# Pussers Report Part 3 (Final)



## Pusser

Part 3 Two Loos La Trek heads North to UK

Violent storms were forecast in France so we decided to head back home using Route National where possible and the first leg was from Cogolin to St. Maximin-la-Sainte-Baune next to the A8 via Collobrieres on the D14. I have to say that this D14 which has just been newly resurfaced runs through the mountains with glorious valley views. This is a must run if you are in the area. Some of the trees are still blackened from a forest fire and I would imagine this is why the road has been resurfaced. Virtually at the top of this mountain pass is an area of remembrance for three firemen that died in the fire – a pic is in Pussers Nest somewhere. Here you can safely park and take in the views and wonder at the sacrifice these firemen and their families made. Two Loos La Trek has only a 1.9TD engine but it leaps up and down mountains like a goat eating U bends and S bends with ease. I am really impressed unlike my wife who holds on to the grab handle and sticks her feet on the dashboard and offers a constant flow of advice on speed, handling and possible hazards ahead. E.g. “Slow down - you are doing more than 50 Rappels”.

There was some info I searched in vain for in the forums about lightening striking a motor home and the affects one can expect. I think it may have been Boff leading with the info on this and apologies if it were not.

As memory serves (which it rarely does), the safest place to be is in the cab area because of some physics law. And…. apparently if lighting struck the plastic body of a motor home, this would simply cause a large hole in the bodywork if indeed, any bodywork is left. So I am wondering where I stand in my motor home, which I think is aluminium clad. Am I a travelling lightening conductor? Should you not park under a tree in a storm? Knowing my luck, I will be the first member of the website to find out and I also know exactly where I will be sitting if lightening does strike.

Diesel now is 1.20 euro per litre and Cathy from camping L'Argentière advised us before departure that petrol depots were being blocked by protesters in Northern France. So we made sure we filled up at every opportunity until I knew that the tank full I had would get us to UK without further top ups.

At some point we joined the auto route and stayed on it to get to the other side of Lyon and out of the gas attack area in a reasonable time and also because on the way down there was a diversion which to us seemed to be a conducted tour of every street in the city other than the main roads and tunnels. With 50 miles or so safety margin on the other side we pulled into an Aires to sleep.

Just before I turned in, I went outside to check everything although I am not too sure what I am supposed to be checking and watched as a C Class from Belgium docked in front of us. I assume the letter B stands for Belgium and if not it was from either Bulgaria or Bognor Regis. This was a mighty machine and I cannot remember the make but not one of the common ones. Two couples piled out with some sort of white woolly sausage, which I believe, was a dog but it was too difficult to tell. If it was a dog I would be surprised if even it knew which end its arse was attached too.

The couple consisted of a middle aged couple, forty somethings, and a younger couple in their mid twenties. They disappeared into the restaurant area and I didn’t see them again until the morning and boy did I see them again.

Because I am obese in a fat sort of way and at least 6 feet tall when I am lying down, (5’ 6”” when standing up as my stomach pulls my neck down) I sleep on my own in the over cab bed. The bed downstairs that converts into a dining table for four is not really big enough for wife and I to share simultaneously. So that is her pit. Occasionally I am called down there under a servicing agreement but it would not be tonight.

It was peeing down with rain so the vents were barely open but the temperature remained high and I opened the front window of my overhead cab for a most welcome breeze of slightly chilled air. I lay there for sometime admiring the coach built in front of me and the huge rear lounge I could see from my elevated position and drifted off to sleep dreaming that someone would buy Two Loos La Trek so I too can get a rear lounge jobby.

I awoke just as dawn dawned and there was not a cloud in the sky in complete contrast to the weather forecast predictions. The Belgium Bus was still there all blinded and curtained up and I thought I could smell fresh bread but it may have been my feet.

I do not normally lay in bed in the morning, partly due to an unforgiving bladder, partly due to my weight making it uncomfortable to lay in one position, partly because I need a cigarette (although I am down to about 5 per day now from 60), partly because I need a cup of tea but this morning I needed nowt. I opened the vent fully and just watched and smelt the morning air. It was going to be a good day.

I then turned on my side to look out the front over cab window and noticed that the C class had now been uncurtained and unblinded and I watched them potter about inside for a few moments and then got out of bed to put the kettle on. I opened our front door to let some clean fresh air in and saw the older of the Belgium men going off to the restaurant area and the younger of the women taking the sausage for a stroll among the trees.

