# Just in case



## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

In case anyone is wondering what's going on with me :grin2:.

I am very slowly emptying the workshop of a lot of treasures / rubbish.
Today I earned 75.40€ from copper, brass and other metal bits :smile2:
Can´t remember if I told you the small lathe has gone to our little mechanic and the farmer across the road bought all the Triton woodwork stuff. There is so much more to sell, for instance a tig welder, an ordinary welder. a generator, car roof box and roof rack, a mobility scooter (left to Hans by an old friend in England and Hans never had the heart to sell it.) Shades ramp and the biggest headache, the Student lathe with all the attachments. There´s also his precision measuring tools, micrometers of every size, and other things I forget the names of for the minute, but who uses them these days.

My plan for the future is to move down to Heike´s area, Rheinland Pfalz where I will be closer for France and Spayne where you people seem to go mostly so maybe I will meet some of you while I'm there.

Next Friday Heike will be here on the train, we will stay until about 3-5th October and then I will go back with her in the Navajo, how long I will stay I am not sure, but in February there is a plan that I meet the Laddie in Luxembourg and he will guide me through France into Spain, but it´s not a plan written in stone.
The farmer across the road has shown interest in buying the house, depending on the price of course, I will get it valued and then we will see what he says, it would save me a lot of worry and trouble if he does buy it, sold before put on the market, not many can boast of that.

It´s still hard to believe, but I must.


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## dghr272 (Jun 14, 2012)

Good on you Jan, always knew you were a tough [old] oops young bird, would be great if you got to Spain to link up.

Jeez, if Jean and you linked up ...... wow two tough broads, us guys won't stand a chance.

Go girls !!

Terry


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## erneboy (Feb 8, 2007)

Best of luck with it all Jan.


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## Kaytutt (Feb 5, 2013)

such a brave and strong lady


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

So glad to hear you're working through it all Jan - it's a hard road and you're coping really well.

Who's the laddie? - is that blu? 

Terry, I'm still trying to figure if that's a compliment!!


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Yes Jean, blu has been my strength for 3 weeks in more ways than getting heavy stuff down from the loft :laugh: 
Just having him to talk back to me when I felt, oh you know how I felt better than anyone. It´s not easy, but I keep telling myself it is how it is and I must make a new life for myself, a new life in a new place, if I stay here I will never recover, we chose this place and built the house for us, without him it won't be the same. Maybe we made the mistake of building our lives around each other, but at the time that was what we wanted, not really thinking of what would happen when one was left alone. I'm not really tough you know, but determined to get through this awful time.

By the way, I'm not getting email notices, I didn't know you had all answered my thread, I've been watching "Goodnight Sweetheart" I have the whole series on a hard drive :grin2:


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

You are an inspiration Jan! I have been wondering how you are getting along so do keep the updates coming.

I am so glad that you have a plan. Nothing worse than being all at sea. It sounds like a good plan too.

Fingers crossed that the farmer comes good on the sale of the house as that will save you such a lot of hassle. 

I wonder if there are charities that would like the engineering tools to give to people in third world countries?


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

If you know of one Pat do let me know :laugh:


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Just had a little google and found this - http://opensourcemachinetools.org/wordpress/

Not exactly what you are looking for but they might point you in the right direction?


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

I will look later, thanks.


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

JanHank said:


> It´s not easy, but I keep telling myself it is how it is and I must make a new life for myself


I think you've crossed the 1st massive hurdle Jan. Not at all easy, but you're heading in the right direction.

And I can confirm... There WILL be good times ahead, tho it might be hard to see right now.

I think your Hans was like my Michael and would be so proud of you. I often feel he's with me on my motorhoming travels (Michael, that is!) and that's why, tho I'm solo, I don't feel alone.

Sending a big hug, and maybe one day we WILL meet up on MH travels.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Well you won’t see this

You won’t see how proud I am of you Jan

And you won’t care 

You won’t know the fear I have of losing Albert with the new cancer

The affection I had of the dog whisperer 

Who I never met 

And many will stand between us

But do you remember girl

Once upon a time we were friends ?

