# Tell us a Story..



## 88781

I've seen this on another forum, and thought .....why not?....  


In this thread we are going to construct a story that is without end. Each person can only post five words in each post. The goal is to continue the story off from the last post using only five words. You must wait for five members to post after you before you can make another post, also please, there is no need to quote the post you are replying. 


Lets see what journey our minds take us on, try to keep to our Motorhome/Camping/Travelling theme, ..... keep it clean! 

I will start with the first five words of the story.

===========================================




The rain swept down upon........


----------



## Pusser

Cynthia; her negligee became almost...


----------



## Grizzly

.......soaked, but fortunately it was......


----------



## DABurleigh

not far to the sanctuary


----------



## peedee

where there was an aire


----------



## Pusser

with electric hookup, waste disposal


----------



## Musea

But alas, it was closed


----------



## Grizzly

Cynthia was an enterprising young......


----------



## johnsandywhite

Maiden who wanted much more


----------



## DABurleigh

than her long suffering husband


----------



## Pusser

whom along with terminal piles


----------



## spykal

of delapidated castles could afford


----------



## Grizzly

But he was a gentleman....


----------



## johnsandywhite

And so he was only


----------



## 88903

four feet six inches in.


----------



## 88781

Stature,..but neverthelss quite often,....


----------



## crissy

told much taller tales of


----------



## Raine

chivalry, honour, humility and wisdom!


----------



## johnsandywhite

because he was always lying


----------



## spykal

in wait for an unsuspecting


----------



## Grizzly

virgin rushing past his door


----------



## Otto-de-froste

to his secret escape tunnel


----------



## 88781

where the motorhome was stored.


----------



## peedee

He cursed loudly and retorted,

(sorry read as 5 or less)


----------



## johnsandywhite

peedee said:


> He cursed loudly


 (supposed to be 5 words *peedee*)

On with the story:-

Who's pinched our bikes again?


----------



## Grizzly

There was an eery silence


----------



## 89564

from inside the privacy annex


----------



## 88781

when suddenly, his phone rang............


----------



## peedee

He cursed again, "Damed frog"


----------



## phoenix

"why does Cynthia always call"


----------



## 89564

When i'm on the throne


----------



## 89261

his wellington boots he was


----------



## spykal

filling with some nice warm


----------



## Grizzly

milk to keep his bunions


----------



## Raine

soft enough to pumice off


----------



## johnsandywhite

He was then deep in


----------



## spykal

meanwhile back at the castle


----------



## Grizzly

Count Glassinov started the generator


----------



## 89564

Bromwich home of Elton John


----------



## DABurleigh

just as Cynthia burst in


----------



## Otto-de-froste

Nobody had noticed the Gnu


----------



## johnsandywhite

which was hiding round the


----------



## peejay

corner next to the generator.


----------



## 88781

Cynthia trembled uncontrollably,..as the..


----------



## DABurleigh

cold negligee and fear gripped


----------



## 89429

as the count said


----------



## Grizzly

"It's not who you are.."


----------



## johnsandywhite

It's what you can do


----------



## Raine

like, climb every mountain


----------



## Pusser

hoard every bean - Swallow every


----------



## 88844

time and time again.


----------



## Grizzly

It was becoming almost impossible


----------



## 88789

to keep away from the


----------



## 88903

to understand the thread of


----------



## Mat7

the BBC's soap opera. Because

:roll: 8O


----------



## Nora+Neil

they came to Ireland


----------



## johnsandywhite

8O Insisting on only four words?


----------



## badger

having kissed the Blarney Stone


----------



## Pusser

and contracting Herpes. So off...


----------



## 88941

to the clinic they went


----------



## Otto-de-froste

without an ounce of shame


----------



## 88789

oh dear! more than herpes


----------



## spykal

Canarial disease it's totally untweetatable


----------



## glenm

spykal said:


> Canarial disease it's totally untweetatable


Unless you buy a canary


----------



## Bazbro

...-coloured bottle of foul medicine.

(fowl? geddit?)


----------



## Pusser

Luckily, Cynthia had BUPA and


----------



## Bazbro

other STDs too awful to


----------



## johnsandywhite

To discuss in general public


----------



## badger

Needless to say...she...


----------



## bigfoot

had an itch to travel


----------



## Grizzly

but no money at all


----------



## 89429

so she sold her body


----------



## badger

to the highest bidder.....


----------



## johnsandywhite

8O Who just happened to be


----------



## bigfoot

.....Fray Bentos!


----------



## Grizzly

(Now the story gets cornier)


----------



## Pusser

Due to the high fat content...


----------



## 95502

of Argentinian beef, Fray had


----------



## badger

been going on a diet...


----------



## johnsandywhite

But it wasn't working :?


----------



## bigfoot

it was the seefood diet


----------



## 88889

You eat all you see


----------



## Grizzly

and the inevitable consequence was


----------



## badger

a catering sized Fray Bentos


----------



## 88889

a terrible smell erupted from

(sorry, i should have waited but could not resist it)


----------



## johnsandywhite

From some thing down below


----------



## Otto-de-froste

not the b****y gnu again?


----------



## Pusser

Nope....it was Cynthia playing...


----------



## Grizzly

on her Argentinian bongo drums


----------



## 88741

an enchanting Brazilian love song


----------



## carolgavin

which wasn't unlike Numa Numa


----------



## Mat7

but closer to cats in....

:roll: 8O


----------



## phoenix

wailing scents. Meanwhile back at


----------



## 88941

the house of paine, Cynthia.....


----------



## spykal

was tying up the vicar


----------



## Paulway

three alter boys and the


----------



## badger

the vergers mother in law...


----------



## 88903

for some top class entertainment


----------



## 88726

in the haemaroids department when..........


----------



## 88909

mahammed al fayed announced an...


----------



## 88889

"That strange smell was mine"


----------



## Pusser

"I thought so," said Cynthia


----------



## johnsandywhite

can't you do any better


----------



## Paulway

Yes but first I must


----------



## Mat7

eat more spicy beans with


----------



## 88889

"more tea vicar" asked Mohamad


----------



## 88741

Or something stronger perhaps


----------



## johnsandywhite

Maybe some Garlic and Vino


----------



## Otto-de-froste

Harpic and Vimto? he replied.


----------



## 88781

Oooh! ..My favourite said Cynthia...


----------



## 89031

Meanwhile, back in Belgium the


----------



## Grizzly

ladies in the bun factory


----------



## aido

*subject*

went shopping to harrods


----------



## Pusser

singing Dodi, Do-o-o- o-Di, Daylight come


----------



## 88889

until they were arrested by


----------



## johnsandywhite

sight of someone in the


----------



## Grizzly

briefest of polka dot bikinis


----------



## 88889

So I said " Oye Mouth! "


----------



## 88781

In a comedy french accent...


----------



## navman

at which point .....


----------



## 88741

a svelte glamorous woman approached


----------



## johnsandywhite

8O It was *HelenB* in disguise


----------



## 88741

Oy less of that I can be svelte if I really try and there's a following wind


----------



## Paulway

she said in an alluring


----------



## 88903

full length, boddy hugging. sexy......


now to see what you do with this one helen :lol: :lol:


----------



## Raine

lowdown hayfever affected voice


----------



## 88781

which disguised the wind noises...


----------



## patr

of her Shropshire Lad


----------



## Grizzly

(who'd not taken his Windeze )


----------



## Pusser

but had O.D.'d on Viagra


----------



## johnsandywhite

Come up and see me


----------



## 89031

and help take off my


----------



## Paulway

Sky Dish from the motorhome


----------



## johnsandywhite

I'm going to fit a


----------



## patr

flourescent Doner Kebab sign


----------



## Pusser

...with matching knickers and bra


----------



## 98055

...to hide my huge pair


----------



## spykal

shaped, but perfectly formed rear


----------



## olley

seats in a ford anglia


----------



## artona

upon which I sat with


----------



## Frenchlily

my Tom-tom in anticipation


----------



## damondunc

I gasped at the sight


----------



## Pusser

.. of finding the G Spot in between


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

TomTom and satellite dish


----------



## olley

but the groans from my


----------



## artona

auntie mildred who was waiting


----------



## 94639

nearby, with a folding bucket


----------



## spykal

full of old mobile phones


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

that all started vibrating quickly


----------



## Frenchlily

making her support stockings quiver


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

In the vicarage, Cynthia was


----------



## Pusser

...letting her hair down prior to putting on her jeans when suddenly,


----------



## artona

pusser got told off for


----------



## 95853

spying through the window at


----------



## 98055

a 22 stone tattooed and bearded


----------



## 94639

female campsite warden


----------



## 98055

waving a lathered up cucumber


----------



## xgx

well worn but still fresh


----------



## Frenchlily

before adding to her salad


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

Only five words each - no cheating


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

slowly, she took her knife


----------



## C7KEN

and attacked rapide561 for


----------



## 94639

not asking her to


----------



## 98055

remove the duct tape from


----------



## C7KEN

her special place so that


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

Oscar could take a look around


----------



## barrosa

and found cynthias negligee down


----------



## Frenchlily

the toilet so called Pusser


----------



## C7KEN

the expert on blockages so


----------



## damondunc

He put his left hand


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

up the KonTiki's waste


----------



## C7KEN

but due to the smell he


----------



## 98055

himself had produced from eating


----------



## damondunc

Recoiled, Shouting " I HATE PASTA"


----------



## CLS

and then he proceeded to


----------



## C7KEN

especially if its mixed with beer but


----------



## 94639

get out his double skillet


----------



## 96105

and make a mess off


----------



## 98055

shaving his wife's mustache.Anyway


----------



## CLS

his hand was covered in


----------



## artona

cynthias negligee,which his wife


----------



## 98055

quickly put on to cover


----------



## 96105

a very large pair off


----------



## xgx

melons, too ripe to touch


----------



## xgx

Cynthisa blushed and said


----------



## CLS

is this the way to


----------



## artona

amerilo! I want to see


----------



## 88726

hugging your pillow , else you will be weeping like a willow .


----------



## Frenchlily

They hugged in the toilet


----------



## 94639

they hugged in the laundry room


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

but the GASLOW system was


----------



## 98055

overpowering,making her huge melons


----------



## artona

far too ripe for human


----------



## 98055

. Human was Cynthias imaginary lover


----------



## spykal

he had long hair and


----------



## 98055

swallows tattooed on both of


----------



## C7KEN

his sturdy legs so


----------



## Pusser

...they built a nest futher up.....


----------



## Frenchlily

Cynthia did not like swallows


----------



## artona

but a little thrush was


----------



## 98055

preventing her from giving herself


----------



## 97993

the breather she required


----------



## JockandRita

So she lit her pipe


----------



## 94055

from a man with a light


----------



## CLS

coloured tanned sporting jacket


----------



## artona

that was far too big


----------



## 98055

even for Cynthias huge melons.


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

Cynthia's thoughts returned to Belgium


----------



## 97993

and the time she had


----------



## 94639

on the aire at Brugges


----------



## CLS

with a man holding his


----------



## artona

beautiful red tulip


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

Hi all

Five words per post please!!!!!

This is hard work keeping the other post up to date with the "story so far"

Rapide561

PS I am still rolling on the flooe laughing!

PPS Where can I meet Cynthia!


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

tightly between his nobbly knees


----------



## 88781

to prevent a hayfever attack


----------



## CLS

which brought on his piles


----------



## spykal

So he inflated his ring


----------



## olley

cynthia loved playing with his


----------



## vicdicdoc

TomTom but didn't like the


----------



## bigfoot

wind in the Urals


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

so she closed his anorak


----------



## Walmer

and said, 'The next time ....'


----------



## annej

you wont be so lucky"


----------



## Pusser

Meanwhile, Julian and friend Sandy


----------



## Frenchlily

arrived in their converted 3 wheeler


----------



## Frenchlily

"YOU CAN'T PARK THERE"called




(Sorry could'nt resist it)


----------



## 94639

John Prescott, that's Tony's spot


----------



## artona

and so politics entered the


----------



## olley

ring, giving off a nasty


----------



## storeman

smell from David Camerons compost


----------



## Topdog14

and John prescotts smelly underpants.