I felt a bit chilly so poured myself a glass of apple juice and jumped (well sort of crawled and levered) back into my bed and “Oh my God”.

Mr. Young Belgium was humping Mrs. Old Belgium on a king size rear lounge the type I so desperately need and now even more so seeing further advantages. 

I watched totally mesmerized and did question whether it was morally correct to do so. I decided it was not morally correct to do so but still decided to carry on watching.

Well, I learned a few things I can tell you. For one, I never realised the man had to move until now so the missus is going to be in for a big surprise on Friday night and curiously, two; he was laying on top bringing my total of known Kama Sutra positions to three.

Then I saw the woolly sausage dragging the young woman back to the Coach built and it was like being part of a TV thriller. She got to the door and I thought they have had it. They must be caught in flagrante delicto. 

Mrs. Young Belgium opened the door and lifted the woolly sausage in because it was too spoilt to be made to climb up the one step. The humping continued. By now my fingernails had been bitten down to the second knuckle. And then……absolutely nothing. The humping continued and Mrs. Young Belgium filled a bowl with something and gave it the woolly sausage.

Mr. Old Belgium arrived back with a carrier bag full of stuff and he simply went to the kitchen area and started, I presume, making breakfast.

I was so confused it was quite difficult for me to gather my wits when suddenly Mr. Young Belgium got off Mrs. Old Belgium, looked up and saw me. I knew what to do instinctively. I have read it so many times on this website. I waved to him as one motor homer to another but the miserable sod did not wave back.

I really needed a *** and a cup of tea now and I dropped into the kitchen area trying to work out precisely what was going on but gave up just as I heard a Merc diesel fire up and the mighty coach built drove off into the sunrise.

About an hour later we left the Aires and also left the auto route for the Route National to save payage fees which in that area are class 2 and also to see a bit more of the real France.

The morning’s drive was magical going through neat and tidy and clean villages which seemed almost deserted and where even architectural blunders seem to fit in perfectly.
We will never again use the autoroute unless we have to. It was the very best road journey we have ever had with absolutely loads of interesting stuff to see. Rivers, churches, fields, animals, flowers, the lot. The next time we are over there we will spend much more time getting to our destination to take in the variety of culture that France has to offer.

The route we followed was pretty much adjacent to the auto route through Chaumont and up to St. Dizier to a campsite found on Lac Du Der. Camping de la Presqu’ile de Champaubert XXXX star. Address is 52290 Braucourt – Eclaron.
Nice clean site with disposal facilities, hot showers, and right by the side of the lake. A hundred yards up the road is a huge municipal sandy beach with café, which is really the place to swim from. I thought price wise it was a bit high at 21 euros with hook-up. The pitches were small and hedged for privacy and I will stick some pictures up shortly once Oggie has sorted out my cockups with sub nesting.

The lake is awesome and there is no point describing it because the pictures will do a better job. Incidentally, on the other side of the long walkway that runs through the middle of the lake several motor homes were not only wild camping but wild boating from the same place. I have pics of that too. 

Diesel is now at 1.21 euro and rising.

It was here that we met Mick and Bet in a fully loaded Swift Kon Tiki and hopefully they will make an appearance on here when they return to UK in about a week. 

This is a lovely part of France and I think it is well worth doing at least a couple of days rummaging around before heading South, and more than enough things to see to fill a complete holiday.

The trip back to Calais was uneventful and a boring bit of France in my view and we stopped at the Booze Cruise shops and to be honest had trouble finding anything that was cheap enough to buy as a bargain. In the end we bought one bottle of Grand Marnier and a bottle of red wine for my Mother who dilutes it with water and has a daily tipple.

Finally at about 22:30 we bumped and lurched along the good old English roads, their surfaces not much changed since the Romans built them. All along the northern part of the M25, workman were preparing to cause rush hour traffic jams using cones and lights and any other obstacles they could lay their hands on and we got home around midnight.

Many thanks to everyone for all their nice comments on part 1 and 2 and I will be adding links to this bit for pictures shortly although you should find pics of the Lac D Der somewhere in Pussers Nest before midday.


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## badger

Sooo glad you had an uneventfull holiday....... :lol: (no I'm not, as we wouldn't have had anything to read).

I have read and absorbed parts 1,2 and 3 and got some funny looks from work colleages as I tittered my way through them.

I think part 3 should have had an X certificate, I was waiting for the bit where a ranting Belgian came charging at the motorhome brandishing an axe.