And of course friends fall out forever 

So 

Blessings , I wish you all you would wish for yourself 

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

*Someone else may be interested in the house*

Gordon my little motor mechanic and a friend of his were here to move the roof box I want to sell into the garage AND I have another interested in the house ( his friend), he will come with his wife next week while Heike is here to have a look at it.


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## erneboy (Feb 8, 2007)

It's nice to have more than one person interested Jan. The temptation to sell to cheaply is hard to resist when you just want to sell a house.


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

That IS good news Jan. Fingers crossed.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

Today I have shi!tty news. I have been to the court to have Hans´s name removed from the house deeds ready for when I sell the house, no can do because he didn't leave a will (we thought this was not necessary for husband and wife when everything is in both names) wrong :frown2:
No children, no brothers or sisters, but would you believe they need proof his parents are dead.
I have his Mother Granted of probate will, but as his parents were divorced in 1945 we have not proof of his Fathers death, he was born in 1911 for goodness sake, but it has to be 110 years before the pronounce him dead without proof.
This means I cannot sell this house until proof is found. Marion has written a letter for me to the office of the last place he was known to be, but if he moved it will go on until the 110 years are up in 2021.


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## dghr272 (Jun 14, 2012)

JanHank said:


> Today I have shi!tty news. I have been to the court to have Hans´s name removed from the house deeds ready for when I sell the house, no can do because he didn't leave a will (we thought this was not necessary for husband and wife when everything is in both names) wrong /images/MotorhomeFacts_2014/smilies/tango_face_sad.png
> No children, no brothers or sisters, but would you believe they need proof his parents are dead.
> I have his Mother Granted of probate will, but as his parents were divorced in 1945 we have not proof of his Fathers death, he was born in 1911 for goodness sake, but it has to be 110 years before the pronounce him dead without proof.
> This means I cannot sell this house until proof is found. Marion has written a letter for me to the office of the last place he was known to be, but if he moved it will go on until the 110 years are up in 2021.


Seek your own legal advice Jan.

Terry


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

I think I would find a 'will'.

Ray.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

****ty news indeed! I do hope you find a way through.

Over here we can search the death (Birth, Marriage and Death) records. It is much easier if you know the approximate date and the place of death of course!


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

raynipper said:


> I think I would find a 'will'.
> 
> Ray.


How?

If its a self made will it all has to be written in your own hand and they have a sample of his signature.

*Terry*

I have a legal insurance and am going to se the insurance chap on Thursday, I will see what he advises.
There must be some way round it.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

*What I didn't say was*

After I had been home for about 5 mins I had a call from my niece on messenger, I then spoke on video with my brother who I haven´t heard from for ages other than a birthday card and hand written message, I told them all about it, they asked what I wanted to do now and I said, "I can´t come back to England, where would I go" and my niece piped in, "Here with us, I have a spare room" I laughed and thought no more of it, spoke to Paul for an hour or more and Helen comes and puts her head in the picture, "I mean it, there is a room here for you"


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

JanHank said:


> How?
> 
> If its a self made will it all has to be written in your own hand and they have a sample of his signature.
> 
> ...


Sometimes Jan it doesn't pay to open a can of worms and if they want square pegs just give em square pegs. I'm all for the simple route.

Ray.


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

JanHank said:


> After I had been home for about 5 mins I had a call from my niece on messenger, I then spoke on video with my brother who I haven´t heard from for ages other than a birthday card and hand written message, I told them all about it, they asked what I wanted to do now and I said, "I can´t come back to England, where would I go" and my niece piped in, "Here with us, I have a spare room" I laughed and thought no more of it, spoke to Paul for an hour or more and Helen comes and puts her head in the picture, "I mean it, there is a room here for you"


It's really lovely that they want to be caring and helpful,and it's incredibly generous of them.

But I'd think very carefully before committing.

It sounds like you don't have a great deal of contact with them; you're used to your own space and your own timetable. How would you cope with just a room of your own, and having to share the rest of the house? I bet you've some annoying habits, and so will they!!!