----------



## Walmer

but never mind, Cynthia saw


----------



## spykal

a golden opportunity to


----------



## Motorhomersimpson

Say “surely you can’t be serious”


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

.....I am desperate but even


----------



## annej

so, don't call me Shirley


----------



## crazylady

Somebody call for Drummer he's


----------



## mauramac

my name's something of a Paine


----------



## artona

away camping in his smart


----------



## Walmer

demountable. but just a minute,


----------



## 98055

here comes that 22 stone


----------



## olley

cynthia with the big bristols


----------



## crazylady

It won't make much of


----------



## 94055

of a dent in


----------



## 94639

my pay packet said Prescott


----------



## artona

although in comparison to the


----------



## Drummer

to that Smart, its


----------



## Walmer

always a good idea to


----------



## CLS

lock your smart car at


----------



## 94639

night, in case somebody


----------



## Frenchlily

in the darkness thinks it's


----------



## Drummer

Silvercross pram inspite of your


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

best wisdom. On the other


----------



## 98055

hand Jeremy Beadle has a huge


----------



## 94639

box full of unused


----------



## 94055

videos to take movies of


----------



## olley

cynthia and pusser in the smart


----------



## artona

booth next to the big


----------



## aido

*post subject*

Dipper eating ice cream cones


----------



## 88781

Suddenly the Gnu (remember him)....


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

appeared from behind a double-skillet


----------



## 94055

Gnu gota get going fast


----------



## olley

I am fast said pusser


----------



## Pusser

.... as he wobbled to the starting line..


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

so they took up position


----------



## 98055

, the missionary position,Gnu groaned


----------



## 97993

under the weight of pusser


----------



## Drummer

and his electric banjo that


----------



## spykal

he strummed with his


----------



## Walmer

left foot, while keeping his


----------



## artona

damp dreams a big secret


----------



## shortcircuit

,this story will soon end


----------



## 94055

nonsense said gnu, gnu way


----------



## annej

to go and much more


----------



## 98055

.Meanwhile Cynthia's career within the


----------



## Pusser

..Deputy Prime Ministers Office took


----------



## artona

a quite unusual direction when


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

in walked David Walliams from


----------



## 94055

the male impersonator society


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

who screamed "Tokkalosh, get off........"


----------



## geraldandannie

although he didn't mean it


----------



## 97051

To be a big joke


----------



## artona

or to say hows yer


----------



## 88781

"Channel swimming lessons coming along"?


----------



## geraldandannie

There was a long silence


----------



## DABurleigh

"I'm horny", said the Gnu


----------



## klubnomad

And me said the bull


----------



## artona

so they all went off


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

towards the Kontiki, where Tokkalosh


----------



## DABurleigh

had doped Oscar in preparation


----------



## sheringham

for the "Hot Dog" kiosk


----------



## 97993

But oscar was on to


----------



## CLS

a winner with Russells big


----------



## 97051

hambergers , with onions and mustard


----------



## Pusser

...and a free blowup


----------



## 96105

picture of a large german


----------



## 89118

shepherd on the end of his


----------



## 97051

sheapherd , !!! , who was p**ing up


----------



## 89118

his left leg on a


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

rather unsuspecting soul from Bruges.


----------



## artona

Who kept a sack of


----------



## sallytrafic

Viagra next to the fixed


----------



## 97051

bed , just in case of


----------



## sallytrafic

Cynthia returning to the story.


----------



## DABurleigh

"Viagra?!", spat the Gnu, dismissively.


----------



## Pusser

"Urgh! Dismissive sputum. How crude".


----------



## DABurleigh

said Cynthia, with sodden negligee.


----------



## sallytrafic

I think I'll lie down


----------



## Pusser

...until it dries off then


----------



## sallytrafic

said Cynthia coyly. "Bu**er me!"


----------



## hippypair

its shrunk and now shows


----------



## 94415

me for what I am


----------



## DABurleigh

which is wet, and hot


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

as an overwight campsite warden.


----------



## klubnomad

yearning for some hot action


----------



## CLS

in the back of my


----------



## 97051

garden , hoping the sun comes


----------



## 89118

up just like a big


----------



## artona

bad dandelion leaf full of


----------



## crazylady

greenfly and other nasty flying


----------



## 99911

objects that land on my


----------



## klubnomad

salad. Kands said to Artona


----------



## sallytrafic

retreating into his RV palace


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

asking, where is the gas


----------



## crazylady

I said not there, it's


----------



## hippypair

been taken by that warden


----------



## klubnomad

because it was not Gaslow.


----------



## 89118

but his gas wasnt low


----------



## sallytrafic

Till he ate the beans


----------



## klubnomad

and realised a SOG unit


----------



## 99911

Could not be fitted to


----------



## spykal

his bottom - sealed toilet unit


----------



## sallytrafic

'Bottom' a moderator commentated, is


----------



## 99911

an old show on tv


----------



## klubnomad

featuring kands and artona but


----------



## hippypair

would not help Cynthias problem


----------



## klubnomad

with wind and Dehli Belly.


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

so Pusser appeared with a


----------



## sallytrafic

Long hose, funnel and vaseline


----------



## klubnomad

Great said Pusser, playtime. Lets


----------



## sallytrafic

take the hose and funnel


----------



## artona

and then Pusser's parole officer


----------



## sallytrafic

and with a handful of


----------



## crazylady

huge keys, all gleaming and


----------



## klubnomad

shiny, with baby oil. Artona


----------



## mangothemadmonk

dusted off his unused


----------



## crazylady

extra long and thick jump


----------



## 99911

up and down to get


----------



## boatyard

his own way in spite


----------



## artona

of knowing that all around


----------



## crazylady

people looked on in wonder


----------



## mangothemadmonk

as it was spotted with


----------



## crazylady

Strange looking things in his


----------



## 88781

.....beaney box locker, " What's this"? .....


----------



## 94639

he cried, pulling out a


----------



## castaway

half eaten hot dog which


----------



## smithies

he proceded to eat with


----------



## plumbill

tall in his sock soles


----------



## mangothemadmonk

Yuk, this just tastes of


----------



## 88781

cardboard!...Upon turning he saw..


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a small slimy half eaten.....


----------



## 106916

discarded acid tablet in the


----------



## mangothemadmonk

shape of President George Bush's.....


----------



## 103675

*there's more*

big toe which looked like....


----------



## 94055

A hot dog with a hard crusty end! !


----------



## 103675

"where is my hot, spicy.."


----------



## mangothemadmonk

wife", he cried,"It's time....


----------



## CatherineandSteve

To get the RV going !


----------



## 94055

Help! Help! I can only drive a 3.5 ton he squealed......


----------



## mangothemadmonk

...as his wife ran over....


----------



## 98212

a hastily discarded ripe aubergine


----------



## mangothemadmonk

"Look" said a big slug.....


----------



## 94055

My GOD!! That is an ugly MUG





:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:


----------



## CaGreg

But the King looks well!


----------



## 88781

Cynthia got behind the wheel...


----------



## grout20

..and made a remarkable discovery...


----------



## 103675

her garage contained a wild....


----------



## CaGreg

pensioner selling used tar to....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

....stick feathers onto her bald....


----------



## CatherineandSteve

Hubby who was called nobby !


----------



## 88781

Nobby also had a hobby..


----------



## grout20

... which involved his friend Bobby...


----------



## andyman

the 6 foot transvestite


----------



## teemyob

From Tromso in deepest Norway


----------



## Otto-de-froste

......and his piano playing aardvark


----------



## mangothemadmonk

... who had quite a long.....


----------



## 94055

Ear.....he was also a bit queer


----------



## mangothemadmonk

....as it had just eaten.....


----------



## cobaltkoala

*... one of Bobby's six feet ...*

... one of Bobby's six feet ...


----------



## 98212

raspberry ripple flavoured hot dogs


----------



## CaGreg

...who declared them the best.....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

...only he would have, if


----------



## 98212

onions weren't so hairy and


----------



## 94055

he loved his aunty Mary


----------



## mangothemadmonk

.....who smelled strange and was.....


----------



## 94055

a witch with curly nails....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

.....whos real name was Derek.....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

"Stop", shouted the hamster, "Pull........


----------



## 94055

my to**er again and....


----------



## hippypair

you will find the missing


----------



## 94055

tooth...on the....


----------



## 103675

....comb I bought from a.....


----------



## NEV3

second-hand car dealer in...


----------



## 103675

Arguinegon, where they eat...


----------



## grout20

..things they can't spell properly...


----------



## 103675

like "muelle pesquero de arguineguin"....


----------



## 98212

no I have nut allergy..


----------



## CaGreg

...so my nutty friends don't....


----------



## 94055

...buy from brownhills....


----------



## grout20

..but Motorhome Facts folk often...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

....get drunk and fall down.


----------



## 94055

.....tell us a story....





8O


----------



## hippypair

... but keep it clean...


----------



## 94055

........or just a little bit.......


----------



## CatherineandSteve

of fun can be had !


----------



## mangothemadmonk

"So", said the slow worm....


----------



## 94055

....dangling in the river,,,,,,,,,


----------



## CaGreg

...can't wriggle out of this .....


----------



## Grizzly

But honestly said Lulu, tell....


----------



## 94055

......that the fish does not feel pain....


----------



## 98212

...until it fills the pan...


----------



## Wupert

wiggum said:


> ...until it fills the pan...


with real tears


----------



## loddy

it says "crikey thats hot"


----------



## mangothemadmonk

...it's burnt the end of.....


----------



## 94055

.....my "Dose" ........


----------



## Wupert

SandJ said:


> .....my "Dose" ........


Sorry typo my...... Rose


----------



## mangothemadmonk

...would smell as sweet as........


----------



## Wupert

mangothemadmonk said:


> ...would smell as sweet as........


the lavender on route napoleon.......


----------



## 94055

......(No Typo) What pole?......


----------



## loddy

the pole the plumber


----------



## 94055

........used to plumb in the tap........


----------



## mangothemadmonk

.......but it still leaked like.......


----------



## 94055

......Hell!!!.....all over the floor.......


----------



## mangothemadmonk

...of my new Robin Reliant.......


----------



## 94055

.....with only ONE, back door......


----------



## mangothemadmonk

....which didn't open because ferrets......


----------



## Wupert

mangothemadmonk said:


> ....which didn't open because ferrets......


with spanners


----------



## 94055

....had jammed the lock...............


----------



## loddy

and Del Boy couldn't


----------



## Grizzly

even begin to think of...


----------



## 94055

........Rodney, at a time like this......


----------



## Wupert

SandJ said:


> ........Rodney, at a time like this......


thankfully it was not raining


----------



## grout20

... which, when motorhoming in a ...


----------



## 94055

.....open top bus, gets a bit........


----------



## loddy

bloody damp


----------



## 94055

....unless you have the cover on....


----------



## moblee

...with a good insurance firm...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

...will always try and get.....


----------



## loddy

out of paying the claim


----------



## Eamonn

because they reckon that


----------



## moblee

All motorhomers are...


----------



## loddy

incompetent


----------



## CatherineandSteve

Dangerous road hogging ! :lol:


----------



## moblee

Far worse than tuggers :lol:


----------



## Eamonn

when thay are drunk


----------



## 108526

they tell strange stories


----------



## 101578

but none of them porkies....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

"Look over there" said the.....


----------



## loddy

one eyed mad monk


----------



## moblee

...Motorhomer as a streaker ran...


----------



## loddy

past holding his wallet

I was going to put willy


----------



## greenasthegrass

... Wonka to Shame!


----------



## moblee

...You've got my golden ticket...


----------



## 108987

and it is stuck up ....


----------



## 101578

due to the cold breeze...!


----------



## moblee

..Fortunately as luck would have it...


----------



## 108921

his, borrowed, high heeled shoes


----------



## MalanCris

in red patent leather, were


----------



## 101578

Nike. He ran faster until...


----------



## 108987

he caught sight of a ......


----------



## Eamonn

cuddly looking sheep with a


----------



## greenasthegrass

.... golden glow about it. He was mumbling saying ....


