# Dementia and mail re-direction: help please?



## H1-GBV (Feb 28, 2006)

My Dad has dementia. Opening his mail causes him worries (often for no good reason) so we've had it re-directed to my brother's house for the last 2y. However, Royal Mail say this can only be on a temporary basis and are refusing to continue with this facility. :frown2:

Does anyone have any ideas about how to solve this please? I guess that the re-direction services used by full-timers allows them to nominate an address, from which their mail is forwarded. That is not our problem.

Contacting banks, utilities etc has been done BUT it is those unexpected letters such as requests for money by genuine (and scam) charities which we want to eliminate. Every time he got an advert for credit cards, he applied for them! :surprise:

I recently spoke with a very nice representative from AgeUK, who suggested placing a lockable box for his mail or getting a home-help to collect his letters. Unfortunately, he is a very independent, stubborn 88y old and he would insist on opening a box, even if it meant getting his obsolete gas-cutting torch and heavy bottles from the garage :grin2: (he has alternatives if we took them away). He lives alone and does not want anyone else to enter his premises: it took 3months of fighting to get him to accept daily visits by a nurse to administer eyedrops for his glaucoma.

I find it hard to believe that this is not a problem which has been overcome by many folk caring for elderly relatives, but so far I haven't found a solution. Hopefully you can help me.

TIA - Gordon

PS He is a kind, gentle, loving gentleman who has been robbed of his cognitive abilities by this cruel condition. He rarely leaves his home and refuses to have any help other than, reluctantly, from my brother (who lives locally and who has power of attorney). If I can sort this out it would remove one cause of concern. Paying for this sort of service would not be a problem.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Sorry to read this Gordon.

Is this a 2 year limit to one address or from one address, IE could you switch it to another forwarding address?


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Phone social services 

Explain the problem and ask them to solve it

If your brother has power of attorney he has rights

Unfortunately I've been too long out of service and haven't kept up 

Aldra


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## Brock (Jun 14, 2005)

Been through this with my mother. Similar age and similar cognitive issues and desire for independence. There is no solution but there are ways of mitigating the impact.

Two bits of advice which you may know already. Do not be surprised by anything that happens and secondly, build your own resilience to cope with the illogical and the unforeseen.

Initially, one of my sisters sat down with my mother and they opened the post together. In time, my mother lost interest and just started piling up the letters for my sister to deal with.

We ensured we had control over my mother's finances. It didn't go down well at first but soon she just complained she never had any money.

Much depends on how quickly the dementia is worsening. The quicker it is, the more likely you are to solve the problems. All my three sisters are tough cookies so when the inevitable abuse started, we built them a caring framework which, with their resilience, helped them cope. One of my sisters suffered so much abuse from my mother, she has disowned her although still acts as the main point of contact for the Authorities.

The hard part is having conversations with dementia sufferers. We followed the advice from the Alzheimers Society.

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk

As dementia worsens, it gets worse for the people who care. Then it reaches a stage where life for all suddenly improves.

http://forums.motorhomefacts.com/124-health-fitness/148498-dementia-nhs-social-services-tale.html

My mother is still in a Dementia Nursing Home, has virtually no cognitive powers, but is still my mother and I enjoy visiting her even though she doesn't know who I am most of the time. As a family, we have done a great job helping mother and ourselves through the transition from her having full cognitive awareness to having none. We learned from my sister dealing with her two in-laws and my wife dealing with her mother.

Let me know what further help I can be.


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## peribro (Sep 6, 2009)

Would Mail Collect work? The sorting office holds the mail which must be collected at least once a month.

http://www.royalmail.com/delivery/outbound-mail/mail-collect/details


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## david-david (Feb 24, 2013)

H1-GBV said:


> My Dad has dementia. Opening his mail causes him worries (often for no good reason) so we've had it re-directed to my brother's house for the last 2y. However, Royal Mail say this can only be on a temporary basis and are refusing to continue with this facility. :frown2:
> 
> Does anyone have any ideas about how to solve this please? I guess that the re-direction services used by full-timers allows them to nominate an address, from which their mail is forwarded. That is not our problem.
> 
> ...


