# And another thing, toilets.



## raynipper

Why is it some toilet seats don't stay up when blokes lift em.??
Because the lady of the house rules with a rod of iron and it's low priority.!! Even when the man of the house gets told don't pee on the seat??
Sad innit. I occasionally use a loo in friends houses and can see immediately why the toilet seat won't stay up. Of course I make a big song and dance about when I return to the fray.
Not only will both our seats stay upright but the main one will stay at any angle cos I adjusted the bolts to squeeze the hinges in slightly.

Blokes, assert yer rights.!!!

Ray.


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## Drew

I always sit down for a wee, it saves me from having to wash the the bathroom floor.


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## erneboy

Surely when outdoors every bloke in France just whips it out and has a piddle pretty much wherever they are Ray? Toilets seem largely unnecessary there to me.


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## raynipper

We are not all built alike Drew. Some need to stand to fully empty or keep going.
Yes Alan, outside it's common in France. And why not as it saves a valuable 'resource'. In fact with this drought we are experiencing washing up water is thrown onto plants.

But thats not the issue here. It's life education like always putting the lid down when finished and washing hands.

Ray.


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## barryd

Drew said:


> I always sit down for a wee, it saves me from having to wash the the bathroom floor.


Surrender monkey!


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## caulkhead

erneboy said:


> Surely when outdoors every bloke in France just whips it out and has a piddle pretty much wherever they are Ray? Toilets seem largely unnecessary there to me.


Very true Alan! Unfortunately it seems to be catching on over here....:frown2:


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## erneboy

I'm going to be in Lincoln later on this week. I'll give it a go and see how I get on.


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## jiwawa

Don't do it Alan - you mightn't be allowed a smartphone in jail, and we'd miss you!


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## erneboy

Funny you should say that Jean.

Just got out of the Police Station. The duty solicitor says I could get two years. Apparently it's considered rather naughty to piddle on the lawn of Lincoln City Hall. I did my best French accent but it didn't help.

I'll have to abscond to Spain pdq now. Still I was going there anyway, via France luckily so I'll wait and have my next al fresco piddle there where it's properly appreciated.


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## dghr272

Drew said:


> I always sit down for a wee, it saves me from having to wash the the bathroom floor.


Yeah but..............


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## nicholsong

raynipper said:


> *Why is it some toilet seats don't stay up when blokes lift em.??*
> Because the lady of the house rules with a rod of iron and it's low priority.!! Even when the man of the house gets told don't pee on the seat??
> Sad innit. I occasionally use a loo in friends houses and can see immediately why the toilet seat won't stay up. Of course I make a big song and dance about when I return to the fray.
> Not only will both our seats stay upright but the main one will stay at any angle cos I adjusted the bolts to squeeze the hinges in slightly.
> 
> Blokes, assert yer rights.!!!
> 
> Ray.


The answer is that the plumbing was installed when the cisterns were high-level and the toilet drain was positioned accordingly.

Later the toilet was fitted with a low-level cistern behind the toilet and the drain was not re-positioned, so the cistern now blocks the lifting space of the seat.

Not a lot of people know that - or want to know.

Geoff


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## Pudsey_Bear

50/50, I don't mind sitting and pop my tail between my legs, not first thing mind, I don't do acrobatics. tend to stand in the middle of the night though or I'd nod off and end up in a right old pickle.

On the subject, shake or wipe?


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## Pudsey_Bear

erneboy said:


> I'm going to be in Lincoln later on this week. I'll give it a go and see how I get on.


Visit the cathedral if you get chance, you can park quite near, it is a spectaclear place.


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## Pudsey_Bear

dghr272 said:


> Yeah but..............


Saved that for next time he takes the wassaname out of me > >


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## raynipper

nicholsong said:


> The answer is that the plumbing was installed when the cisterns were high-level and the toilet drain was positioned accordingly.
> Later the toilet was fitted with a low-level cistern behind the toilet and the drain was not re-positioned, so the cistern now blocks the lifting space of the seat.
> Not a lot of people know that - or want to know. Geoff


I would agree with your assessment Geoff possibly in the last century. But in todays world or last 40+ years new bathrooms complete have been all the rage.
So I doubt many Original Burlington's or Shire pans are still around. Yes the soil pipe limits the positioning of the loo but low level cisterns are now much slimmer also.

Anyway, back to the point. Depending on who wears the trousers so to speak, the problem will remain or get fixed.

Ray.


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## Pudsey_Bear

Aye Ray, if things don't change, they'll stay the same.

Get one of them there Japanese loos where it squirts warm water at yer 4rse, then dries it, they might struggle after a good curry though.


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## raynipper

Only wanna 'P' Kev not a bloody Jacuzzi.

Ray.


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## powerplus

hay kev

it says massage on it

i wander what that in tails they did not show that one i dont think

barry


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## Pudsey_Bear

Nah don't Pee in the Jacuzzi Ray, I believe it's now frowned upon in some circles.


