# Diary of a Southern Softy



## Chascass (May 10, 2007)

Diary of a Southampton resident 



DEC. 20TH
It's starting to snow. The first of the season and the first we've seen for years. The wife & I took out hot toddies and sat on the porch watching the fluffy soft flakes drift gently down, clinging to the trees and covering the ground. It's so beautiful & peaceful.

DEC. 24th
Woke to a lovely blanket of crystal white glistening snow covering as far as the eye could see. What a fantastic sight everything covered with a beautiful white mantel. I shovelled snow for the first time ever and loved it! I did both our driveway & the pavement.
Later that day a snow plough came along & accidently covered up our driveway with compacted snow from the street. The driver smiled & waved. I waved back & shovelled it away again. The children next door built a snowman with coal for eyes & a carrot for a nose and had a snowball fight - a couple just missed me & hit the car so I threw a couple back & joined in the fun.

DEC. 26th
It snowed an additional 5 inches last night and the temp. dropped to around minus 8 degrees. Several branches on our trees & bushes snapped due to the weight of the snow. I shovelled our drive again. Shortly afterwards the snow plough came by & did his trick again! Much of the snow is now brownish/grey.

JAN. 1st
Warmed up enough during the day to create some slush, which soon became ice when the temp. dropped again. Bought snow tyres for both our cars. Fell on my a*se in the driveway. Went to physio but nothing was broken.

JAN. 5th
Still cold. Sold the wife's car & bought her a 4X4 to get her to work. She slid into a wall & did considerable damage to right wing. Had another 8 inches of white ****e last night. Both vehicles are covered in salt & iced up slush. That bast*rd snow plough came by twice today. Where's that blo*dy shovel?

JAN.9th
More f***ing snow. Not a tree or bush on our property that hasn't been damaged. Power was off most of the night. Tried to keep from freezing to death with candles & a paraffin heater that tipped over & nearly torched the house. I managed to put the flames out but suffered 2nd degree burns on my hands. Lost my eyebrows & eyelashes. Car hit a f***ing deer on the way to casualty & was written off!

JAN. 10th
F***ing bast*rd white ****e just keeps on coming down. Have to put on every article of clothing just to go to the post box. The little ****es next door ambushed me with snowballs on the way back. I'll shove that carrot so far up the little pri*ks' ar*es it'll take a good surgeon hours to find it. If I ever catch that ar*ehole that drives that snow plough I'll chew open his chest & rip out his heart with my teeth. I think the bast*rd hides round the corner & waits for me to finish shovelling & then he accelerates down the street like Michael f***ing Schumacher & buries the f***ing drive again.

JAN. 13th
16 more sodding inches of f***ing snow & f***ing ice & f***ing sleet & God knows what other white ****e fell last night. I am in court in 3 months time for assaulting the snowplough driver with an ice pick. Can't move my f***ing toes. Haven't seen the sun for 5 weeks. Minus 20 & more bast*rd snow is forecast.


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## DABurleigh (May 9, 2005)

That made my laugh 

After 5 weeks of constant ice over my fishpond, I fished (haha) out 9 large dead fish yesterday. My efforts at daily melting the ice to allow oxygen in was enough for the small fry and medium fish, but the larger older ones couldn't make it through such a prolonged icy period. 

The ice is still there today, but I think will be gone tomorrow.

Dave


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## moblee (Dec 31, 2006)

Dave I know your a Educated man.....but my Grandad use to use 2 or 3 Tennis balls floating around on his fishpond.
Can't remember if it worked though as I was only a Kiddie :lol:


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## DABurleigh (May 9, 2005)

Well actually I had the biggest tennis ball I ever have seen (football sized) in it all the while, for what good it did. Even an icebreaker ship can get locked in ice if it's bad enough, and it was! The ice grew to around 2.5in thick and stayed there for an awfully long time. Even 2 consecutive days of continuous rain before Christmas didn't defeat it.

Dave


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## Chascass (May 10, 2007)

My Son in law is having the same problem (3 dead) what he did was to take the top off the fountain (5 cm above water level) and allowed the pump to run 24/7 which kept a hole the size of a beach ball free of ice. 

Charlie


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## teamsaga (Feb 26, 2006)

Hi chascas
great diary, could be mine. us soft southerners never travel north of winchester until summer arrives.


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

Chascass

Also Great!

But not a word about the MH - are you heartless?


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## DABurleigh (May 9, 2005)

Yes, I do like southern England. The Midlands around Winchester are OK. Foraging further than Northern England, an ill-defined boundary but let's say around Oxford, is fraught with risk; the natives are restless and the mud tracks can be a bit of a pain. Are maps available?

Dave


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## Chascass (May 10, 2007)

I wouldn't bother Dave, I heard from a GOOD SOURCE that any farther north and gassings and road pirates are common place. 8O 

Charlie


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## iconnor (Nov 27, 2007)

You lot should come up North to Mercia, we've a naked woman on a horse
and you can even play around on Offa's ****.
Now that's got to better than a Wookey hole!


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