Nice report Pusser........thank you


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## peejay

Another classic,

"50 Rappels" made me roar, from now on my speed in France will always be in Rappels :lol:

....and my mind will be in overdrive everytime I see a Big Belgian Motorhome. 8O 

Thanks for yet another rib tickling report.

pete.


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## DABurleigh

>trying to work out precisely what was going on <

Now with plenty of time for reflection, are you any the wiser? This could have ruined the rest of the holiday for me, as with any frustrating puzzle it would knaw away and distract from what else I should be seeing/ doing / enjoying!

Thanks for the amusing account, Pusser, though on behalf of the rest of us I regret to say that by comparison to your previous adventures it seems you are getting the hang of this lark :-(

But thankyou for helping remind me to double check the handbrake before I relax. When parked at home I tend to leave the handbrake off - it's level - but in gear, so that it mimimises the prospect of disc corrosion, but I hope it doesn't get a habit for fear of showing the world my bottom. The other downside is that Alison will probably launch it through the closed driveway gates on the starter motor ......

Dave


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## bigfoot

Brilliant The funniest and most interesting reports I have ever read. Pusser you should write a book.
You'd think the Belgys would have had the sense to put the blinds up amongst other things. Perhaps they were Belgian swingers?!!
A saying comes to mind "People who live in glass houses-SHOULDN'T.


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## 2point

Don't seem to see these kind of reports in MMM etc :lol:


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## 95748

*Pusser*

Just seen a report on Sky news that Interpol (motorhome Division) are on the look out for an "English peeping tom" 
after a report from an irate Belgian motorhomer, there is no reward being offered so you are safe for the moment!!

 
keep the reports coming


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## Scotjimland

Great stuff pusser.. loved the bit about the Belgian van.. pity you didn't get a pic.. or maybe you did .. :wink:


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## gaspode

Pusser

Can you please let me know next time you intend going on holiday, I have a full TV O/B crew ready to follow discreetly and do a fly-on-the-wall (or should it be Belgian on the bed) documentary. It sure as hell is going to beat anything on the air at the moment!


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## johnsandywhite

:lol: Excellent part 3 and an end to the story of your trip. It's a shame you don't go for longer holidays. Then you could publish a real book. :lol:


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## bigfoot

He's got the basis of one already. 
All Pusser's epistles could be collected into a book-May I suggest Travels with a Porta Potti , Pussers Preambles or Pusser P****s Off!
I waive my consultation fee, Pusser can use the money to buy Ex-Lax or Imodium whichever he needs!!


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## DABurleigh

Ken & Jan,

Now there's a thought for the day. Would we all turn up our noses at Reality TV if it were about motorhomes?

Dave


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## bigfoot

Dave,
The opportunity was there sometime ago. I posted a request from RDF media for just this.
Imagine if it had been Pusser, the diary cam would have to have been shown after midnight or on pornovision!


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## Motorhomersimpson

Excellent post again pusser.

Perhaps we could start a fund along the lines of “send pusser on holiday fund” we could all do with having a laugh at times, and pusser certainly provides that in large quantities, thanks pusser for making my day and suspect many others.

MHS…Rob


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## gaspode

Good idea Rob, put me down for a tenner - twenty if I can tag along behind (but not so close that anyone might think we were together).


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## 88781

Earlier tonight I showed a work colleague 'Pussers Holiday Report' bearing in mind this guy knows nothing about Motorhomes, and would not consider sleeping in anything that was'nt made of brick and timber, could hardly control himself with laughter :lol: 

Well done Puss


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## Road_Runner_644

Hi Pusser

Very funny, informative, and above all so very well written.

I want my old coachbuilt back with the window in the Luton :lol: :lol: :lol: 

Wonderfull.

Thanks for the entertainment.

Dave


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## Bazbro

Well, I found the reports, Puss - you really are a gem! When you book your holiday next year, will you add me? I just want to be around when it all happens. By comparison my holidays are just "go there, have holiday, come home"!

First class. Thanks.

How about a MHF whip-round to send Pusser on holiday again, so we can read a Part 4? :lol:


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## 88741

Brilliant as usual Pusser, my trips are so dull in comparison with yours, never leave us this forum would be lacking a lot without you


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## Pusser

Many thanks for kind comments B&S and a lovely thing to say Helen and much appreciated even though that thought will not be universal. Sometimes boring trips seem just a dream for me. Maybe one day I will have one.


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## Texas

Harping back to my reply in part 2, I wagered you might go out with a bang, but I didn't know the Belgian would take it literally.