----------



## moblee

I'm lost  This satnav is...


----------



## 108526

pointing me towards that river


----------



## zappy61

must keep the satnav dry


----------



## CatherineandSteve

In a bag it went.


----------



## tinkering

But the bag got damp


----------



## mangothemadmonk

....but the old bag wasn't happy and .....


----------



## 108987

hit me with a big......


----------



## whistlinggypsy

stick, before running.......


----------



## 101578

into a caravan park 8O ....


----------



## moblee

...with hardstanding & Ehu,but...


----------



## 108526

no black waste disposal


----------



## mangothemadmonk

...."point" said the Club Warden!


----------



## 108526

At what.....said the motorhomer


----------



## moblee

...You know it's rude, to...


----------



## 108526

point at tuggers


----------



## 101578

Ignoring the warden,he reversed....


----------



## 108987

and ran over the tugger....


----------



## hippypair

their brand new motormower


----------



## 101578

came rolling straight into....


----------



## badger

....the swimming pool, pushing the......


----------



## Eamonn

the warden and the tugger


----------



## tinkering

excruciatingly ever closer whilst wearing


----------



## moblee

..comedy breasts & a.....


----------



## greenasthegrass

strap on 8O 

(I know I know but just had to!)


----------



## moblee

...Lifejacket and flurescent pair of...


----------



## 88781

inflatable knickers and sports bra.


----------



## moblee

...Which should always be worn...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

....on top of other clothing....


----------



## moblee

...This annoyed the Warden..


----------



## chapter

also had jackboots and peakcap


----------



## moblee

..You can't camp here,members....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

stood erect and waited for


----------



## vardy

the hot sausage initiation ceremony....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

but alas, the BBQ was.....


----------



## vardy

....full of spotty red-faced


----------



## loddy

Mackerel


----------



## mangothemadmonk

with fishing rods under their......


----------



## 101578

arms, they chased the warden...


----------



## vardy

-fishhook embedded in private parts! N.B. Bet there's a few who would pay to see that!!!


----------



## hippypair

shouting for help to remove


----------



## moblee

..A pair of hippies who'd...


----------



## vardy

fallen in the septic tank


----------



## 101578

much to the amusement of...


----------



## hippypair

a strange looking pair


----------



## 101578

Of young busty female tourists ... :wink:


----------



## 104441

Quick help us out shouted..............


----------



## mangothemadmonk

two, small, hairy, warty, trolls.....


----------



## greenasthegrass

one curiously looked like Gordon Brown and the other sat picking his nose had a surprisingly similar look to .....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

...a certain NE rally coordinator....


----------



## 101578

somebody shouted "i'll grab your... 8O


----------



## mangothemadmonk

....large, strangely shaped thrussle rumpter.....


----------



## moblee

..Which of course would make...


----------



## 101578

thrussley rumpety noises  if tickled...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

....which sound exactly like a....


----------



## greenasthegrass

A Mad Monk wearing mango's as earmuffs but shouting .....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

...houwld ontathis n dinnalet gan......


----------



## Fairportgoer

or my mango's will rot :x


----------



## hippypair

it will help my


----------



## moblee

..causing draught around the cassocks...


----------



## hippypair

which as you know


----------



## 104441

is near Loch Lomond


----------



## mangothemadmonk

to which no-one can undo.......


----------



## greenasthegrass

huh i don't understand that one!!!! are you mad mango the mad monk from manchester?


----------



## 101578

haggis were approaching 8O armed with...


----------



## 88781

Sharp teeth and bad breath...


----------



## vardy

caused by chewing hot hairy.......


----------



## hippypair

long and lumpy


----------



## lifestyle

his red high heel shoes


----------



## mangothemadmonk

greenasthegrass said:


> huh i don't understand that one!!!! are you mad mango the mad monk from manchester?


Loch (LOCK) Lomand :roll: :roll: :roll:

Come on Greenie...

Johnny F


----------



## mangothemadmonk

caused a large swelling under....


----------



## greenasthegrass

oooh tut I was slacking!!!

..... under his dickie bow!


----------



## 104441

which was purple and needed.......


----------



## mangothemadmonk

to be lanced with a ......


----------



## 101578

nurse waving yellow marigolds 8O and....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a wire brush and disinfectant.


----------



## mangothemadmonk

"Hold this and stop it.....


----------



## 101578

You're tickling me! I'm gonna....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

hit it hard with this......


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

rubber mallet. Then, standby for


----------



## moblee

..Take off,The nurse was...


----------



## vardy

wearing naughty red rubber corsets


----------



## Pusser

.. with open crotch plimsoles


----------



## moblee

...she reached over and got...


----------



## CaGreg

a bit lightheaded at such altitude...........


----------



## vardy

standing atop Nelson's column.



(Keep it clean, I mean the one in town with the pigeon poop)


----------



## mangothemadmonk

Which was cover with pigeons......


----------



## moblee

...Those birds really loved to...


----------



## Seeker

fly in front of motorhomes


----------



## CaGreg

providing navagational skills.............


----------



## mangothemadmonk

which could be better than....


----------



## vardy

Pusser's crozzled up pirate map


----------



## StAubyns

It was at this point that Jack Schitt walked in...









(sorry, I'm reading The Eyre Affair by Jasper FForde and Jack Schitt is a character  )


----------



## mangothemadmonk

with Italian brother Don T Givaschitt....


----------



## moblee

...& his distant cousin Ivor Bigun...


----------



## 101578

they all wanted Amanda Hugnkiss...


----------



## moblee

...or her friend Ivana tinkle...


----------



## kayg

Who's uncle was Mustafah Caq


----------



## 101578

who was a friend of Pusser :lol: :wink:


----------



## StAubyns

Jack Schitt was adamant he knew nothing..


----------



## kayg

so began a course, studying.............


----------



## StAubyns

the ins and outs of..


----------



## mangothemadmonk

checking the small print on.....


----------



## 101578

his beer can,which stated...


----------



## Mat7

May contain alcohol and dogs..........


----------



## CaGreg

so drink RESPONSIBLY instead......


----------



## Moonlight

of like before where I ..............


----------



## StAubyns

spent days on end..


----------



## moblee

...On a bender.. :lol:


----------



## vardy

whilst drunk, ordered from Brownhills!


----------



## mangothemadmonk

which would only end in.......


----------



## 101578

tears due to his allergy...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

to small, funnily shaped, spikey....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

proboscis which belonged to a.........


----------



## greenasthegrass

frenchman who ....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

had frogs legs and small.....


----------



## 101578

but perfectly formed....


----------



## greenasthegrass

onions hung round his neck although they were a strange colour of ....


----------



## CaGreg

.... of an indeterminate mixture of .......


----------



## mangothemadmonk

lambs testicles cooked with sliced....


----------



## StAubyns

beetroot and Branston Pickle


----------



## mangothemadmonk

which is a delicacy in....


----------



## greenasthegrass

China - and you wonder what that smog is about? The five rings represent .....


----------



## 101578

Fortune-cookies :? The Frenchman climbed his pommel horse....


----------



## 101578

and gathered tied his....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

frogs up and slid under.....


----------



## 101578

a huge, gigantic, enormous, big 8O  .....


----------



## moblee

Fiamma awning to dream of..


----------



## moblee

..His beloved France with it's...


----------



## CaGreg

...over supply of daintily festooned......


----------



## moblee

...Toll booths,which should be...


----------



## 101578

Where he should have been....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

where he wasn't but would....


----------



## 104441

If it wasn't for the.........


----------



## Pard

dead flies splattered on the


----------



## 104441

Ever so large bur overhanging....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

beer belly which looked like.......


----------



## 101578

it was going to...


----------



## StAubyns

explode at any time, with dire....


----------



## Pard

eclipse the sun until Wednesday


----------



## 101578

which he had forgot was his wifes birthday..


----------



## StAubyns

as well as their 30th wedding anniversary...


----------



## 101578

quickly rubbing off his flies, he...


----------



## Pard

resurrected that lovin' feelin' and


----------



## mangothemadmonk

let go of his spotty rotund....


----------



## Pard

pet pig Arthur, who had


----------



## mangothemadmonk

startled the matron by blowing....


----------



## CliveMott

his pyjamas.


----------



## StAubyns

The 747-400 was due to leave for..


----------



## mangothemadmonk

it had fallen out with....


----------



## Pard

many a tinkle and a


----------



## Pard

many a tinkle and a


----------



## lewy

a rattle of the chains


----------



## Pard

into the unexplored and terrifying


----------



## 101578

matron's bussom 8O ,who being an expert in Frenchmen, pigs, and aeroplanes,..........


----------



## mangothemadmonk

could sometimes laugh at pimply.....


----------



## Pard

young pilots with one hand on


----------



## moblee

There joystick whilst trying to...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

angle their rudder upwards with..........


----------



## Pard

the occasional involuntary exclamation of


----------



## mangothemadmonk

careful now vicar, you know.....


----------



## Pard

we must get this thing


----------



## mangothemadmonk

back under your cassock and......


----------



## Pard

hidden from Max Clifford, in case


----------



## StAubyns

he decided to make some cash by...


----------



## lewy

Selling it on ebay with a picture


----------



## Pard

proving that French tollbooth was no confessional


----------



## mangothemadmonk

as the French women called.....


----------



## Pard

out "Nous attendons Pere Jacquesmerde"


----------



## mangothemadmonk

which are small, slimy, red....


----------



## moblee

...Snails in garlic butter,which..


----------



## mangothemadmonk

when alive can travel up..........


----------



## Pard

the tailpipe of a motorhome


----------



## mangothemadmonk

and do untold damage to.....


----------



## CaGreg

unsuspecting night class teachers who just............


----------



## StAubyns

start the engine without checking..


----------



## Pard

the flavour and appeal of


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a gstinky, runny brie which......


----------



## Pard

formed a pool under the


----------



## mangothemadmonk

upturned nose of a large.............


----------



## 100127

unidentified flying object which just


----------



## mangothemadmonk

happened to land on a................


----------



## Pard

cross-channel ferry which was


----------



## StAubyns

cruising around in ever decreasing circles because...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

the world is flat and...........


----------



## Pard

not like matron's bosom because


----------



## mangothemadmonk

my dad told me he....


----------



## lewy

Knew the secret of eternal life


----------



## 103356

which is to drink lots of


----------



## Pard

- "motorhoming" I think he said -


----------



## AndrewandShirley

But which in reality meant


----------



## greenasthegrass

losing ya marbles with constant ....


----------



## 103356

sips from the whisky bottle


----------



## mangothemadmonk

which he did through a......


----------



## StAubyns

pint pot half filled with..


----------



## mangothemadmonk

eye of newt, bats blood......


----------



## Pard

meths from the Primus stove and


----------



## AndrewandShirley

he suddenly changed into a


----------



## StAubyns

tugger...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

who had small hands and.....


----------



## nozzmoking

perfectly formed nostrils, although he


----------



## greenasthegrass

smelt rank, his breath was .....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

that bad it smelled of............


----------



## Pard

Fresh Sweat by Lor.. l, "You know you're worth..


----------



## 101578

your weight in....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

Pacific Fat Faced Puffer fish.....


----------



## Pard

fried in a nice light batter with


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a slightly boiled ostrich egg.....


----------



## Pard

from which is emerging a


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a slightly boiled baby Ostrich!!


----------



## Pard

Nevertheless, surprising as it may seem


----------



## 101578

ostriches were immune to...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

being tickled with a bendy......


----------



## Pard

loo brush doused in a deodorising


----------



## Pard

loo brush doused in a deodorising


----------



## mangothemadmonk

.....double posting, green hemorrhoid cream..........


----------



## moblee

...Which I've heard is good...


----------



## Pard

but not quite as good as


----------



## 101578

it tends to itch when...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

applied with a wire brush....


----------



## hippypair

over a sensitive area


----------



## mangothemadmonk

called 53, that's where you....


----------



## Pard

applied in those places where


----------



## Pard

timelag is an irritating feature


----------



## 101578

these symptoms dissapear within three.....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

light years when going via.....


