# September in France - further insights...



## Bazbro (May 9, 2005)

After revealing our antics through France in September, ( http://tinyurl.com/9br5a ) I thought some of you may like a further insight into "The Great Topbox Saga". I penned this for a chum who is 'suffering' at the moment - may my humiliation perhaps bring a little humour into your life too.

Here's wot I rote 'im...
"Aaah, the mighty topbox... what would have made you laugh was the fannying about that I did in a Mr Bricolage, trying to buy appropriate bits to make the bugger waterproof. The whole lid was cockeyed (apart from having a bloody great big hole in) and my attempts at plastering it with gaffer tape were laughable. So I decided a canvas cover was needed.

I looked at all the options, and decided on a particular sheet 'cause it looked the right dimensions. Then I went and bought some cord and eyelets to thread round the edge.

When I got back to the site, I realised that mentally I'd worked out how many feet of cord I'd need, translated that into decimalese, took away the number I first thought of, and bought that number of meters!!! Yes, I'd forgotten to divide by three...

So now I could embalm the whole bloody thing in cord, I had so much of it. Then I opened the bag with the plastic sheet.

I'd probably missed the word "juggernaut" on the packet, because this sheet, when opened out, would have just about covered one of those car transporters! The old "feet into meters" blindness again, probably.

Anyway, I then spent two whole days of my holiday fitting eyelets round the edge of this sheet (folded four times and it was still a bit big!), threading MILES of cord round it, and wobbling about dangerously on the roof trying to fit it! That bloody Tramontaine wind had started now, and I tell you, it WAS dangerous up there! The whole m/home was swaying, and I was in imminent danger of 'doing a Mary Poppins', but with a tarpaulin instead of a 'brolly!

Then the road test... There was such an excess of sheeting to the cover and so many wrinkles round the edge of it, it was flapping so much it would eventually beat itself to death. So more cord wrapped over, round, under, alongside, down, up, in, out... made not a ha'porth of difference! Bugger!

I'd now spent what seemed like 50% of my holiday on the roof trying to sort this bastard out. Grrrr... Right, TAPE! Gaffer tape - that's what was needed. Do you think I could find any??? Why IS that? When you need something, you can't find it but when it's not needed there's bleedin' ACRES of the things, whatever they may be?

I eventually found a reasonable substitute, and I also bought some cheap packing tape to augment it if necessary.

Taking my life in my hands again, it was back up on the roof. Oh, I should explain that the roof box was so W - I - D - E that there was virtually no foothold along the edge, just enough for two toes to grip frantically when I launched myself from the rear of the box to the front. Hey, I nearly DIED up there, man!

I daubed this tape all over the gap at the front, between the sheet and the box, and then thought "Bugger it! If it flaps now, good luck. I'm NOT setting foot on this bloody roof again 'til it's on my front drive in Blighty!"

Fortunately... FORTUNATELY, it heeded my words, and flapped no more (alright, it may have billowed a bit, but it did it quietly) and we got it home without further mishap."

I've gone gently with the expletives (and I apologise if a couple have upset anyone) but I can assure you that on the day, that air was THICK with 'em!

So there... my humiliation is complete.


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## tonyt (May 25, 2005)

No doubt a roll of Gaffer Tape will now be added to many motorhomer's tool kits!


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## Bazbro (May 9, 2005)

Well it bl**dy well is in MINE, now!!!!


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## badger (May 9, 2005)

Barry........I can only sympathise......I really do know what its like.........heat of the moment, all going wrong, everything and everone against you, the feeling of self humiliation  .........Sorry I've got to go lie in a darkened room.


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## tonyt (May 25, 2005)

You didn't tell us if you had to pay for the damage to the filling station roof?


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## Bazbro (May 9, 2005)

Thank you, badger - you're an understanding pal.
You've no idea the pressure I was under; it was horrendous.
Raining; topbox filling up with water; gotta do something, and NOW!
Thank God for gaffer tape - at least it kept the water out until we got to where the sun was shining.

Yes, the memory of it all comes flooding back - aaaarrrgghhh!!! (Think I'll join you in that darkened room... 8O )

Tony - the filling station got the same treatment as the Napoleonic theatrical types - a glimpse of a shiny, kiss-my-a**e GB plate, that's all!


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## Pusser (May 9, 2005)

Well, that has made my day athough I do sympathise with you    

It could have been worse. The top box could have crashed down on a french farmers Peugot may be worse, a French farmer. The whole roof could have collapsed. Your top box could have had a blow up rubber woman inside which inflated with the impact and floated around the petrol station. 

I wrote and article with pics for the Motorhome mag in the eighties when I drove off still attached to the electric hookup. The site was without power for two days athough the picture (drawing) exaggerated somewhat showed the missus being dragged out the side of the van holding on grimly to a hairdryer.

It';s things like this that add to lifes rich something or other.. Brill story and thanks for sharing your embarrassment with us. It could have happened to anyone of course, but more likely you or me.


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## Bazbro (May 9, 2005)

Now I'm angry with you, Puss - you said you wouldn't mention the blow-up woman in the topbox...  

Still, you've got to laugh, haven't you? Not at the time though...


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## Texas (May 9, 2005)

*What a super pick-me-up* that tale was. I've just escaped the wifes' clutches...from helping in the garden...and found this little gem of a story. Really brightened up what is a terribly gloomy Thursday up here in the 'true North'...slightly Eastish actually.

Texas


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## Bazbro (May 9, 2005)

Well I'm glad my misfortunes made someone smile. :? 

I think you're all very sick, deriving pleasure from someone else's anguish. Sick, sick, sick!


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## 88781 (May 9, 2005)

Thanks for sharing Barry! :lol: My sympathies too for the series of calamities 8O   


Dave :wink:


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## Bazbro (May 9, 2005)

Thanks for your sympathies, Dave. BUT WHERE WERE YOU WHEN I NEEDED YOU???   

I can only come out of this a stronger and wiser person...
I can only come out of this a stronger and wiser person...
I can only come out of this a stronger and wiser person...
I can only come out of this a stronger and wiser person...

Nope, it's not working! :?


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## SidT (May 9, 2005)

Thanks for sharing that Dave. we should have a section for embarrassing moments. Our van is parked on the drive across the front of the house, and to get out I have to reverse around the end of the garage. The wife usually guides me but over the weekend smart alec me thought "I dont need her" so I started reversing around the garage, fortunately Shirley came out of the house and screamed stop. but too late, I couldn't see the guttering on the garage and hit it. Fortunately it was on the corner and the plastic fitting pushed off so there was no damage to the van. Only to my pride after the things Shirley called me.
We all do it. Don't we???
Cheers Sid


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