# To anyone who is suffering this Christmas



## Phil42 (Apr 4, 2006)

I just want to send my sympathy and hopes for some better times. You might be ill yourself or it might be someone you love. If you feel like replying, it's not necessary to say what your problem is, though you are of course welcome to share this.

We have been living with my wife's developing dementia for 12 years and this Christmas has been the most depressing we've ever spent.

I have had some amazing support from MHF members over the past couple of months and I'd like others to be aware of what a great benefit this can be.

Phil


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## seamus51 (Dec 25, 2011)

I just joined the forum tonight full of enthusiasm about my new motorhome and to use these few minutes browsing the site as an excuse to escape the noisy turmoil of family life going on downstairs this Xmas Day. I don't know why I read your post but it was a good reminder to me that we musn't ever take things for granted and to grab life with both hands and embrace those close to us while we can. I feel sadness that your Xmas has been depressing and send you my very best wishes.


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## Phil42 (Apr 4, 2006)

Yes, I'm so glad that I persuaded Sue to get our van in 2006. I'd had a more basic VW camper when I first met her and in the two vans and particularly the new one we've had some memorable holidays.

Do it today. Who knows what tomorrow will bring?

Phil


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## Kev1 (Apr 4, 2011)

Hi Phil
Nothing I can say
cept chin up.
Good friends and family help.
and somewhere to blow off now an then
Kev


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## teemyob (Nov 22, 2005)

*Dementia*

We had my Mum and then my Step dad with Dementia. Was hard work and depressing, but had the odd funny moment.

Chin up Phil.

TM


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

Hang on in there Phil.

Our philosophy since getting the van is just get out there and do it - we already have so many wonderful memories.

We can't emphasise enough the importance of doing it _now_ - you never know what's round the corner.


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## rosalan (Aug 24, 2009)

They may be few and far apart but try and bring a focus onto even the smallest positive or funny moment. It is you that needs the strength. When it comes to re-living the moments you have just been going through, anything to lighten your moments can help to extend your patience.
Like many others we are aware of your situation but cannot feel your pain.
Mother-in-law who was never easy, still looks to be the same person but has gone through phases of bad language (totally out of character) to not knowing or understanding anything, to lashing out with a fist if my wife gets too close.
By necessity, she was moved first into a care home and then into a last home where her 24 care cannot be faulted. She knows nobody now and requires total care.
The greatest pain for my wife is the 120 mile drive to see her, as she is homed nearer to her two sons and old home background.
Have strength and try and keep positive.
Regards
Alan


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## Phil42 (Apr 4, 2006)

The messages of support are great. I was hoping the thread might provide the opportunity for others who haven't thought of sharing their pain to do so and receive similar support. I guess the people who are feeling really down now aren't browsing the forums.

Phil


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## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

Phil42 said:


> I guess the people who are feeling really down now aren't browsing the forums. Phil


Or maybe they don't find it easy to talk about their problems Phil?

They know the support is here if they need it, which is one of the best things about MHF.

Your advice is 100% accurate . . . "_Let's do it now, while we still can_" is a phrase that creeps into our conversations more and more frequently as we get older.

Dave


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## Suenliam (Mar 22, 2006)

Problem is it's only when you have loved someone that you feel so sad when they are gone either literally or figuratively. It's so difficult (but necessary) to try to remember the good times and smile at the memory.

Somehow Christmas makes it more difficult though. 

Written through experience. 

Sue


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## ChrisandJohn (Feb 3, 2008)

Phil, I noticed how supportive you were of Chris (Codfinger) when he posted about his stomach pain. You bumped the thread a few times so that more people would notice it and give their support. You are clearly a caring person with enough compassion for others in addition to the obvious love and care you give to your wife.

I'm sorry this has been a difficult Christmas for you but I'm glad you felt able to tell us that. It doesn't surprise me that you've also been thinking of others who are having a hard time.

I've read your blog a few times and like the way you reflect on and try to understand the processes you and your wife are going through because of her illness. Your affection and patience come through clearly. I'll look to see if you've written anything since my last visit. Perhaps you could remind us on here when you've posted something.

I hope you soon have some positive and hopeful experiences alongside the challenges that you'll no doubt continue to face. I hope 2012 is good to you and that you have people around you that care for and support you.


best wishes


Chris


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## mygalnme (Jul 12, 2009)

Hi Phil, I have some idea what you are going through, My Mum had dementia and I lost her last Christmas,can,t believe its coming up to a year on 28th and the day before had the best day ever when I think she was saying goodbye. It still hurts but I think we can now think more of the good times than bad. Chin up knowing people care does help
Margaret


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## Phil42 (Apr 4, 2006)

Just rebooting this thread because our situation has improved considerably since I started it this time last year. I was desperate then and could only see things getting worse, as seems to be the case with this cruellest of diseases.

If there is anyone out there who is feeling like I was last year, I hope that there may be better times for you in the coming year,

My wife still has dementia of course, and life will never be the same again for us, but even by April I was able to record significant improvements:

Improvements

My best wishes to all who offered support last year and to all those who are not able to enjoy the 'festive season' because of their circumstances. I hope they will see a better future.

Phil


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## janet1 (Feb 10, 2012)

Can I send you my best wishes also, to you and your wife. I have no experience of dementia but this is just to let you know there are lots of people on here for you. 

God's blessings on you both this Christmas and for the coming year.

Janet1


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Oh, Phil you had me so worried as I did not notice the date

Last time we spoke things were so much better, and it seems they still are
Have a lovely Christmas with your family

Just catching a breather as they are all at the pub

Meal more or less ready

Sandra


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## Phil42 (Apr 4, 2006)

Sorry to worry you Sandra.

We've just been to see S's dad, 87 and has a few health problems. He was very down last week but cheerful today - though he doesn't really like Xmas. Interestingly, he probably had a bladder infection last week but would not see doc about it, despite granddaughter bullying him. He was apparently very confused but certainly not so today. Just another one of those ailments that can cause those worrying symptoms.

I'll never forget what you told me last year, that we'd probably have plenty more good MH trips. You were right, even though at the time I couldn't believe it. Already got a few ideas for next year.

Have a great day.

Phil


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