----------



## Pard

Leominster on a recumbent cycle


----------



## 101578

but re-appear when riding a uni-cycle....


----------



## Pard

on the Col du Galibier or


----------



## mangothemadmonk

some other obscure place like....


----------



## 101578

Snelly's new caravan park :?  .....


----------



## Pard

which is most succinctly described as


----------



## Pard

which is most succinctly described as


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a work in progress as


----------



## moblee

..A camp massage parlour with...


----------



## Fairportgoer

A camp hairdresser who....


----------



## Pard

goes camping abroad almost every


----------



## mangothemadmonk

pink moon with his camping......


----------



## 101578

partner Quentin 8) , who also likes....


----------



## StAubyns

ballroom dancing and..


----------



## mangothemadmonk

wearing his high heels and..........


----------



## 101578

tinkering with his old.....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

ladies bits and pieces on.............


----------



## 101578

Friday nights at the local....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

where tripe, cowheal and dumplings....


----------



## 101578

are eaten by big hairy....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

martians from the planet Zorbogon......


----------



## 101578

"Hi hotpants!"a Zorbogon yelled .....


----------



## Fairportgoer

Is that your pink motorhome outside?


----------



## mangothemadmonk

" Ssip ffo" replied the Zorbogonian.


----------



## 101578

"your vocabulary's improving"said Quentin...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

"Do you have a lisp"..........


----------



## 101578

"Zorborgon dentures, :teeth i'm selling them"....


----------



## 101578

Just then they heard a ......


----------



## greenasthegrass

sound that could curdle ya blood it seemed to be coming .....


----------



## StAubyns

from inside the pink motorhome which was rolling..


----------



## 101578

backwards toward what looked like...


----------



## moblee

...A mhf rally being held..


----------



## 101578

It was  , they crept forward....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

and saw all members running.........


----------



## moblee

...Generators after 11pm this upset...


----------



## StAubyns

the cows in the next field..


----------



## mangothemadmonk

who were coughing due to......


----------



## 101578

amount of aftershave worn by....


----------



## moblee

...The rally marshalls trying to attract...


----------



## kayg

the ever decreasing bee population


----------



## mangothemadmonk

because global warming had bee...n.......


----------



## Fairportgoer

...gone with the wind to......


----------



## 101578

-wards the pink motorhome which was gathering speed....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

even though the handbrake was.....


----------



## 108526

vibrating as vigorously as a ....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

thing that vibrates a lot!


----------



## Pard

What with cows, perfumed marshalls and vibrations...


----------



## moblee

...Quentin & his partner felt...


----------



## Pard

udderly terrified, but at the same time


----------



## mangothemadmonk

tickled pink, as a small .......


----------



## AndrewandShirley

warm liquid trickled down slowly


----------



## PIEDODGER

...whats that smell gasps Quentin?


----------



## PIEDODGER

...whats that smell gasps Quentin?


----------



## 101578

"Never mind that smell!....Look out!....


----------



## PIEDODGER

OH sh crap, wiz that the smell? #-o


----------



## mangothemadmonk

No, it was just two....


----------



## PIEDODGER

...two fingers lost in the...


----------



## 101578

smokescreen,the fingers pointed over to.....


----------



## kayg

the pink caravan, fast approaching


----------



## mangothemadmonk

the cliff edge which was......


----------



## kayg

coming ever nearer but suddenly....


----------



## StAubyns

the pink motorhome swerved in front of the pink caravan and there was..


----------



## mangothemadmonk

...... and I woke up just....


----------



## Pard

as Quentin and partner were ...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

about to reveal their true


----------



## 101578

identities 8O .They were really two escaped.....


----------



## Pard

chimpanzees, wholly unequal to the challenges of


----------



## moblee

...Motorhoming so bought caravans instead... :lol:


----------



## 101578

They set off with caravan along......


----------



## PIEDODGER

the road Im Micky J, Hi Im Bubbles...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

OOOhhh it's a thriller..........


----------



## PIEDODGER

... NUTS, No just the way I LOOK!!! 8O


----------



## Pard

and rather enjoyed the tugging which


----------



## 101578

brought back memories of that dark night....


----------



## PIEDODGER

..bubbles had squeekies banana in his hands...


----------



## 101578

shouting"Don't stop til ya get enough!!"....


----------



## PIEDODGER

...Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'...


----------



## kayg

Ahem... Beat it!!! 8O


----------



## PIEDODGER

There Must Be More To Life Than This...


----------



## 101578

"the way you make me feel"....


----------



## kayg

"Heee heeee" Then the banana burst.


----------



## PIEDODGER

...Get On the Floor
Off The Wall...


----------



## kayg

:wrestler27: :wrestler11:
I will if you will


----------



## mangothemadmonk

show me yours and I....


----------



## Pard

don't feel like dancin'


----------



## PIEDODGER

...Another Part Of Me... 8O


----------



## moblee

...Makes me want to scream...


----------



## PIEDODGER

...It's The Falling In Love... :lover:


----------



## StAubyns

that makes me think that I have lost the plot of this story but..


----------



## moblee

...Meanwhile Bubbles & mj were...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

rockin' all over the world.....


----------



## PIEDODGER

...We Are Here To Change The World...sings bubbles rotest:


----------



## mangothemadmonk

and with that he farted.......


----------



## PIEDODGER

...She's Out Of My Life... :gotglitter:


----------



## 101578

they pulled up outside a.....


----------



## PIEDODGER

...Man In The Mirror... :clock:


----------



## mangothemadmonk

who, on reflection was purple.....


----------



## PIEDODGER

...Black Or White... 8)


----------



## Pard

and not from My Generation


----------



## mangothemadmonk

said Capt Jean Luc Picard...........


----------



## kayg

"Captain's Log"........won't flush.


----------



## PIEDODGER

...Someone Put Your Hand Out... Heee heeee.... ottytrain3:


----------



## mangothemadmonk

cos there's Clingons hanging around..........


----------



## 108526

and they're heading towards the


----------



## PIEDODGER

...Break Of Dawn... :glasses7:


----------



## 101578

Bubbles lurched forward and grabbed....


----------



## PIEDODGER

...Squeekie Hey! you knuckle dragging chump of a chimp Go...


----------



## Pard

and end it here. Tomorrow...


----------



## 101578

"we can't end,i'm pregnant!" ...... 8O


----------



## PIEDODGER

Gosh!!! Iam for ever blowing bubbles, but...


----------



## 101578

let's get married now, today,....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

or why not go to....


----------



## PIEDODGER

... a surgeons, so I can pick my nose OR...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

pick a peck of pickled......


----------



## moblee

...Eggs,gherkins & onions for tea..


----------



## kayg

but dont stand downwind after!!!


----------



## Pard

Instead, sit downwind and you...


----------



## 101578

can see Jimmy Saville 8O ..hows about that then.....


----------



## PIEDODGER

...hows about whit? ye aint fixed it, try...


----------



## moblee

...Sikaflex works wonders on your...


----------



## kayg

flex if its sick or.........


----------



## mangothemadmonk

shiver me timbers, wet rot......


----------



## 101578

...all over me Aunt Sally" replied Worzel Gummidge appearing from nowhere....


----------



## moblee

...Offering Aunt sally a cup of tea and...


----------



## kayg

a slice of cake but..............


----------



## Pard

refusing to sing "I've got a brand new combine harvester" or


----------



## PIEDODGER

...YOU PUT A WER AFTER W AND A WER AFTER O...


----------



## THELIGHTS

his studded green welly boots


----------



## PIEDODGER

...which were covered in...


----------



## 101578

Pink fur,he skipped away to.....


----------



## kayg

the dingly dell to meet......


----------



## Pard

Graham Norton who happened to..


----------



## kayg

getting to grips with.......


----------



## 101578

Aunt Sally, along with Bubbles and....


----------



## PIEDODGER

...Squeekie "J" Suddenly......


----------



## 101578

they heard a loud screaching.....


----------



## PIEDODGER

...HEEEEEEE HEEEEEEE...thud went the...


----------



## Pard

the enormously cumbersome and incalculably heavy...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

Billy Bunter as he fell.............


----------



## 101578

arms of John Inman.....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

who shouted "I'm Free". Mr Peacock...............


----------



## Pard

managed to extricate Mrs Slocombe's pussy


----------



## 101578

which despite age could still....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

be seen purring and sitting...........


----------



## PIEDODGER

...and manage the odd trick, but...


----------



## 101578

took one look at Bubbles and....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

burst him with his sharp...........


----------



## Pard

but ever so delicate


----------



## 101578

tiny,but sharp and pointy....


----------



## Pard

thingummy whatsit at the end of


----------



## 101578

John Inmans' rather peculiar looking...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

proboscis that doubled as a..........


----------



## Pard

works hooter for a factory making


----------



## PIEDODGER

...jelly wellies, pudding and pie...


----------



## 101578

Aunt Sally screamed out......


----------



## mangothemadmonk

and made everyone cry, because.....


----------



## PIEDODGER

..pudding & pie!! I have a bun in the oven "O"...


----------



## 101578

She wanted Worzel,especially his......


----------



## mangothemadmonk

as they were knobbly and


----------



## Pard

apt to point in different directions


----------



## PIEDODGER

...pointing towards....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

you and all the little...........


----------



## Pard

stars in the firmament


----------



## mangothemadmonk

and stars in a reasonably.................


----------



## kayg

priced car.


----------



## Pard

"Whose knobbles are the fastest?" said


----------



## 101578

Aunt Sally as she looked forward to getting her hands on....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

Worzel Gummidges selection of stuffed.........


----------



## mangothemadmonk

heads were rotting due to..........


----------



## Pard

disjointed subject matter decaying in


----------



## 101578

a large blue and white......


----------



## PIEDODGER

... Striped Canvas Dog Crate Which Was...


----------



## 101578

started moving "IT'S ALIVE! 8O 8O  ", screamed......


----------



## mangothemadmonk

Aunt Sally, who had Worzells.............


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

best asset in her hand.

**************************************************************************************************************************

Just wanted to say I am glad this thread keeps popping up!!!!

Five words each then!

Russell


----------



## PIEDODGER

...YES NORTHERN ROCK, THEY SCREAMED...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

as Johnny wondered what planet.............


----------



## 101578

he should visit next in his.....


----------



## Pard

recurrent ponderings on the meaning


----------



## 101578

of money laundering and white water rafting....


----------



## patp

his plaid warm zippered slippers


----------



## Pard

curling at the toes like


----------



## locovan

*story*

Aladins and his coat was


----------



## StAubyns

a brand spanking new Barbour with...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a pair of scissors and......


----------



## kayg

a lovely pouffe* which..........


*see seperate thread "What is a buffet"


----------



## mangothemadmonk

was gone in a puff......


----------



## DAVESMIFF

"It's nice out isn't it"


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

said the puff.

Next thing......


----------



## PIEDODGER

...along the road, "Puffing, Chuffing"...


----------



## Pard

and achieving almost nuffing came


----------



## 101578

Jimmy Saville jogging and waving.......


----------



## mangothemadmonk

his big cigar and jangling.......


----------



## kayg

fix it badges for.......


----------



## mangothemadmonk

sale on EvilBay, cheap as.............


----------



## Fairportgoer

chips said David Dickinson,


----------



## kayg

whilst applying "tangotan" to his....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

delectable and attractive blonde bombshell


----------



## kayg

"great jugs" said David, admiring.....


----------



## moblee

...Some ceramic pots that were...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

about to come crashing down


----------



## Pard

around his ears in a


----------



## LionelG6HXW

his black high heeled shoes


----------



## 101578

"arrrgh!!" David fell to the floor....


----------



## kayg

but fiona bruce swooped in.............


----------



## mangothemadmonk

and read him the news.....


----------



## Pard

"Today, television presenter David Dickinson...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

now wishes to be knwon as


----------



## Fairportgoer

The orange jaffa cake man


----------



## Pard

Our reporter is outside No. 10


----------



## mangothemadmonk

or Bobby Dazzler for short.....


----------



## Pard

"What is the government saying about this?"


