# Funniest joke of the year award 2012



## peejay (May 10, 2005)

..goes to Tim Vine (never 'eard of 'im)...

"Conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes".

#-o

http://www.bbc.co.uk/newsbeat/16959243

Pete


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## motormouth (Jul 3, 2010)

Younger brother of Jeremy Vine.
Quite funny, but "joke of the year", nah.


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## peejay (May 10, 2005)

Agreed, I wasn't exactly ROTFL either.

Pete


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## spykal (May 9, 2005)

I like him....but then I like "one liners"


a couple of his others :

Velcro: what a rip-off. 


and



I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down. 


:roll: :roll: :roll: :lol:


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## BritStops (Mar 3, 2011)

Yep, love that one.

I like clever one-liners too, and also jokes that only work written down:

A girl walked into a bar and asked for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.

Steve

I'll get me coat...


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## uncleswede (Apr 16, 2010)

My fave...

Did you hear about the agnostic, dyslexic insomniac who would lay awake at night wondering if there really was a Dog?


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## erneboy (Feb 8, 2007)

Or "I am into flagellation, necrophilia and bestiality. Am I flogging a dead horse?"

I wanted to be a fortune teller but my mother said here was no future in it.


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## lifestyle (Apr 27, 2008)

A guy goes into a bar with a newt on his shoulder
The barman asks " What`s his name "
The guy says " his name is Tiny " He`s minute.


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## motormouth (Jul 3, 2010)

How does a blind parachutist know when he has landed???
When the dog lead goes slack.


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## Penquin (Oct 15, 2007)

MrsW just sent me this one..........

do you think she is trying to tell me something? :?: :roll: 8O 



After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her. 

He looked at her for a while ... Then said, "You're 

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K." 

She asks ... "What does that mean?" 

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot. 

She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?" 

He said, "I'm Just Kidding!" 

The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles. 



8O  

Dave :lol:


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## lifestyle (Apr 27, 2008)

There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.
Her grandmother says, " Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys.
He is going to try to kiss you,but don`t let him do that.
He is going to try to feel your breast,but don`t let him do that.
He is going to try to put is hand between your legs,but don`t let him do that.
Than the grandmother said ,"but most importantly "
He is going to to try to get on top of you,but don`t let him do that.
It will disgrace the family.
With that bit of advice in mind,the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.
The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as she had said.
But i did not disgrace the family.
When he tried,i turned him over,got on top of him and disgraced his family .


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## KeithChesterfield (Mar 12, 2010)

I bought the Tim Vine joke book from 'The Works' book shop a few months ago for about £3 - 1001 one liner jokes and well worth the money.
Tim Vine was recently in 'Not going Out' with Lee Mack and Miranda Hart on BBC One.

I thought Reuters were novelists from Birmingham.


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## lifestyle (Apr 27, 2008)

Dear God,please send clothes for all those poor ladies in daddy`s computer. Amen


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