# Old age......joys of.



## Spacerunner (Mar 18, 2006)

Elderly Humour (2)

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, “Now don’t get mad at me… I know we’ve been friends for a long time but I just can’t think of your name. I’ve thought and thought, but I can’t remember it. Please tell me what your name is.”

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, “How soon do you need to know?”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang.

Answering, he heard his wife’s voice urgently warning him, “Vernon, I just heard on the news that there’s a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!”

“Hell,” said Vernon, “It’s not just one car. It’s hundreds of them!”


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

I see no humour in this at, it is NOT fun getting old, made worse by all the bloody time I have to do it in.


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

Don't worry, Kev, the time's getting shorter.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

You can go right off some people you know.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Pudsey_Bear said:


> You can go right off some people you know.


Only if you remember who they are.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Who who is? what you on about now Gerty.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Pudsey_Bear said:


> *Who who is*? what you on about now Gerty.


See, you've forget already


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Forgot what dear lady, did you have a splendiferous time, not seen a report on Owners yet


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Pudsey_Bear said:


> Forgot what dear lady, did you have a splendiferous time, not seen a report on Owners yet


Gis a chance to get meself sorted, I will be there soon.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Hey I'm not the one messing about on here when there is serious writing to be did


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

It’s not easy getting old

Things fail

Unlucky for you lot , my mind remains quick and sharp 

My joints less so 

I’m still the arguementave git you always knew 

I get annoyed with Albert who seems to forget

But then again he never bloody remembered in the first place 

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

You don't kid me, how many times do you go into a room and forget what you've gone for eh, then go back to the place were you thought of it before you remember :laugh: 
I´ve been doing that for years.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Loads of times
But I know where everything goes 
Where they go in the van 
In the kitchen 

And have for years

And Albert hasn’t bothered 

Mind you he pays off the credit cards every month 

Sends money to our offspring 

Holiday spends 

Talks our older grandkids though loans and repaying them 

Of course we loan them 

And they learn 

He’s really caring

But he can’t remember where anything goes in the house or MH 

Does he remember me ?>

Sandra:wink2:


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## Mrplodd (Mar 4, 2008)

I suppose t all depends on what you consider to be “old”

Am I “Old” having just turned 64?? I certainly don’t FEEL old, in fact I feel the same now as I did when I was 30. In fact probably better because I don’t have the stress of children/work/lack of money etc. 

I AM retired from work, have no health issues at all, own my own home with no mortgage, have a pretty reasonable income from my pensions (not free ones, I have paid for them all) am (still) very happily married to my first wife, have two grown up children, and five grandchildren (I cannot abide people who call them kids) a decent circle of friends, and a few hobbies/passtimes that keep the grey matter working.

You know what? I consider myself to be a VERY fortunate chap indeed, life, for me, is just great! I just hope I can say the same in another 20 years?

Andy


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

In 20 years a lot of us won't know Andy, but although my body doesn't work as well as it did 10 years ago when I was 64 I'm young at heart and my head will never grow up old.>


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

64, a baby

At 54 I was striding up mountains 

64 slowing a bit 

At 74

Joints balance not doing well 

Married 54 years 

6 KIDS

10 grandkids 

It’s how it is 

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

My Mum had 6 children, she said only goats had kids >


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Must be a goat then

Still that’s new

Sandra


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

I don't mind what I lose as long as it's not my marbles.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Not sure I ever had any to lose Pat


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## Mrplodd (Mar 4, 2008)

I overheard the following bit of wisdom the other day. Family out together, smallest child is taken into traditional a sweetshop by, I presumed, mum. Said child then emerged from the shop and held up a bright red small ball and said to dad(?) “Look, I’ve got a gobstopper” To which (I presume) grandma muttered, just loud enough so I heard it “Let’s hope it works then”

Priceless!!

Andy


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## jhelm (Feb 9, 2008)

The worse thing is the prejudice against us from younger people. Which is made even worse by people who don't take care of themselves and give those of us who do a bad name.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

I'm saying nothing..........