----------



## AndrewandShirley

and he will announce that


----------



## moblee

...The price of fake tan oil...


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

would rise by 75% within.....


----------



## Pard

minutes of you reading this


----------



## mangothemadmonk

because the grabbing govt wanted...........


----------



## 101578

Worzel, also known also as.....


----------



## 101578

"mysteriuos vanishing space hopper man"...


----------



## Spacerunner

The synchronised rubber bouncing champion


----------



## moblee

...Wearing tight latex which showed...


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

something that looked like Worzel's


----------



## Pard

but which actually belonged to


----------



## 101578

Captain Birdseye 8O , who happened to be....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

the future president of the USA


----------



## mangothemadmonk

who loved to ride on.....


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

something belonging to Monica Loo-inski.


----------



## mangothemadmonk

who always left the seat..............


----------



## Pard

up, just in time for


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a ride on a Blackpool.....


----------



## 101578

donkey, wearing a "kiss me.....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

"Hardy" cried Nelson with a........


----------



## 101578

Candy floss in one hand and a ....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a toffee apple stuck to...........


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

his dijeridoo. He then decided......


----------



## Pard

to don his wetsuit and


----------



## mangothemadmonk

flippers and plunge into a.............


----------



## Pard

rousing rendition of "Rule Britannia"


----------



## mangothemadmonk

sung in the voice of......


----------



## Pard

the balls, but not winning


----------



## 101578

the lottery made him feel....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

happy, because he was a..............


----------



## 101578

bout to set sail to.....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a far off place called...........


----------



## kayg

Wherethehellarewe. :lol: :lol: which was home to...............


----------



## moblee

...Two foot high pygmy's in...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

lime green thongs and small.......


----------



## Rapide561

back to front baseball cap. (Full stop new sentence!!!!)


----------



## mangothemadmonk

"Eyup" said the Pygmy, "where's........


----------



## PIEDODGER

"wheres club 18 to 30" (Inches) :lol:


----------



## Pard

"Somewhere over the rainbow" sang


----------



## 101578

(Jesus Christ pop star superstar on ice) Geraldine :lol: 8)


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

Suddenly, Cynthia, from the Brugge Aire

(read the early pages for her...........)


----------



## Pard

who had been quite overlooked


----------



## StAubyns

suddenly began dunkin' ginger biscuits in her..


----------



## 101578

Wellies which were full of....


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

straw from Worzel's sleeve. Cynthia.....


----------



## Pard

finding this stimulated her natural


----------



## AndrewandShirley

craving for polish men folk


----------



## mangothemadmonk

whipped out her feather duster..............


----------



## 101578

and transformed herself into Ken Dodd.....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

who was tattyfillairious because he.....


----------



## Pard

summoned the Diddymen to appear


----------



## StAubyns

naked..


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

Hello

Just an update for you.

I have spent a good hour copying the story and making into a long readable passage...

For those that are new to this, please post five words as a new thread. NO MORE THAN FIVE AND NO LESS. The theme if there is one, is about motorhoming.

Enjoy.

Story so far.....

Russell


----------



## mangothemadmonk

except for false mustaches and..............


----------



## 101578

a rather large pink windbreaker..


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

strategically placed, thus protecting their....


----------



## Pard

modesty. However, around the back


----------



## StAubyns

they had another strategically placed..


----------



## 101578

pygmy wearing a deer stalker and....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

wellingtons because the ground was.........


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

littered with toffee apples and


----------



## PIEDODGER

...anagrams, reading...


----------



## 101578

a sign ahead which said.....


----------



## tombo5609

under the ground before Cynthia


----------



## 101578

Roy and Hayley and Becky turn up in their motorhome 8O ,escaping from the evil :twisted: clutches of....


----------



## Pard

Fiats and Peugeots reversing uphill


----------



## mervtheswerve

being chased by rampaging bullocks


----------



## mangothemadmonk

"to you as well" said.......


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

Cynthia. Have you seen my.....


----------



## Pard

latest movie, featuring all my


----------



## 101578

umpalumpas?.Cynthia gave him a wink......


----------



## Fairportgoer

Beckoning him into the motorhome.....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

which was really an old .............


----------



## Fairportgoer

coach converted into a mobile........


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

massage parlour. Cynthia removed his


----------



## StAubyns

Hat, scarf, left glove and then...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Tied the both together using


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

a food grade hosepipe and


----------



## AndrewandShirley

her long red silk stockings


----------



## 101578

he grabbed her large,well padded, ....


----------



## Pard

upholstery, squeezed it gently and


----------



## 101578

slid a hand down her, ...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

shower outlet to find the......


----------



## Rapide561

*Story.*

vicar and alter boy. OOOUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCHHHHHHHHH


----------



## AndrewandShirley

with a young ewe who


----------



## mangothemadmonk

was eating the rubber cover.....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

that had been placed over


----------



## Fairportgoer

the engine to stop rust.......


----------



## AndrewandShirley

who was really called Rusty


----------



## locovan

*story*

And on this halloween night


----------



## mangothemadmonk

you know what rusty does?.........


----------



## locovan

*story*

goes trick and treating with


----------



## mangothemadmonk

his mates, Trick and Treat.......


----------



## locovan

*story*

knocked at a door and---


----------



## lifestyle

*tell us a story*

because i like knockers


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

I polished them with Brasso.


----------



## AndrewandShirley

and out popped a genie


----------



## mangothemadmonk

's ample bosom followed by Genevieve...............


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

who controls the balls.

Meanwhile......


----------



## AndrewandShirley

in the australian massage palour


----------



## locovan

*story*

Genevieve's boyfriend was working out


----------



## Pard

how long it takes to


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

repair a Fiat scuttle, but then


----------



## AndrewandShirley

the cat appeared and said


----------



## locovan

*story*

Im a Puss in boots


----------



## moblee

...I'm in panto at the...


----------



## Pard

moment, dearie. Why don't you...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

pop under here and see.....


----------



## locovan

*story*

what I have down here


----------



## AndrewandShirley

I am incontinent but because


----------



## moblee

...I wear pads,50 for a Tena :lol: ...


----------



## Pard

the waste tank never leaks.


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

although they leak like a scuttle.


----------



## 101578

Cynthia laughed so much she....


----------



## moblee

...Wet herself,which showed her...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

she must remember to take


----------



## Pard

less gin with the pills


----------



## 101578

they caused her to jump.....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

over the cliff which was....


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

flat on his back, drunk and


----------



## moblee

...singing, Christmas time missletoe & wine...


----------



## 101578

Cynthia climbed on her bike.....


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

complete with a pygmy strapped


----------



## AndrewandShirley

by the nether regions to


----------



## mangothemadmonk

give more stability as she.....


----------



## 101578

felt the wind rush through....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

her flowing locks which covered


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

her specs and rendered her blind.


----------



## AndrewandShirley

She crashed into the naked


----------



## 101578

man running from his mistress....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

being chased my the masters.....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

big black sheep who said


----------



## mangothemadmonk

baa humbug, xmas will soon........


----------



## 94055

be a memory, like another post...............


----------



## 101578

-man who Cynthia once loved....


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

Meanwhile, Baileys was only £7


----------



## mangothemadmonk

and cheap for a caravan............


----------



## 101578

grabbing the pygmy,she fled....


----------



## 94055

down the street, a man shouted what is dangling between your legs...........


----------



## 101578

she realised she hadn't shaved her....  .....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

that all important area of


----------



## Moonlight

super-sized ego, that began


----------



## 101578

when she was an x-factor finalist....


----------



## Rapide561

*Story.*

having won Krypton Factor beforehand.


----------



## locovan

*story*

but then it happened just as-------


----------



## 94055

it had happened before, quick as a flash......................


----------



## 101578

The pygmy vanished in a poof...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

and George Michell wasn't happy


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

and was careless with his Wispa!


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Meanwhile back on the filmset


----------



## 101578

Bruce Willis appeared in his vest...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

having lost his underpants at


----------



## locovan

*story*

the making of the film Die Hard


----------



## Rapide561

*film*

which pleased George no end


----------



## AndrewandShirley

but George had a rival


----------



## mangothemadmonk

which zippy wanted to stroke.....


----------



## locovan

*story*

Bungle had appeared from the----


----------



## 94055

and Doogle wanted to smoke


----------



## locovan

*story*

Boing said Zebedee as he


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

jumped with Cynthia over the


----------



## AndrewandShirley

fence, naked into Shrek's cesspool


----------



## 101578

along with the cast of Little Britain. 8) ...


----------



## locovan

*story*

escape was in his mind


----------



## 101578

Sebastian took the plunge and....


----------



## 117306

landed head first in the


----------



## AndrewandShirley

centre of the north sea


----------



## mangothemadmonk

just the otherside of Oldham......


----------



## moblee

...Oldham,I can't even feel them said...


----------



## StAubyns

golden balls as he called out...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

from silly mid off, "No......


----------



## 101578

way out of here!" shouted......


----------



## StAubyns

Posh and her mates from..


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

Camper Assist's operations centre in


----------



## locovan

*story*

the middle of spain and---


----------



## AndrewandShirley

which was an illusion as...


----------



## 94055

the inners, not until the seam string is broke


----------



## Pard

"The thread is missing here" said


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

Speedferries answermanchine. Please call Cynthia


----------



## AndrewandShirley

John as the transgender operation


----------



## Pard

was a success insofar as


----------



## StAubyns

"she" was the very first..


----------



## 94055

past the post in the


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Grand HeShe Stakes although objections


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

from SeaFrance, Norfolkline and P&O were


----------



## locovan

*story*

were found to be untrue


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Obama denied US involvement but......


----------



## Moonlight

was forced to withdraw his


----------



## PIEDODGER

...his Trojan horse called Vundo unless...


----------



## 101578

He could enter the Grand National.....


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

Instead, he bought www.speedferries.com saving


----------



## StAubyns

all motorhomers an absolute fortune unless...


----------



## 94055

speedferries go on a go slow.....................


----------



## AndrewandShirley

and the channel evaporates because


----------



## 101578

industrial action by.....


----------



## moblee

...French farmers,fishermen,port workers could...


----------



## Moonlight

Use the salt to exfoliate


----------



## AndrewandShirley

the entire cast of strictly


----------



## 110868

while on the floor, then


----------



## 94055

the water seperates and you can drive on the sea bed.......


----------



## 101578

Captain Birdseye grabbed Cynthia's attention by.......


----------



## StAubyns

swiftly dropping his trousers and...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

weed in the plant pot...


----------



## Rapide561

*story*

causing a beanstalk to appear.


----------



## AndrewandShirley

The Jolly Green Giant paused


----------



## locovan

*story*

climbed up the bean stalk and----


----------



## Pard

waved to Cynthia and Worzel


----------



## AndrewandShirley

with his only free hand


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

as "Speed1" appeared and took


----------



## AndrewandShirley

aim and fired repeatedly at


----------



## mangothemadmonk

the tenter in the other.........


----------



## 101578

direction a large flash of....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

the Giants private parts brought


----------



## StAubyns

thoughts of an obsession of..


----------



## Pard

huge significance, known only to


----------



## mangothemadmonk

himself, as he was only............


----------



## StAubyns

One of a few other..


----------



## 101578

than Cynthia's brother.....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Tonto and Bobby Ewing who


----------



## Pard

came back from the dead


----------



## Moonlight

and says, "Kemo-Sabe, look ...


----------



## Moonlight

and says, "Kemo-Sabe, look ...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Can't get rid of this echo


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

Speed1 whisked them away to


----------



## AndrewandShirley

buy a brand new caravan


----------



## Pard

This was not the wisest


----------



## AndrewandShirley

move but better then the disco


----------



## Moonlight

roller skating craze that caused


----------



## mangothemadmonk

the skate to try swimming......


----------



## AndrewandShirley

in the boiling fat of


----------



## Pard

life. One minute you're down -


----------



## 101578

next minute you're up and away....


----------



## mangothemadmonk

in a beautiful balloon made....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

by three blind mice in


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a small workshop on the.............


----------



## locovan

Dutch clock in the fireplace


----------



## mangothemadmonk

which was burnt with the...............


