# How do you deal with telephone cold callers ?



## spykal (May 9, 2005)

Hi

Being signed up to the Preference Service We only get a few of those unwanted calls and in the past we have not answered them ...as we have caller display, so if it said "number withheld" or "international" we usually ignored it. Lately though with the hospital and docs surgery calling using a "withheld" number and my son moving abroad we have had to answer them.

So now once I have established that it is someone selling something I often improvise a situation where instead of getting annoyed I get a little fun out of the call... I don't like just telling them to Pi.. Off as when all is said and done they are just folks trying to earn a living.

I have tried talking back in a pseudo foreign language ( wish I spoke a real one well enough) ...I have tried the silent treatment ...I just ask them to hang on as my wife will deal with the call. I have tried doing heavy breathing and a bit of moaning ( that ones seems to cause consternation!) but I am open to any other suggestions ....

So what do you all do when you get one of these calls? Has anyone come up with a really funny line to use?


Mike


----------



## GEMMY (Jun 19, 2006)

I treat them to the programme on tele whilst they are waiting :lol: 

tony


----------



## erneboy (Feb 8, 2007)

I just give them a burst of Spanish, so far I haven't encountered one who could reply. It will be a bugger when I do I suppose, Alan.


----------



## camallison (Jul 15, 2009)

German being my first language, guess which language I reply in.  

Colin


----------



## autostratus (May 9, 2005)

Although the temptation is there we try not to antagonise the caller.
Probably the 2 most frequent calls are:

1. We understand that someone in your household has had a motoring accident
to which we reply "I'm sorry but you have been misinformed" and then put the phone down.

2. We are ringing from Microsoft OR your computer has a virus or similar
to which we reply " Sorry, we have no computer" and put the phone down.


----------



## JohnandChristine (Mar 19, 2012)

We are ex directory, so my first reply is to ask 'where did you get this number from'.
Usually the reply is that a computer did it, so I say 'please remove it from your database or put a supervisor on'
Getting them to think of something different throws them off their script and its not long before they are gone.
If all else fails, I pretend to be deaf. 
Wasting their time repeating the same message is enough, and they run out of time and need to move on to the next victim


----------



## Drew (May 30, 2005)

Hi,

We have "True Call" fitted to our line, this stops all unwanted calls.

If a friend with a withheld number calls ask them to dial 1470 before they call you, there number will then appear on your telephone i.e. if you have their number programmed into your caller display.


----------



## daffodil (Aug 7, 2014)

Simples

blow a whistle very loudly near the phone it works PROMISE


----------



## HurricaneSmith (Jul 13, 2007)

We have caller display and just ignore nuisance calls. Real people leave a message.

To reinforce things, once I know a nuisance caller's number I simply add it to our presets with the name identified as "Spam." 8)


----------



## Boff (May 10, 2005)

Hi,

in both my previous and my present home country there are official Do-not-call registers. It is an offence to cold-call someone who has registered, and there is a hefty fine on it. Of course we are registered.

These registers are quite effective. But if a cold call comes nevertheless, I politely ask in the name of which company they are calling, the address, contact person etc. Usually they ask me then why I want to know this. I tell them that I am in the do-not-call register and need this information to report their company to the authorities so that they will be fined.

Normally, this leads to an abrupt end of the communication ...

However, if it is an obviously fraudulent call, e.g. "I am calling from Microsoft and want to remove a virus from your computer", I sometimes pretend to be stupid and do everything to extend the communication as long as possible. (Without giving the guy at the other end anything he wants, of course.)

But I have also been seen just slamming the phone down ...

Best Regards,
Gerhard


----------



## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

I ask them which organisation they represent.

I then tell them I have no relationship with that organisation. If they reply in anyway I ask them to send it in writing, if refused I hang up.

Only 10-20 secs. wasted.

Basia sometimes gives them more time than I.

A few months ago we had a call(not cold because it was from the existing mobile company) and resulted in a very good deal Europe-wide incl. data, which I have posted elsewhere. So not all these calls are a waste of time.

Geoff


----------



## peedee (May 10, 2005)

In a sing song voice when answering, "Wing Wong Chinese laundry" It usually takes them aback and I put the phone down if it is not anyone I know. Friends and relatives know it is the right number.

