# the antidote to risque jokes



## bognormike (May 10, 2005)

As it's the Christmas season, and we had a good lunch at Caterbury Golf Club today, I made a mods decision (being as I was the only one there!) today to get some form of order in this forum, and post some Chistmas cracker jokes ......


so here we go

Why don't ducks tell jokes when they're flying?

Because the would quack up :roll: 

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How do snails keep their shells shiny?

they use snail varnish. 8) 

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Why did the robber have a bath?

Because he wanted a clean getaway  

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So please add your awful cracker jokes. :idea: :lol: :wink:


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## pippin (Nov 15, 2007)

I prefer the risqué ones!


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## bognormike (May 10, 2005)

8) 

what do you serve but never eat?


A tennis ball :roll:


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## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

Oxford United is a football team.


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## bognormike (May 10, 2005)

ouch, I've a good mind to report you for insulting other members  

Shouldn't it be Oxford United ARE a football team, anyway? 

And they're getting there - half way through the season, 5 points clear at the top :idea:


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## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

bognormike said:


> Shouldn't it be Oxford United ARE a football team, anyway?


Interesting point, but I don't think so.

If "ARE" is correct they must be more than one team??

Who cares anyway.   

Dave

P.S. I bet somebody does . . . enough to correct both of us! 8O 8O


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## Penquin (Oct 15, 2007)

Well that's progress at least........... 

Zeb is admitting that the group of people who collectively are referred to as Oxford United do play FOOTBALL - I cannot remember him saying that before! He can be very disparaging as BognorMike will testify....... :lol:

As regards cracker jokes;

Q) What do you get if you cross a snowman with a Pitbull?




A) Frostbite (groan) :roll:

Sorry about that!

Dave


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## patman (Jan 1, 2007)

Daughter.....Daddy, there's a man at the door with a bill.
Father.......Are you sure it isn't a duck with a hat on.

A man answers a knock on his door during his favourite programme. He opens the door and a little voice says "Can I interest you in any double glazing" He looks down and there's a snail stood on his doorstep looking up at him.
"Bugger off", the man shouts and kicks the snail so hard he flies down the garden path and out of the gate.
Two weeks later the man is again watching his favourite programme when there is another knock on the door. When he answers it a little voice says "what did you do that for?".


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## charlieivan (Apr 25, 2006)

Q - What is orange and sounds like a parrot




A - A carrot


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## spykal (May 9, 2005)

Mum, Can I have 50p for being good? 

All right, but I wish you could be like your Dad.... good-for-nothing


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## badger (May 9, 2005)

Doctor...Doctor...."People keep ignoring me!!..................NEXT!!


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## rayrecrok (Nov 21, 2008)

Hi.

Dont know what all the fuss is about Window 7

Just opened mine and all I got was a little chocolate mouse

Who's idea was that?


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