# Join S.W.E.A.R. Today - the coolest club in town



## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

*Applicants are now being sought for membership of the newest, coolest club in town.*

"S.W.E.A.R." - The *S*elf *W*atering *E*ngine, *A*lternator & *R*elays Club. As an incentive to new members only, membership will be absolutely FREE for the first three years. (See terms and conditions below.)

Only a single membership criterion applies. Applicants MUST have a fully operational, factory fitted, split scuttle affixed to their motorhome. Rigorous tests will be applied to confirm eligibility for membership using a standard 1 gallon (5 litre) Wilkinsons' watering can, the spout to be directed across the whole windscreen at no lower than centre height. Only those applicants who can demonstrate a free flowing and substantially even torrent of water over the whole of their engine bay will be admitted as Full Members. (One single watering can full only - no refills allowed.) Those managing only a feeble dribble in one corner, or intermittent drips from the centre of the scuttle MAY be admitted as Associate Members, IF it can be established over a three test cycle that AT LEAST TWO of their injectors become wholly or partially immersed in water during EACH and EVERY repeat of the test. (Drying between tests will be rigorously enforced and checked by Club officials, and no partial or total failures will be considered.)

As stated earlier, membership (new applicants only) will be completely free for three years from the date of purchase of the said motorhome. *(Our thanks to a leading motor manufacturer for their generous sponsorship.) *At the end of the three year period, due to circumstances entirely beyond our control, a substantial fee may be imposed for continued membership.

A simple Code of Conduct will be demanded from both Full and Associate members, each of whom will be required to swear an oath of obedience on their sacred vehicle handbook.

Above all else foul language will be vigorously condemned, and severe on-the-spot fines will be levied upon any member heard using the "F" word. Miscreants will be fined at a standard rate of one pound (1.5 Euros) for each and every trangression. Nearby members are expect to assist in policing this rule. Fines are to be placed in the official S.W.E.A.R. Box.

*For further guidance, examples of unacceptable foul language ("F" word related) would include:-*

*1).* Member drops breakfast toast, which lands butter side down. In his annoyance he cries, *"Oh F*at !". * A clear use of the banned "F" word and subject to a one pound (1.5 Euros) fine.
*2).* Member "A" is irritated by the actions of member "B". Member "A" tells member "B" to, *"F*at off".* Again a clear abuse of the Code.
*3).* Member becomes extremely frustrated with recalcitrant and unhelpful dealer, and cries, "*Oh, for F*at's sake!* You must have heard about the recall by now!" (In such a case as this, applications for a waiving of the fine may be considered on the grounds of extreme provocation.)

*Terms and Conditions.*

*1).* Unmodified, factory fitted scuttles ONLY will qualify the owner for membership, and they may be subject to detailed scrutiny. Any evidence of dealer tampering, such as the insertion of intermittent blobs of sealant into the central joint, will result in immediate rejection.
*2).* The Committee reserves the right to take scrapings of any apparent rust on the applicant's injectors for laboratory analysis. Any rust not conforming to the appropriate TUV classification will be deemed to have been deliberately applied, and the applicant will be named and shamed as a cheat. There will be no appeal to this decision.
*3).* Further to Condition 1). (above) any foreign bodies, including vegetative matter, found wedged in the central joint (thus keeping it open and enhancing the water flow) may be removed for analysis to determine whether they can be deemed "accidental" or "owner applied". Such tests may be randomly enforced, and without prior warning at any time during the three years initial free membership of the Club, and rejection from the Club will be automatic.

N.B. During the initial three years of free membership, all decisions made by our generous sponsors will be final and irrevocable. By order.


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## urbanracer (Aug 22, 2007)

I thought it was the optional automatic fire extinguisher system and I did have to pay for it.


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## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

Sorry Urban. You were conned.

Should have joined the club, and our legal department would have grabbed your dealer by the receptacles on your behalf before you could say "F*at".

Whoops.     That's another quid in the box.


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## carolgavin (May 9, 2005)

I would like to join as I think I fully meet the criteria, however I think you should extend the membership fines by including use of the *P* word also. Perhaps the fines for usage of this word should not be as severe as these members are also suffering from an inferior chassis, inferior warranty and of course the self watering engine.


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## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

Not sure about the inferior chassis Carol. I wasn't aware there were differences until now, so shall look into a.s.a.p.. I understood the 2007 model is built on "the new chassis" and it is certainly a lot lower than the previous model. The suspension is quite a bit softer too. We don't notice this any longer now we are used to it, but when we drove home in the new truck the ride was noticeably smoother, with much less severe bone-jarring thuds as we dropped into the old familiar potholes.

