# Observations of men by women............



## gaspode (May 9, 2005)

A few one-liners to amuse you......................

WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?
(they don't have enough time)

A couple is lying in bed.
The man says,
'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world.'
The woman replies,
'I'll miss you.'

'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he steps out of the shower naked, 'darling, what would the neighbors think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.

Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
A: A rumour

Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough

Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

gaspode said:


> A few one-liners to amuse you......................
> 
> WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?
> (so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)
> ...


Who's side are you on then :?: :?: :?:

don't be giving the other species any more ammo.


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## bigbazza (Mar 6, 2008)

And just to balance the topic


Q:What do you tell a woman that has two black eyes?
A:Nothing- she has already been told twice

what do you do when your wife asks you to fix her watch? You don't- Theres a clock on the stove.


Q. Why did the woman cross the road? 
A. Who cares, what was she doing out of the kitchen?



Q. How many men does it take to open a beer? 
A. None, it better be open when she brings it to you. 



Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.



Why do men pass gas more than women?
Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.


What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.



Bigamy is having one wife too many. Some say monogamy is the same.



Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... Wedding cake.


The last fight was my fault. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" I said, "Dust!"


The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it
once.

Why dont women need to drive?
Because there isnt a road between the bedroom and the kitchen



Q. How do you make your wife scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her.


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

there is also...

How do you get rid of ten stones of ugly fat.





























































Divorce


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## bigbazza (Mar 6, 2008)

Who divorces who Kev?


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

bigbazza said:


> Who divorces who Kev?


Ahh, I could tell you but then I'd get hell from those with a ..........


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## hireme (Sep 10, 2010)

Or as I am fond of telling my wife.
" You'r going to enjoy this......didn't you.


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