# A collection of 'chav' jokes.



## autostratus (May 9, 2005)

Not sure if anyone has posted the definitive Chav joke list, but here's your starter for 10 :wink: 
I pinched them from elsewhere of course.

1. What do you call a chav in a box?
*Innit.*

2. What do you call a chav in a filing cabinet?
*Sorted*

3. What do you call a chav in a box with a lock on it?
*Safe.*

4. What do you call an Eskimo chav
*Innuinnit.*

5. Why are chavs like slinkies?
*They have no real use but it's great to watch one fall down a flight of
stairs.*

6. What do you call a chav in a white tracksuit?
*The bride.*

7. You're in your car and you see a chav on a bike, why should you try not
to hit him?
*It might be your bike.*

8. What's the difference between a chav and a coconut?
*One's thick and hairy, the other's a coconut.*

9. What's the first question at a chav quiz night?
*What you lookin' at?"*

10. How do you get 100 chavs into a phone box?
*Paint it bright yellow and stick a spoiler on it. *

11. Two chavs in a car without any music. Who's driving?
*The police*

12. What do you call a chav with 9 GCSE's?
*A liar.*

13. What do you say to a chav with a job?
*Can I have a big mac please?*

14. What do you say to a chav in a suit?
*Will the defendant please stand*

15. What do u call a knife in chav?
*Exhibit A*

16. Why is 3 chavs going over a cliff in a Nova a shame?
*A Nova seats 4*

17. What do you call a 30 year old chav?
*Granny.*

18. How many chavs does it take to change a lightbulb?
*One, they'll screw anything.*

19. What do you call 100 chavs at the bottom of a river?
*A start.*

20. How many chavs does it take to clean a floor?
*None, "That's some uvver bleeders job innit."*

21. Why did the chav take a shower?
*He didn't mean to, he just forgot to close the Nova's window in the car wash*

22. Why did the chav cross the road?
*To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever.*

23. What do you call a chav at college?
*The cleaner.*

24. A bus full of chavs were driving through Wales. As they were approaching
Llanfgogogferrinfourasoch they started arguing about the pronunciation of
the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As
they stood at the counter, one Chav asked the blonde employee, "Before we
order, could you settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where
we are... very slowly?" - The blonde girl leaned over the counter and said,*
"Burrrrrrrr-gerrrrrrr-Kiiiiing."*

25. Two chavs jump off beachy head, who wins?
*Society!*

Hands up those of you who don't know what a 'chav' is? :lol:


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## Scotjimland (May 23, 2005)

Brilliant ... :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## Drummer (May 9, 2005)

The best tonight Auto! You win the prize! :lol:


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## 88927 (May 10, 2005)

Hey Gillian
You said a starter for 10, but actually gave us 25????????
Maths is obviously your strong point!!!!
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 
Love the jokes by the way, however maybe chavs can be considered a minority, but I don't know if they are smart enough to feel insulted..... :lol: :lol: Hope this thread doesn't get pulled for abuse reasons.
Keith


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## Road_Runner_644 (May 9, 2005)

Hi Gillian 

Quote 
"22. Why did the chav cross the road? 
To start a fight with a random stranger for no reason whatsoever. " 

This made me laugh and nearly made me cry. 

My Daughter 14 has a boyfriend 16 - They live at opposite ends of our road, near western park in Leicester, On wed night they were chased by 4 or 5 "chavs", probably because they are different, being "Goths" doesn't go down to well with the "chav" types. 

So - now I walk them home with my trusty Westy Doug on his lead. 

I can't describe what I would do with them if they re appear, and as I have to walk on the opposite side of the road and look disinterested (obviously), i wouldn't be directly connected with the 2 young lovers. 

What would I do if the same "chavs" appeared on our walk home later this week, and tried the same - I'm sorry, can't answer here. 

watch this space, I'm not ex military or anything, but a small fat man with a Westie is indeed a force to be reckoned with, Chavs beware. 

Good Jokes! 

Cheers 

Dave


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## Scotjimland (May 23, 2005)

Only one word for them SCUM ..

A site for all that hate the chav

http://www.chavscum.co.uk/

:evil: :evil:


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## hondapaneuro (May 14, 2005)

On a similar theme.... (only more local to me)

At 0945 yesterday morning a major earthquake measuring 4.5 on the Richter scale epicentered on greater Belfast. The earthquake decimated the area, causing an estimated £30 million of damage, with the exception of Sandy Row and Ardoyne where approximately £375,000 of improvements were made! Untold damage and distress was caused with many woken before their Giros arrived! Several priceless collections of mementos from Turkey and the Spanish Costas were damaged and three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were disturbed. Victims can be seen wandering aimlessly amidst the wreckage muttering "wha?"
Thousands are confused that something other than political madness has shaken Belfast. One survivor Tracey-Anne Johnston, a 17-year-old mother of three told us "I near crapped meself". Our Shania-Fairybell came gurning\into my room this morning. My youngest two, Britney and Justin slept through\it, so they did. I was still shaking watching Trisha - like. Apparently in the West of the city joyriding and looting carried on as normal. The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Buckfast into the area to help with the stricken masses. Rescue workers still searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings, including benefit books and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke and Ratners.
HOW YOU CAN HELP:- Clothing is most sought after - Items required include.......Sovereign rings Baseball caps White Socks Tesco 2 stripe trainers
Track Suits Chunky Gold Chains FOOD PARCELS ARE ALSO URGENTLY REQUIRED - Required foodstuffs include...Buckfast Frozen Burgers Buckfast Lard Buckfast Deep fried Mars Bars Tayto Cheese 'n onion Buckfast REMEMBER - EVERY LITTLE HELPS... 25p wil buy a biro pen to fill in a spurious claim form, £1.95 will buy an All-Day Ulsterbus ticket to enable victims to travel from the Bru to Post Office to McDonalds to the Offys £10 will take a family to Antrim for the day where the children can sniff glue and skin-up amongst the national collection of stinging nettles, £15 will buy chips scraps and an E for a family of 4
Please send your credit card number and sample signature now.


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## johnsandywhite (May 9, 2005)

I'm a bit thick and led a sheltered life. So can anyone explain what or who a Chav is please?


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## autostratus (May 9, 2005)

The usual meaning ascribed to CHAV is :- Council house and violent


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## Drummer (May 9, 2005)

Another one is Council house antisocial vermin :wink:


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## johnsandywhite (May 9, 2005)

Thanks *autostraus* and *Drummer*.


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