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## Pudsey_Bear

powerplus said:


> hay kev
> 
> it says massage on it
> 
> i wander what that in tails they did not show that one i dont think
> 
> barry


Hmm, some might need to go again after this:nerd::smile2::grin2::wink2:


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## 747

We have just had the house modernised by the Council. They fitted a toilet seat to the bucket and put a new nail in the backyard wall to hang the tin bath on.


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## erneboy

Luxury.


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## aldra

Pee in the bushes 

We girls can pee in a bowl in the toilet 

And empty it in the bushes 

Saves toilet space when travelling 

Lets get priorities right 

Need more liquid in the toilet .?

Use a bit of water 

Or for older ones a bit of night pee will suffice

Sandra


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## raynipper

Whats that gotta do with the seat staying up?...….. or not?

Ray.


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## aldra

Stays up less if your not peeing in it :grin2:

That’s if you remember to lift it first 

And put it down 

Sandra


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## raynipper

Typical...………………………………… !!!

Ray.


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## patp

Chris always asks why he has to put it down. Why don't I lift it up when I am finished he says?


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## Pudsey_Bear




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## dghr272

Kev_n_Liz said:


>


Ah, but Kev you forgot Rule 1.

Terry


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## Pudsey_Bear

I can't do that Terry, I'm afraid I find the water too cold, and deep.


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## JanHank

A serious note :serious:
We had a new toilet seat fitted by a plumber :grin2:, don't ask why we needed a plumber :grin2: coz its a long story.
Anyway up when he had gone I said "he's fitted the wrong seat, it doesn't fit the loo at all". My resident handy man immediately saw the problem, undid the fixings, refitted and its now fitting properly.
Only way to get a proper job done here is to do it yourself, mostly.


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## Pudsey_Bear

JanHank said:


> A serious note :serious:
> We had a new toilet seat fitted by a Plummer, don't ask why we needed a Plummer coz its a long story.
> Anyway up when he had gone I said "he's fitted the wrong seat, it doesn't fit the loo at all". My resident handy man immediately saw the problem, undid the fixings, refitted and its now fitting properly.
> Only way to get a proper job done here is to do it yourself, mostly.


Was his name Christopher ?


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## JanHank

:grin2: :grin2:

But it is a drummer.


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## raynipper

We have sacked/despatched more plumbers than any other tradesman. They always want to do it their way and you are left with their ideas.
I just gotta ask Jan. Why a plumber to fit the wrong seat?

Ray.


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## JanHank

raynipper said:


> I just gotta ask Jan. Why a plumber to fit the wrong seat?
> Ray.


*No ducky, the right seat fitted wrongly.*
Reason for PLUMBER, its an invalid toilet, we don't like sitting on the floor :laugh:
and to be an invalid you have to have a lot of money, for the price of the seat you could buy an ordinary toilet. 
There´s a variety of Duravit seats and as we didn't know which one to order off the internet(no numbers to be found) and as he was coming to fix the central heating we asked the PLUMBER if he would get us a seat, it turned out to be cheaper than the internet price, but silly bloke fitted it too far forward so it didn't fit until Hans looked, saw the problem, undid it and realigned it with the loo. Told you it was a long story, serves you right for not reading my first post proper. >


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## jiwawa

I've been sorting the doco that came with the van last year.

The official Thetford User Manual tells me "This toilet has an integrated sewing system,...." 

The mind boggles!


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## raynipper

Is that 'chewing' system Jean.?
Friends in the Dordogne still on a fosse have a label on the toilet lid saying...……………..
"Please do not put anything down the loo that hasn't been chewed"

Ray.


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## jiwawa

Oh dear! But very straightforward - I can never work out whether the signs in Spain not to put anything down the toilet includes soiled toilet paper....

My manual meant to say "sewage system"! (I think!)


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## aldra

raynipper said:


> Is that 'chewing' system Jean.?
> Friends in the Dordogne still on a fosse have a label on the toilet lid saying...……………..
> "Please do not put anything down the loo that hasn't been chewed"
> 
> Ray.


Most things apart from the paper

Have been chewed

Even the liquids have been processed

Sandra:grin2:


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## nicholsong

raynipper said:


> Is that 'chewing' system Jean.?
> Friends in the Dordogne still on a fosse have a label on the toilet lid saying...……………..
> "Please do not put anything down the loo that hasn't been chewed"
> 
> Ray.


Chewed wine eh?


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## aldra

No that counts as liquids 

Sandra


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## aldra

No, that counts as liquids

Sandra


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## aldra

It double counts as liquids :grin2::wink2::grin2::wink2:


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## raynipper

I was waiting for some smart 'person' to ask if the paper has to be chewed...……………….. give it time.

Ray.