And what about Motley?

Of course, I'm seeing this from my own perspective and perhaps you're a more accommodating soul - actually, I think I AM fairly accommodating but I'd still hear very loud, clanging alarm bells over this, if it was me.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

jiwawa said:


> It's really lovely that they want to be caring and helpful,and it's incredibly generous of them.
> 
> But I'd think very carefully before committing.
> 
> ...


Steady on there gal, I haven´t even thought about going back to England Jean my plans are with Heike who I know better than I do them. It does of course give me a nice feeling inside that Helen even mentioned it. 
Everything will work out in the end, I don´t have to depend on the sale of the place to move on, I can be the owner of a summer and winter home :grin2: probably have young men chasing after me then >:laugh::grin2: 
What I *must* do is make a will.


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## erneboy (Feb 8, 2007)

Sorry to hear that Jan.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Even though everything is in joint names, Chris and I both have wills that we made ourselves with the help of Which? legal services. They were easy to do.

A little tale about my parents makes people smile. My dad never had any money. He liked a little gamble and that is what he spent any spare cash on so he thought it pointless to make a will. My mum though otherwise so she bought a diy will from W H Smiths for herself and one for him. He still showed no interest so she just got him to sign the bottom.
When he died she filled in the top part with " I leave all my worldly possessions to my wife Lilian"! The handwriting was obviously different but it worked for the purposes she needed i.e. just to smooth all the arrangements. I doubt it would have worked if there had been any large amounts to deal with.

How nice to have options of places to go Jan. Perhaps you could do some visits to your brother and Helen just so that they don't feel rejected?


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

Eggzackery Pat. I'm sure Hans old will could be 'found'. Which reminds me we should update ours as life changes.

Ray.


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## dghr272 (Jun 14, 2012)

JanHank said:


> raynipper said:
> 
> 
> > I think I would find a 'will'.
> ...


I'm sure they'll know of a way to trace him, people can rarely disappear without leaving a trail like tax info, military service, pension or social service records. Go armed with his full name and date of birth and any other personal details you may have.

Good luck.

Terry


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

In the States they say put Blockbuster on to the case! 

(Blockbuster is/was a huge video rental business)

Over here it would be the TV Licencing people.


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## dghr272 (Jun 14, 2012)

patp said:


> In the States they say put Blockbuster on to the case!
> 
> 
> 
> ...


We used a debt recovery agency who were really good at tracing debtors trying to disappear, albeit for a percentage of what they recovered.

Genealogists are another possible avenue to explore.

Terry


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

When I 'turned' 65 the Social Security found me in France for a small pension I was due. They had all my details from birth. All for £4.81 a year.

Ray.


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## dickydo (Jan 9, 2019)

Jan, I know nothing about you as I'm a member of another Forum but occasionally flick through other sites. It is pretty obvious that you have suffered a great loss by losing your husband, but if you carry on the way that you seem to be,you will make your husband proud of you
You can't do anything better than that and it will bring you peace in time and contentment

Take Care

Richard


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

dickydo said:


> Jan, I know nothing about you as I'm a member of another Forum but occasionally flick through other sites. It is pretty obvious that you have suffered a great loss by losing your husband, but if you carry on the way that you seem to be,you will make your husband proud of you
> You can't do anything better than that and it will bring you peace in time and contentment
> 
> Take Care
> ...


Thank you Richard, unfortunately its a would have not a will.
No way is it easy.


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

Actually I still think of my husband as being proud of me (in the here and now) as I tootle round the continent on my own.

I have no explanation, religious or otherwise, just a sense. And it pleases me; I find it comforting.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

It´s still hard for me to believe he is never coming home Jean. I hope being with Heike and Jürgen will help me get over that.
Today I was at the insurance office to put everything in just my name. Lutz, who has looked after all our insurances and more for many years shed a tear with me. I had to speak German, Lutz knows no English.
Next to put car and Navajo in my name.
How much more is there to do, its never ending.:frown2:


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

You are doing so well Jan. 

