# Be very proud to be British because...



## nukeadmin (Oct 10, 2003)

Be very proud to be British because...

Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy 
people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain... do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.


Only in Britain... do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.


Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to
talk to in the first place


Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.

Some Facts
3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet, now that is definately a sign of the times !!!!


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## annej (May 27, 2005)

Hi Nuke (Dave) 

I love it, so true, but you forgot to add:

Only in Britain would a landlord have to spend 6 months and more than a few £'s trying to evict an undesirable tenant from their property. 
And I have the pics to prove the damage, much of it done during the 6 month period waiting for a court date.

Incidentally matthewb, I don't think that Rio, Bertha and Artona are prejudiced, just that they are looking about their own communities and making "observations" of the local situations.

I hope I haven't offended anyone with this post.


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## spykal (May 9, 2005)

annej said:


> Good Grief it's 18 months old. For goodness sake that's almost as old as me :lol:


A good job that you put that in along with the smiley or you would be on a Yellow card by now.

mike


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## annej (May 27, 2005)

I am very sorry and I will try to be funny in the Jokes Forum 
I am very sorry and I will try to be funny in the Jokes Forum 
I am very sorry and I will try to be funny in the Jokes Forum 
I am very sorry and I will try to be funny in the Jokes Forum
I am very sorry and I will try to be funny in the Jokes Forum 
x 10

It this acceptable Mike :?:


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## annej (May 27, 2005)

Could you make that a Yellow Jersey please, Mike :?: 

Anne


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## spykal (May 9, 2005)

Hi Anne

You are def in the lead for humour tonight so you get to wear the yellow jersey......

but is yellow really your sort of colour?

mike


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## Motorhomersimpson (May 9, 2005)

annej said:


> Could you make that a Yellow Jersey please, Mike :?:
> 
> Anne


Anne,

surely you can't be serious?

:lol: :lol: :lol:

MHS...Rob


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## annej (May 27, 2005)

Hi Mike,
Yellow is so my colour :lol: and I love the cycle shorts and the oh no I can't go there :lol: 

Rob, I am serious and don't call me Shirley :lol: :wink: 

Anne


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## artona (Jan 19, 2006)

My legs were bitten to death last week at Snelly's Birthday Bash Anne. Next year can you attend and wear the brightest yellow you can find please.    

stew


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## spykal (May 9, 2005)

Hi

I am sure that there would be no flies on Anne even if she did turn up in a yellow jersey :lol: 

Mike


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## annej (May 27, 2005)

Does Tour de France Yellow count :?: The Tour seems to be a dirty word with motorhomers. 8O I spend 3 weeks touring around France "following" the Le Tour and others avoid it like the plague 8O Mind you, it costs me virtually nothing for my holiday parked up at the roadside, amidst like minded enthusiasts. Great fun and I'm saying nothing about young cyclists in Lycra :lol: 

Anne


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## annej (May 27, 2005)

I've never quite worked out the meaning of "no flies on me" :lol: Could be because the midgies attack me like I am some sort of fillet steak or something :lol:


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## spykal (May 9, 2005)

annej said:


> I'm saying nothing about young cyclists in Lycra :lol:
> 
> Anne


OOOOOh go on ...pleeeese

anyway its only a couple of weeks till we can do our annual virtual tour of France courtesy of Le Tour...we always watch and want to be there "live" sometime too

Mike


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## artona (Jan 19, 2006)

After discussion it has been decided to, in respect to the fact that this was one of our Lord's (Nuke) first jokes we would remove all messages about immigration and bigotry etc to the members bar where heated discussion can resume.

We can now carry on here trying to decide wether there are any flies on Anne   :lol: 

stew


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## annej (May 27, 2005)

It's great fun Mike, with all roads absolutely jam packed with motorhomes, mostly French, lots of German, Dutch, Italian and Spanish. Depends on where you are in relation to the Tour, but the French, Dutch and Germans tend to go to all the sections. The camaraderie is the best thing about being parked up at the roadside. 8) The "uphill" sections in either the Alps or Pyrenees are the best spots.


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