# Tech support



## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly all true!!!! 
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Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? 



customer: A white one... 




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Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out. 
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button? 
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. 
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. 
Customer: No , wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry.... 

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Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. 
Customer: Your left or my left? 


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Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? 
Male customer: Hello... I can't print. 
Tech support: Would you click on 'start' for me and... 
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates. 


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Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... 


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Customer: I have problems printing in red... 
Tech support: Do you have a color printer? 
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you. 


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Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? 
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies. 


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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. 
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? 
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. 
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. 
Customer:! OK 
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? 
Customer: Yes 
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? 
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work... 


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Tech support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. 
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ? 


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Customer: can't get on the Internet. 
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? 
Customer:  Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. 
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? 
Customer: Five stars. 


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Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? 
Customer: Netscape. 
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. 
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. 


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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. 


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Tech support: How may I help you? 
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. 
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? 
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? 


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A customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. 
Tech support: Are you running it under windows? 
Customer: 'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine.' 


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And last but not least... 

Tech support: 'Okay Colin, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.' 
Customer: I don't have a P. 
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin. 
Customer: What do you mean? 
Tech support: 'P'.....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!


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## gromett (May 9, 2005)

I used to do tech support.
This one happened back in the old days of the 5 1/4 inch floppy drives with the door on it.

Me: Right put the disk in the drive and shut the door.
[A chair sliding sound and then the sound of a door being shut.]
Her: Why did you want me to close the door by the way?

Customer: My drinks holder is broken.
Me: eh?
Customer: Produces CD rom drive with tray out and covered in coffee/tea stains...

Me(on phone): Right move your mouse to the top of the screen and click on the X
Customer: I can't reach mouse to click it when it is on top of the screen.

Me: now press any key.
Customer: I can't see the "any key".

Me: Now hit Enter
[Loud Bang]
Customer: some of the keys have fallen off the keyboard when I hit it.

Me: Is it switched on now.
Customer: Yes
Me: What's on the screen?
Customer: Nothing, it's blank.
Me: Is the computer definitely switched on.
Customer: Yes there is a green light on the tv screen.
Me: Is there a green light on the computer. The big box bit?
Customer: That's still in the box, do I need it?

I have loads of these, but that should do for now :?

Karl


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## sallytrafic (Jan 17, 2006)

Sometimes the boot is on the other foot.

Faced with a problem in a bit of VBA that I had written for Excel and which wasn't doing what I expected I rang the ITC help desk.

The guy struggled a bit and said that he would put someone else on who then said she couldn't help but that according to their help desk notes there was a guy in engineering called Frank who was much better qualified in Excel and VBA than anyone in their department. Only trouble was that advice that the guy was...





me


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

It takes a big man Frenk.

Kev.


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## teemyob (Nov 22, 2005)

*Years ago*

Years ago repairing fridges in liverpool for CANDY

Jobsheet read

MR JONES
1 The Street
Toxteth
Liverpool
L8 1MS

Job Charge Type: Warranty
Invoice: Manufacturer
Make: Candy
Model; N/A
Unit Type: Under Counter FREEZER
Fault: Not Freezing, food defrosted - only 2 days old customer seeking exchange/replacement from currys

DING DONG

Brief introduction and inspection of appliance (the unit was stacked full of soggy Findus and Birdseye dripping and mushy packets)

Me: Okay so what is the problem sir?

Customer: Well is it not obvious?, everything has defrosted

Me: Well it is a FRIDGE not a Freezer


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## raynipper (Aug 4, 2008)

I bought a second hand gasboard 3 ton van with tail lift at auction to start delivering electrical whitegoods for the mail order companies.

As you could still see the word GAS on the side I did have a few customers say they had ordered an electric appliance when I turned up. 
It was wonderful to counter with "This 'appliance' works on both electricty and gas madam".

Ray.


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## Groper (May 17, 2007)

Another reverse situation. 
I contacted customer support because my computer did not consistently boot up and run P.O.S.T.Support asked me what P.O.S.T. meant!!When I suggested they "Googled" it they said all they could find were references to Post Offices and Postal Services. 
That M/B is now at the recycling centre.


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## teemyob (Nov 22, 2005)

*Another One*

Had a call out to a Brand New Washing Machine

Fault: Not Working!

E: What is the problem madam?

C: There are no water hoses or anywhere to connect them

E: Thats because it is a tumble dryer!

TM


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## Pudsey_Bear (Sep 25, 2008)

I suppose we all have off days.

Kev.


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