK it is would anti-clockwise, yet if you purchase on in Sydney it is clockwise? "_

You are a genius!

Without knowing it you have cracked the problem of green (or brown in this case) travel.

All we have to do is work out how many swiss rolls are required under each motorhome.

UK swiss rolls for forward, and Oz rolls for reverse!

We could have two sets, one or other lifts, as already done with some tag axles, as gear shift is pushed forwards or back.

If we get our sums right, not too many to be too firm, or too few to have no suspension at all, we could go on then to save a fortune on air suspension as well and rely upon the sponge cake itself to provide the ultimate in cushioned rides.

Probably best to remove the cellophane for extra grip in winter.

Yours in awe 2008-02-27, 01:08:31


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## 97201

Peeps ( to hide Identities )

This point about invisibleness is actually all wrong! If and only if you go back to page one and read the 7(a-b) + 32 = X post on that page you will note that the workshop was easy to find because of lack of flora or was it 'I can't believe its not butter' surrounding it.

There can only be one conclusion to this. Yes Peeps, you've guessed it NUCLEAR FISSION. That is wot powers the non-existantical leads.

This is further, and believe me I would like to be further, amplified, oh sorry AMPLIFIED by the fact that auduad was clearly seen in an unlit car park. He was glowing green!!!! Unless of course it was daytime then there would have been no need for lighting :roll: :roll: 

Nai, posted tomorrow am


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## Duadua

Dear 2008-03-04, 10:49:09

Welcome to the <<The Invisibility Thread>>

*A*s you state "the workshop was easy to fi*n*d because *o*f lack of flora or was i*t* 'I can't believe its not butter' surrounding it."

W*h*ilst *e*a*r*lier *co*mments inclu*de*d "*c*ream t*o* better melt or blend into the backgro*u*nd of ro*l*ling hills and pastures", I ha*d* not taken considered for one moment any effect Nuclear Fission might have, for which I must thank you*?*

My further and more pressing concern concerns our common concern which must concern all concerned when reading this concern, *be**in*g *t*hat I had believed that my whe*r*eab*o*uts ha*d* remained secret, *u*ntil that is heard in the lo*c*al and found, now I und*e*rstan*d*, not only in the car park, but _nai_ glowing *in* *th*e car park.

I can only *i*magine that my wearing, in what now appear*s* to be a foolish and ill thought out attempt *to disguise myself*, the ubiquitious dark glasses had severely dimmed my view of any glowing.

Yours 2008-02-27, 01:08:31


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## Duadua

Dear 2008-03-04, 10:49:09

Forgot to ask, in terms of visibility or conversely glowing smoke screens, what's the latest news re giving up the smoke?

Yours 2008-02-27, 01:08:31


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## Duadua

After reading http://www.motorhomefacts.com/ftopicp-392550.html#392550 I wonder if a discount, as well as a sticker, has already been offered to Labradors thinking of joining MHF?

If so, this might seem grossly unfair to any Dalmations and Poodles wishing to join.


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## androidGB

Duadua said:


> After reading http://www.motorhomefacts.com/ftopicp-392550.html#392550 I wonder if a discount, as well as a sticker, has already been offered to Labradors thinking of joining MHF?
> 
> If so, this might seem grossly unfair to any Dalmations and Poodles wishing to join.


Not to mention Greenlanders


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## Duadua

Newfoundlands ?


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## androidGB

Duadua said:


> Newfoundlands ?


Which ones are you referring to?


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## Grizzly

Dear Sir

Last week I painted black stripes all over my brand new motorhome. My neighbour has had black stripes all over his motorhome for years now.

I think he did it to keep the zebras away. I write to tell you how successful this has been and suggest you publish my solution to this problem on the pages of your worthy forum.

I have not seen a single zebra near our motorhomes and I take no other precautions, other than playing lion roaring recordings now and then.

With best wishes to all your readers and please send me my free copy of 
Motorhoming in Antarctica for Complete Beginners ( volume 65 )

G


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## Duadua

Sir

On reading your success in keeping the zebras away I have gone out and bought some black paint and black paint brushes, the brushes being black in case I am spotted by a Zebra mid-way through painting the anti-zebra stripes, when it occurred to me that your obvious success in keeping the zebras away, which I wholeheartedly applaud, may not conclusively have been proven to result from the freshly painted black stripes upon your new motorhome, because as you say, you have also being playing lion recordings now and then.