Of course some things could wait but sometimes it is therapeutic to sort them out and feel the sense of satisfaction it brings.


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

Yes, Jan, I dealt with probate myself but after a few months I just hit a brick wall - not that a particular thing was difficult; I just couldn't raise the energy to deal with it any more. It was another year or so before I could pick up the pieces again.

You will find your own rhythm.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

I´m running out of mental energy if you can understand that. Getting a booster tomorrow when Heike arrives :laugh:


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Yes you are running out of energy Jan

Short term

It will return even if it doesn’t feel like it now 

Slowly one step at a time Girl,

Sandra


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Jan

Can I ask you do you need to sell your home for future finance ?

Or because you can’t imagine living there alone without Hans ?

Of course I haven’t the same anxiety ....yet 

But every time albert is diagnosed with another cancer, my first thought is to sell the house 

Memories which are hurtful, a house too big , I’ll be lonely in spite of being surrounded by family 

But family will never be him , my soulmate as Hans is yours 

And my instinct is to escape the memories, start again 

And one daughter that I see rarely, as we don’t really see eye to eye with her husband , and I’m not really sure I see eye to eye with her 

Tells me , mum ,that house has raised us all, it holds your memories, and it holds mine 

It holds your grandkids and you can continue to live there 

And I’m probably out of line again

Forgive me 

I’m anxious at the moment 

Sandra


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

aldra said:


> Jan
> 
> _Can I ask you do you need to sell your home for future finance ?
> _
> ...


I need to sell the house to be able to move on and make a new life for myself.
After 3 months alone there I soon realised how lonely I was even though a few good people who are willing to help.
The house is to big, the garden is too big, I will be too lonely, it is too far for people to travel to visit me and my German is not good enough to manage all my affairs.
Heike and Jürgen we have known since 2000, when they knew how I felt they immediately said I should move in with them until I can find a place to live.

I cannot sell the house because we were given the wrong advice about not needing to make wills to each other as everything is in joint names, this was the wrong information and I now have to prove his Father is dead, his parents were divorced when he was 4-5 years old and Hans saw him a few times after that, but lost any contact years ago before they went to England to live.
The man was born in 1911 so had he lived would be 108, but they will not declare him dead until 110 which is 2 years time, even though his cousin knows he is dead she doesn't know where he died. I can´t go on for ever without selling the house especially if I have things like Navajo breakdowns too often, but for the present I am OK. The house can´t be left empty as many houses are when relatives can´t be found and the houses fall to bits. Our house does not deserve to be treated so, it knew only love and whoever lives there next will know it was a happy home. I will stay here for the winter, if we find a nice place for me it will be a bonus, but in the meantime we are very welcome in this house. In summer I can go home when I won´t feel so locked in during daylight hours and there are still lots of things to sell or throw out.
I will never escape memories wherever I go he is in my head and heart, what we did and places we went are stored and can´t be thrown away.
I am traveling roads we travelled together for many years of holidays here in Heike´s area.

Today we are off to the carpet shop to buy carpet for Motley, not just a piece but enough to cover a good bit of floor in each room, he can´t play on the slipper

y wooden floors. 
I´m not taking any risks, I am also going to make my last Will and Testament.:grin2: We will also ask the solicitor if there is anything more to do about finding where this man died to get confirmation.

What you tell us about Alberts condition, the treatment he is going to have doesn't sound terminal to me, I know it must be very worrying, but you have quite a large light burning at the end of this tunnel, just keep heading towards it. 
I will not tell you not to worry Sandra, I know myself that is an impossibility, but I do try to distract my thoughts during the day, its nights when I can´t turn my brain to nicer things or turn it off.


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Jan, is it likely that Hans' dad died in England? I think you said they moved here. If so it might be possible to trace the death certificate. I have traced all my elderly relatives' death certificates whilst doing my family tree. I did it through the GRO (General Register Office) website. If he has an unusual name it makes it easier.