I also have been known to put the phone down and leave them talking to themselves.

peedee


----------



## caulkhead (Jul 25, 2007)

I usually say, in my normal voice, "I'm sorry I don't speak English". Some hang up at that point but if they continue I say, "I told you, "I DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH"!!! That's usually enough for them to hang up but obviously the persistent ones don't give up that easily so I hang up instead! Probably a bit unfair but it keeps me amused.......

Caulkhead


----------



## uncleswede (Apr 16, 2010)

We had a spate of the "Microsoft - there's a problem with your computer" calls last year. The caller ID always showed up as 'International, out of area' so, after the first couple of calls my wife and I agreed on a response to them which was...

"Good morning, Chelmsford police station. Sergeant Bradshaw speaking. How can I help?"

They immediately hung up  

After about three calls, with us giving the same response, we've had no more. Hopefully this means they have taken our number off their call list


----------



## pippin (Nov 15, 2007)

Oh - I do so merrily try to string them along, for my own amusement.

TWO cold calls this morning "We understand you have had a car accident."

"Yes, indeed I have". Upon which I was passed to a Supervisor - no less.

When asked the date of the accident I replied 30th February 2014.

It took ages before the penny dropped!

The second one I told them it had been a very serious accident with fatalities.

Again - passed up the chain to THE SUPERVISOR. 

When asked who had died I told them it was the driver.

When asked who the driver was I replied that it was me.

Pregnant pause then click and neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!

As for the computer ones - oh what joy! 

After letting them take me laboriously through how to switch on the computer to getting to the welcome screen I tell them that the view out of the Windows is beautiful.

I can virtually hear them consulting their prepared script for that one!

They are uninvited calls to I have no conscience about winding them up, wasting their time and having a laugh at their expense.


----------



## rosalan (Aug 24, 2009)

I am not quick thinking enough but my friend began to go along with the call but very gently at first, he began to proposition the man. It was sometime before he caught on and swore at my friend and the caller slammed down the phone. Winner!

I am getting really annoyed with these callers who are ringing my phone, uninvited. So like some others, I have little conscience when it comes to my reply.
As it happens, my granddaughter works at a call Centre but I have not asked her about the variety of responses; she was happy enough to get the job.

Alan


----------



## baldlygo (Sep 19, 2006)

We bought a telephone which gives a different ring for up to 5 groups of calling people but we only use one group to identify all our friends or known contacts. Then if it is not our known contacts it gives a different ring which we do not bother to answer - so goes to answer machine - cold callers never leave a message but just in case it is something important - messages can still be left for us.
The telephone is well known name, not expensive (almost cheap) and has excellent sound quality - it also allows exchange of caller details between handsets.

No more cold call disturbances for us 

Paul


----------



## homenaway (Jul 27, 2005)

Hi,

I normally state that we're on the Telephone Preference Register and they are committing an offence - can you give me your company details.

Sometimes they say they aren't selling anything so it's ok to call me  

and it doesn't apply to calls from abroad apparently.

Since we moved and changed phone number about 18 months ago they are only just getting our number on their lists but I would like to know who passes it around.

One person I know was asked "I would like to speak to your husband" 
She replied "So would I - but he died two years ago"

that ended the call.

Steve


----------



## an99uk (May 12, 2005)

Had a different call last week.
Message on the answer machine from a solicitor I had had dealings with a few years ago. They left a number urging me to contact them. Not having a clue what it was about I rang the number
It was the known solicitor who answered the phone, I was asked to hang on and would be put through to the correct extension. I hung on for a few seconds and was put through to someone called Tracy who proceeded to try and question me about a supposed PPI claim.
Turned out I had been transferred to be a third party company.

I was livid, not only was I conned into accepting a PPI claim firm but I PAID for the privilege. Grrrrr.......

I would defy anyone to ignore a call from a solicitor.
So beware, even legit numbers can sometimes be a con.


----------



## Landyman (Apr 3, 2010)

We are also registered with the Telephone Preference Service but still get sales calls, often dressed up as surveys.
When asked to take part in a telephone survey i.e. a sales call, I have been known to inform them that "as a self employed consultant I charge £250 per hour with a minimum charge of £100". (I wish)

When I tell them that I require payment in advance for a consultation they soon seem to get the message. :lol:

If they argue I tell them that they are asking me my views for their survey and so they should be prepared to pay for them.

