# Golf in the Afterlife



## johnsandywhite (May 9, 2005)

A couple made a deal one night in their motorhome that whoever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife.

After a long life, the husband was the first to go, and true to his word, he made contact, Mary....Mary"

"Is that you Fred?"

"Yes, I've come back like we agreed."

What's it like?

"Well I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast, off to the golf course, I have sex. I bathe in the sun, then I have sex twice more. I have lunch, then another romp on the golf course, then sex for the rest of the afternoon.

After supper,golf course again. Then I have sex until late at night. The next day it starts all over again.

"Oh, Fred!! you surely must be in heaven!!!

Not exactly, I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Scotland.


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## 88781 (May 9, 2005)

Shortly after the Pope had apologized to the Jewish people for the
treatment of Jews by the Catholic Church over the years, Ariel Sharon, 
the Prime Minister of Israel sent a proposal to the College of Cardinals 
for a friendly game of golf to be played between the two leaders, or their
representatives, to demonstrate the friendship and ecumenical spirit 
shared by the Catholics and the Jews.

The Pope then met with his College of Cardinals to discuss the 
proposal.

"Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Sharon wants to 
challenge you to a game of golf to show that you are old and unable to compete. I am afraid that this would tarnish our image in the world."

The Pope thought about this and since he had never held a golf club in 
his life asked, "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?"
"None who plays golf very well," a Cardinal replied. "But," he added, 
"there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout 
Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, and then ask him to play Mr. 
Sharon as your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of
cooperation, we will also win the match. Everyone agreed that this was a
great idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and
he agreed to play as a representative of the Pope.

The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to
inform the Pope of the result. "This is Cardinal Nicklaus. I have some 
good news and some bad news, Holiness," said the golfer.

"Tell me the good news Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.

"Well, Your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I have 
played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I 
have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives 
were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting 
was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous."

"How can there be bad news?" the Pope asked.

Nicklaus sighed, "I lost by three strokes to Rabbi Tiger Woods." 

:wink:


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