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Niether am I 

I don’t take care of myself

Except Things are not so good

And joints are rubbish 

Wine, well it eases joints 

And I’m sure it isn’t good 

But from 5 o clock I relax and cook a meal, glass or two of wine in hand 

And if it shortens my life 

So be it 

Because the truth is 

If it’s long with painful joints 

Well it’s never what I wanted 

Sandra


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

jhelm said:


> The worse thing is the prejudice against us from younger people. Which is made even worse by people who don't take care of themselves and give those of us who do a bad name.


What a crock, so those who are in a bad way from work injuries or other ailments should get the lycra on should we?

Words fail me on here sometimes.


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

We do what we can and some just give up. I feel fortunate we are still very active in dozens of ventures but some of our friends and relatives have virtually no life at all now they have decided to wait for the Grim Reaper.

Ray.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

jhelm said:


> The worse thing is the prejudice against us from younger people. Which is made even worse by people who don't take care of themselves and give those of us who do a bad name.


I need a fuller explanation of this statement.
What do you mean by not taking care of themselves?
What prejudice from young people?
Explain yourself please.


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## jhelm (Feb 9, 2008)

Pudsey_Bear said:


> What a crock, so those who are in a bad way from work injuries or other ailments should get the lycra on should we?
> 
> Of course age brings injuries from work, sports, and unavoidable illnesses. But we don't have to be way overweight, or smoke or drink too much. That's what I am talking about. By the way I am 75 so I think I can talk about this issue. I resent having to renew my drivers license every 3 years in Italy while my daughter has hers for 10. We older people are looked down on as frail, incapable of doing many things, and are dismissed as not being capable of knowing that latest technology. And our experience and knowledge gained over many years of education, work and life experience is not given much value by younger generations who think they know it all.
> 
> I do a lot to stay on top of my health and to keep up with the latest issues, technology, news, etc. I still work as an architect as much as I can get the work. What else, I am not overweight, I swim, do weights, and will be taking an exam for a second degree black belt karate in October, not sure I will pass but I will try. I am a beta tester for the CAD software I use, and I am pretty much the family tech expert. But I also have nearly constant pain from a bad back. So sorry but I have some resentment towards people who do not take care of themselves and make it look as getting older means being put out to pasture.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

You have said it yourself then, the problem is the younger generation, guess who brought them up with these values or lack of them, but it's nothing new, we were the same, but to put down old people you have never met, says more about you I'm afraid, learn a bit of respect fro your peers old lad.


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## Spacerunner (Mar 18, 2006)

jhelm said:


> Pudsey_Bear said:
> 
> 
> > What a crock, so those who are in a bad way from work injuries or other ailments should get the lycra on should we?
> ...


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

The problem is 

Some things are systemic

Arthritis , rheumatoid or similar is nothing to do with lifestyle 

Often neither is cancer 

Non smokers Dying with lung cancer

People dying with asbestos cancer , because it wasn’t known asbestos could cause cancer 

And when it was it was already to late 

Mine it seems was due to a tumour that raised my calcium levels to dangerous levels 

But who knew in the early days , who tested my calcium levels ?

And I don’t want to be put out to pasture 

My mind is sharp

But my working field was dementia 

And I’m guessing most of those people who developed dementia 

Didn’t have an unhealthy lifestyle 

So we need to be careful

If we are lucky and health is good

We don’t assume those whose health isn’t 

Just didn’t take care of themselves 

After all I strode up mountains until my late 50s 

Now I’m lucky to walk round the supermarket 

My joints are rubbish

Flare up on a regular basis 

And I drink to much wine

Because it soothes the pain 

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Spacerunner said:


> jhelm said:
> 
> 
> > You're in for a surprise maybe a shock!
> ...


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

*Here is what Hans and I have been up to today.*

He is 78, with pacemaker, hip replacement, catheter, swelling leg problems plus a few more problems, but he will never give in. Me 74 today, with arthritis of the spine, replacement hip, a bit overweight, but he still loves me. Says we are the best team in the world.:laugh:
We don't do keep fit, we do constructive work.
Cutting the lower branches off the Spillinger tree the other side of the road, it doesn't belong to us, but we look after it for the village, for our own satisfaction.
Branches dragged across the road by me, tied to the mower, dragged to the bottom of the garden.
Tomorrow they will be cut into small bits, chucked over the wall, left to dry and then we will have a lovely fire.
We do an awful lot of muscle work on our laughter muscles :grin2:


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Meaning Jan ?