Hi H1,

Contact the following -

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/

http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/dementia-guide/pages/dementia-and-social-services.aspx

Also -

Your parents GP

Your local MP - http://www.parliament.uk/mps-lords-and-offices/mps/

Your local MP can be amazingly helpful. They are aware of every department and charity and are only too willing to put you in touch with the appropriate department.

I have contacted my local MP a couple of times and they have always been quick to reply with accurate information and sign posted me to the best person to help.


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## H1-GBV (Feb 28, 2006)

WHAT A WONDERFUL GROUP OF FOLK EXIST ON MHF!! Thanks to all for your speedy responses.

Today I phoned the Mail Redirection Centre, Stoke on Trent and was *immediately *offered continuous renewals of the redirection service. :grin2:
Why my brother got such short shrift with his communications we do not know. (I do have to write an explanatory note to the "Senior Administrator" who "reviews each case on their individual merits" :nerd:.)

IF that had failed, I was going to 
i) ask why RM are a "corporate partner" with the Alzheimer's Society
ii) enquire further about the free "Mail Collect" service [thank you Peribro]
iii) see what help Alzheimer's / Social Services could offer [thank you Aldra & Brock]
iv) contact Dad's local MP [thank you david-david].

Whilst talking to the AgeUK person on Thursday, I suddenly wondered about using a different forwarding address eg my brother's son, who lives just round the corner from my brother [thank you Kev_n_Liz]

Sadly, my brother has been suffering badly with stress for the past year and I need to take some things off his shoulders (not easy when we are 200miles apart). I guess his burdens will only get heavier as Dad gets worse and we all suffer from a family trait of "It's doomed, I tell you! Doomed, doomed!!!".:frown2::frown2:

Many thanks for your offerings - Gordon


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## Brock (Jun 14, 2005)

My sister suffered stress - and had diabetes - when she was the lead carer for my mother. She had some stress counselling organised by her doctor and was fortunate in being able to go on long walks alone or with friends.

Penquin [Dave] and I have a mutual understanding of the Kubler Ross model which is used to help people through difficult times so, as you will be the main support for your brother from what you say, you might want to look up this model and use it to understand what your brother is going through. I spoke to my sister frequently, sometimes several times a day and never less than every three days, when times were toughest. If she succumbed to stress, I would have two to be concerned about.

By nature I'm an objective man, rather than emotional, so I told my sister, and the rest our family except Mum, that we should do what we could for Mum whilst ensuring family members do not suffer mentally and physically from providing assistance. The Alzheimers Society stress the importance of looking after the Carers. I kept my sister focused on what we wanted to achieve and let her take one step at a time. Her stress levels reduced as she realised she had everyone's support.

From my experience, its all downhill until you hit the bottom and then it gets easier for all.


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## HarleyDave (Jul 1, 2007)

Glad you've got it sorted Gordon

Cheers

Dave


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

H1-GBV said:


> WHAT A WONDERFUL GROUP OF FOLK EXIST ON MHF!! Thanks to all for your speedy responses.
> 
> Today I phoned the Mail Redirection Centre, Stoke on Trent and was *immediately *offered continuous renewals of the redirection service. :grin2:
> Why my brother got such short shrift with his communications we do not know. (I do have to write an explanatory note to the "Senior Administrator" who "reviews each case on their individual merits" :nerd:.)
> ...


That's great news, one less hurdle to struggle over for all concerned and a marvelous heads up for others having similar problems.

Try to look for the silver lining, it's very well hidden, but it's there, only usually not in a form you'd expect.


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## StephandJohn (Sep 3, 2007)

You might find it helpful for you all to contact your local carers associations. They are wonderful and offer support, advice and help to anyone who has to care for someone. You don't have to be living in the same house or even same area.
A friend got access to free counselling and free massage which made a tremendous difference to her in an almost impossible situation.
Best if luck - and keep talking to us.
The value of the people on here goes way beyond just useful stuff about motorhomes.
My husband was taken ill in Germany a few years ago and I got a lot of practical and emotional support from here whihc made verything just more bearable.
Thanks everyone - this has just reminded me of a horrible time and how grateful I was to motorhomefacts.
Steph


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