Still waiting for the cheques to arrive.  

Richard.


----------



## Suzysetter (Jun 19, 2011)

I just say I am the cleaner and they cannot get off the phone fast enough!


----------



## peejay (May 10, 2005)

Hindsight is such a wonderful thing and I always think of something brilliant as a reply just after I've told them to sod off and slammed the phone down.

I think we should all be prepared and learn a little Unwinese for these situations. Remembly him?

Deep Joy 8)

Pete


----------



## bigtwin (May 24, 2008)

My two standard ones are:

1 - Crash Victim

Our records show you were in an RTA?

Yes.

Injuries?

Broken leg and Amnesia.

When was the accident?

2009.

Did you receive compensation?

Sorry who did you say was calling?

Injury claims Co.

Oh, ok.

Did you receive compensation?

I don't think so but to be honest, I can't remember

Sorry who did you say was calling.

Etc, etc

2 - Industrial Noise Injury*

Our records show you were an Engineer?

Yes

Did you work in a noisy environment?

Yes

Have you had any problems with your hearing?

Pardon

Have you had any problems with your hearing?

Sometimes I struggle a bit.

Have you been seen by a doctor?

I'm sorry you're going to have to speak up

HAVE BEEN SEEN BY A. DOCTOR?

I'm sorry this seems to be a bad line as I'm really struggling to hear you.

Etc, etc

Ian.*


----------



## Matchlock (Jun 26, 2010)

I just say No Thank You and hang up before they can answer back, don't get many but the ones I do don't seem to call back.

Barry


----------



## dovtrams (Aug 18, 2009)

My answering machine message and wonderful music usually puts them off. However, Seamus from microsoft called the other morning. I went through the play acting with him even though I was in another room from the laptop and at the end of 20 minutes be accused me of wasting his time when I told him my computer was not even switched on.

The TPS is as useful as a chocolate fire guard. Try complaining to them.

Dave


----------



## nickoff (Oct 11, 2005)

The missus just leaves the phone to ring out whereas I would rather pick up the phone and at least make them pay for the call. Because we have a number of friends and family living abroad I always pick up when the read out says its international. Mind I got a bit of a surprise yesterday. The phone rang and I answered it to be greeted by the dreaded "Mr.Bradley"? "Yeessss it is" I waited for the usual hard sell. Anyway it turned out to be the local vet informing us of the results of the cats blood test. I asked the lady why the call showed up as international. She told me that their out calls are diverted via America. ???????

Nick.


----------



## TheFlups (Nov 9, 2012)

Usually I turn into Jethro using my broadest Dorset accent and then ask them if they are interested in buying my 1963 Ford Cortina.

Usually they hang up as they can't get a word in edge ways...


----------



## nicholsong (May 26, 2009)

Richard

I do similar when accosted in the street. I ask them whether the company sells the information they are requesting, and if so ask for an explanation as to why they should not pay me for the information, since it is my information they are selling?

Strangely, we never usually get round to the price, but it only takes 10 secs.

Geoff

EDIT Of course it skews all these 'market resarches' and polls because they do not get opinions from us 'awkward squad' :lol: :lol: :lol:


----------



## trek (May 1, 2005)

been there done it all still pestered by them - but all lovely an quiet since a I bought a set of BT8500 telephones 

it filters out all of these calls before the phones ring in the house


----------



## Patrick_Phillips (Aug 17, 2006)

We are have a GiffGaff account and take out a deal called HokeyCokey for 5 pounds a month. This gives us 60 free minutes BUT they also add a minute for every minute spent talking to anybody other than GiffGaff who have called us!

This usually results in finishing each month with more free minutes than we started with so, in effect, we get all our calls for 5 pounds a month.

But it is a good feeling as we lead on the guy from Microsoft or the injury lawyer knowing that it is costing them and paying me!!!  

Patrick


----------



## spykal (May 9, 2005)

Just in case I don't get a chance to say it tomorrow.... Thanks for all the replies.

and I can't wait to try this.

Answer the caller with " what is the password" ...

The cold caller should be thrown by this and may ask why do I need a password.....that is when you tell him that this line is a high security GCHQ /MI6/ 10 Downing Street/Uncle/ Spectre line and the call is at this moment being traced.

Then ask again "do you have the password" .... apparently they usually hang up.


Mike


----------