Those who keel over and die are the lucky ones ?

Maybe they are 

But those left 

Wether devastated by dementia or crippled by arthritis

Need to continue to live 

We don’t get to choose death

It happens 

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

aldra said:


> *Meaning Jan ?*
> 
> Those who keel over and die are the lucky ones ?
> 
> ...


Its always tough for those left behind if it expected or not, its never easy, but to just die without pain, long dragged out terrible illnesses, that would be my choice, not too soon mind you, I still have a lot of living and loving to do.


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## HurricaneSmith (Jul 13, 2007)

JanHank said:


> He is 78, with pacemaker, hip replacement, catheter, swelling leg problems plus a few more problems, but he will never give in. Me 74 today, with arthritis of the spine, replacement hip, a bit overweight, but he still loves me. Says we are the best team in the world.:laugh:
> We don't do keep fit, we do constructive work.
> Cutting the lower branches off the Spillinger tree the other side of the road, it doesn't belong to us, but we look after it for the village, for our own satisfaction.
> Branches dragged across the road by me, tied to the mower, dragged to the bottom of the garden.
> ...


Good for both of you. I'm happiest when I'm working in the garden, covered in muck and sweat.

I'll keep going whilst I'm able, grateful to be fit enough to do it, and the task seems more fun when Yvonne and I work together.

Ohhhhh....Happy birthday, young lady!!!

.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

JanHank said:


> He is 78, with pacemaker, hip replacement, catheter, swelling leg problems plus a few more problems, but he will never give in. Me 74 today, with arthritis of the spine, replacement hip, a bit overweight, but he still loves me. Says we are the best team in the world.:laugh:
> We don't do keep fit, we do constructive work.
> Cutting the lower branches off the Spillinger tree the other side of the road, it doesn't belong to us, but we look after it for the village, for our own satisfaction.
> Branches dragged across the road by me, tied to the mower, dragged to the bottom of the garden.
> ...


The truth is never give in

I manage the house

Albert the gardens

He collects wood from the cemetery , chops and stores it

We rarely pay for fuel

His arm is huge due to lymphademia and the constant ops to remove the recurring tumours

And the surgeon has managed not damage the nerves , well most of them

But as yet the cancer hasnt gone internal

So we keep going and hoping

That I can manage

And he can fight off melanoma

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

aldra said:


> The truth is never give in
> 
> I manage the house
> 
> ...


Smiled at that, I´ll say no more >


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

I assume the combination of ride-on mower and tennis racket is some new sport. Like polo for oldies?


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

In doing my family tree, I notice from the census records in the 1800's, that people worked well into their seventies. Mostly as Agricultural Labourers. Such a hard life but I assume`it was that or the poor house for some. Given that there was no health service it was nice to see that they were still alive well into their seventies.
I have on relative, however, who hit his wife with a meat cleaver and threw himself into the mill pond! I wonder if he was in terrible pain and could not work? No pain relief in those days


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

tugboat said:


> I assume the combination of ride-on mower and tennis racket is some new sport. Like polo for oldies?


Thats what keeps Motley fit, never allowed to go into the garden without the ball and racket.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Getting back to this fitness lark.
We have 2 friends who are weight lifters, one is forever at the Gym (Jürgen) the other has his own training room (Erick).
Jürgen had a few trees and bushes that needed trimming in his pocket handkerchief garden, he couldn´t do it himself and got a firm in to do the job for him. his wife wanted a linen line put up, took him 5 years to complete that task :frown2:
Erick comes here to give us a hand if we need something heavy lifted or moved, he's good at that, but ask him to do some thing like we did yesterday and he´d be kaput in 5 minutes. He volunteered to strip the paint off our shed, it was painful to watch and he never completed the task as he found it too much like hard work.
The moral of this story is -- they have strength, but no stamina, I know which I would rather have.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Odd you should make that comparison Grechen  I was watching something yesterday and a expert more or less said the same thing when comparing a skinny bloke to a muscle builder, the muscled bloke had more muscle mass, but pound for pound the skinny bloke was stronger although he couldn't lift as much.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

See, I don't *always* talk a load of bunkum.


