# Thoughts



## crazylady (Oct 13, 2005)

1. Where are the next generation of seedless grapes going to come from?
2. How do you get a Reliant Robin on a ramp?
3. When the door bell rings, why does the dog always think it's for him?
4. Why does sour cream have a sell by date?
5. Why isn't there a mouse flavoured cat food
Answers on a postcard please. Matron will pick a winner, her decision is final.

Write a saying and your name will live forever..........Anonymous.


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## 93795 (May 1, 2005)

Now that is funny 8) 8) 
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


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## bigfoot (May 16, 2005)

And there's more.
1) Why is there only one monopolies commission.
2) If clairvoyants are as good as they claim why do they need a doorbell
3) What does an occasional table do the rest of the time
4) What happens to your lap when you stand up
and finally
5) Who put ding in the ramalama ding dong.


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## 88929 (May 10, 2005)

Hi there folks,

I hope I can remember some of these the next time I go to my local pub.

"Take care out there"


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## spykal (May 9, 2005)

and there's more:


Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavoring, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why is lingerie so popular, If love is blind?
Why is there never time to do it right, but always time to do it again?
Why are they called "hemorrhoids". They should be called "assteroids"?

Why do good dreams end, while bad ones seem to last forever?


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## 88929 (May 10, 2005)

Hi there folks,

I could read these jokes all day. I think they are very funny. If we laughed more, this would be a happier world to live in. Thanks lads and lasses.

"Take care out there"


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## 96088 (Aug 22, 2005)

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If you send someone 'Styrofoam', how do you pack it?

If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

If it's true that we are here to help others, what are the others doing here?

If someone with a split personality threatens to commit suicide, is it a hostage situation

Can you cry under water?

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on bigger suitcases ?

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder thesedays no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all those Acme gadgets, why didn't he just buy dinner?


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