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## JanHank (Mar 29, 2015)

patp said:


> Jan, is it likely that Hans' dad died in England? I think you said they moved here. If so it might be possible to trace the death certificate. I have traced all my elderly relatives' death certificates whilst doing my family tree. I did it through the GRO (General Register Office) website. If he has an unusual name it makes it easier.


No, they were divorced when Hans was 4-5 he moved th England with his Mother when he was 17 , she remarried.


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

Presumably the German system has the equivalent of the GRO? Certainly worth pursuing that.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Night time is my problem too Jan 

Worry and anxiety magnify 

I understand why you wish to move 

I’m hopeful Alberts cancer is not terminal Jan , but it is the third cancer he’s suffered

Melanoma need constant monitoring for metastasis and we haven’t managed 5 yrs without a reoccurrence yet, prostrate cancer hopefully will remain contained and now bowel cancer, the extent of which we won’t really know until the tumour and lymph nodes are removed in surgery 

It’s the size of the house and garden that worries me , we have someone coming tomorrow to cut the hedges , Alberts always done them but at 75 he’s getting a bit past it , he still has the Ivy to tackle 

We had to carpet our wooden floors for Ben when his back legs went, shadow manages ok as yet as he tends to skate across the floor and he’s always known wooden floors, having said that ive just purchased a very large rug to cover the dining room area so I don’t have to wash the floor ,it’s a highish traffic area and it will be easier to hoover it with the Dyson hand held which is brilliant 

I really hope you can sort out the house sale quickly and find somewhere special to live, surely Germany has some equivalent system to GRO I wasn’t aware you would need Hans fathers death certificate although to be fair I know nothing of the German system

My understanding of jointly held finances just allows you to access monies jointly held without waiting for probate


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

Nearly every widow that we know has ended up moving house. In fact I can't think of one that hasn't. Sandra, you should not listen to your grandkids. They want to hang on to the good memories and that is understandable. Anyone widowed should be supported to do what is right for them. This may mean to downsize or to move to a new area or just to leave the previous life behind.


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

Half the widows here in France have returned to be minders for the grandkids in UK and the other half are still enjoying life and the freedoms here after a while.

Ray.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

It’s not only for my sake I think of moving house 

If I go first this house would also be too much for Albert 

I know jan loves her house and garden and I understand why she would move closer to friends 

I guess even if both of a couple are in reasonable health ,old age begins to suggest downsizing to something more manageable, and it would be easier if there is two of us 

It’s partly the familiarity of my home and garden and the horrendous upheaval it will take to strip it down for selling that makes me hesitate 

Anyway now isn’t the time healthwise for either of us to make a move 

Sandra


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

We moved from the family home to an apartment just 6 months before my husband died.

He felt as if a great burden had been taken off his shoulders that he hadn't even realised he was carrying. Everything was just more easily managed.

Having said that, we didn't sell our family home but rented it out. My husband wasn't greatly involved in the travails of getting either house ready - and I have to say it was VERY hard work, but well worth it.

I now have a small, easily-maintained apartment that I can up and leave without worry. 

We didn't move far - still in the same 'village' (now subsumed by greater Belfast) and I'm not sure how successful it would have been if we'd moved away.

I would agree with Pat that, although your children and grandchildren will have ties to the old house, that isn't a reason to keep you there. They will keep their memories wherever you are.


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

We all have our reasons and wants when one is left on their own. What suits one partner might not suit the other.
I would stay here if left on my own and employ a gardener but my wife would high tail it back to UK as she could not cope with the French bureaucracy. But as many have said bureaucracy has escalated in UK as well. 

I feel we are leaving it too late to downsize but with our differences of destination finding another property is never going to please us both. But like you Jean I feel our lives would be better with an apartment and the freedom it gives.

Ray.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

I really don’t think that was what she meant

My kids and grandkids adore Albert 

More than they adore me

He just is the one , that partners also adore 

And I guess they also adore me

Because I cook and feed them, although much less now 

But defer to Albert when it comes to family, because I still don’t know what family is, how can that be?

Can lack of family as a child transverse all these years?