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## HurricaneSmith (Jul 13, 2007)

patp said:


> In doing my family tree, I notice from the census records in the 1800's, that people worked well into their seventies. Mostly as Agricultural Labourers. Such a hard life but I assume`it was that or the poor house for some. Given that there was no health service it was nice to see that they were still alive well into their seventies.
> I have on relative, however, who hit his wife with a meat cleaver and threw himself into the mill pond! I wonder if he was in terrible pain and could not work? No pain relief in those days


There were actually a few other choices available for the elderly in the past.

When compiling my family tree I found a significant of couples went to the altar pregnant. It seems that in the Breckland the elderly ended up living with their children, and to ensure they were a fertile couple they operated a "Try before you buy scheme" 

In addition to the Workhouse there was also Outdoor Relief, where the parish paid a desperate couple a nominal sum to survive should they own their own home as it was cheaper than the expense of full board in the workhouse.

Villages didn't like poverty stricken folk from elsewhere walking into their parish as it became the new parish's problem. Cheerful stuff!!!

.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Pudsey_Bear said:


> Odd you should make that comparison Grechen  I was watching something yesterday and a expert more or less said the same thing when comparing a skinny bloke to a muscle builder, the muscled bloke had more muscle mass, but pound for pound the skinny bloke was stronger although he couldn't lift as much.


The Radio 2 doctor Sarah Jarvis, was explaining yesterday how much heavier muscle is than fat. This means that hauling your muscle around with you is very tiring! Notice that marathon runners are all very lean.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

HurricaneSmith said:


> There were actually a few other choices available for the elderly in the past.
> 
> When compiling my family tree I found a significant of couples went to the altar pregnant. It seems that in the Breckland the elderly ended up living with their children, and to ensure they were a fertile couple they operated a "Try before you buy scheme"
> 
> ...


I remember seeing some records where folk had to have a "good" reason to come and live in a village. Marriage was, obviously, one of them or a job offer. Other than that, as you say, they were not welcome. It is probably why Norfolk people used to seem so unwelcoming to newcomers.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Our Fairy God Mother rang me to say happy birthday yesterday,_ (if it wasn't for her we wouldn't be in this house)_ She will be 102 on the 18th of this month. Nothing at all wrong with her brain, but she has been in a wheelchair in a home for the past 10 or so years :frown2: She would like to be out of it all, but the heart keeps beating.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

JanHank said:


> See, I don't *always* talk a load of bunkum.


Not always no


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

patp said:


> The Radio 2 doctor Sarah Jarvis, was explaining yesterday how much heavier muscle is than fat. This means that hauling your muscle around with you is very tiring! Notice that marathon runners are all very lean.


Wel I'm in luck

Im not heaving around muscle

Just cuddley fat

But even that is getting difficult to heave around with rubbish joints and ligaments

Sandra


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Wow

Seems a bit over the top Pat 

Threw himself into the mill pond , well ok 

Whatever floats your boat

Our in his case whatever doesn’t float 

But to take a meat cleaver to his wife 

Why 

If he was going anyway 

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

*Yesterday the old fogeys cleared up*



JanHank said:


> He is 78, with pacemaker, hip replacement, catheter, swelling leg problems plus a few more problems, but he will never give in. Me 74 today, with arthritis of the spine, replacement hip, a bit overweight, but he still loves me. Says we are the best team in the world.:laugh:
> We don't do keep fit, we do constructive work.
> Cutting the lower branches off the Spillinger tree the other side of the road, it doesn't belong to us, but we look after it for the village, for our own satisfaction.
> Branches dragged across the road by me, tied to the mower, dragged to the bottom of the garden.
> ...


All neat and tidy behind the stones to dry up then a quick burnup:laugh:
Two days on the trot though, Hans had really had enough by the time we finished, I was alright :grin2: but I am nearly 5 years younger with no heart or any other of his problems.
The little pile left, when it dried, is for our outside barrel fire .
Will be missing for a couple of days, tomorrow we will find out when he can have the prostate op. so keep everything crossed for him.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Chris and I are the same, Jan. Always done all our own renovation work and looked after four acres until recently. We have always walked the dog twice daily over the lanes and fields around us. Used to muck out horses and milk goats before work, when we kept them, too.