I now feel somewhat foolish, having taken the day off work to rush out to the shops, not now knowing whether to finish the job painting the stripes, up the sides, across the top and down the opposite sides, or to seek a lion owner to approach him for a recording of his lion while being prodded with a stick by a not highly valued, I must admit, past friend of mine.

I wonder therefore if it would be more conclusive if you could carry out a controlled test, firstly, by temporarily covering the stripes with bed sheets and playing the lion roaring recordings, and secondly, by then removing the temporary bed sheets, thereby once again exposing your newly painted black stripes, but on this occassion muffling the lion roaring recordings with the bed sheets, or if you think it would be easier by turning the lion roaring recordings off.

If you are able, I would be most appreciative of your further findings in due course. But please do not put yourself in any danger when carrying out these tests.

Unfortunately, the Motorhoming in Antartica for Complete Beginners (volume 65) was a runaway success and copies cannot now be found for love nor money. We have however one last copy of the immediately preceding volume, which we will happily put to one side for you, entitled Motorhoming in Antartica for The Advanced (volume 64).

Alternatively, it may be that the white covered, as they have been, aforementioned volumes Motorhoming in Antartica for Complete Beginners (volume 65) have been waylaid in the snows of Antartica, and perhaps we should follow your suggestion to paint your new motorhome with black stripes, by painting further new editions with similar black stripes?

I can foresee a downside however in that these books might then become attractive to Polar Bears of a high intelligence who might otherwise have missed them in their rush to the fisheries.

Yours, from the scientifically tested and acclaimed

>> *Invisibility Thread *<<

2008-02-27, 01:08:31


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## androidGB

Grizzly, this is very interesting, I'd heard about this idea several years ago, and painted white stripes over my black transit. But unfortunately this had little effect and in the end we had to get rid of the van due to the frequent zebra attacks.

I think therefore that it is probably the playing of lion sounds that is having the desired effect rather than the stripes.

I did try playing dolphin sounds once but found this attracted pregnant new
age travellers in their scores


Andrew


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## Grizzly

Sir

We senior members of The Nether Pithfold Allotments Society have successfully kept elephants away from our allotment for many years. We use torn up Yellow Pages directories and scatter them widely. We are proud to report that we consistently grow the largest marrows in the county with no more than suspicion of a tusk mark when Mrs Higginbotthom had been less than zealous in her scattering.

Recently however I read in your worthy forums that Yellow Pages were to be recycled and would no longer be available as elephant repellant.

I would be grateful if your readers could suggest an eco-friendly alternative.

I remain Sir etc etc


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## carolgavin

Grizzly said:


> Sir
> 
> We senior members of The Nether Pithfold Allotments Society have successfully kept elephants away from our allotment for many years. We use torn up Yellow Pages directories and scatter them widely. We are proud to report that we consistently grow the largest marrows in the county with no more than suspicion of a tusk mark when Mrs Higginbotthom had been less than zealous in her scattering.
> 
> Recently however I read in your worthy forums that Yellow Pages were to be recycled and would no longer be available as elephant repellant.
> 
> I would be grateful if your readers could suggest an eco-friendly alternative.
> 
> I remain Sir etc etc


This is somewhat easy to resolve as I see you have a suply of lion recording therefore one must assume access to said lions. Notwithstanding the sad demise of hithertoo not valued friend of the above poster but two I would suggest Mrs Higginbottom be hastily despatched to collect dung of lion, carefully and without clear and present danger immediately if not in fact sooner. Scatter said poopy amongst ones marigolds, giant carrots marrows and sundry other vegetarian delicacies and bobs ones ecofriendly alternative.
The heffalumps will scarper soonish but beware they have a penchant for large white vans with black stripes, and will head straight for them. Nothing as yet has distracted them from this as they seem to be in love.