As for the "P" word, it never occurred to me that a lady Peugeot owner would ever need the swearbox, even if offered at a discount. :roll: 

The very idea. 8O 8O 

Regards

Dave


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## carolgavin (May 9, 2005)

Sanatogen said:


> Not sure about the inferior chassis Carol. I wasn't aware there were differences until now, so shall look into a.s.a.p.. I understood the 2007 model is built on "the new chassis" and it is certainly a lot lower than the previous model. The suspension is quite a bit softer too. We don't notice this any longer now we are used to it, but when we drove home in the new truck the ride was noticeably smoother, with much less severe bone-jarring thuds as we dropped into the old familiar potholes.
> 
> As for the "P" word, it never occurred to me that a lady Peugeot owner would ever need the swearbox, even if offered at a discount. :roll:
> 
> ...


I shall immediately wash my mouth out with water!!!! Gerryd said he feels sorry for us poor peugeot owners cos we do not have the camping car :lookslikerain: :lookslikerain: :lookslikerain: :lookslikerain: chassis apparently, I have no idea what this is but I am miffed I do not have it :angel13:


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## loddy (Feb 12, 2007)

Fiat

F-Fix
I=It
A=Again
T=Tommorow


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## 1happy (Jun 15, 2005)

Hi Sanatogen.  
I haven't laughed so much in years and for that I thank you! :lol: 
I would like to be a member please,please,please can i, can i,  
If you would permit I would also like to see future amendments like R.U.S.T.! 

*R*eally!
* U*
*S*hould have
*T*old us sooner
*!*st we have heard of it!

Can I join now please :?:


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## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

All are welcome.

*Come on in, the water's lovely!!!!!!* :roll:

Dave


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## 1happy (Jun 15, 2005)

*I wish to nominate this person for a medal * :idea: 
*Any seconder's* :?: 


Zebedee said:


> *Applicants are now being sought for membership of the newest, coolest club in town.*
> 
> "S.W.E.A.R." - The *S*elf *W*atering *E*ngine, *A*lternator & *R*elays Club. As an incentive to new members only, membership will be absolutely FREE for the first three years. (See terms and conditions below.)
> 
> ...


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## ICDSUN (Oct 10, 2006)

Seconded

Chris


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## carolgavin (May 9, 2005)

I would like to third this and additionally vote for this post to be awarded funniest post of the month. Do we do this ? If not can we? The award could be any one of the following:
1. Tube of silicone
2. WD 40
3. Rust remover
4. Water soaker upperer...........sponge!!!
5. Paint tray a la urbanracer now sadly departed!
Finally a mention in the 'Scuttlegate' hall of fame!!!


mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm chips!!!


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## 1happy (Jun 15, 2005)

*The S.W.E.A.R Club !*

Hi Zebedee  
I hope the club is still going :?: 
I couldn't resist 'bumping' your very funny thread  

*S*eems
*W*e're
*E*ven
*A*ggressive
*R*ecently
:lol:
Regards Catherine


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## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

Hi Catherine

I'd forgotten about that. :? 

Didn't get a medal though, and look what has happened to the Euro since then.    

Dave


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## 1happy (Jun 15, 2005)

*The S.W.E.A.R Club !*

Hi Dave.
You might not have got a medal 8O (A travesty IMHO)
But I reckon that lovely sense of humour played a part in your elevation to modgod :lol: 
As for the Euro :roll: Even MHF members can't fix that _unless_ George whatshisname-oros is a secret member :roll: 
Regards Catherine


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## aultymer (Jun 20, 2006)

Bet the Fiat owners thought that water ingress was as bad as it gets!! 


OOps 


All this was before Juddergate!! 


Sorry but having had a german girlfriend I am into Schadenfroid!!


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## 1happy (Jun 15, 2005)

*Schadenfroid!!*



aultymer said:


> Bet the Fiat owners thought that water ingress was as bad as it gets!!
> 
> OOps
> 
> ...


I'm sorry I don't sprachen the thingy.... whats Schadenfroid!!
Is it a new base vehicle :?


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## JohnsCrossMotorHomes (Jul 21, 2007)

*standard rate of one pound (1.5 Euros)*

Me thinks theres a profit in this somewhere!


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## aultymer (Jun 20, 2006)

Sorry misspelt it: - Schadenfreude

“largely unanticipated delight in the suffering of another which is cognized as trivial and/or appropriate.”

Google is your friend.


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## 1happy (Jun 15, 2005)

*The S.W.E.A.R Club !*

Hi aultymer
Not remotely like bondage then :lol: as I believe there is anticipation in that 8O 
However .... Thats the beauty of The S.W.E.A.R Club...members get to laugh at their own suffering.... Which I think makes it a form of masochism


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