# Your day can always take a bad turn



## dghr272 (Jun 14, 2012)

Copied from elsewhere:-D


Hows everyone's day going so far?
so.....
The neighbors have been complaining that my dog has been barking non-stop. I hate the electric zapping bark collars so I purchased the humane citronella collar. When a dog barks, it shoots a blast of citronella under their nose and apparently they don't like it. This morning I was getting the collar ready and filled it with the citronella liquid. And that is where my morning should have ended. But no, it's me, and I begin to become curious as to “how” the collars actually work. So I'm standing by my back door "barking" at my dog's collar. Nothing happens. I make sure it's turned on, check the fill level, and go through the "getting started" check list one more time. Again, I bark. Nothing happens. Now I'm not quite sure, why I had this next thought, but I did... I put the collar on. I seriously extended the band and fit the growl box against my throat and barked. Apparently, the collar only works if it feels vibrations, because I immediately received a blast of citronella to the face. I began coughing, which only caused the f*cking collar to continue squirting bug spray over and over into my nasal cavity. I'm now on my hands and knees in my back yard, trying to breathe, and to make matters worse, the damn dog is barking. So between coughing and yelling at him to shut up, I've emptied over a dozen blasts of citronella to my face. During all of this ruckus, I'm trying to undo the clasp of the collar, which has somehow managed to weld shut during this whole fiasco. I finally get the collar off and threw, yes I threw that inhumane sucker across the yard, and lay in the grass sucking in the cool morning air. In the middle of thinking this is probably the dumbest thing I've done in a while, I hear laughter. MY NEIGHBOR SAW THE WHOLE THING! He was laughing so damn hard he couldn't breathe. Between gasps, he tells me, "I was gonna come help, but every time I started to climb over the fence, you'd set it off again and then I would started laughing and couldn't make it." So now, not only are my eyes red, but my face and ears are too. After checking to make sure I was ok, we parted ways and I went in to shower so I wouldn't smell like ode de' Tiki Torch.
Lesson learned: next time (yes, there will always be a next time with me) make sure that:
1. Don't fill the collar before trying to set it off. 
2. Remember your neighbor is not a good source of help in a comedy crisis situation.
On the plus side, I won't have a mosquito problem for a few days!
Even though this does sound like some bull**** I'd do, I hate to break the news that it's a copied story that gave me a good laugh so feel free to do the same. 😂😂😂😂😂 Happy Thanksgiving!! !!


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

That did my heart good, but they say laugh and grow fat, so that's why I´m putting on weight.


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## Mrplodd (Mar 4, 2008)

Somewhere there's a review on Amazon from a guy who tried using Veet or similar on his "bikini line" If it doesn't make you cry with laughter your not human, unbelievably funny the chaps a genius writer.!

I'll see if I can find it

Here you go, enjoy !

https://www.amazon.co.uk/review/R3GDDEL1SC1QQ5


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Oh my goodness, that 2 lb I have gained today.

The chunky channel --:grin2:


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

Just seen this article in France...................

And speaking of lockdown - we don’t think this guy from Brittany had quite thought things through when he stormed out of his house to ‘smash a guy’s face in’ - pausing only to fill out his lockdown permission form giving details of the crime he intended to commit.

In case anyone was in any doubt, the local police chief says: “We made it clear that going out ‘to beat someone up’ is not a valid reason to break lockdown”. 

Ray.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Gosh, I’m definitely loosing my sense of humour 

Sorry

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

aldra said:


> Gosh, I'm definitely loosing my sense of humour
> 
> Sorry
> 
> Sandra


Maybe it´s the imagination you´ve lost Sandra, you have to imagine the actions of Terry and Andy´s players.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Possibly Jan

I’ll just watch the expression on that cats face as he plays the I phone ringtone

Now that makes me smile even thinking about it

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Yes me to, thats why I couldn´t understand why nobody had reacted to it.


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## Mrplodd (Mar 4, 2008)

JanHank said:


> Oh my goodness, that 2 lb I have gained today.
> 
> The chunky channel --:grin2:


Chutney channel !


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Mrplodd said:


> Chutney channel !


I have no idea what I had put there Andy, spell check obviously thought that was what it should have been.
I tried to tell Heike I had made Vollkornbrot today on WhatsApp and it kept changing it to fullworm 😝


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## Mrplodd (Mar 4, 2008)

Rates alongside something I saw on a Chinglish menu in China 

Crispy skin infections

Never did find out what it actually was.


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## Ozzyjohn (Sep 3, 2007)

Aah well if we are drifting on to chinglish - try this label from a bottle of hair shampoo -


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Ozzyjohn said:


> Aah well if we are drifting on to chinglish - try this label from a bottle of hair shampoo -


I wonder if I should try that 🤔


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

And that reminds me of a Portuguese menu containing "Dirty Pig". Turned out it was Black Pig that the translator was missing


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

patp said:


> And that reminds me of a Portuguese menu containing "Dirty Pig". Turned out it was Black Pig that the translator was missing


Ive never heard of black pig either Pat, should that be black pudding? I've never seen normal pork called pink pig, but then I have never been to Portugal. 😉


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

It was a recipe containing pork from their local black pigs, Jan. They also had "Language Pig" on the menu  Guess what that was?

The waitress could speak a little English and we informed her, as best we could, of the translation errors.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Language Pig should, of course, have been Pork Tongue


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