Yours


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## Grizzly

carolgavin said:


> The heffalumps will scarper soonish but beware they have a penchant for large white vans with black stripes, and will head straight for them. Nothing as yet has distracted them from this as they seem to be in love.
> Yours


I am eternally grateful for your prompt reply. Even as we speak the sounds of the jungle are loud over Nether Pithfold ( and I'm afraid Lesser, Lower, Upper and Higher Pithfold as Mr Higginbotthom is unable to master the controls of our amplified MP3 Dansette gramophone)

We have rounded up the black striped vans and surrounded their corral with the remains of Mrs Footit's blackberry canes - sadly they came to nothing after an invasion of Grizzly bears earlier in the year.

I hope to be able to report an uneventful night in Nether ( and Lesser, Lower, Upper and Higher ) Pithfold tonight . I fear however that it mught be a case of Nessun Dorma for we seem to have an abundance of police and press vans gathering.

I remain yours....


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## Duadua

androidGB said:


> Grizzly, this is very interesting, I'd heard about this idea several years ago, and painted white stripes over my black transit. But unfortunately this had little effect and in the end we had to get rid of the van due to the frequent zebra attacks.
> 
> I think therefore that it is probably the playing of lion sounds that is having the desired effect rather than the stripes.
> 
> I did try playing dolphin sounds once but found this attracted pregnant new
> age travellers in their scores
> 
> Andrew


Sir

So sorry to hear of the loss of your van due to alleged zebra attacks.

I note your van had been black with white stripes, rather than the proffered and preferred Grizzly white van with black painted stripes.

I say alleged zebra attacks, since I am concerned if you have not seen any zebras, but perhaps that you had thought you had suffered at the hooves of zebras, but that instead perhaps and alternatively you had been parked on a road somewhere and had experienced much heavy pedestrian foot traffic over the roof of your van, having perhaps left some flashing amber hazard lights switched on overnight at each corner of the said _*transit*_ ... to use your very own and succinct expression.

Like you, however, I await further detailed analysis to confirm whether Grizzly's undoubted success in keeping the zebras at bay was due to the black stripes painted upon a white van or the use of lion roaring recordings or the combination of the two.

Finally, thank you indeed for confirming that the playing of dolphin sounds attracted, in your experience, pregnant new age travellers in their scores, as albeit I was aware of the dolphins ability to communicate underwater, I had been hitherto unaware of the dolphin's ability to write such beautiful musical scores, which attracted pregnant new age travellers, particularly when bearing in mind their complete lack of fingers and inability to hold a quill pen.

Yours, also without a quill, but here's the luck of the draw, with a keyboard with which to type this message.


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## androidGB

I don't know if any of you are aware of Trumpton Plc, but I was a very good friend of Windy Miller before he moved on to better things.

He told me a rather interesting tale of a community of Aardvarks that had taken up residence in his flour sacks. 

This was in the days of hesian sacks and it was for this reason that the entire industry changed to paper based sacks.

Makes you think doesn't it



Andrew


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## Grizzly

Sir

As feared, a disturbed night in the Pithfold villages. At 1.0am the police finally wrested Mr Higginbottham from the controls of the MP3 Dansette gramophone player and quelled the noise of roaring lions. We were just deploying members of the allotment society on zebra watch when there arrived, via the River Pith, a barge full of remarkable young people. 

Each wore crystals and beads galore and seemed not to be able to distinguish gender as they addressed all present, indiscriminately, as Man - a fact which considerably agitated Mrs Higginbottham who was observed on several occasions to be discreetly lifting her skirts. 

Their boat was covered in black stripes and no zebra were observed so, the theory proposed by your readers does bear weight; black stripes without lion noises do indeed deter zebra. They might however be invisible zebra so we at Nether Pithfold will continue our vigilance.

I am informed by the local constabulary that black striped motorhomes are anathema to them - I believe they confuse the speed camersa- so I have this morning purchased, from Mr Colcannon, our inestimable ironmonger, a bottle of Fenwicks Black Streak Remover.

In parentheses, so to speak I wonder if your readers realise that the River Pith is the source of the Pithianus helmeticus tree ? A source of pride to our village, you will agree. Dr Livingstone shares, our pride ( I assume ).

I remain Sir....