Of course, this year, Chris has not been up to any hard physical labour (cough cough). He has been very good a supervising the builders when they were here, and then the fencers, and now me when I try to tackle the tough jobs. When he was recovering from his by pass the medical staff all kept commenting that he looked "too well" for the stage of recovery he was at. Let's hope that he is as fit as Hans in four years time


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

Pat,my son lives in a flat which is part of a renovated workhouse in Hales. I really don't like the feel of the place. I think there are some 'unhappy spirits' hanging around still. (OK Kev, fire away!) He doesn't like it either. Miserable life, that was for so many!


On the ancestral side, family legend says one of my Dad's forebears was hung at Lancaster Castle for stealing a sheep. I checked the record of hangings and one bloke was hanged there for that crime (in the early 1800's) but I couldn't validate the name of the person. Court records for that time are not on the internet (or they weren't when I last looked.) No smoke without fire.


And wisdom of the day for Sandra... if your glass is half empty it means that there's room for some more wine in it.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Several of my forbears spent time in Workhouses. Awful places but better than nothing I suppose. I must make the effort to visit Gressenhall Museum here in Norfolk. It is a former workhouse and they hold re enactments at times.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

HermanHymer said:


> Pat,my son lives in a flat which is part of a renovated workhouse in Hales. I really don't like the feel of the place. I think there are some 'unhappy spirits' hanging around still. (OK Kev, fire away!) He doesn't like it either. Miserable life, that was for so many!
> 
> On the ancestral side, family legend says one of my Dad's forebears was hung at Lancaster Castle for stealing a sheep. I checked the record of hangings and one bloke was hanged there for that crime (in the early 1800's) but I couldn't validate the name of the person. Court records for that time are not on the internet (or they weren't when I last looked.) No smoke without fire.
> 
> And wisdom of the day for Sandra... if your glass is half empty it means that there's room for some more wine in it.


Do you mean ME Viv?, what am I too fire away at? Just because I don't believe in spirits doesn't mean they are not there, Liz believes her daughter does stuff around the house, hiding things etc, but I think it's just Liz forgetting where she puts stuff, but you never know what you don't know.


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

It's odd as we age recent memory fades quickly to be replaced by very old memories.?

Ray.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

There's a name for that Ray, begins with D and ends sia


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Yes I know that it's wrong ends tia, did it on purpose.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Let me tell you a story about spirits -

I once did French lessons with a very intelligent gentleman who spoke several languages, fluently. During a tea break, one day, the conversation moved on to life after death etc. He told the story of being in the company of some close friends and of them wanting to consult a ouija board. He resisted because, at the time. he was a total sceptic. He gave in, eventually, and the search for spirits began. All of a sudden the board started to move, with him believing it was one of the others controlling it. He soon realised, when everyone became very puzzled about the "message" being spelt out, that it was in Spanish! He was the only person around that table that could speak Spanish and he knew it was not him doing it. He has been a convert every since.

His belief is that we spend one life in our body and learn things that serve us well in the next body we inhabit. So, for instance, someone who has suffered a lot of illness might come back as nurse or doctor etc.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

I am totally screwed if that comes to pass Pat.


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

Being as I have been a 'victim' many times in my life Pat. What do you think I will come back as?

Ray.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Where's your post, that came to my email, Kev?


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Rays post seem to have vanished, but I'll answer the email version

Ray tis simple mate, you will return as a prince.


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Will I come back as a "Proper" Rock Star? :headbang:


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

So many ways to go with the Barry


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

barryd said:


> Will I come back as a "Proper" Rock Star? :headbang:


Bout time.!!!!!

Ray.:grin2:


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Don't encourage him or he'll be pesting more vids


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## barryd (May 9, 2008)

Fill yer boots! Theres a lot!  https://www.youtube.com/user/barryd999/videos?view_as=subscriber

Why is there no dislick button on here?


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