Me I’m much more outspoken 

He is more considered 

So they have an outspoken one and a considered one 

Sandra


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## patp (Apr 30, 2007)

You can start the process, slowly, now Sandra. 
When we decided to find a bungalow near a bus service for our old age, we had one day a week called "throwaway Thursday " where we just cleared out a cupboard or tidied the shed. Then we would have a trip to the charity shop, auction house or to the tip. Both of us found it surprisingly therapeutic at the time. We could also call on the other one to make that difficult decision.
There is a saying that goes along the lines of "if it does not fill you will joy every time you look at it and it is not in regular use then recycle it to someone else who will appreciate it".

As fate would have it our house sale fell through three times. Twice it fell through on the day we exchanged contracts. We were really convinced that we were moving out each time and so all clutter had gone! I have not missed one item that we "recycled".
Our house now feels like a place we choose to stay while we wait for the next chapter to begin.


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

patp said:


> ... we had one day a week called "throwaway Thursday
> 
> 
> 
> ...


The 'timed' activity certainly works for me. Especially if it regards housework!

I used to do the ironing while watching Cagney and Lacey. When the credits rolled I put away the ironing board whether I'd finished or not! Very liberating! (mind you, I don't do any ironing now, just press damp clothes down my front - that's even more liberating!)

I would also set the timer for, say, 10mins to tidy the kitchen. When the timer went, I was off. It certainly concentrated the mind and the 10mins was used to the full.

Nowadays life is not so hectic so I've got out of the habit. But I did use it when clearing the house.


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

We have done a major clear-out 

But as we have a big kitchen therefore lots of storage space I have a big selection of cooking utensils and crockery sets most of then 10 place settings from the time of large family meals 

Most I imagine will need to go

The loft is the next problem area although we did make a start on that........just never finished 

Fortunately it’s a boarded and plastered room, unfortunately it’s an ideal storage place 

I guess we need to start again ,I donate everything to an animal charity shop 

Unless friends and family want them 

Most are good enough to sell, but I’m not really into that 


Sandra


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Jean I iron bedding 

But I wash and fold it immediately it’s dry so ironing is a doddle 

Other clothes are dried on hangers, and then ironed by tossing them in the dryer , replaced on hangers whist still warm ......ironing done

I do iron his shirts though 

I find the use of fabric softener cuts down creasing , in fact I dampen a microfibre cloth with neat softener and toss that in the dryer with the dry clothes, works a treat 

Sandra


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## HermanHymer (Dec 5, 2008)

Jan, you'll be surprised how fast year one goes. I still keep thinking "I must tell S. about that" and then remember I can't in the literal sense. My house is still not sold so I'm still stuck behind the proverbial donkey cart on life's freeway. But I keep telling myself there's probably a very good reason that is not obvious to me yet (as in the value of the rand will soon increase by 20%) or maybe buying a house in the UK is not the right decision - it may be somewhere else yet to be dreamt of. It's not always easy to get motivated when on one's own and the autumn weather, which is positively arctic to me, is a bit uncomfortable. Tedious jobs like sorting paperwork, bills, insurance, bank stuff is hard to get started on. I'm at my best in company so I seek it out even if it just means talking to someone on the bus or in a cafe. I had a wonderful hour long chat with a woman I shared a table with in M&S cafe on Saturday. Talked about everything under the sun. Bottom line is there's no way back. It's a tunnel but there is light at the end, in fact there's light the whole way down the tunnel. It's one way and we have to go forwards, day by day, week by week.You can do it! We all can.


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## jiwawa (Jun 22, 2007)

HermanHymer said:


> Bottom line is there's no way back. It's a tunnel but there is light at the end, in fact there's light the whole way down the tunnel. It's one way and we have to go forwards, day by day, week by week.You can do it! We all can.


Ain't that the truth!

Where are you at the moment Viv?


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## aldra (Jul 2, 2009)

Yep Jan

We travel down a different tunnel 

As Viv says it’s one way, and no way back , but it is lit most of the time

Yours I feel is harder but you can and will do it 

Sandra


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