[


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## Duadua

Grizzly said:


> Sir
> 
> Their boat was covered in black stripes and no zebra were observed so, the theory proposed by your readers does bear weight; black stripes without lion noises do indeed deter zebra.
> 
> [


*OH MY GOD!*

I lost a good friend last night in the pursuit of lion roaring recordings and now you conclude black stripes without lion roaring recordings are sufficient to deter the zebras.

I now feel somewhat faint, and await the knock knock knock on the door and an invitation to join Mr. Higginbottom, as I must now apply myself to getting rid of the remains of my late good friend's body.

I understand the lion was not as hungry as he might usually have been last night due to a continuous stream of people seeking lion roaring recordings, as a direct result of your posting here sir! It was being said last night that as the night went by the lion roaring recordings were erring towards much satisfied and satiated lion belching recordings.

I am now left with a devil's own job in having to find somewhere for 2 legs and a lower torso.

Any concern I might have had, Sir, for your disturbed night in Pithfold is now greatly diminished.

Yours as I wait to join Mr Higginbottom.

PS I would, however, be obliged, Sir, if you could ask Mrs Higginbottom, if she has any interest in procuring 2 hairy legs and a lower male torso, for loose fitting, perhaps, beneath her skirt, with which she might like in future to address the crystal and bead wearing remarkable young people, who hitherto, have continued to address Mrs Higginbottom, and all others, as Man?


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## 97201

There is a more dangerous beastie out there on the prowl at this time of the year, that is far more dangerous than Zebras or lions and because it can metamorphasise itself into a multitude of colours, no known camouflage will repell it. Before I reveal all readers, the main reason that threat is so dangerous to MH owners is that it has a cohort, meaning we are facing a two pronged attack!

I am of course referring to _dare I mention them_ ok, the choccy bunnie and the Easter X.

These Easter X are filled with Smarties and other goodies to tempt poor MH owners down a path that leads to _choccy heaven_ no, no, we must fight it. Raise your wind breaks and awnings and chaps and chapesses stand fast. We are the last line of defense!

Ian


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## Duadua

Just spent time with Mr. Higginbottom in the local cell. 

Mr Higginbottom remains there as I write, happy in the knowledge that he should not be disturbed by Lions, Zebras or indeed Mrs Higginbottom. Mr. Higginbottom thinks this a more than satisfactory solution, particularly since he now receives a regular early morning cup of tea from an uncomplaining source.

Mrs Higginbottom had responded to my earlier enquiry and discretely confirmed her interest in procuring 2 hairy legs and a lower male torso, for loose fitting, perhaps, beneath her skirt, with which she might like in future to return the address from the crystal and bead wearing remarkable young people, who hitherto, had continued to address Mrs Higginbottom, and all others, as Man?

Before responding, I had first of all to ascertain whether or not Mrs Higginbottom was acting on behalf of my dear departed friend’s relatives or worse the constabulary of Nether (and Lesser, Lower, Upper and Higher) Pithfold.

Her advances gave me a comfortable feeling however during the many visitors’ hours we spent together and Mrs Higginbottom assured me of her interest by volunteering to kindly settle bail for my early release. 

I feel however that I may have been locked away for far longer than I had imagined, since I feel certain it was spring-like, being warm and sunny when I was taken away, yet, upon my early release, winter appeared to have arrived earlier still, as snow lay on the ground! 

Mrs Higginbottom’s seeming interest in me has, I am now much relieved to say, greatly diminished, as I was unable to locate the hastily buried 2 hairy legs and a lower male torso.

Instead I have found traces of blood upon the snow and altogether new and quite dreadful polar bear roaring sounds.

I do not as yet know whether this is in any way related to the milder two pronged and eared choccie bunnie or the Easter X. 

Neither do I know if the polar bear roaring sounds are simply polar bear roaring sounds or if they are polar bears roaring, rather than otherwise the sounds of polar bears roaring. 

But what I now also fear is what colour the stripes upon the motorhome might be. Two pronged and eared choccie bunnie colour on white or polar white on white? Would it help to have sticky out fluffy ears on the front corners of the cab?

Mr. Higginbottom remains luckier still as he is currently unaware of the two pronged and eared choccie bunnie or the Easter X. When writing to him, it might perhaps therefore be best not to mention the two pronged and eared choccie bunnie or the Easter X.


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