What a great read, after your early morning observations, ' Wish you were here' has a certain ring to it....don't you think ??

Texas


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## carolsrig

Pusser said:


> Part 3 Two Loos La Trek heads North to UK
> 
> Violent storms were forecast in France so we decided to head back home using Route National where possible and the first leg was from Cogolin to St. Maximin-la-Sainte-Baune next to the A8 via Collobrieres on the D14. I have to say that this D14 which has just been newly resurfaced runs through the mountains with glorious valley views. This is a must run if you are in the area. Some of the trees are still blackened from a forest fire and I would imagine this is why the road has been resurfaced. Virtually at the top of this mountain pass is an area of remembrance for three firemen that died in the fire - a pic is in Pussers Nest somewhere. Here you can safely park and take in the views and wonder at the sacrifice these firemen and their families made. Two Loos La Trek has only a 1.9TD engine but it leaps up and down mountains like a goat eating U bends and S bends with ease. I am really impressed unlike my wife who holds on to the grab handle and sticks her feet on the dashboard and offers a constant flow of advice on speed, handling and possible hazards ahead. E.g. "Slow down - you are doing more than 50 Rappels".
> 
> There was some info I searched in vain for in the forums about lightening striking a motor home and the affects one can expect. I think it may have been Boff leading with the info on this and apologies if it were not.
> 
> As memory serves (which it rarely does), the safest place to be is in the cab area because of some physics law. And…. apparently if lighting struck the plastic body of a motor home, this would simply cause a large hole in the bodywork if indeed, any bodywork is left. So I am wondering where I stand in my motor home, which I think is aluminium clad. Am I a travelling lightening conductor? Should you not park under a tree in a storm? Knowing my luck, I will be the first member of the website to find out and I also know exactly where I will be sitting if lightening does strike.
> 
> Diesel now is 1.20 euro per litre and Cathy from camping L'Argentière advised us before departure that petrol depots were being blocked by protesters in Northern France. So we made sure we filled up at every opportunity until I knew that the tank full I had would get us to UK without further top ups.
> 
> At some point we joined the auto route and stayed on it to get to the other side of Lyon and out of the gas attack area in a reasonable time and also because on the way down there was a diversion which to us seemed to be a conducted tour of every street in the city other than the main roads and tunnels. With 50 miles or so safety margin on the other side we pulled into an Aires to sleep.
> 
> Just before I turned in, I went outside to check everything although I am not too sure what I am supposed to be checking and watched as a C Class from Belgium docked in front of us. I assume the letter B stands for Belgium and if not it was from either Bulgaria or Bognor Regis. This was a mighty machine and I cannot remember the make but not one of the common ones. Two couples piled out with some sort of white woolly sausage, which I believe, was a dog but it was too difficult to tell. If it was a dog I would be surprised if even it knew which end its arse was attached too.
> 
> The couple consisted of a middle aged couple, forty somethings, and a younger couple in their mid twenties. They disappeared into the restaurant area and I didn't see them again until the morning and boy did I see them again.
> 
> Because I am obese in a fat sort of way and at least 6 feet tall when I am lying down, (5' 6"" when standing up as my stomach pulls my neck down) I sleep on my own in the over cab bed. The bed downstairs that converts into a dining table for four is not really big enough for wife and I to share simultaneously. So that is her pit. Occasionally I am called down there under a servicing agreement but it would not be tonight.
> 
> It was peeing down with rain so the vents were barely open but the temperature remained high and I opened the front window of my overhead cab for a most welcome breeze of slightly chilled air. I lay there for sometime admiring the coach built in front of me and the huge rear lounge I could see from my elevated position and drifted off to sleep dreaming that someone would buy Two Loos La Trek so I too can get a rear lounge jobby.
> 
> I awoke just as dawn dawned and there was not a cloud in the sky in complete contrast to the weather forecast predictions. The Belgium Bus was still there all blinded and curtained up and I thought I could smell fresh bread but it may have been my feet.
> 
> I do not normally lay in bed in the morning, partly due to an unforgiving bladder, partly due to my weight making it uncomfortable to lay in one position, partly because I need a cigarette (although I am down to about 5 per day now from 60), partly because I need a cup of tea but this morning I needed nowt. I opened the vent fully and just watched and smelt the morning air. It was going to be a good day.
> 
