# Understanding the Male



## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

*WE BLOKES ARE SIMPLE SOULS REALLY!*​
*A few basic guidelines to help the lovely ladies understand how we boorish, insensitive males are genetically programmed to think*

1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl If it's up, put it down. 
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching about you leaving it down.

2. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!

3. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

4. Saturday = Football. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

5. Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys feargetting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

6. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

7. Crying is blackmail.

8. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

9. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.

10. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

11. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

12. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

13. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

14. Check your oil! Please.

15. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

16. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us
to act like soap opera guys.

17. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We refuse to answer.

18. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

19. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

20. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. 
Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

21. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

22. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

23. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

24. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is, and as for Puce?

25. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

26. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

27. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

28. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

29. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
Really.

30. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, or Top Gear.

31. You have enough clothes.

32. You have too many shoes.

33. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're saying anyway.)

34. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together.
No, it doesn't matter which quiz.

35. BEER is as exciting for us as hand bags are for you.

37. I am in shape. ROUND is a perfectly good shape.


----------



## tokkalosh (May 25, 2006)

Like it Zebedee, 

Strange how much all men are alike, good job we women are around to create some variety and interest :roll:


----------



## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

tokkalosh said:


> Like it Zebedee,
> 
> Strange how much all men are alike, good job we women are around to create some variety and interest :roll:


Can't argue with that Tricia.

Wouldn't dare to either! :roll:


----------



## 103345 (Mar 11, 2007)

Good lord Zeb....Have you been talking to my husband???? :wink: 
Annie


----------



## Zebedee (Oct 3, 2007)

kittle said:


> Good lord Zeb....Have you been talking to my husband???? :wink:
> Annie


No comment!

You don't expect me to rat on a fellow chap do you? 8O 8O


----------



## 103345 (Mar 11, 2007)

That's right...close ranks!! You don't play rugby by any chance?
Regards
Annie


----------

