# A nervous joke



## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the eyeball to the anus?

It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving people a shi**y outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your arris and see if it doesn't bring a tear to your eyes.


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## greygit (Apr 15, 2007)

Who said culture was dead? :wink:


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Err, OK, who's that and what have you done with our Tuggs.

His jokes are not usually crap.


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

Sorry, Kev, how about this one? Bit rude, mind!:lol: 



Colin meets a girl on the street. He says, "Come on, babe, let's go in the alleyway and get it on. I've got fifteen bucks." 

She says, "FIFTEEN bucks? You're crazy. For fifteen bucks, I'll let you LOOK at it." 

They go into the alleyway, she pulls down her pants, and he gets down on his knees. But he can't see anything, because it's too dark, so he gets out his lighter. He lights his lighter, and he says, "My God, your pubic hair... it's so curly and thick... it's BEAUTIFUL." 

She says, "Thank you." 

He says, "You mind if I ask you a personal question?" 

She says, "Go ahead." 

He says, "Can you pee through all that hair?" 

She says, "Of course." 

He says, "Well, you better start. You're on fire."


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Split me tea.

You're a braver man than I sir.

Liz sort of laughed though.


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

If Liz laughed, then my work here is done. :lol:


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

"Sort of laughed " does not count, it might have been grunt or a cough, just a noise.

You deffo need to do better though.


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

Hmm, thinking cap on. How about this?



Two ladies of easy virtue work shifts in a rented house; one does mornings and the other afternoons.

The girl doing the afternoon shift arrives and asks the other " Have you been busy, love?"

The other replies - " Busy - if I've been up and down those stairs once, I've been a dozen times"

"Oh - you poor feet " says the other !!


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

If you don't start making more sense, we'll have to put you in a home.

It doesn't need to be rude to be funny and that was neither :roll: :roll: 

We shall have to change your name to Seaman Staines too if you don't change you F/C signature.


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

So what are you saying, you old git?

My jokes are too rude?

If you didn't get the last one, it's you who should be in a home!

Well, I thought it was amusante.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Listen you old "sailer" I got the joke you didn't post, like it was a house, why not use the downstairs room to save all those stairs, you need to think these things through before posting your gibberish.


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

It was a rented room, maybe it was the only one available. Sheesh! :roll:


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Why not a bangalow then  


That started out as a typo, but I left it as it was better than my other reply which I have already forgotten.


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## Matchlock (Jun 26, 2010)

The first joke could be true! reminds me of when I had the snip, felt like my throat was being torn out.

Barry


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## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

Have you two been barred from Fruitcakes?


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

nicholsong said:


> Have you two been barred from Fruitcakes?


I hope not, Geoff. If that happened, I'd have to spend more time on here, and I'm sure none of the inmates here would want that. (No need to answer that btw! :lol: )


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

Have you forgotten the welcome you got on here when you made alreadyyour first tentative post on here already.

I'm gutted.

Ignore the jealous ones, they know not from whence you came.


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

Ah, but I was a nice young lad in those days. I've turned into a rancid old Fruitcake since then and my behaviour is clearly not to be trusted any more.


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## rayrecrok (Nov 21, 2008)

> tugboat"]Ah, but I was a nice young lad in those days. I've turned into a rancid old Fruitcake since then and my behaviour is clearly not to be trusted any more.


Hey up.

It was my twatting thread that lured you in :wink: .

ray.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Enough 

What are you on about

I've got my hat on

You are all completely hopeless

But I love you    

Aldra


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

rayrecrok said:


> > tugboat"]Ah, but I was a nice young lad in those days. I've turned into a rancid old Fruitcake since then and my behaviour is clearly not to be trusted any more.
> 
> 
> Hey up.
> ...


And a damned fine thread it was too! :lol:


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## tugboat (Sep 14, 2013)

aldra said:


> Enough
> 
> What are you on about
> 
> ...


Yeah, well, you seem to love everyone, Sandra.

If you were a bit more discerning, and discarded some of the riffraff like 747 and that hopeless Barry, there'd be more of you for the worthy recipients like me.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I love you too Tuggy 

It's how I am

Heathcliffe well he is just a lovely dream, he didn't live up to the reality

That wet tea-shirt clinging to that belly, but oh he sets my heart a flutter

Barry is my Toyboy

Come on at 70 I need a toyboy 8O 

The others including you are just beautiful

I have no longer the energy 

But you all set my heart a flutter

I need my heart to flutter  

Just so I know it still works

Aldra


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