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## Spacerunner

Get a soft close toilet seat. Then for a bit of excitement start it closing and see if you can finish peeing before it closes.


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## raynipper

Or stretch clingfilm over the bowl and wait...………

Ray.


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## Pudsey_Bear

Sika flex the whole lot shut


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## nicholsong

raynipper said:


> I was waiting for some smart 'person' to ask *if the paper has to be chewed.*..……………….. give it time.
> 
> Ray.


And whether before or after its use.

[And all this before Sunday Lunch:surprise:]


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## Pudsey_Bear

Yuk, naughty step for you Geoff.


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## nicholsong

Kev_n_Liz said:


> Yuk, naughty step for you Geoff.


But first you have to find me. I am like Macavity - never to be found at the scene of the crime.

But for a clue I am now parked in another 'Quintessential English Village' opposite the Church and its green on one side and a cottage on the other, but owned by absent MEP, so no intrusion.

But even if you find it, Macavity will not be there.

[Tomorrow the sequel - 'Macavity flees the country']


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## Pudsey_Bear

Ah yes the well know duo, Ben Madoon, & Phil Macavity.


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## raynipper

Just been to the vast new multi million Euro Leclerc supermarket in Valognes and thought I would visit the loo.
Auto soap, water and drying but no bloody seat.!

Ray.


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## Matchlock

raynipper said:


> Just been to the vast new multi million Euro Leclerc supermarket in Valognes and thought I would visit the loo.
> Auto soap, water and drying but no bloody seat.!
> 
> Ray.


Hover job then!


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## Pudsey_Bear

Can't even see the holes for a seat, dumb frogs.


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## patp

Soon be back to that hole in the ground


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## raynipper

'They' say it's more hygienic. But it's definitely a hover job.
This one was fairly recent on a motorway services.
Ray.


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## aldra

It’s hygenic because it can be washed with a hose

No nooks and crannies 

For bacteria to hover 

Thinking of removing mine :grin2:

Not sure how to get rid of the water once I’ve hosed them down though 

Sandra


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## patp

The public toilets in our local town are pressure washed. There is a central drain. Everything in there is stainless steel. It seems a good idea to me. There is a seat but not sure what it is made of. I expect they pressure wash that too and replace it every so often.


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## raynipper

Bring yer own...….like the Germans.

Ray.


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## nicholsong

Ray


Is this your new, rather unusual hobby, of photographing public toilets?


I take it the French plumber has still not turned up at home.:wink2:
Geoff


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## dghr272

And the Yanks do it differently too.

http://www.lostinthepond.com/2013/07/6-major-differences-between-british-and.html#.W5PohdHRahA

Terry


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## raynipper

nicholsong said:


> Ray
> Is this your new, rather unusual hobby, of photographing public toilets?
> I take it the French plumber has still not turned up at home.:wink2: Geoff


You would be surprised at what pics I take Geoff. Got a cracker of Basia but sadly you don't come out to chipper.

Ray.


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## nicholsong

raynipper said:


> You would be surprised at what pics I take Geoff. Got a cracker of Basia but sadly *you don't come out to chipper.*
> 
> Ray.


Not surprising as I hate having my photo taken.


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## aldra

So do I 

When I die

There won’t be any photos of me 

They will need to relie on memory

Sandra


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## JanHank

Haven't you undone the two fixings and adjusted the seat yet Raymond.?


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## raynipper

Refresh my memory please Jan. Been away and not getting any notifications.

Ray.


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## JanHank

*Instruction for adjusting a toilet seat.*

Here ya are Raymond, full video instructions, a think I could even manage to do this job.

I love his accent.


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## raynipper

Thanks Jan.
First my toilet seat needs no adjustment, it's the others.
Second not all toilet seat fixings are as in the video.
Had another seat oddity while away this week. Trying to put seat up or down and the lid followed with a bang. Great at 2am.

Ray.


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## dghr272

*Watch where you step !*


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## JanHank

Very clever, I wonder how many have fallen for it :grin2:


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## Pudsey_Bear

JanHank said:


> Here ya are Raymond, full video instructions, a think I could even manage to do this job.
> 
> I love his accent.


That bloke is normally very good, I've watched a lot of his videos, but this time he has it wrong, he makes the reassembly more difficult, he should have screwed the rods back into the seat, then offered it up to see if it was ok in that position and if so poked the rods down through the holes in the loo and then put the rubber washer and plastic nut back on.


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## dghr272

JanHank said:


> Very clever, I wonder how many have fallen for it :grin2:


Being reported as a toilet in a bar I would imagine quite a few. Big surprise for guys who try to pee down it.:surprise:

Terry


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## dghr272

JanHank said:


> Very clever, I wonder how many have fallen for it :grin2:


Being reported as a toilet in a bar I would imagine quite a few. Big surprise for guys who try to pee down it.:surprise:

Terry


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