> I then turned on my side to look out the front over cab window and noticed that the C class had now been uncurtained and unblinded and I watched them potter about inside for a few moments and then got out of bed to put the kettle on. I opened our front door to let some clean fresh air in and saw the older of the Belgium men going off to the restaurant area and the younger of the women taking the sausage for a stroll among the trees.
> 
> I felt a bit chilly so poured myself a glass of apple juice and jumped (well sort of crawled and levered) back into my bed and "Oh my God".
> 
> Mr. Young Belgium was humping Mrs. Old Belgium on a king size rear lounge the type I so desperately need and now even more so seeing further advantages.
> 
> I watched totally mesmerized and did question whether it was morally correct to do so. I decided it was not morally correct to do so but still decided to carry on watching.
> 
> Well, I learned a few things I can tell you. For one, I never realised the man had to move until now so the missus is going to be in for a big surprise on Friday night and curiously, two; he was laying on top bringing my total of known Kama Sutra positions to three.
> 
> Then I saw the woolly sausage dragging the young woman back to the Coach built and it was like being part of a TV thriller. She got to the door and I thought they have had it. They must be caught in flagrante delicto.
> 
> Mrs. Young Belgium opened the door and lifted the woolly sausage in because it was too spoilt to be made to climb up the one step. The humping continued. By now my fingernails had been bitten down to the second knuckle. And then……absolutely nothing. The humping continued and Mrs. Young Belgium filled a bowl with something and gave it the woolly sausage.
> 
> Mr. Old Belgium arrived back with a carrier bag full of stuff and he simply went to the kitchen area and started, I presume, making breakfast.
> 
> I was so confused it was quite difficult for me to gather my wits when suddenly Mr. Young Belgium got off Mrs. Old Belgium, looked up and saw me. I knew what to do instinctively. I have read it so many times on this website. I waved to him as one motor homer to another but the miserable sod did not wave back.
> 
> I really needed a *** and a cup of tea now and I dropped into the kitchen area trying to work out precisely what was going on but gave up just as I heard a Merc diesel fire up and the mighty coach built drove off into the sunrise.
> 
> About an hour later we left the Aires and also left the auto route for the Route National to save payage fees which in that area are class 2 and also to see a bit more of the real France.
> 
> The morning's drive was magical going through neat and tidy and clean villages which seemed almost deserted and where even architectural blunders seem to fit in perfectly.
> We will never again use the autoroute unless we have to. It was the very best road journey we have ever had with absolutely loads of interesting stuff to see. Rivers, churches, fields, animals, flowers, the lot. The next time we are over there we will spend much more time getting to our destination to take in the variety of culture that France has to offer.
> 
> The route we followed was pretty much adjacent to the auto route through Chaumont and up to St. Dizier to a campsite found on Lac Du Der. Camping de la Presqu'ile de Champaubert XXXX star. Address is 52290 Braucourt - Eclaron.
> Nice clean site with disposal facilities, hot showers, and right by the side of the lake. A hundred yards up the road is a huge municipal sandy beach with café, which is really the place to swim from. I thought price wise it was a bit high at 21 euros with hook-up. The pitches were small and hedged for privacy and I will stick some pictures up shortly once Oggie has sorted out my cockups with sub nesting.
> 
> The lake is awesome and there is no point describing it because the pictures will do a better job. Incidentally, on the other side of the long walkway that runs through the middle of the lake several motor homes were not only wild camping but wild boating from the same place. I have pics of that too.
> 
> Diesel is now at 1.21 euro and rising.
> 
> It was here that we met Mick and Bet in a fully loaded Swift Kon Tiki and hopefully they will make an appearance on here when they return to UK in about a week.
> 
> This is a lovely part of France and I think it is well worth doing at least a couple of days rummaging around before heading South, and more than enough things to see to fill a complete holiday.
> 
> The trip back to Calais was uneventful and a boring bit of France in my view and we stopped at the Booze Cruise shops and to be honest had trouble finding anything that was cheap enough to buy as a bargain. In the end we bought one bottle of Grand Marnier and a bottle of red wine for my Mother who dilutes it with water and has a daily tipple.
> 
> Finally at about 22:30 we bumped and lurched along the good old English roads, their surfaces not much changed since the Romans built them. All along the northern part of the M25, workman were preparing to cause rush hour traffic jams using cones and lights and any other obstacles they could lay their hands on and we got home around midnight.
> 
> Many thanks to everyone for all their nice comments on part 1 and 2 and I will be adding links to this bit for pictures shortly although you should find pics of the Lac D Der somewhere in Pussers Nest before midday.


ever thought of writeing a book ? your a star,the wife was wondering what the hell i was laghing at ,keep it up ...........olly


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