----------



## hymerowner

old carol sheets from the chat room choir


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

plans for a replacement scuttle.


----------



## Pard

oh, and one smelly sock from


----------



## mangothemadmonk

Pards sock draw cos the.......


----------



## Pard

threat to the ozone layer


----------



## mangothemadmonk

was in DEFCON 3 because.....


----------



## 101578

someone left the cake out in the rain...


----------



## mangothemadmonk

sometime way back when hobbits.............


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

gnus, Cynthia and Worzel Gummidge


----------



## Pard

considered crossing the Atlantic in


----------



## mangothemadmonk

a smoke alarm and a.....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

roll of BluePeter stickyback plastic


----------



## mangothemadmonk

and Vals old knickers and....


----------



## locovan

he was gassed and robbed


----------



## 101578

collecting turnips along with two hundred....


----------



## locovan

and dug potatoes up and


----------



## mangothemadmonk

planted himself to see what.....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

it felt like to be a carrot


----------



## locovan

orange wasnt his colour so


----------



## Pard

he uprooted, took the highway..


----------



## 101578

with sat nav and a tin of....


----------



## Pard

that which "does what it says"


----------



## Moonlight

insect repellent is hair gel


----------



## 101578

He approached the town where......


----------



## PIEDODGER

...he got his wangers off and...


----------



## 101578

unhooked his rather old rusty.....


----------



## locovan

bath and had a soak


----------



## PIEDODGER

...secretly dreaming of a dancing hippo 



 when suddenly...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

his body exploded into millions of


----------



## PIEDODGER

...supernovaes one called Liam and...


----------



## philbre

she nearly died from the


----------



## Pard

surprise of the Blackpool illuminations


----------



## AndrewandShirley

especially as they were plugged into


----------



## 101578

the local Police station.....


----------



## lifestyle

where the laughing policeman was


----------



## Pard

parading as Santa in a


----------



## lifestyle

bath of cold custard and


----------



## AndrewandShirley

then disappeared down the plughole


----------



## moblee

...Only to find the grey tank...


----------



## lifestyle

was full up with


----------



## PIEDODGER

...Jelly Babies and...


----------



## moblee

...Dolly mixtures,jelly tots,rolo's &...


----------



## Moonlight

Hedgehog flavour crisps, even though


----------



## 101578

santa had left behind a .....


----------



## moblee

...sack full of Euro's,which...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

which were no use in fairyland


----------



## lifestyle

So i said, lets go


----------



## Moonlight

Trumpton! Here comes the policeman,


----------



## lifestyle

Who had no clothes on


----------



## locovan

lost in a fight with


----------



## lifestyle

the local mud wrestler, she


----------



## moblee

...Windy Miller,who's flatulance could...


----------



## Moonlight

singe the nostril hairs of


----------



## locovan

very large baboon with his


----------



## Moonlight

embarrassing problem which may have


----------



## 101578

been caused by wearing tight.....


----------



## Pard

tights under his pink sequined


----------



## lifestyle

old smelly y fronts, which


----------



## AndrewandShirley

were a secret hiding place for


----------



## moblee

...His yule log,which only...


----------



## Moonlight

50yrs ago was far more


----------



## Pard

festive than the knobbly old


----------



## moblee

...out of date offering that...


----------



## Moonlight

is far less interesting than


----------



## Rapide561

*Story*

anything Cynthia had ever eaten.


----------



## lifestyle

She was such a sweet


----------



## 101578

toothed fatty who loved trampolining....


----------



## lifestyle

on her hubbies great big


----------



## 101578

inflatable Santa suit,while stuffing her face with.....


----------



## Moonlight

cocolate from her advent calendar


----------



## locovan

and xmas pudding as well


----------



## moblee

...Which was not just any...


----------



## lifestyle

old pudding ,it was a


----------



## moblee

...A M&S pudding made with...


----------



## lifestyle

the inners of a large


----------



## Pard

Albert Hall-sized multi-coloured


----------



## moblee

...pair of passion killing Bloomers...


----------



## lifestyle

with the lovely words written


----------



## PIEDODGER

...PULL IS WHAT WE DO... so


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Come on and be a tugger


----------



## Pard

You can be my stabiliser


----------



## PIEDODGER

..so grabbing his anti-snake device, he...


----------



## Moonlight

manouvered back and forth but


----------



## 101578

reversed too fast and squashed....


----------



## Pard

a reindeer which had just


----------



## Moonlight

been arrested for drink driving.


----------



## Pard

He'd swapped seats with Santa


----------



## AndrewandShirley

as he'd been made redundant


----------



## lifestyle

he shaved off all his


----------



## Moonlight

fur. Showing his tattoos of


----------



## lifestyle

all his dear old you know


----------



## Moonlight

who. Blaming 'elf n safety


----------



## 101578

Signing his get out "Claus", he......


----------



## lifestyle

growing lots and lots of


----------



## locovan

christmas trees for on the


----------



## PIEDODGER

side, he had a nice little...


----------



## Pard

plantation, where he also kept


----------



## 101578

Gnomes of all shapes and sizes....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

but one called Gordon Brown was


----------



## lifestyle

always telling lots of little


----------



## 118956

children to come calling whenever


----------



## Pard

a cyclist named Dave approached


----------



## AndrewandShirley

who was wearing a crash helmet


----------



## StAubyns

with"Prudence" on the front...


----------



## Pard

Pru was no 'happy bunny'...


----------



## lifestyle

he was a very sad.........


----------



## AndrewandShirley

because the turkey was alive......


----------



## lifestyle

and getting ready to run......


----------



## AndrewandShirley

but flew instead on LakerAirways


----------



## hymerowner

The weather was so cold that


----------



## lifestyle

the turkey jump into the


----------



## AndrewandShirley

thermalmans suit and thus became


----------



## lifestyle

able to do whatever he


----------



## 101578

with wings outstretched he leaped....


----------



## locovan

right over the steep cliffe


----------



## PIEDODGER

SCREAMING......


----------



## AndrewandShirley

like Meg Ryan in When Harry met Sally.....


----------



## 101578

then caught his leg on.....


----------



## lifestyle

the Turkey baster that was


----------



## 101578

a Christmas present from his Aunty.....


----------



## 116388

....... Vera, who never shut up.....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

the hen coup as the fox


----------



## tinkering

craftly crept causally cautiously


----------



## mauramac

crapped, and crept off again


----------



## lifestyle

leaving behind him, a big


----------



## Pard

fat ferocious hen, too ugly


----------



## 101578

even for Bernard Mathews ...


----------



## hymerowner

But on Christmas Day .....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

he asked her to marry


----------



## moblee

...him & live in glorious Norfolk... :lol:


----------



## 101578

their "BOOTIFULL" wedding day was ....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

so hot she cooked herself


----------



## moblee

...A light meal of pasta with...


----------



## peachy

sage and onion flavor icecream


----------



## PIEDODGER

...stuffing all eggs in one basket...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

she promptly dropped them and.....


----------



## moblee

...Being a suffolk girl at heart she...


----------



## 101578

ran in her stillettoes towards....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

her true love who was


----------



## moblee

...A tractor driver for the local...


----------



## PIEDODGER

...extractor company, chewing a bacon roll...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

whilst studying at Cambridge Univ


----------



## PIEDODGER

as a hardened criminal in Viagra he...


----------



## 101578

he grabbed her by the.....


----------



## Pard

old mill stream and he


----------



## PIEDODGER

...blew the twisty turny thing


----------



## AndrewandShirley

so hard he burst a lung


----------



## PIEDODGER

and out popped someones...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

thoughts on green grass


----------



## PIEDODGER

sung by Tom Jones who was...


----------



## 101578

laying face down in a .....


----------



## lloydie

gay TV presenter's swimming pool


----------



## PIEDODGER

waiting on no man to...


----------



## 101578

strike it lucky,.....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

with Boy George providing the


----------



## lifestyle

the final push towards his


----------



## Pard

lifelong ambition to be the


----------



## PIEDODGER

manny jailed for forced entry into...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

female section of the cattery


----------



## PIEDODGER

called Caboodle (Kitten Cacoodle) where


----------



## AndrewandShirley

due to a worldwide shortage


----------



## 101578

three blind mice....


----------



## Pard

See how they run... the country


----------



## tinkering

into the biggest pile of


----------



## AndrewandShirley

of strawberry shortcakes edith could


----------



## tinkering

Load onto a trestle table


----------



## 101578

without fear of her large.....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

dog barking at the window.


----------



## 114701

*A Story*

Where the mangy orange cat......


----------



## AndrewandShirley

had consumed another tango


----------



## moblee

8O  Turning the mild Ginger pussy into...


----------



## Pard

the latest government quango.


----------



## tinkering

*story*

The benefits of which were


----------



## AndrewandShirley

were totally lost on Batman


----------



## tinkering

Who incidentally had lost Robin


----------



## Ian_n_Suzy

Cooks Pancake Mixture. Whilst Travelling


----------



## tinkering

To the house of frauds (sorry) Lords :roll: 









Take care Les :wink: :wink:


----------



## AndrewandShirley

where Lord Lucan and Mr T


----------



## tinkering

*tell us a story*

Were involved in a extemporaneous :lol: :lol:

Take care Les. :wink: :wink:


----------



## AndrewandShirley

relationship which was only


----------



## locovan

going nowhere so mrs T


----------



## tinkering

*tell us a story*

Made a proposition to the

Take care Les :wink: :wink:


----------



## AndrewandShirley

owner of the nudist colony


----------



## CaGreg

that they unlock MHF chatroom!!!!!!


----------



## lifestyle

then run around with nothing


----------



## CaGreg

under their arms but...........


----------



## 101578

frozen choc-ices......


----------



## lifestyle

melted, before they had the


----------



## archai46

time to eat and digest


----------



## Ian_n_Suzy

The Daily Times Sudoku Puzzle


----------



## lifestyle

that was soaking wet with


----------



## tinkering

The remains of a fish


----------



## locovan

all the bones were there


----------



## AndrewandShirley

but lurking deep inside was


----------



## tinkering

*tellus a story*

A few small mouldy old


----------



## locovan

prawn that looked like a


----------



## bob44

fugitive from a cocktail...


----------



## 101578

party held by Mr. and Mrs. ....


----------



## locovan

Haddock and there children named


----------



## Sonesta

Fanny & Johnny Haddock ........


----------



## locovan

they partied all night and


----------



## AndrewandShirley

were battered, then served with


----------



## 101578

a court order ....


(the judge being fond of his regular supply of fish and chips!)


----------



## Raine

*!*

to fertilize the gardens well.


----------



## tinkering

Stocked and lavisly kept borders,


----------



## Raine

*!*

which are guarded by dogs


----------



## locovan

but that didnt frighten


----------



## Raine

the neighbourhood watch lady


----------



## AndrewandShirley

who was stark naked sitting......


----------



## BJT

in the awning of her motorhome


----------



## Raine

awaiting the arrival of motorhomefacts


----------



## AndrewandShirley

a new cult production for


----------



## Raine

where the hunchback waited eagerly


----------



## 101578

The film crew to....


----------



## locovan

Film Nuke for a programme


----------



## bob44

about amusing the MHF'ers


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Can anyone tell me how to fit a...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

a square peg into a round hole?


----------



## BJT

Without resorting to MHF!


----------



## 101578

a huge mallett appeared from.....


----------



## BJT

the wifes' handbag


----------



## 101578

it's first victim was ....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

the golfer on the tee


----------



## moblee

Which was camomile because it


----------



## BJT

was the wrong kind of tee!!


----------



## tinkering

Did he bag the tee?


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Just as he was about to......


----------



## hymerowner

His kettle boiled dry


----------



## eire

and the gas run out 8O 8O


----------



## hymerowner

which was typical on a cold wet night


----------



## 101578

he turned and ran towards......


----------



## tinkering

The gents loos ,so he


----------



## 101578

could pose in the mirror......


----------



## PlanetGen

but the mirror was cracked!


----------



## tinkering

*tell us a story*

Glancing down he saw double


----------



## AndrewandShirley

top on the dart board


----------



## 101578

Jim Bowen appeared 8O holding a bendy........


