# The French Paratrooper



## rayrecrok (Nov 21, 2008)

Hi.

Two French paratroopers were seconded to the SAS for special training. After the first day they met up in the bar. 

"Ah, Pierre," asks one, "'ow 'av you been doing?" 

"Merde!" answers Pierre. "I 'av 'ad ze most terrible day. Terrible! At seex zis morning I was woken by zis beeg 'airy sergeant. 'E dragged me out of bed and on to ze parade ground." 

"And zen what 'appened?" 

"I will tell you what 'appened! 'E made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform five ft off ze ground and zen 'e said "Jurmp!" 

"And did you jurmp?" "I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp five feet. Eet is beneath my dignity'." 

"And zen what 'appened?" "Zen 'e made me climb urp zis seely leetle platform ten feet off ze ground, and 'e said "Jurmp." 

"And did you jurmp?" 

"I did not. I told 'im - 'I am a French paratrooper. I do not jurmp ten feet. Eet is beneath my dignity'." 

"What 'appened zen?" 

"Zen 'e made me climb urp zis rickety platform un 'undred feet above ze parade ground. 'E undid 'is trousers, took out zis enormous weely, and 
'e said 'If you do not jurmp, I am going to steek zis right urp your burm!'" 

"Sacre Bleu, mon ami. And did you jurmp?" 

"A leetle.......at ze beginning." :lol: :lol: :lol: 

ray.


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## 1943 (May 28, 2008)

Ray, you've done it again! Best joke I've heard for a long long while.

Bob


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## iandsm (May 18, 2007)

*Petal and Porky*

On a lovely bright warm summers day little girl is walking her little dog through the countryside when she meets the local vicar coming in the opposite direction.

The vicar said,"Hello little girl, what a lovely day, the sun is shining the flowers are out the butterflies are flitting prettily and all is well in God's world. What a pretty little girl you are, tell me what is your name?" The little girl replied, " My name is petal."

"That's an unusual name for a pretty little girl why are you called petal?" said the vicar. The Little girl replied, "When I was a baby and I had just been born my daddy took me in the garden and the wind blew a pink petal from rose which landed on my cheek, so he said he would name me petal."

The vicar said, "Oh What a pretty name for a pretty little girl and do tell me what is the name of your sweet little doggy?" The girl replied, "His name is porky."

The vicar said, "That's a very unusual name for sweet little doggy why is he called porky?"

The little girl replied, "Well, I live on that farm over there and we have lots of sheep and goats and cows and pigs and my little doggy loves them all but my daddy specially named him porky because he likes to **** the pigs".


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## rayrecrok (Nov 21, 2008)

Or.


Pierre, a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine . It's a beautiful day and love is in the air.
Marie leans over to Pierre and says, ' Pierre , kiss me!'

Pierre grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

'What are you doing, Pierre ?' says the startled Marie.

'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!'

She smiles and they start kissing.

Things began to heat up a little and Marie says, ' Pierre , kiss me lower.'

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and pours it on her breasts.

' Pierre ! What are you doing now?' asks the bewildered Marie. 

'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!'

She giggles and they resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up.

Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, ' Pierre , kiss me much lower!

'Pierre rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap.

He then strikes a match and lights the cognac on fire. 

Marie shrieks and dives into the River Seine.Standing waist deep, Marie throws her arms into the air and screams furiously, ' PIERRE , WHAT #@ DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?'

Our 'hero' stands and says defiantly, 'I am Pierre, the French fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!' :lol: :lol: :lol: 

ray.


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