# A return to the dark ages maybe.



## cabby (May 14, 2005)

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada.


The Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300 years.


The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. 


Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."


The Germans have increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."


Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels.


The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.


Australia, meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.


Regards,
John Cleese ,
British writer, actor and tall person


And as a final thought - Greece is collapsing, the Iranians are getting aggressive, and Rome is in disarray. Welcome back to 430 BC.


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## KeithChesterfield (Mar 12, 2010)

And our other Allies ..................

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.

New Zealand has also raised its security levels – from “baaa” to “BAAAA!”. Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the air force being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister’s bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is “****, I hope Australia will come and rescue us.”

:wav: :wav: :wav:


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## 747 (Oct 2, 2009)

300 good blokes held the Iranians at bay until they were betrayed.

If the Greeks (well, Spartans) could do that, what could 300 Glaswegians accomplish? :wink: 

I will only start to worry when I get my call up papers.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

And what has Britain decided??

For the Syrians it's desperate 


Aldra


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## vicdicdoc (May 14, 2005)

aldra said:


> And what has Britain decided??
> For the Syrians it's desperate
> Aldra


Its not Syria that poses the problems . . . Its the damn Russians just Itching to stir the conflict from a (so far) localised one into a major confrontation with the USA - thats the problem that has to be settled & avoided before ANYONE can help the Syrians.

And before anyone rants on about the Yanks being "the worlds policeman" - who else is there with sufficient strength to standup to all the baddies & bogeymen who would like to see the end of western civilisation (or is it civilization :? . . I was always lousy at spelling).

- very soon here in the UK our biggest army is going to be the Sallyarmy- lets hope they can continue the fight for freedom 'cause our "armed forces" are being decimated by our government & we're in no position to march off to war again-not even a quick weekend war


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## 747 (Oct 2, 2009)

Any action by any outsider will inflame the Middle East. This will suit the Russians as their influence has waned dramatically over the past 10 years. They only have Syria and Iran at the moment and Iran is a loose cannon, so they are only good for arms sales.

The Middle East will explode along sectarian lines at some stage, it is a given in my mind. It is only a matter of what sparks it off. The West will lose Saudi Arabia and the Gulf states as they are minority Sunni rulers with a large Shiite population. Russia and China feel that they can move in. But exactly what will they move in to? Iran will be neutralised by Israel. Without Iran, the rest will be fragmented. Iraq is in meltdown already and is probably a model for what is to come.

As I said earlier, draw the curtains and turn the sound up on the TV until it's over.


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## metblue (Oct 9, 2006)

*syria*

cabby, what's all this crap about ? only thing that anyone should worried about is the fact that the "British" government di at last the right thing and listened to the British public and I for one hope that it does so again but, I am not holding my breath !! :lol:


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I am torn

To support the Syrians?

But history does not show a good outcome when intervention takes place on a scale of war

We need a world brake on the problem but do we have a a sufficiently strong peaceful intervention that could make a difference

Aldra


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## cabby (May 14, 2005)

To be honest metblue I am surprised at the replies myself to a light hearted piece written by John Cleese, comparing the modern times to the era of around 400BC.Maybe history does repeat itself.

cabby


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## caulkhead (Jul 25, 2007)

cabby said:


> To be honest metblue I am surprised at the replies myself to a light hearted piece written by John Cleese, comparing the modern times to the era of around 400BC.Maybe history does repeat itself.
> 
> cabby


Well I got a good laugh out of it even if no-one else did. Pure comic genius, which until I saw the name of Saint Cleese of Weston-Super-Mare at the bottom, I thought was all yours cabby :lol:

Caulkhead


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## berni109 (Jun 9, 2005)

"did the right thing and listened to the British public"

what planet are you on m8?

cheap political point scoring - they never listen to the public on any issue ever.

Bern.


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## bognormike (May 10, 2005)

berni109 said:


> "did the right thing and listened to the British public"
> 
> what planet are you on m8?
> 
> ...


er, as Cabby said it was supposed to be a humorous comment,, :roll:


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## 1302 (Apr 4, 2006)

Am I the only one find it odd that it waas convenient to get all uppity on the goings on inSyria wwhen similar atrocities are occuring elsewhere in the world?

We are right to keep our noses out.


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## bognormike (May 10, 2005)

1302 said:


> Am I the only one find it odd that it waas convenient to get all uppity on the goings on inSyria wwhen similar atrocities are occuring elsewhere in the world?
> 
> We are right to keep our noses out.


I refer the honorary member to my post above....


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## caulkhead (Jul 25, 2007)

Notwithstanding I support the right of members to say what they want, I do think its a pity that the essence of the OP has been totally lost (or ignored) by most of those who have taken the time to reply. Cabby's OP was a COMIC take, written by John Cleese, on recent events. It was not meant, I am sure, to be a serious comment on the situation regarding Syria. 

Caulkhead


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## oldun (Nov 10, 2005)

747 said:


> 300 good blokes held the Iranians at bay until they were betrayed.
> 
> If the Greeks (well, Spartans) could do that, what could 300 Glaswegians accomplish? :wink:
> 
> I will only start to worry when I get my call up papers.


Not a lot a most of then would be unable to stand up let alone fight.


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