----------



## Pusser

..wiper in one hand and


----------



## moblee

...A pair of brass bulls in


----------



## tinkering

*tellme a story*

A very precarious position on


----------



## 101578

top of the bullseye starprize.....


----------



## BJT

accompanied by a vivacious blonde


----------



## tinkering

Who was carefull not to


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Tell anyone what's happening now.


----------



## locovan

so off they went to


----------



## tinkering

To see if Jim would


----------



## bob44

cause it to be fixed


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Bob "can we fix it"


----------



## BJT

Not without a safety harness..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

A harness, some people just


----------



## TDG

cannot take a risk because.....


TDG


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

mummy would not let them.


----------



## TDG

But mummy is a silly....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Tart, I'll have some tart.


----------



## 101578

and a cup of tea and a slice of .....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Life. What's todays date then.


----------



## TDG

The day before tomorrow maybe,


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

It will go all awry


----------



## TDG

Where is this Awry place?


----------



## BJT

Which is a new CL in...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Neverland, but of course its.....


----------



## TDG

.. never going to become any..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Never going to get breakfast.


----------



## TDG

Ah the timing is wrong!


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

I'll get my timing disc


----------



## TDG

Can't find mine. Have you......


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

seen the price of combinations


----------



## TDG

..that I know are somtimes..


----------



## brockley

..... like Hovercrafts filled with Eels ....


----------



## TDG

.. or even condensed milk sandwiches...


----------



## digbywolf

milk dripping over his fingers


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Send for the white van


----------



## TDG

..with many timing discs inside..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

and coats with long sleeves


----------



## BJT

because the very nice men..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

in white coats, grabbed you lol: :lol: :lol: )

Kev


----------



## digbywolf

putting you in a striaghtjacket! !

dave


----------



## 101578

"Help!" shouted the young.....


----------



## digbywolf

take your hands off me! !

dave


----------



## bob44

‘Stob Stob’ she crid;


----------



## bob44

‘youre hurling me!’


----------



## bob44

Her bread came in short


----------



## bob44

pans and she was in exeter…..


----------



## bob44

(Copyright - Egyptian AFO Circa 1960)


----------



## TDG

.. before setting off for Poland..


----------



## LittleGreyCat

..to find a new Po....


----------



## 101578

she encountered a very large...


----------



## TDG

.. problem with the timing disc.


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

the degrees were backwards...


----------



## TDG

..and the minutes were ticking..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

you rarely see ticking nowadays...


----------



## 105644

exclaimed the long forgotten Cynthia.


----------



## BJT

I hope this is a ..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

another step into the past


----------



## BJT

cried Cynthia as they threw..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

another sheep on the barbie


----------



## digbywolf

forgetting to shear its wool

dave :wink: :wink:


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

worths went bust last year


----------



## brockley

Now back online - - how queer!


----------



## bob44

...as a nine-shilling-note...


----------



## digbywolf

i found in my underpants!
dave 8O


----------



## bob44

....with meat & two veg....


----------



## digbywolf

she prefers walls sausages,frozen! !

dave 8O


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

to the roof of her mouth


----------



## BJT

Thank goodness, peace at last...


----------



## digbywolf

i have a dream about.....

dave :wink:


----------



## bob44

nightmares


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

of getting up too early.


----------



## TDG

However, that does give me...


----------



## digbywolf

no time to wash my........

dave 8O


----------



## bob44

man right out of my hair....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Meanwhile.......back at the ranch


----------



## 101578

Cynthia phoned her best friend....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Who happened to be out


----------



## BJT

in her motorhome looking for...


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

The ***** who sold her


----------



## BJT

the concrete levelling ramps..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

and the chocolate fireguard :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: 


Kev.


----------



## BJT

She had with her a...


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

large bulging steaming bucket of


----------



## TDG

.. condensed milk toasted sandwiches which..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

shows a lack of imagination :roll: :roll: :roll:


----------



## digbywolf

greywater which she poured over........

dave :redhotevil: :redhotevil: :redhotevil:


----------



## TDG

Kev's apparently useless timing disc.


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Yes, must send that back


----------



## BJT

and was thrown off site...


----------



## bob44

and all posts air-brushed away......


----------



## BJT

CHE??????


----------



## bob44

...the person from Barcelona asked...


----------



## TDG

.. whether Kev was glad he..


----------



## 101578

had the op to remove his


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Had no broken chest bones


----------



## 101578

his high heels,and feather boa ....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

showed someone couldn't count properly


----------



## bob44

from one up to five . . . . .

----------------------------------
(Ouch. Moderating now are you Kev? :twisted: )


----------



## BJT

while playing the bagpipes..


----------



## bob44

...which the Germans call 'Doodlesachs'....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

And we call screaming cats



(sorry to all Scots, writers licence, I like the pipes)


----------



## 101578

6, 7, 8,....nine lives for each moggy...


----------



## TDG

.... which most seem to exceed..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

the 30mph speed limit around


----------



## BJT

the vets table when in ....


----------



## ramos

any rich husband will do


----------



## locovan

said the vet as he


----------



## bob44

...produced his bill, stamped BLACK....


----------



## bob44

...produced his bill, stamped BLACK....


----------



## TDG

.. but the cat was white..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

four-o-Clock in the morning


----------



## BJT

with a serious hangover and...


----------



## bob44

...the morning watch calling him...


----------



## TDG

.. but this resulted in a...


----------



## timbop37

...very serious injury to his........


----------



## 101578

Great Aunties' large collection of ...


----------



## BJT

pickled walnuts and homemade wine..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Cigareeeeettes n Whusky n Wiiiiild wild women


----------



## bob44

His Auntie was NOT amused....


----------



## TDG

.. bur she always had been a...


----------



## bob44

....moderator...


----------



## digbywolf

which brings us back to..........

dave 8O 8O


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

DOH a deer a female


----------



## digbywolf

impersonater called "RAY" thats "ME"........

DAVE


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

A drop of golden sun


----------



## BJT

as found in ....


----------



## bob44

Ireland, every other leap year.


----------



## TDG

This caused Auntie to say...


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

you are ALL barking mad


----------



## 101578

she screamed as she saw....


----------



## BJT

the moderator eating the pickled..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

pink elephant and sawdust butty


----------



## TDG

.. and have not idea why..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Because you're worth it :black:


----------



## bob44

...she said; to curry favour.


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

I like curry flavour, it's....


----------



## BJT

masks her culinary 'skills' and ...


----------



## TDG

... and gives rise to a..


----------



## 101578

her famous yorkshire puddings


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

leave our lasses puddings alone


----------



## brockley

to cool before eating them---


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

otherwise you'll burn your gob


----------



## TDG

,,, or even worse, you could..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

oh please, not the unmentionables


----------



## 101578

"I'm Free!" shouted....


----------



## BJT

the uneaten pudding in the....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

club, what a wonderful world


----------



## BJT

of lunacy unfolds in this ....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

never ending story of life


----------



## mygalnme

*tell us a story*

In the fast lane


----------



## TDG

.. that brings other people's fantasies..


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

you can go very quicklier


----------



## mygalnme

*tell us a story*

If you avoid m25


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Cut out any M way


----------



## TDG

.. and timing Kev's timing disks.


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Not that old chestnut again :roll: :roll: :roll:


----------



## TDG

Auntie said " I like chestnuts"


----------



## bob44

....especially with hampster sandwiches..


----------



## Phillip

could offer, with his Swift


----------



## 101578

sweet gaze at Cynthia... 8O


----------



## AndrewandShirley

who being cross eyed thought....


----------



## TDG

.. I can't go on with..


----------



## BJT

and ruhbarb fool tarts with ...


----------



## TDG

.. everything so mixed up. So...


----------



## tinkering

So Cynthia hiked up her knickers


----------



## TDG

... ,got out the mower and..


----------



## AndrewandShirley

mounted the tractor side saddle


----------



## tinkering

But inadvertently turned the petrol off






Les

When in doubt leave out :wink:


----------



## bob44

Hey Ho, Knickers off again.....


----------



## BJT

and used the elastic to ....


----------



## TDG

... tie the drunken sailor to..


----------



## TDG

... this apparently stalled story. However..


----------



## 101578

turning the tractor too fast.....


----------



## strod

*neverending story*

the infrernal machine turned over


----------



## BJT

with the knicker elastic wrapped...


----------



## tinkering

Around one of Cynthias firm


----------



## TDG

...rear springs that were always...


----------



## Preacherned

could ever provide her with.


----------



## Preacherned

tensioned to absolute perfection


----------



## 101578

her false teeth flew out....


----------



## BJT

and bit the postman on ....


----------



## TDG

... his postbag. This resulted in....


----------



## mygalnme

Hi cat running off


----------



## 101578

to join the circus....


----------



## mygalnme

As an acrocat........sorry


----------



## BJT

Which got posties stamp of...


----------



## mygalnme

C.O.D. cat on delivery :roll:


----------



## TDG

.. but without five words you..


----------



## TDG

.. but without five words you..


----------



## 101578

repeat yourself  

so the cat juggled his.....


----------



## Gorman

Koo-koo-ka-ratchas.....


----------



## mygalnme

:? thought it was 4 :?: 

Round the back alley.. :arrow:


----------



## Gorman

Ooooop so it iz........well spotted.


----------



## BJT

Continuing--- which brought tears to his ......


----------



## TDG

.. wife, Cynthia's cat's eyes. Suddenly....


----------



## 101578

a wheelbarrow full of......


----------



## TDG

... fresh dung, proceeded by another..


----------



## mygalnme

House on wheels...towing


----------



## 101578

Cynthias' long lost cousin...


----------



## mygalnme

Super califrgilistic expi alidocious


----------



## TDG

... who caused the spellcheck to...


----------



## BJT

apply for EU membership which....


----------



## mygalnme

....brought about a big


----------



## Gorman

horrendous crack in the infrastructure


----------



## mygalnme

....get advice on MHF


----------



## rayrecrok

before the whole world stops


----------



## mygalnme

and we fall off


----------



## TDG

"Must return to story" said...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Postman Pat and his Black


----------



## 101578

flasher mac and binoculars... 8O


----------



## BJT

wished Cynthia as she looked...


----------



## mygalnme

at old photos when


----------



## 101578

the Police first arrested "Peeping Pat"....


----------



## mygalnme

....for not having any


----------



## TDG

.. five word lines in his..


----------



## 101578

statement wearing only his silk.....


----------



## rayrecrok

tie and nothing else


----------



## digbywolf

except a big grin.......


----------



## mygalnme

everybody was in stitches....


----------



## 101578

Cynthia supressed her desire to.....


----------



## rayrecrok

hang her handbag on his


----------



## BJT

well mounted stags head in...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

the middle of red square


----------



## rayrecrok

cleethorpes after a saturday night


----------



## mygalnme

on the sea front....


----------



## rayrecrok

Where there was an enormous


----------



## mygalnme

....(have we gone back to 5??)

firework display going on.....


----------



## BJT

due to a badly wired.......


----------



## rayrecrok

reversing camera from a tip


----------



## TDG

.. where five never changed.However...


----------



## rayrecrok

Cynthia stifled a cry as


----------



## mygalnme

Pat stood on her foot


----------



## BJT

while trying to remove his......


----------



## 101578

plucked, stuffed, and cooked....


----------



## TDG

Leaky said:


> plucked, stuffed, and cooked....


... marrow (lied about plucked) which...


----------



## mygalnme

was ripe and ready


----------



## AndrewandShirley

to be frozen by BirdsEye


----------



## TDG

Cynthia said " I suppose you.....


----------



## BJT

don't fancy a quick....


----------



## Pusser

..key, do you by any ...


----------



## digbywolf

know the way to san-jose?

dave :? :? :? :?


----------



## TDG

"No, but can you restart .....


----------



## mygalnme

a laptop when...


----------



## BJT

the gerbil inside has died....


----------



## rayrecrok

Because the hard drive spun


----------



## mygalnme

..a yarn about how


----------



## AndrewandShirley

to tie a reef knot


----------



## TDG

.. as the coral dies. Naturally......


----------



## TDG

... to restart this you need..


----------



## BJT

a live gerbil with lots.....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

of ability to score goals


----------



## mygalnme

and understand the "offside rule"...who does?


----------



## TDG

"Not me" cried Cynthia as.......


----------



## digbywolf

the ball hit the net.......


----------



## mygalnme

..bounced back and hit Cynthia


----------



## BJT

who promptly sat on the...


----------



## mygalnme

....referee as he took his


----------



## tinkering

Red card out,foul cried Cythia.


----------



## TDG

The smell certainly was foul.......


----------



## mygalnme

coming from the ref's boots....ugh :roll:


----------



## tinkering

But Cythia was quickly on


----------



## digbywolf

and RED carded him :!: :!: :!: :!: :!: 

dave


----------



## tinkering

The ref was so stunned.


----------



## BJT

he said sod the offside....


----------



## digbywolf

its a GOAL! !............


----------



## mygalnme

Replay it 4 times


----------



## TDG

..... but that ended up killing......


----------



## tinkering

Any thoughs Cynthia had of


----------



## AndrewandShirley

the pain in his leg


----------



## mygalnme

....limping off he shouted


----------



## tinkering

Two naughty word to the


----------



## mygalnme

.....crowd, then suddenly he


----------



## tinkering

Caught sight of a flying


----------



## mygalnme

pig...no sorry...toilet roll


----------



## tinkering

Flying through the air towards


----------



## TDG

... an Autotrail Cheyenne which had....


----------



## tinkering

A bad case of the judders


----------



## TDG

.... which stopped the thread in.....


----------



## BJT

just by a bus stop...


----------



## tinkering

Luckily a bus was their
>

>
<

>
<

>
<

How long have you waited for that :?: MAGIC :lol: :lol: :lol:


----------



## mygalnme

was "their" what :?: rescue :?:


----------



## Otto-de-froste

"......Remember me?" said the Gnu


----------



## TDG

"Not another Gnu" said Cynthia...........


----------



## Otto-de-froste

"No! A gnother gnu! ma'am"


----------



## mygalnme

Oh, I gnu you when.....


----------



## Otto-de-froste

you were still brand gnu


----------



## BJT

sang he at an ABBA .....


----------



## mygalnme

....concert....Mamma Mia he cried.....


----------



## TDG

..... "Where will this end?" the.......


----------



## mygalnme

Writing's on the wall


----------



## BJT

but we will have a......


----------



## AndrewandShirley

a welcome in the hillside


----------



## TDG

..... if the thread manages to......


----------



## Nora+Neil

keep going long enough to


----------



## TDG

... see in 2010 at the....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Tiger Woods hole in one


----------



## digbywolf

don`t you mean hole 12"""""""


----------



## TDG

digbywolf said:


> don`t you mean hole 12"""""""


No, surely the whole 12?


----------



## TDG

Methinks after 2 months it.....


----------



## parkmoy

...is time to do a pregnancy test but.....


----------



## TDG

... it will still be difficult....


----------



## jimmyd0g

...being pregnant to a Klingon...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Meanwhile on the farm, Betty....


----------



## TDG

.. thought remapping would be a....


----------



## TDG

...... quick end to this thread


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

But not so fast, LOOK...


----------



## TDG

... safe sex seems to have....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

a positive effect on the


----------



## TDG

..life of this thread because.....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

we've only 24 hours to....


----------



## TDG

... to fix our broken Parliament...


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

We need Bob the builder.


Can we fix it

Can we f...


----------



## TDG

Bob failed this time because.....


----------



## sprintman

he had left his tool


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

on charge at his old


----------



## TDG

... father's workshop where he liked....


----------



## TDG

...... to dream that this thread.....


----------



## iconnor

and other's very like it


----------



## raynipper

could tie them selves into


----------



## bonnieboo

knots, trying to get themselves


----------



## TDG

... up the ramp in order....


----------



## TDG

... to launch an assault on ...


----------



## bonnieboo

that inconsiderate camper next door


----------



## TDG

..... which seems to be in.....


----------



## TDG

-considerate with charcoal BBQs burning........


----------



## moblee

..Which by now had ...


----------



## JohnGun

scorched most of western europe


----------



## AndrewandShirley

which because of global warming


----------



## moblee

..Was covered in snow & ice.


----------



## AndrewandShirley

This caused the opposite effect


----------



## moblee

..To hot sunny days in Norwich.... :lol:


----------



## mygalnme

...with an ice-cream and....


----------



## JohnGun

strawberry sauce sprinkled with chocolate


----------



## moblee

Which goes down well with....


----------



## moblee

....Homemade Irish cream liqueur........ :lol:


----------



## TDG

....but this can have an ...


----------



## JohnGun

opposite effect with Fr Dougal


----------



## moblee

Who hasn't been seen since...


----------



## JohnGun

serious acusations from alter boys


----------



## moblee

Of organ misuse, resulting in......


----------



## TDG

.... unpleasant noises coming from the...


----------



## JohnGun

confession box all week long


----------



## AndrewandShirley

because Capt Mainwearing and Pike


----------



## moblee

Were opening the Bank across ...


----------



## CPW2007

the river from Thames House


----------



## AndrewandShirley

Miss Whiplash the famous MI5


----------



## Spacerunner

tea lady and impresario


----------



## moblee

Was attending to a gash on..


----------



## mygalnme

Pikes knee when he....


----------



## JohnGun

could see down her blouse


----------



## CPW2007

"Cor b-b-b-b-blimey!!" he nervously stuttered!


----------



## moblee

Don't panic shouted Jones as


----------



## AndrewandShirley

wondered in awe at the


----------



## moblee

Offal sight in Jone'ses :? shop........


----------



## mygalnme

stupid boy.....eyes front 8O


----------



## drcotts

but he was still mesmerized


----------



## TDG

... by the sights and sounds of....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

caused by the magic mushrooms


----------



## moblee

...Grown in Godfrey's cottage garden.....


----------



## mygalnme

in the dark fed on.....


----------



## AndrewandShirley

beautiful melons so ripe and


----------



## moblee

Juicy but firm,that Walker...


----------



## busterbears

thought he was in heaven ....


----------



## moblee

..Until it opened and snow...


----------



## cossieg

fell all around him, cold...........


----------



## TDG

.... and wet but what we....


----------



## cossieg

........was cover them all up...........


----------



## moblee

....England had stopped,nothing moved...


----------



## AndrewandShirley

except the stirring in Walkers...


----------



## TDG

...bed which got everybody to...


----------



## mygalnme

To wonder what the.......


----------



## AndrewandShirley

german voices we doing coming


----------



## moblee

..From the room next door...


----------



## JohnGun

Sounded like someone getting a run of rogering


----------



## TDG

Didn't recognise it but it......


----------



## tfbundy

sounded like a distant elephant


----------



## locovan

Rushing through the undergrowth


----------



## TDG

..... towards Peterborough where it was...


----------



## predead

mistaken for a large pink


----------



## predead

mistaken for a large pink


----------



## Perseus

empty Cadilac down the road


----------



## predead

towards the sewage works gate


----------



## adonisito

which housed a fish pond


----------



## predead

full of Silica gel and


----------



## TDG

.... a five word phrase which..


----------



## locovan

needed a code to unravel


----------



## CourtJester

to reveal the astonishing fact...


----------



## predead

Fish have no nipples


----------



## AndrewandShirley

whereas 007 James Bond has


----------



## TDG

.... no belly button. However, Walker.....


----------



## TDG

.... thought it was time to...


----------



## TDG

.... revive this thread by calling....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

On the forum peeps to


----------



## Wilmannie

remind us where we're at


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

You're on MOTORHOMEFACTS old mate :roll: :roll: :roll: :lol: :lol: :lol:


----------



## TDG

Which suggests that this thread........


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Could go forever, maybe get


----------



## TDG

...... to the status of another ......


----------



## mags52

stream of consciousness. But this


----------



## aldra

should not detract us from


----------



## AndrewandShirley

the main matter in hand, which


----------



## TDG

... is to ensure that all...


----------



## aldra

of cynthias fantasy's are meticulously


----------



## TDG

...... recorded. Cynthia's been away for......


----------



## aldra

a short motor home break


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

in a galaxy far far


----------



## Bob44again

...from those heady days when


----------



## GEMMY

God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I thought this had died a well deserved death :roll: 

tony

PS sorry, more than 5 words :roll:


----------



## Spacerunner

Happy Birthday to Cynthia who is 9 today 

ccasion4: ccasion6: ccasion7: ccasion8: 
Many Happy Returns


----------



## raynipper

who has been lying about her age since...........


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Don't all women do that.

ha 5 worms only

Carry on...


----------



## Bob44again

...Pusser swallowed her five worms.


----------



## teemyob

so he had tummy bugs!


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Wasn't he a Radio 1 DJ?


----------



## aldra

Possibly, but they were silk worms


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

Your supposed to continue the story from the last post old girl


----------



## aldra

Well being an old girl she


----------



## raynipper

forgot the thread..........


----------



## aldra

But we reminded her and


----------



## GordonBennet

All lived happily ever after!


----------



## aldra

Except, one or two didn't


----------



## Bob44again

believe in Cynthia's recent resurrection


----------



## raynipper

at Easter, copy cat.....


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

do excellent reproductions of your....


----------



## aldra

Easter egg design


----------



## raynipper

but only dark chocolate................


----------



## Bob44again

...melted & liberally smeared around her...


----------



## raynipper

mother in laws............


----------



## Spacerunner

Ample but attractive and rosy


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

buttocks, makes her go........


----------



## Bob44again

...to work, rest and play.

_(M Faithfull, circa 1966 ... allegedly :wink: )_


----------



## raynipper

in the red light district of................


----------



## Wilmannie

Amsterdam, where the canals lap


----------



## daffodil

Dance whilst doing the


----------



## aldra

Hockey cocky


----------



## teemyob

Being cheeky rather than crude........


----------



## daffodil

oil smoothes out the


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

the path of lifes destiny


----------



## aldra

But unfortunately oil spills don't


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

get you anything but trouble...


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

get you anything but trouble...


----------



## raynipper

unless you put it in the right hole...............


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

OBJECTION MLud 7 WORDS :d

In one, cost a fortune.


----------



## aldra

Holes are expensive

I think


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

In golf, they can be.


----------



## aldra

Well said Cynthia , that's one...


----------



## Hymerintacto

. . . hole I'd enjoy exploring if . . .


----------



## Pudsey_Bear

only I had the thyme.


----------



## Bob44again

Said Herb...


----------



## Hymerintacto

. . . "a sage idea", said Rosemary . . .


----------



## aldra

I prefer gin said Cynthia


----------



## Hymerintacto

adding, "Hoorah . . . gin o'clock already!"


----------



## daffodil

you lot are bannanas :lol: and


----------



## aldra

Bananas, said Cynthia ?

Sound ok


----------



## Bob44again

(but she preferred Jessica's Rabbit... 8O ...)


----------



## aldra

casseroled? Or as a pet?


----------



## Hymerintacto

"Rampant actually!" giggled Cynthia, "because . . ."


----------



## aldra

Anything rampant sounds promising


----------



## daffodil

Now, now Aldra not again?


----------



## aldra

Said Cynthia, I m game for


----------



## daffodil

anything to do with Junipers


----------



## Hymerintacto

Juniper rabbit buzzes with anticipation . . . :lol:


----------



## aldra

Fortunately his Duracell batteries


----------



## Hymerintacto

Expire, so Cynthia decides to


----------



## daffodil

try a gas powered one


----------



## aldra

this maybe a big mistake :lol:


----------



## Bob44again

...said Mrs Egg & Mr Chips,


----------



## Hymerintacto

as they tried it out . . . :roll:


----------



## daffodil

They got battered


----------



## Hymerintacto

but decided to try again . . .


----------



## Bob44again

...after a 7-day recovery period.


----------



## aldra

Well, insurance claims are........


----------



## Hymerintacto

. . . incomplete without photographic evidence so . . .


----------

